Hello again! So, this was originally just going to be a one-shot, but then I decided to put all of my one-shots/drabbles for NaLu week on this same one. I changed the title, as it used to be called "Sleeplessness." This is for the NaLu week bonus prompt "Farewell." NaLu week doesn't actually start until July 1st, but once it does, I'll try to update every day :)
"All I feel is everything, I can't invent the words to tell you. Never cared for anything, but if you left, I'd never let you. I'd hold your heart inside a death grip, till my fingertips turned bloody black and blue." -"Forevermore," Picture Me Broken
Natsu was not much of a reader. Unless it included dragons or explosions or something of the sort, he couldn't say he was interested in…well, very much of anything, and especially not books…that is, he wasn't, until he met Lucy. His best friend constantly had her nose in a book and, though he'd never been interested in reading, he always found himself wondering what was so interesting that she'd ignore him for hours in favor of a glorified stack of paper…
…Like she was now, for example.
"Wanna go on a job or something?" She shook her head absentmindedly and pointed down at the book. "Oh, come on, Luce. Don't you have rent to pay?" No response. "It's been a while since you've had something to yell at me about; maybe I'll destroy a town," He tried hopefully. She didn't even look up, much less scold him. "Ah, come on, you know you want to."
…..Nada.
Natsu rolled his eyes. "Okay, seriously, what is so interesting about that book? It's a book, for crying out loud, it can't be that exciting! You want excitement, let's go on a job or something!" Lucy's eyes flicked up from the page briefly before going right back down, and that was the only trace of acknowledgement he got. "You're ignoring me again," He sighed dramatically. "Fine, fine. Read your book. I'll just…do whatever," He didn't move from his spot across from her; instead, Natsu took to observing the other guild members. None of them were stuck in a book, or ignoring their friends for that matter Not even Levy was, and she was worse than Lucy! Honestly, in his eyes, the whole thing was ridiculous. What was so interesting about that damn book? He tilted his head, trying to see the title written on the spine, but Lucy shifted and the light reflecting off the gold letters made it difficult to read. Stupid book. First it stole Lucy, now it was just fucking with him.
Wait…did he just think that a book was playing mind games with him? Natsu slammed his head on the table with an irritated growl. He really needed to think about something else for a while.
"Hey, Natsu!"
Lifting his head, the aggravated Dragon Slayer glanced to his left, where Lisanna had plopped down next to him. "Oh, hey Lisanna," He muttered. "Better be quiet, Lucy's reading," He said the last word with more venom than he'd intended, but damn, he hated that thing! "Natsu, are you okay?" Lisanna examined him, curious. "You look kind of…" Her ocean-colored eyes found their way to the book, then to him, then back to the book, and finally to him again. With an audible gasp, she stared at him, her expression a mix of amusement and disbelief. "Did you really just…are you seriously…oh my god!" The youngest of the Strauss siblings clamped her hand over her mouth to stifle the oncoming giggles. "What? What's so funny? Dammit, Lisanna, I didn't even do anything!"
Lisanna's giggles subsided slightly and she whispered so that the blond girl couldn't hear, but her wide grin said that she was nowhere near done pestering him about whatever it was she was laughing at. "Are you seriously jealous of a book?"
Natsu's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "What? No!" He pouted when his friend continued to practically cackle at his embarrassment. "I just wonder what's so interesting that she'd completely ignore me for hours, that's all!"
…Well, that came out louder than he would've liked.
Lisanna grinned evilly. "Oh, you can deny it all you want, but everyone knows you've got it bad!"
"Who's got it bad?"
