The last chapters have been quite short and I apologise about that. Thank you for all the reviews, follows and favourites. It means a lot to me.

PLEASE READ - Just going to clarify with the timeline: The Hanami festival runs through the end of March to early May. Currently, it is April. There will be a flashback and that occurred around the end of September to October. Hinata's father died a 5 weeks prior to the timeline of the flashback.

Also zenzai = red bean soup. According to the 2nd data book (which I just purchased recently) it is both one of Hinata and Naruto's favourite food.

This is a long chapter and the longest I have ever written. The history behind Hinata and Naruto will be revealed. The context is quite emotional. Reminder that this fic is rated M

Chapter 5:

Hinata felt helpless in that moment. The way Naruto whispered her name it was coaxed full of desire and hope. His azure eyes had spoken to her pleading for her to regard his presence – something Hinata had not done these past months. Hinata could not remove her eyes away from his nor could she fathom any words.
It reminded her of their first time. Naruto had held himself above her, moaning out her name as she had nibbled on his collarbone. When she had pulled away to look at him, their eyes had locked in a similar fashion to now. However, back then his eyes had been lit in passion and desire. They were clothed only in their underwear and one look had told Hinata that Naruto needed her to be his right now. She could not respond with any words. Instead, Hinata wrapped her arms around Naruto grabbing his back muscles as she dragged him closer. She kissed his lips and neck until he understood she felt the same way.
It seemed ironic that even now his gaze had translated into that. He needs me. He wants me. Except Hinata did not want any of that now. I don't deserve it. I can't have it. I don't deserve his love. Those thoughts had been a mantra to Hinata these past months, as if she was brainwashing herself to believe that. Anyone else would believe that but Hinata knew she was merely speaking the truth. Her mantra was the truth and nothing else.
She blinked her lavender eyes, realising that his stare was so penetrating to her. It had felt like hours but merely a minute had passed. Yet in that minute, Naruto had been able to stir up old emotions she thought she discarded. Neither of them said anything. The two were standing so close yet it felt like their minds were so far apart. It was Sasuke who broke the tension, giving a grunt and turning to leave.
Alarmed that she would have to actually talk to him now, Hinata almost called out to Sasuke. She didn't want to be alone with Naruto right now. Hinata fidgeted, clutching her yukata. I'm not ready. I need time to prepare, oh kami.

"Uh, so I didn't know you and Sasuke were friends," Naruto said whilst scratching the back of his head.

Relief flushed over Hinata as she realised Naruto was just as nervous as her. Hinata brought her hands in front of her, smiling. She nervously laughed before responding.

"Acquaintances perhaps is a better term, Naruto-kun."

Naruto grinned, glad that she had replied. He stretched his hands behind his head.

"That's understandable since he's a teme dattebayo…Did you wanna grab something to eat?"

Hinata bit her lip, wanting to shake her head and decline as she wanted to give Naruto an answer as soon as possible. I promised Naruto-kun I would tell him today whether or not I wanted to get back together. Suddenly her stomach rumbled and it seemed her body had made the decision herself.

Naruto laughed, "I'll take that a yes, come on Hina!"

Hinata blushed as she felt Naruto's hand grab onto hers. He had also used her old nickname. She had not heard that name since they had broken up. Naruto turned around to face her, confused as to why Hinata was not moving. When he realised what the reason was Naruto grimaced.

Naruto darted his eyes away from Hinata and mumbled, "Sorry, habit." He let go of her hand and waited for Hinata to follow him. She followed, feeling awkward and sorry herself.

The restaurant they had entered was full. Hinata was surprised that the two had managed to get a table. Naruto waited for Hinata to slide into the booth, before he slid into the one across from her. The waiter came seconds after, muttering that it was too god damn busy and loud to be an underpaid worker. Immediately, she stopped her mumbling when she recognised whom her customers were.

"Well it sure has been awhile! The usual?" she put away her notebook, already knowing the orders of both Hinata and Naruto.

Hinata smiled, "Hai. Arigato, Iminu-san."

Once Iminu had left, Hinata relaxed against the booth. Naruto leaned against the table, as he watched Hinata he let a small smile grace his lips. He rested his chin on his hands as he watched her yawn.

"Another busy meeting?" he asked.

Hinata sat up, "Yes. The elders are quite stubborn."

Silence washed over them as another waiter brought over two glasses of water for them. Simultaneously, the two grabbed their glasses and sipped their waters.

