Don't own anything
an; Okay sorry it has been so long but work has been a little all consuming. I've been travelling a lot and working even more than usual. I don't think I've had a real day off in the last three weeks. Anyways, I have been writing and honestly it hasn't been going the way I have planned. I wrote out a chapter and by the time I finished it I hated it so I scraped it and started another one and didn't care for that direction either. I am not sure how I feel about this one to but I figured I should try to post something otherwise I will just keep changing my mind and changing directions. Not making a decision is in fact making a decision. So here goes absolutely nothing. If you like say so,,, if you don't say so. I like to hear criticism as much as I like ideas and praise.
Parking a couple of blocks from the Light Compound Faith stepped out of her car and walked to the park. She was scheduled to meet Lauren and she was running late. Looking around the park she spotted Lauren sitting almost forlornly on one of the park benches. Looking at the woman she was slowly falling in love with Faith wished things were different. She wished she didn't have to keep so many secrets from Lauren but she knew if she was completely honest she would scare her. So she chose to tell partial truths and leave the rest to the world of omission. If Lauren didn't ask a direct question then there was no need to expound on the truth.
"I'm sorry, I'm late." Faith started hoping Lauren wasn't mad.
Getting up Lauren wrapped her arms around Faith. "Are you okay Lauren?" Faith asked happy to return the warm embrace.
"Everything has been so hard Faith. I sat here thinking of how much I depend on you and for a minute I worried that you weren't coming. I thought that maybe you had finally gotten sick of hearing about my relationship drama." Lauren buried her face into the crook of Faith's neck and breathed deeply. The scent of cloves and cinnamon teased her senses offering a mixture of comfort and arousal.
"I'm sorry." Faith paused confused by Lauren's behavior. "I would never just leave. I would never just ignore you. You know I care about you Lauren." Faith admitted wishing she could express how much she really cared.
"I don't know what I did to have someone like you in my life." Lauren said unwilling to look at Faith.
"I'm going to take that as a compliment and not a hidden insult." Faith said with a little chuckle wishing to lighten the mood a little.
"Yes it is a compliment. You have been such a constant in my life the last couple of months. I don't know if I could have dealt with everything that has happened without you." Lauren mumbled into Faith's neck. "I've been on this long emotional rollercoaster and I think I've had enough Faith. I'm so tired of wanting something I can't have. I'm so tired of feeling guilty all the time. I'm just tired."
Pulling away Faith captured Lauren's face and looked into tear filled eyes. "I had planned for us to have a nice quiet day but I think you need to get away from your life for a little bit. Come on." Faith pulled Lauren towards her car.
Opening the passenger's side door Faith helped Lauren get into the car then shut the door. Picking up her phone she made one call and made arrangements for the day. Walking to the driver's side she got in and put on her seat belt. Looking at Lauren she smiled and turned the car on, checked traffic and pulled out. Weaving through the streets she got onto the highway.
"Should I ask where we are going?" Lauren asked curiously wondering why they were going towards lake Ontario.
"I've made arrangements for us to spend the day of the water." Faith said simply as if that explained everything.
"So you rented a boat?" Lauren asked looking at Faith for a better hint of the sudden change in plans.
"As if, that's all I'm going to say, as if." Faith said with a smile looking over at Lauren before returning her attention to the road.
"Are you trying to spoil me so that I will runaway with you?" Lauren asked falling into the light mood Faith was setting.
"I would if I thought for even a moment it would get you to runaway with me." Faith replied lightly hoping she was able to hide the real sentiment behind the words. She would do anything if it would get Lauren to leave with her.
Not sure how to respond Lauren smiled and looked out the window instead. She felt confused by the turn in conversation. She didn't know what prompted her to be flirtatious. She didn't know why a part of her wanted desperately to run away with Faith. Part of her suspected it was due to the fact that her relationship with Faith was evolving while her relationship with Bo had already devolved. She felt so alone in her relationship with Bo. She wasn't sure if things would be different if Faith wasn't there. All she knew was that she had come to rely on Faith, in a way she had never relied on Bo. She talked to Faith about everything. She talked about her relationships; past and present. She opened up about Afghanistan and the Congo. She felt safe and free with Faith, it was something she had come to treasure.
"We're here." Faith said parking the car and stepping out to help Lauren get out.
Taking Faith's hand Lauren smiled. It was the little things about Faith that warmed Lauren's heart. Faith knew when Lauren needed to think. She knew when to give a little space and when to let the silence settle in comfortably. She knew when to push and when to let things go. Faith bordered on girlfriend so often at times Lauren felt the lines blur. And it was that blurring that made her think her relationship with Bo was at an end, or very close to it. Every time she went out with Faith, Lauren felt as if she was cheating on Bo; never physically but emotionally. She shared so much of herself with Faith so easily.