Natsu froze on the spot, his cheeks turning pink, and all but bared his teeth at Lisanna. Lucy heard! Lucy heard and it was all her fault because she was just so damn nosy! Now, she knew he was annoyed by her reading habits and would probably yell at him, and not only that, but she was one step closer to knowing that he—
His thoughts were interrupted by Lisanna, who was standing and walking away. "Bye, Naatsu," She said in a sing-song voice before continuing to laugh at his misfortune as she made her way over to her siblings and the Raijinshuu (who were also laughing, dammit, they heard too). After glaring at his irritatingly perceptive friend, Natsu turned back to Lucy, who had finally closed the book and was looking at him expectantly. Shit. He had wanted her to quit ignoring him, but this wasn't how he'd planned at all.
"Natsu, did you hear me? Who were you talking about?" He winced. "Ah…well…Lisanna was just…just talking about how she uh…she thinks Gray might have a bit of a crush on Mira! Yeah, that's it," He chuckled awkwardly. "Better not tell Juvia! Hehe…anyway…" He cleared his throat. Now that he'd managed to dodge her first question (at Gray's expense of course, but not like he cared), this was the perfect time to ask the question that had been bothering him for days. "What's so great about that book? You haven't put it down for days." Lucy sighed dreamily. "Oh, it's one of the best books I've ever read! I'm not so sure you'd like it, though, you're not into this type of thing…"
"Well, what is it?" Lucy smiled sweetly. "The Little Mermaid." The boy across from her blinked, confused. "The Little Mermaid? Seriously? What are you reading that for? Watching the movie would be so much quicker." Lucy shook her head. "No, I like to read the book and see the movie, but either way, the book and the movie are two different things in this case. See, the movie changed the ending so it'd be more kid-friendly. The original fairy tales are completely different. Actually, they're all really dark." Still baffled by the whole concept, Natsu raised an eyebrow. "Dark and different, huh? How so?"
"Well, you've seen the movie, so you know how it ends. The princess defeats the sea witch, becomes human, and marries the prince. But in the book, the princess is told that she has to kill the prince in order to become human. Well, the princess is in love with the prince, so obviously she doesn't want to kill him, but she also wants to become human. But she can only have one. In the end, she decides she loves the prince too much to kill him to get what she wants, so she kills herslef instead."
Had Natsu been drinking something, he would have spit it everywhere.
"What?"
"I know! Isn't it romantic!" Natsu looked at his best friend as if she'd grown a second head. "No! No, it's not romantic, it's…it's horrible! Lucy, why the hell would you read that?!" Lucy straightened up, looking offended. "Because it's a good book! And what makes you think it isn't romantic?!"
"Because she dies! How is death romantic?!"
"Yes, she dies because it's the only option besides killing the man she loves or living an unhappy life! She's willing to sacrifice herself and her happiness for him!"
"Yeah, well, maybe, but what about the prince?!"
They were quiet long enough to notice that the whole guild had gone silent to watch their argument. Lucy blinked, shocked at what Natsu had said. Hell, Natsu was shocked at what he'd said. Why couldn't he have just huffed and called her a weirdo like he always did? He could have, but this got him too worked up. It felt different, like he had to make his point. Thinking about how the prince would feel…well, he knew how the prince would feel. That, now that he thought about it, was what had upset him in the first place. He watched the woman he loved die. Sure, she was standing right in front of him, her pretty mouth slightly open and her warm brown eyes the size of saucers. But he still saw it happen.
"Just…think of how that would feel for the prince. She died. By her own hand. Death…that's a permanent goodbye. There's not even a chance of seeing each other again; it's farewell. Farewell is permanent, isn't it? Yeah. Goodbye forever. Her killing herself because the only other options were to kill him or be miserable for the rest of her life, that's like saying 'I don't love you enough to consider the fourth option of fighting for us. I'm not even going to think about that because I don't care.'" Lucy spluttered a bit, but didn't say anything. He glanced around at the gaping faces of his guild mates. Man, he really didn't sound like himself. When did he become so articulate? Who would've thought that Natsu Dragneel of all people would be spouting off some speech about what was and wasn't romantic in the middle of the guild with everyone watching?