Naruto placed his glass down, "Your father and Neji would be proud of you Hina. I mean that, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise."

Placing her glass down, Hinata tapped the glass with her fingers. "Arigato Naruto-kun, but I really –"

"That includes yourself Hinata." He said sternly. In that moment Hinata pictured him as the Hokage commanding authority over his shinobi.

Hinata looked down, too afraid to face his piercing eyes. It would only stir up old emotions and bring up old memories. It's too late. Her memories and feelings associated with Naruto had already began to come to surface again.

"Here we go, two zenzai." Hinata flicked her head back up as she watched Iminu place the bowls of soup in front of her and Naruto. "Enjoy the meal kids, it's on the house tonight!"

"Ah – thanks baa-chan!" Naruto exclaimed.

Iminu grinned, "It's been too long since we've had our favourite regulars."

Hinata replied, "Gomen, we've both been busy."

Iminu chuckled, "Busy making kids huh?"

Hinata froze, her hands began to tremble as she reached out for her glass.

Naruto coughed, scratching the back of his head, "Actually…we're not together anymore. We're just good friends."

She brought the rim of the cup to her lips, waiting for Iminu to say something. The silence dragged on and Hinata thought her whole body would begin trembling. She could feel her breath begin to quicken and her heart begin to race. Oh no, not here. Please not here.

"Hina, breathe in and out. It's okay."

Her eyes flicked back to Naruto and realised it was just the two of them. Where did Iminu-san go? Does she know? No, no. Just calm down Hinata.

"Hina," Naruto repeated as he took her hand, squeezing it. Hinata closed her eyes, inhaling through her nose and exhaling through her mouth. Once the panic attack had passed, Hinata squeezed Naruto's hand back.

"Arigato Naruto-kun…Did – What did Imuni-san say?"

Naruto let go of her hand, the warmth immediately escaping her. He ran a hand through his blonde spiky hair, before sighing. "She just apologised. Don't worry about it."

Hinata nodded her head and the two began to eat their zenzai in an uncomfortable silence. Her bangs had hid her eyes from Naruto, but she could see that he had opened his mouth many times to converse only to close it after. She bit her lip, nervous at his hesitancy. He never had a problem with speaking his mind before. However, she could empathise with his nervousness. Today she would give him an answer. Although, I'm sure he already knows that it's over.
Once the two had finished eating, Hinata finally looked back at him before nodding her head. The two stood up and left the restaurant, walking side by side. Hinata took the time to admire Naruto, realising that this was her last chance to be selfish with him. She had thought that a few months ago would really be her last chance but it seemed Naruto did not want things to end on such a traumatic note as well.
Hinata gathered all the confidence she could muster, as she briskly walked in front of Naruto. She clasped her hands behind her back and smiled.

"Naruto-kun, let's go see the flower display ne?"

Taken aback by her sudden confidence Naruto froze, raising his eyebrows as he was shocked at her request. His eyes then crinkled as he broke out into a smile. "Yeah, I'd like that."

It had seemed like only yesterday Hinata had requested the same thing a year ago when they went to the Hanami festival. She took his hand, leading him the way. I know I shouldn't hold your hand Naruto-kun but just this once I will listen to my heart and Hanabi. I'll be selfish just this once. Hinata smiled bitterly, remembering the last time she had guided Naruto was through the forest to that particular clearing.

Xxxxxx

From here on out it is Chapter 4.5 (flashback to end of September to October last year)

Hinata closed her eyes as she allowed the maids to attend to her. She felt her long tresses being brushed, her nails being filed then painted crimson and her face was granted the same attention as the maids covered her in make-up. She opened her eyes, staring at herself. Hinata gave the maids a slight smile, which seemed to satisfy them as they left quickly so Hinata could be alone. She exhaled, relieved that she was once again alone. Her body still itched from the bath the maids had given her. They had scrubbed her pale skin until Hinata began wincing since it was red. Their reasoning had been that she had bruised and dirtied her body so much these past few weeks during training and missions. It was supposedly their duty to make sure she was clean and presentable for today.
It had only be four weeks since her father's passing. It was sudden and unexpected. Hinata had been the only witness of his heart attack. One minute he was saying that he was proud and then suddenly he was gasping for air, as he was short on breath. Otosan… I wonder what you wanted to say at that time. Hinata bit her lip as she clenched her fists. She could not afford to break now. Hinata could feel the tears rising but she kept reminding herself how long the maids had spent on her this morning and how selfish it would be for her to just suddenly cry. I am not alone in my grief. Hanabi needs me. My clan needs me. Fixated on that belief, Hinata stood up and left her room.