Walking out to the marina Lauren was surprised when they stopped in front of a huge sail boat. Looking the boat over she had to admit that the boat wasn't a boat; it was a yacht. Turning to look at Faith she raised her eyebrow in silent curiosity. Smiling Faith merely pulled Lauren up the boarding blank and onto the yacht.
"Captain Saunders we are here." Faith announced guiding Lauren to the front of the ship where a dinner setting was laid out complete with candles and roses.
Lauren watched in surprise as an older gentleman came out to greet Faith with a smile before moving to order the five other crew members to get ready to set sail. Looking back at Faith in surprise Lauren finally decided to ask what was going on. "Care to explain?" Lauren prompted.
"Let's just say I prefer staying on the boat when I am in town. I have a house on the outskirts of Toronto but I don't particularly like staying there."Faith said guiding Lauren to her seat and taking her own.
"I was wondering more about the boat and this fancy dinner." Lauren gave Faith a little smirk, raising her eyebrow in question.
"I am wealthy."Faith said simply.
"Clearly" Lauren said with a touch of sarcasm. "I doubt the captain would act so familiar with you if you didn't own the ship. For some reason I didn't think you were this wealthy." Lauren paused looking around the ship. She had to admit the ship was clearly top of the line and decked out for both pleasure and utility.
"It's not something I particularly like to flaunt. Money unfortunately comes with its own set of downfalls. People who know you have money always want something from you. They either desire what your money can get them or what power lays behind the money. So I try for a bit of anonymity whenever possible." Faith said feeling a need to explain some of her reasoning for keeping her level of wealth a secret. Picking up the iced champagne Faith filled the two glass flute. She hoped the alcohol would help Lauren relax and help herself in the process.
"So you decide to hang out in dark seedy bars to what? avoid people knowing who you really are? How wealthy you really are?" Lauren asked wondering what Faith's last name was so she could look the woman up.
"I can already see your mind turning and I would rather you didn't go racing off to figure out who I really am and how much money I really have." Faith said with a soft smile clearly able to see the wheels turn in Laurens mind. The blush that graced Lauren's cheeks was answer enough. "I would rather we got to know each other in the traditional manner. The whole modern age to me is something of an impersonal wonder. Everybody knows everybody and meeting people is so cold. I like the warmth of getting to know a person's history through their eyes and their emotions. I will happily tell you what you want within reason Lauren. I may decide to hold things back now and again but I do suspect the longer we know each other the more we will learn about each other."
Looking down Lauren considered Faith's words. She had no desire to trespass on Faith's privacy. "I won't apologize for thinking of it but I promise not to go searching for you. However, you do know I am curious. You rarely talk about yourself, your past or your family. Every time we meet it's always about me. Don't get me wrong I appreciate having someone to talk to, to be so open and honest with, but I would like to know more about you."
"Alright what would you like to know?" Faith asked glad that they were finally pulling out of the harbor.
Starring at Faith, Lauren paused wondering what to ask. She hated grilling someone about their past. She preferred random stories that came about naturally in a conversation. "Where were you born? Where have you lived? Where did you go to school? How old are you? Single or married?" She asked randomly stopping briefly in realization that the last two questions were very personal and sounded as if she was interested in Faith.
"I was born in Cairo but we didn't stay there for very long. My father liked to travel so the whole family moved around a lot. I've travelled through most of Africa, Asia, and Europe. I am sorry to say that I have never been to South America. My father retired there after I left and moved to North America." Faith began making sure to avoid the finer details of her time in each country and the cause of the rift between herself and her father.
"Do you see your father often?" Lauren asked curious at the mention of a father.
"No, not in a very long time. We don't really speak to each other either." Faith paused considering how much to reveal. "You see my father and I rarely saw eye to eye in regards to anything important. My father was an authoritative man who considers the world and people as toys to be played with and discarded. He doesn't have a strong a tie to family and tradition as I do. I've worked hard my entire life to take care of my family. Whereas my father has always thought that only the strongest, the most powerful deserved any rights. It created a strain between us and between me and my brother Marcus."
"Why?" Lauren asked inquisitively happy to have Faith talking so freely about her family and her past.
