I told you it wouldn't be a year…sorry it's been longer than I intended. I ran into some technical difficulties with my laptop, and you have no idea how painful it is to upload from your phone.

Also, guess who turned 21! I'll give you a hint: it's me. I had a blast down in California with my best friend/parabatai, DeathCabForMari. Can't wait until Thanksgiving when we will all be together! So pumped. So. Pumped.

Shout out to rippingbutterflywings for doing word wars with me, even though I always lose. HA.

WARNING: Adult themes.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I am just bored.


Confliction rises up inside of me. "Kiss you?"

He steps toward me, his eyes still locked on mine. "Just one real kiss."

I take a deep breath, my heart feeling heavy. I nod. "One," I confirm.

His eyes go to my lips, and I've never seen him with a softer expression. "Just one, and then we'll never talk about it again. We can go back to normal."

My knees are wobbly and there are butterflies in my stomach. My mouth is dry as Jace closes the distance between us. Our lips are only inches apart, but he waits for me to close the gap. I take one last look at him, tall, and strong, and so beautiful. He's always been beautiful. I've always known that, but it just wasn't something I allowed myself to think about.

His lips look soft, and he bites them in the most enticing way. I realize that I am nervous because I want to kiss him. I want him to enjoy it. Maybe it's because I feel like I owe him that much, or maybe it's because I know Jon and I will never be anything more than we are right now. Maybe it's just because Jace is physically attractive, but I find myself leaning eagerly toward him. I find myself pushing my tongue past his lips, using perfect kisses and small moans to somehow find a way of apologizing.

I'm sorry I hurt you.

I'm sorry I didn't feel the same way.

I'm sorry that the sadness in your eyes won't go away.

I'm sorry you love someone like me.

I'm sorry I didn't say it back.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Jace pulls away first, his forehead rested against mine, breathing heavily. "Wow," he says breathlessly.

My eyes search his, begging for forgiveness. "I'm sorry."

He shakes his head. "You don't have to be sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you. I shouldn't have waited until there was competition to tell you how I feel."

I could feel my heart beating hard against my chest. "Jace, I—"

"Please don't apologize again, Clary. I know what you're going to say. You like him, and that's okay."

"That's not—"

"It's alright, Clary. I waited too long, and that's my fault. You don't have to feel bad about it." He placed his hands on my shoulders, and gently kissed my lips one last time before turning away. "I love you, and if you ever start to feel the same, let me know. Until then, we can go back to being best friends."

"Stop interrupting me!" I snapped.

He didn't turn back to look at me. His shoulders stiffened, and I heard him sigh. "Okay. Say whatever you need to say."

Despite my better judgment, I ignore the part of me that's telling me to go home. I push it way down where guilt can't override desire. Because for the first time, I realize that I want this. I'm not sure if it's a new development, or if I've been in denial this whole time, but I tell him anyways: "Jace, I want you to kiss me again."

Everything goes still. Breath is withheld, and it seems that the only movement in the room is the trembling of my hands. Unbearably slowly, Jace turns back to me, a look of confusion etched across his angelic face.

"WH-what?" his voice shakes.

I ball both of my hands into tight fists to still them. "Kiss me, Jace."

He doesn't wait for me to change my mind, or waste any more time asking me again. He kisses me, biting my lower lip, invading my mouth with his tongue. It's a deep kiss full of insecurity, and nervousness, but also full of love—full of years of friendship that may be going down the drain. I curse myself for not fighting harder for our friendship—for putting a few moments of pleasure before a friendship that was supposed to last a lifetime, but all of the remorse for what we are losing just melts away the longer he presses his body against mine, and it's replaced with excitement for what we may be gaining.

I let him lay me down on his bed. Hovering above me, Jace asks: "Do you want me to stop yet?"

Without pausing to consider the consequences of my actions, I shake my head and drag the hem of my shirt over my head. "I don't want to stop." My hips involuntarily roll upward to meet his and he groans, causing my body to react again, grinding harder against him.

"Clary," Jace whispers, backing onto his knees, disconnecting from me. "What are you doing?"

Groaning in embarrassment and frustration, I cover my face with my hands. "I don't know."

He takes my hand, playing with my fingers nervously. "Clary, I'm a bit out of practice, and you've been sending me mixed signals since you moved here. Please tell me what you want."

I let my hormones get the better of me, and sit up to yank Jace's shirt over his head. "Do you have a condom?"

His eyes widen. "Clary, are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Nope," I answer as I slide my jeans down my legs. "But I want to do it anyways."

I cannot honestly tell you what has gotten into me. I have a theory that all the years of being such a good girl are finally catching up with me, and the sexual frustration is beginning to boil over, but in reality your guess is as good as mine. It could be that so many beautiful men haven't surrounded me before, or that having sex for the first time triggered my slut gene, but in this moment, I do not care.

"So, do you have one?" I ask again.

"Uh…" Jace pushes his hair back away from his eyes. "Yeah, I have one," he says, but makes no move to get it. He doesn't touch me—he doesn't even look at me.

"You don't want to."

He looks into my eyes, one eyebrow arched at an impossible angle. "I'm a guy. Of course I want to."

"Then what's wrong?" I leaned back, propping myself up on my elbows.

"I've been waiting for this moment since we were 12. I just wasn't expecting it to happen today. I'm a little nervous."

I laughed lightly. "A few days ago you were coming at me in the pool, full force, and now you're nervous?"

"You're a butthead." He pairs the statement with a glare.

I deadpan. "Your insults are tragic."

"Shut up, Bo-Bina." Then, without hesitation, he's on me again, his mouth pressed hard against mine, and Brometheus grinding against my core. The remainder of our clothing is thrown to the floor, and Jace's eyes never leave mine as he pushes into me.

I look at him—that jaw line, those cheek bones, and the subtle way his lips curve up into a smile. We move against each other in unison, breathing heavily, releasing strings of curse words and moans.

Molded against his unmade bed, we write a chorus of apologies.


Ugh, I have to go to work now. Pray for me.

Review!

-IWriteNaked