Natsu sighed. Should he continue? There was more that he wanted to say„ but was it worth looking ridiculous in front of an audience? Or worse, was it worth totally giving away his feelings? Somewhere along the line, he decided the answer was yes, or he must have, because he kept talking.
"If the princess had really loved the prince, she would've thought about that. Death is permanent. Did the prince want to say good bye to her permanently? If he really loved her, no, probably not. If the prince loved that princess, he would've wanted to be with her all the time…maybe even the rest of his life, but if she dies, there's not even a possibility of that happening, is there?
"The princess didn't think about that, did she? Obviously not. If she had, she wouldn't have done it. If the princess had loved the prince enough to think about how he might feel about her killing herself because of him, she'd have said 'no fuck that' and found a way around it. She would have fought for them and their happiness. But she didn't. Instead, she killed herself. She said goodbye to him permanently when she didn't have to. That's the least romantic thing I've ever heard."
Natsu stopped himself before he could get carried away. There wasn't much else he was going to say, but if he kept going, even just a little bit, it would be like shouting how he really felt about her from the rooftops. Even in the middle of that monologue he'd just spat out (seriously, what had come over him?), he'd almost thrown in how seeing her murdered was the most painful thing he'd ever felt, even worse than losing Igneel, but if he heard that she'd killed herself because the only other option was killing him, he'd have wished she'd gone with the other option. He'd almost mentioned how the prince probably wanted to make the princess smile every day, how he'd want to make her laugh and hold her hand and all that stupid, embarrassing, sappy stuff he'd seen in the romance movies that the girls always picked out when it was their turn to choose for the guilds movie night. It was a really good thing he hadn't let himself get that far. It sounded stupid just thinking about it.
Natsu mentally slapped himself. Why, for the love of all that is good, why was he turning this into an analogy for his own feelings toward the celestial mage?
"Natsu…have you ever actually been in love?"
Said boy froze at the sound of Lucy's voice, looking anywhere but at her.
"Yes. With you, stupid, haven't you figured that out?"
He sighed. "No."
"Then how do you know all this?"
"Because I saw you die. Because I've been there and I know exactly how the prince in that stupid book of yours would've felt."
"I…ah, well…guess I don't."
Lucy offered him a soft smile. "Well, either way, I guess you have a point. Death isn't really that romantic, now that you put it that way."
Natsu grinned, trying to seem more like his usual self. "See? I told you it wasn't," at that, the rest of the guild went back to whatever they'd been doing before, although they all wore the same annoying, smug expressions. Whatever, what did they know?
If he was realistic, probably everything he didn't want them to know.
Lucy laughed quietly, taking a step toward him. "Well, I'd better get home. My house is a mess thanks to a certain someone." He chuckled sheepishly at the pointed look she gave him. "Ehe…sorry?" She shook her head. "It's fine…oh, and Natsu?"
"Yeah?"
Lucy flung her arms around his neck, catching him off guard. Before he could hug her back, she pulled away, pecked him on the cheek, and whispered in his ear before starting out of the guild.
"You don't have to worry about farewells."
As she made her way to the doors, Natsu absentmindedly lifted his hand to the spot on his cheek where her lips had just been. Wait…did that mean he was busted? Probably. But…did he really care that much? Maybe later. Right then, what he really cared about was what she'd said. "You don't have to worry about farewells."
It was odd; that was just one sentence, like any other sentence, but it made him feel a lot better.
Natsu turned, watching her exit the guild. He could feel everyone's eyes on him, and he knew the look in his own eyes was probably a dead giveaway, but he didn't care. He chuckled under his breath and whispered rather affectionately, "Weirdo."
Well, if they didn't know before, everyone definitely knew now.
So, what did you think? Personally, I don't like this one as much as the previous one, but I'd love to hear what you have to say! Like I said before, NaLu week is July 1st-July 7th, so I'll try to keep this updated once that rolls around. Hope you enjoyed it :)