An hour late, Hinata's inauguration ceremony as the new Head of the Hyuga clan was finished. The ceremony was private and she had only been allowed to invite her team mates to come. She huffed as she sat down on the bench in the gardens. Hinata gazed at her reflection as she looked at the koi pond. I'm the Head of the clan now… Hinata felt tears on her flowery red kimono, why am I crying? I should be happy. This is what I wanted. She wiped away the tears quickly as she heard footsteps approaching.

It was fruitless though as her guest had place their hands over her eyes, "Guess who?"

"Hello Hanabi-chan."

Hanabi wiped her hands on her kimono before taking a seat beside her sister. "Onee-san, don't cry please."

"I'm not crying," Hinata mumbled as she sniffled.

Hanabi grabbed Hinata's hand, giving it a squeeze. "Onee-san, when I turn eighteen let me challenge you for the position of Head."

Hinata flicked her head to her little sister. Does Hanabi intend to free me from the title of head?

"Is this what you want?" She questioned.

"Hinata, no matter what anyone says, Father was proud of you. I am proud of you. You exceeded this clan's expectations and you're the Head now. I have no doubt you'll be excellent demo… it's just I can't stand to see you like this!"

Hinata bit her lip as she pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Like what?"

"Trapped Onee-san. You won't be able to see your friends much and what about Kiba-kun and Shino-kun? You're a family and a team. You won't be able to do missions again Onee-san," Hanabi sighed, "and there's also Naruto-kun. How will you manage that with him becoming Hokage? You'll both be awfully –"

Hanabi stopped talking as she felt her older sister poke her on the cheeks. "Busy?" Hinata giggled, "Hanabi-chan arigato for worrying but I've taken all that into consideration already. It's too late to back down now, I never go back on my word. That is my ninja way."

Hinata smiled as she pulled her little sister in for a hug. "Hanabi," she whispered, "I look forward to fighting you in three years."

Xxxx

It had been a week since Hinata had been formally titled as the Head of the clan. Her usual schedule had been altered, forcing Hinata to become accustomed to the many requirements the Head must fulfil. She had learnt that if it was not in her Father's will for Hinata to be appointed as the new Head, the elders would have chosen Hanabi. It was widely known by the whole clan that Hanabi had been trained for the role whereas, Hinata had not. Hinata had little experience or knowledge, as her Father had only recently began to teach her. This forced Hinata's time as Head to be split between duties and lessons through the elders. She hardly had time for herself or to train with her team mates. Hinata recalled that she had asked about going to train but the elders reprimanded her saying that she had trained solidly for four weeks prior to her inauguration.
She sighed as she fell onto to her bed, Hanabi was right. I am trapped and merely a puppet. The elders truly do pull the strings. I can't let them control everything. Hinata rolled onto her stomach, huffing as she stretched on her bed. Ever since she had become the Head, her property had been moved into her Father's room. However, room was an understatement. It seemed more like its own private living quarters. Hinata was still trying to get used to all the space.
Hinata sat up as she heard a knock on her screen, she walked over to her table and sat down in seiza position. She pulled out a scroll, pretending to read it.

"Enter," she commanded.

Hinata watched as her younger sister had slid into the room, with a grin plastered on her face. She raised an eyebrow at Hanabi.

"You'll never guess what I heard Onee-san! I was walking past the hospital and I overheard Sakura-san talking to Ino-san that Naruto-kun will be back in a few days. "Hanabi moved to sit across from Hinata similarly in seiza. She leaned against the table, still grinning, "Are you going to greet him at the gate?"

Hinata blushed, "Well – I – maybe. We'll see Hanabi-chan."

"Maybe? You're his girlfriend!" Hanabi exclaimed, waving her hands in the air.

Hinata closed the scroll, smiling at Hanabi. "You're right. I'll go meet him, "Hinata stood up, "now if you'll excuse me I need to use the bathroom."

