READ THE NOTE AT THE BOTTOM.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Mortal Instruments, but I own a flash drive disguised as a frog.


Previously on Reckless Abandon:

My hands fly up into my hair, making two tight fists on each side. That's how Jonathan finds me, standing in the middle of my room, a look of distraught spread across my face. He doesn't ask what's wrong. Jonathan doesn't say anything. He pulls me into his chest, my arms flying around his neck and he just holds me, while rocking back and forth. Our feelings for each other take tangible form in our united bodies, and we stay like that, his lips almost on mine, until my door cracks open to reveal Valentine standing on the other side.

-Clary Fray-

Neither of us move as Valentine lets the door swing open. Jumping apart would only make us look guilty, and if we hadn't been nearly kissing, this could have looked innocent enough. But it's not, and by the arch of Valentine's pallid eyebrow, I can tell that he knows. His head cocks to the side and he opens his mouth to say something, but quickly closes it again.

"Dad," Jonathan starts, but Valentine lifts his hand to stop him.

"Wrap it before you tap it," Valentine says in a very serious tone. I bury my face in Jon's chest, too embarrassed to be seen any longer. Jon's arms tighten around me. "Don't let Jocelyn catch you," Valentine utters before leaving and closing the door behind him.

"What the fuuuuuuuuuck," I groan into the fabric of Jon's t-shirt.

He chuckles, and I like the way his chest shakes against my forehead. "I have no idea."

"Your father is glorious." I decide.

Jonathan shakes his head. "You and I have very different ideas of what glorious means." Then he leans down to kiss me. His mouth is warm and hesitant. I pull him down closer, by his shoulder and he groans. "Slow down, speed racer."

"Speed up," I retort. Is it wrong to take my sexual frustration out on Jonathan? Maybe. Do I care? No. "I need you."

Jon chokes and pulls back to look at me. "Are you sure?" I nod enthusiastically, tugging at his shirt. He stares at me for a moment before pulling it over his head. I run my hands over the rigid muscles that spread across his stomach, and slip my tongue past his lips.

We fall clumsily onto my bed, and Jonathan begins sliding my shirt up. He stops just under my bra, looking at me for permission. I reach down to remove it. I like the way his dark eyes roll over the exposed skin of my chest. "God," he gasps.

I grin up at him and slip my fingertips into the belt loops of his jeans. "Take these off."

"Clary…" Jon eyes me skeptically. "Are you sure about this?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't want you to regret your first time," he admits. "I like you a lot. So much more than I've ever liked anyone before, but shouldn't you do this with someone who loves you?"

The question strikes me as strange. I suppose I've never thought of virginity as this big thing. Sex is sex, and everyone has a first time. My only requirements were… A sexy guy, who will take care of me and won't give me any sexually transmitted diseases. Jonathan fits the bill, so why not?

This poses the question though: why not Jace?

God Damnit. I should not be thinking about Jace. Or his mouth. Or his fingers… Or Brometheus.

"I like you," I tell him. "And I know you want to do it, too." I roll my hips, rubbing against his very obvious boner. "Don't you?"

Jonathan's head drops, a low groan rolling off his lips as I rub myself on him again. "You know I do," he says, his voice strained. "But I don't want your first time to be… I don't know. I want to make it special, okay?"

I roll my eyes internally. He's too sweet for his own good, and it kind of makes me want him more. "I just want you."

He bites his lip in the most distracting way. "At least let me take you on a date, first."

My lips quirk up into a smile. "Alright."


We set our date for tomorrow night. I sit in my room alone, mildly mortified about Valentine's interruption earlier.

My phone vibrates in my pocket.

Izzy: That motherfucker! Let's spray paint a dick on his car.

Clary: What? Who?

Izzy: That, uh, was supposed to go to Jace. I really shouldn't keep you listed as Clace 1 and Clace 2...

Clary: Who's car are you painting dicks on?

Izzy doesn't answer, but I look back to see that there are several texts I hadn't noticed before.

Jace: Clary, please answer.

Jace: Clary, I'm sorry.

Jace: I won't do it again. Please don't be mad.

Jace: I can't lose you.

I sigh. Should I text him back? Yeah, I should text him back...

Clary: Why did you do that?

Jace: I don't know.

Clary: Don't lie.

Jace: I just wanted to.

Clary: Why?

Jace: ...

Clary: Why, Jace?

Jace: Look, I don't want to do this over the phone. Will you come over? Or I could come over there, if you'd prefer it.

I hesitate for a moment before typing out a quick response.

Clary: I'll be there in a moment.


REALLY IMPORTANT:

I'm sorry it's short. This is just all I had written already, and I tried to write more. I really did. But after two years, my boyfriend broke up with me last night. We live together, so I kind of have to move… I've just finished packing a bag, and my brother is coming to get me soon. Unfortunately, there's no internet access in my brothers apartment, so I really don't know when I'm going to be back. I'm so, so sorry, but I don't think I'd be able to write right now, even if I was able to continue updating on a regular basis. Everything hurts, and… I just don't know what's going to happen, right now. I'm trying to be strong, but my world just kind of tilted off its axis.

Please be patient with me in the coming weeks, months or however long this takes. I really need to take some time for myself, so I can get over this. And normally I would expect people to give me shit for Clonathan, but I'm really not up for it right now, so please keep it to yourself.

Thanks guys. I love each and every one of you. Love and shrugs. Syd for president. Crash for life. Team H&H.

-AshLeigh