Picking up her glass Faith took a sip of champagne before continuing. "Marcus followed the same route as my father with a few minor changes. He took a little more responsibility in regards to the importance of family. The problem really between Marcus and I is that we were raised to fight each other." Seeing the confused look on Lauren's face Faith expounded on the topic. "Marcus and I were always in competition and it usually wasn't by choice. My father pitted us against each other in a variety of competitions. Whoever was the victor gained a prize of one sort or another and who ever lost was severely punished. Unfortunately Marcus was always more competitive than I was which made things harder. He always needed to win and when he lost he took it badly. I threw more than one pathetic competition in the hopes of making things better between us but it didn't matter." Faith stopped and looked out at the shore now so far away. The captain had ordered the main mast to be raised and Faith watched as they caught a passing breeze. The depth of the sitting area prevented the deck from becoming too windy. "Marcus and I have barely spoken since he got married. I moved to North America not long after that." Faith said wistfully.
"So you stopped talking to each other because he got married?" Lauren asked taking a sip from her own glass.
"Yes and no." Faith said then paused as one of the crew came out with a tray. Smiling in thanks she waited for him to serve their meal. She was surprised at how much time had actually passed since they had stepped onto the yacht. Dismissing the crew member with a thank you she waited for him to leave before returning her attention to Lauren. "I hope you like the food." She said glad for the interruption.
"It looks delicious but it isn't going to deter me from wanting to know the rest of your story." Lauren said with a smile cutting up her chicken and taking a bite. It was a small taste of heaven. The chicken was perfectly seasoned and practically fell apart in her mouth, it was so tender.
"I can see by the look on your face that you are enjoying them meal." Faith smiled taking another sip of her champagne and moving her food around a bit on her plate. "Alright well let's see... my father as I said was very authoritative and he selected Marcus's wife for him. Marcus wanting to please our father was willing to marry her. He had no great affection for her and barely spent any time with her while they were engaged. I on the other hand spent a lot of time with her. She was beautiful, funny, and caring. She was too kind, too gentle a soul for my brother. They were married and soon my father turned his eye to me. He found me a husband who bore many of the same traits as my father. Unlike Marcus I balked. I had no desire to marry a overbearing male who would only replace my father in my life. I wanted more than a life of misery. So I left. I packed up my things and went on a solo tour of the world. I stayed away from home for years and learned not only about the world and it's people but about myself and my abilities.
"When I finally returned home I was surprised to see a lot had changed. My brother had become my father and my father had moved to South America leaving my brother to rule in his stead. I was further surprised to see Marcus welcome me with open arms. I don't know if he actually missed me or if it was a show for the rest of the family. It didn't matter to me since I was actually happy to be home. I spent some time with the family and was reminded of how much I had missed them. Father had taken his most loyal supporters with him to South America which had left something of a gap in our family. Marcus did his best to fill that gap but there were many who were dissatisfied with his method of ruling. He didn't have as many supporters as father did, nor was he as old or as powerful as father. Sadly Marcus took a lot of his rage and frustration out on his wife. She didn't deserve it but she took it all in silence. It took me months before I realized what was happening. It took even longer for her to start confiding in me. She told me how terrible her marriage was. She cried profusely over her failure to produce an heir. We began spending more and more time together. Before either one of us knew what was happening we were falling in love with each other." Faith stopped her voice catching as she got lost in the memory.
"I'm guessing your brother found out?" Lauren asked when Faith's pause went on too long.
"Yes, he wasn't happy about it. He killed her in a fit of rage. He was mad with rage that night and he didn't stop with just his wife. He went after her family. I managed to save her family. That night I took them away along with those members of our family who were discontented with Marcus. The next day we were on our way to England and the next year we were on a ship to North America." Faith said softly avoiding some vital facts.
"I feel there is more to that story." Lauren said gently.
"There is a lot more to that story but I am not ready to share it all yet. Maybe one day we can revisit the topic but not today. The end of the story is that I took control of North America and have been caring for our family ever since. Marcus still rules a branch in Africa and my father has South America." Faith finished hoping Lauren's inquisitive mind would take a break for once. The main advantage to their relationship so far had been Lauren's distracted interest. It was clear that she had questions and on more than one occasion she had broached a sensitive topic. The blessing was that Lauren had been seriously preoccupied with Bo. "Now since I have shared and quite a bit I might add."
"Not nearly enough." Lauren interrupted with a smile.
"Well enough for tonight. Digging into my past isn't as fun as talking about my favorite food, color, music, or painting. I know you want to get to know my past and I promise we will talk about it but only a little at a time. A lot of it is very hard to relive. Now as I was saying I am curious as to what had you in such a state earlier today. I know I came up with this little trip to distract you and you have been sufficiently distracted. I think we can now safely broach the topic." Faith said feeling only a little bad for bringing up Lauren's relationship with Bo. It was a distraction from Lauren's inquisition and she desperately needed to distract Lauren.