Xxxx

Hinata closed her eyes shut, hoping the severely painful cramps in her stomach would subdue. Amidst all the chaos of these past five weeks, Hinata had forgotten about her period. However, she could tell through the heavy bleeding that she was definitely on her period. Wait, five weeks? I was late by a week then… Hinata bit her lip, nervous about what that meant. Her lower abdomen had felt heavier and painful than ever before.
Hinata flushed the toilet and leaned against the bathroom bench as she sighed. Ever since her period had come late, she frequently had to urinate, she was fatigued and had such sore breasts. Normally, she would feel fatigued when on her period but now she felt as if she had hardly slept. Hinata began to massage her temples, what does this all mean? I can ask Sakura-chan but she might tell Naruto-kun and I don't want to worry him… I'll have to see Tsunade-sama.

Fortunately for Hinata, the elders had allowed her to have the rest of the afternoon off. She washed her hands and forced her distressed face to fall into a content one, feigning that her doubts were non-existent. I can't upset Hanabi. Yet, it seemed that it had been pointless as Hinata's room was empty when she returned. She found a note scribbled on her table, Hinata giggled as she read it.

Onee-san it's very weird to read a scroll on jutsus upside down. I'm going on a mission with my team, I'll be back tomorrow afternoon.

Ps. You should rest Onee-san, you don't want to look like a zombie when you greet Naruto, do you? Ja ne!

Xxxxx

Hinata clutched her hands together, scowling at herself that her palms were sweaty. Hanabi's right, after I finish seeing Tsunade-sama I'll take a nap. Perhaps I'm over-working myself. Although, Tsunade was no longer Hokage, she was still a big contributor to the village. Tsunade continued to work at the hospital, as well as opening a clinic specifically for women. When Hinata entered Tsunade's office, the Godaime was reading over papers. She placed them down, smiling at Hinata.

"Hinata-chan, what can I do for you?"

Hinata smiled and walked over to the couch to sit down. She took a deep breath in and out. "Tsunade-sama, it might not be anything serious demo… my period came five weeks late and since then I've had very painful cramps and heavy bleeding."

"Hinata-chan… I'm going to ask you some personal questions, is that okay?"

Hinata nodded, and Tsuande moved over to sit next to her on the couch. She bit her nail and then removed it from her lips.

"Did you and Naruto have sex about five or six weeks ago?"

Hinata blushed and bit her lip, "Hai."

"Did you use protection?"

Hinata blushed profoundly remembering the night they had made love to each other. Naruto at that time did not have a condom but Hinata had insisted it was fine. They were going to start a family together after all.

"No, we did not. " She said as she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"You said you've had heavy bleeding, was there also small blood clots?"

Hinata nodded unsure of where Tsuande was going with this information. Tsunade's head was tilted down, her hair covering her eyes. Slowly, she moved her hand over Hinata's grabbing it gently.

"Hinata-chan, I'm so sorry to tell you this but you've," Tsunade paused and exhaled, "you've had an early miscarriage."

Hinata froze and shook her head, "I – I – I don't understand."

"It's possible for women to have a miscarriage at five weeks without knowing they are pregnant. I really hate to give you such news at a time like this."

Hinata covered her mouth with her free hand as she felt the tears begin to spill upon her face. She cried silently and began to tremble. As Tsunade pulled her in for a hug, her face became hidden in Tsunade's chest allowing her to wail. Hinata kept apologising through her cries. I'm a failure. I'm so hopeless. I've let down Naruto-kun. I can't give him a family. I killed our child. I killed our baby. I killed an innocent child. This is all my fault. Stupid Hinata. Stupid girl. My fault. My fault. Hinata's breath became rapid, distraught at the sudden news. What good am I? So unworthy. So hopeless. Naruto-kun won't want me now. I can't provide a family. I can't give him something he's always wished for. If Naruto-kun doesn't want me, who will I have? I'll be alone. The Hyuga will renounce my status. It would bring shame to them. I've shamed my family. I've shamed my clan. Deflowered before marriage and a miscarriage, I've brought dishonour to them. Dishonour to Naruto-kun. No. Why me? No. This can't be real. No. This is a nightmare. No. I don't want to hear anymore. Please stop. Stop. Stop.

Tsunade's hands rubbed gently on Hinata's back, trying to soothe her. Hinata had not heard any words from Tsunade but she thought perhaps that it was best Tsunade had not said anything. Hinata pulled away from Tsunade and wiped her tears, she saw her hands still shaking and gripped her jacket.

"The baby… what happened to the baby?" She whispered.

