Jill made her way out to the staff car park. The sun was setting and the area was becoming draped in darkness, matching her mood. The letters still weighed on her mind, the words seemingly imprinted on her mind; one an obvious warning, and the other still utterly confusing to her.
She also couldn't stop the anguished screams of the mother playing continuously in the silent dusk, constantly ringing in her ears. The screams of grief. She'd wished she could have done more to stop her experiencing this loss. Sometimes she felt so utterly useless!
And then, of course there was Gordon. She'd tried to avoid him for the rest of the day, and succeeded to an extent. Not once had they been alone together, but that didn't stop the uncomfortable atmosphere between them even if they were in a room filled with other people.
She sighed, feeling suddenly laden down, a heaviness resting on her. With a sudden urge to get home as quickly as possible, she laid a hand on the cool handle of the car door. Before she had chance to open it, however, a voice called her name.
She looked up to see Gordon hurrying towards her. He stopped about a metre from her, the tension still evident between them. "Jill." He said again, his voice not angry as she'd expected it to be. It wasn't particularly loving either, but that was to be expected after how she'd treated him. "I can't stand this anymore. Please, let's talk, properly. And please don't run out this time."
She nodded; she owed him that courtesy at least. And she really did want to be in his good terms again. "Okay. My house?"
He nodded and they both got into their respective cars.
They arrived at her house and she opened the door and let them in. Neither had spoken and the silence was beginning to be too much for her so she decided to start on neutral ground. "How are Katie and Tom?" She queried whilst hanging up her coat.
"Okay. George and Craig are staying in Whitby for another few days so they're looking after the children whilst Ken's nephew replaces the windows."
She nodded and gestured him through to the living room, remembering when she'd met Caroline's cousins and George's comment that she still found slightly strange.
"Do you want a drink?" She asked, still playing it safe, reluctant to start the serious conversation just yet."
"You look tired, I'll get it. Tea?"
She nodded and whispered "thank you" as he retreated into the kitchen. His expression as he looked at her was far from the angry and disgusted expression she'd previously feared. There was some hurt there, but there was also a softness, a kindness that she'd missed so much over the previous days. Perhaps, there might even be love residing in his eyes again.
She slumped into a chair, sinking into the comfortable cushions. She rested her head in her hand and closed her eyes wearily, the previous night's disturbed sleep combining with the difficult day, as she anticipated the return of Gordon with a cup of tea.
"When were you going to tell me about this?"
Jill's eyes flew open as she heard that Gordon had returned without her knowledge, although it wasn't a cup of tea in his hand, it was a piece of paper. His kind expression from the few minutes before had been replaced by an angry one. She was confused however about the source of his dramatic mood change. "What?"
"What! What! This is what!" He shoved the letter under her nose and held it there with shaking hands.
She widened her eyes as she read the opening line of the letter-
'Dr Weatherill, we are pleased to offer you an interview for the position of General Practitioner at Leeds General Hospital…'
She swung her legs off the chair and shot up, her stomach churning uneasily in trepidation of what was to come.
"Well?" His voice shook with increasing fury as he glared at her accusingly.
"Gordon what were you doing reading my private letters?" She cursed herself silently at speaking so angrily, it would only add fuel to Gordon's already raging fire. She'd meant to respond calmly, but no, she had to start defending herself in the worst possible way.
"If I hadn't when would I have found out? When I interviewed your replacement? At your leaving party? Or would I have just gone to work one day to find you'd left?"
His words stung her and her heart started to burn painfully as angry, distraught and hopeless tears spilled in a torrent down her cheeks. He was treating her as if she was heartless and selfish. She glanced down at her shaking hands as, despite herself, anger got the better of her. "Oh grow up Gordon! Of course I was going to tell you."
"Grow up! You're telling me to grow up! Oh no. You're the one who needs to grow up. When you grow up you'll know that you don't keep secrets like this from people you supposedly love!" With that threw the letter down, turned on his heel and stormed out the house, slamming the door behind him.
The slam resounded around the still house that was seemingly holding its breath from the eruption, as a pain-stricken Jill sunk slowly down onto the chair, silent tears, tears purely of loss, flowed unchecked.
