I'm still determined to finish this story, but I've sold my soul to my job, and my kids take up all of my time. Never work with children. Just don't.
Disclaimer: I don't even own myself anymore.
My feet don't touch the ground when hanging off the edge of my bed. Jonathan's lay flat. It's something I wouldn't have noticed, had I not been avoiding the difficult discussion I have to have with him.
I don't know what I am going to do. I slept with Jace. I'm with Jonathan.
I am the absolute worst person on the face of this Earth. At this moment, I kind of hate myself. But it brings a new light to that saying once a cheater, always a cheater. That can't possibly be true, right? People make mistakes, don't they? And there's no way it can be true for me, because with the way I feel right now, no matter what I choose to do, I know I'll never cheat again. I don't want to live with this constant guilt.
"What's going on with you?" Jon asks. "You've been acting strange since you got home."
I sigh, trying to figure out how make my lungs stop feeling so heavy. "I did something that I feel awful about. I hate myself for it, and I'm worried you're going to hate me, too."
Jonathan rubs circles on my back, and it crosses my mind that this may be the last time he ever touches me. I couldn't blame him if it's the last time he ever speaks to me. "Hey, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think."
I wish that was true. "I slept with Jace," I confess.
Jon doesn't say anything, and when I finally have the courage to look at him, he doesn't look back at me. His eyes are fixed on the wall, with that far away look. When he finally does speak, it's not at all what I expected to hear. "Clary, it's okay. I've had a lot of fun with you, and I like you a lot, but what kind of future could we even have? Our parents are married to each other. This was going to blow up in our faces eventually, and we both know that. Plus, I think everyone knows you've been in pretty deep denial about your feelings for Jace. You love him, don't you? Don't give up someone you love for someone you like. If I'm wrong about that, and you want to be with me, that's alright too. But it's not going to destroy me if you want to pick him. We'll always be friends. I promise that whatever you decide, you aren't going to lose anyone because of it. We both care for you enough to respect your decision."
He isn't angry, which makes this so much harder. If he'd just ended things, and un-complicated my life for me, that would've hurt less than making me choose myself. But it's what I deserve for making such a mess of things. It isn't anyone else's job to fix this, it's mine. I broke it, so I need to do my best to glue the pieces back together.
But I was never any good at puzzles, and I'm even worse at boys.
I weight my options. Never being with Jonathan again. Never being with Jace again. A minimum of two hearts will break, this day. One of theirs, and mine.
I stand up, knowing exactly what I need to do.
And my choice between two amazing guys is…
…
Neither.
I'm going to run away and open a waffle house in the city. I pick up my wallet from where I abandoned it on the dresser and walk out the door without another word.
I haven't seen my friends or family in a year, but business is booming, and I get all the waffles I want.
It's a good life.
Owning a waffle house makes me happier than any boy ever could, and I don't regret my decision. Some days I consider what would have happened if I'd stayed with Jonathan.
My mother would have found out, and forced me to move back to New York, in some all girls school. I would've graduated regretting my life decisions, and gone on to own an art gallery of my own. But I never would have forgiven myself, and Jace wouldn't have either. I'd see my family once a year at Christmas time, and it would have been awkward. My mother would have always been extra careful not to leave Jon and I alone together.
It wouldn't have been the life I imagined for myself.
And if I'd stayed with Jace…we could have gone away to college together, and he would've become a history teacher. He would've been a good one, too. I would've stayed home with the baby we accidentally had, and I doubt I would have been a very good mother.
That wouldn't have been the life I imagined for myself, either.
I made the right choice, though it may not make sense to any of you. I am happy.
THE END. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