Tsunade grabbed Hinata's hand again, giving it a squeeze. "It's not your fault Hinata-chan. There is always a possibility that the first trimester can result in a miscarriage. This early in the pregnancy the baby is as small as a sesame seed."

Hinata gasped as her hand flew to her mouth, "You mean," she gulped, "the small blood clots were…"

Tsunade nodded sadly, "I'm sorry Hinata-chan."

Xxxxx

Hinata stared out the window, ignoring the scrolls she was told to read over before noon. For Hinata, time was non-existent and merely a concept that she had ignored. Tsunade had told her that it was most likely a chromosomal abnormality that caused the miscarriage. She had tried to reassure her second trimester would result in a healthy pregnancy and baby. It had been a little reassuring to know that but it did not lessen any of the pain and guilt she felt. How do I tell Naruto-kun? Hinata came to the conclusion that if she did in person she would break down and cry. However, if she wrote him a letter that would be cowardly. She sighed as she rested her head against the table, how many days have passed?
Ever since she had returned from the clinic, Hinata engrossed herself in work. The more she worked, the less people would talk to her and notice her. She believed that. She didn't want anyone to look at her and ask her what was wrong. Hinata already knew she looked awful and horrendous. She had a forming dark shadow under her eyes from the lack of sleep. The elders had made no comment about it but suggested that she take a break every now and then. But if I stop working I'll only think. I'll think about the baby. I need to work so I don't have to think about the baby. That idea though was easier said than done. When she had walked around the compound earlier she had seen little children and her heart ached at the realisation her child would never exist in this world. Her child would not play with others like the children she saw. Everywhere I go, everything I do, it all comes back to the baby.
It felt surreal to know that she and Naruto's child would be non-existent in this world. They would never have the chance to hold or see their baby. They would never know its gender or the memories they could have shared.
Hinata closed her eyes and nuzzled her face into her arms. Okasan, Otosan, Neji-niisan. Please look after our baby.

Hinata closed the scroll and glanced at Hanabi with a condescending look. "I am the Head of the Hyuga clan. I do not have time to frolic about to meet Naruto-kun."

Hanabi gritted her teeth, annoyed at her older sister. "Fine, do whatever you want Hyuga-sama!" She stormed out of her sister's quarters looking flustered and walked straight to her room.

Hanabi flopped onto her bed and buried her heard into her pillow. What's with Onee-san? Ever since I came back from my mission she's been acting weird.

The day Hanabi had returned from her mission she had hoped to continue her conversation with Hinata about Naruto. However, Hinata had closed off her quarters from anyone and only came out to eat or for meetings with the council. Moreover, Hinata would only go out to eat whenever Hanabi was not in the compound or in her room but according to the maids the Hyuga Head ate little. She was worried for her Onee-san. Is the role of Head becoming too much for her? No – Hinata's strong. Onee-san must be dealing with something else. Hanabi rolled over onto her back and stared at her ceiling. It was only yesterday that Hinata had re-opened her quarters for others to visit on emergencies only. Tonight was the first time Hanabi had been able to talk to her older sister after four days. Hinata's quarters were a mess. There were scrolls scattered everywhere, ripped fabric, empty glasses, and moreover Hinata looked like a mess on closer inspection. Hanabi tried to tease her sister about Naruto to make her laugh but apparently it was not something Hinata found amusing anymore. Naruto-kun, where are you? My Onee-san needs you baka.

Hanabi heard a faint knock on her door and sat up to see whom it was.

"Onee-san?!"

Hinata smiled at her, and Hanabi realised it did not reach her eyes.

"I'm going to go see Naruto-kun. Please don't wait up. I'll be back in the morning." Her voice had sound rehearsed, Hanabi lied back down knowing that when her sister was ready to talk about it, she would talk about it.

"I understand. Ja ne," she waved at her onee-san as Hinata bowed and left the room. Hanabi activated her byakugan, watching her sister release a heavy breath as she leaned against Hanabi's door, clutching her chest. Otosan, Okasan and Neji-niisan, please watch over Onee-san.

xxxx

All the information I have used regarding miscarriages is true. It is unfortunately possible to miscarriage at 5 weeks.

I'm sorry if I have offended anyone also.

Next chapter will be a continuation of this flashback. The long awaited moment of Naruto and Hinata's conversation will be revealed. As you all know, I'm in my last year of schooling so there's a 50/50 chance there will be an update next week.

Please review xx