Letting the silence fill the space between them Lauren finished her meal and put down her silverware. She wondered how to explain her thoughts, her feelings, and the events of the last week. Pausing in thought she realized the silverware was actual silver. She wondered why she was surprised considering she was on a yacht that probably cost more than most people made in a lifetime. Shifting her thoughts back to Faith she looked up at the beautiful woman who had entered her life when she needed someone the most.
"I'm confused." Lauren stated simply.
"Confused about anything in particular?" Faith questioned hoping to draw out the conversation.
"Everything. So much has changed since you walked into my life Faith. I am still confused. You know things haven't been easy with Bo. Frankly things have been really hard. I don't know where I stand with her anymore. I don't even know how I feel about her anymore." Lauren stopped surprised by the words that had slipped out of her mouth.
"This does sound serious." Faith said breaking the tension.
"It is." Lauren paused again thinking. "I love Bo. I love her desperately but I've come to realize over the last two weeks that I am not happy with Bo. I don't know if I ever expected to be her number one priority but I think I always expected to be a priority. I mean things were so different in the beginning and I don't mean when we first started dating." Looking away from Faith, Lauren paused as she saw the crew member come out to gather their plates. As the man walked away another came out with two smaller plates with a slice of tiramisu. Lauren was a bit surprised that Faith remembered it was her favorite. Thanking the man with a smile Lauren took a small bite and savored the taste. Like everything else she had tasted tonight the tiramisu was divine. "I don't know who your chief is but he or she deserves a raise." Lauren said finally opening her eyes and looking at Faith.
"Trust me, my chief is very well paid." Faith said lightly letting the silence settle and waited for Lauren to continue.
Taking one more bite Lauren shifted gears. "You know a couple of weeks ago I was given an award? I thought it was a big deal. I mean I am rather sequestered from humanity and I do my best to give back to the human world of science but I never really thought my work would be recognized. I don't work in a large research facility or an ivy league university. I work, in the eyes of humans, in a small pharmaceutical company. So getting that award was a really big deal for me. I was finally being recognized for something and I felt special. It has been so long since I have been recognized for my talents, for my skill, for myself. I wanted to share that moment with Bo. I wanted her to see me." Lauren said with emphasis."She agreed to go. I went out. I bought a dress. I did my hair. I spent the day preparing my speech. I then spent the night waiting for Bo. I called and I got angry and I got frustrated and I finally gave up. She never showed up. Do you know what's worse? She lied to me. She lied repeatedly about what was going on. She was off on a case which turned out to be her invitation to the Dawning and instead of telling me she lied. I would have understood. I would have accepted it as I have chokingly accepted everything else. I just want her to communicate with me. I want her to be honest with me.
"The worst part is I ended up spending the night talking to Isaac Taft. He actually went to the award ceremony and brought me my award. It's sad and pathetic that a stranger takes more interest in me than my own girlfriend. A stranger who by the way sets me on edge. He is just a little too knowledgeable about my work. I don't' know what it is about him that sets me off but Hale refuses to look him up which is also getting on my nerves." Lauren stopped mid rant and looked at Faith. "Could you look into him?" She thought of Faith's wealth and possible connections. "I'm sorry that was rather pretentious of me."
"Don't apologize." Faith said thoughtfully. "I'll look in to him. If he is putting you on edge as you say, then there is probably a reason."
"Thank you Faith." Lauren said reaching out and touching Faith's hand. "I'm so glad I have you." Lauren said wondering why there was a note of possessiveness in her voice. Pulling back her hand she felt lost for a minute, unsure of herself and her feelings.
"You were saying about Bo?" Faith asked bringing Lauren out of her thoughts and back into the conversation.
"I was?" Shaking away her thoughts Lauren looked at Faith before shifting her attention to her desert. Taking another bite she tried to organize her thoughts. "I could have forgiven her leaving me stranded for my own award ceremony and I did, I do." She said trying to convince herself more than Faith. "I suppose you could say it was just another crushing blow among the many that have come over the last couple of months." Lauren stopped her mind flooded with images of Bo and Dyson. It was the real stain in her relationship with Bo; Dyson would always come first.
"Lauren?" Faith asked softly seeing the sadness cloud Lauren's face and the tears rise to the surface. Placing her hand over Lauren's, Faith stood up and pulled Lauren along with her. Faith let the silence linger as she guided Lauren to the top deck. The sun was setting and the top deck offered the best view. The only problem would be the wind but she knew Lauren wouldn't mind it. Along the way Faith stopped and ordered a coffee tray to be brought up. Settling Lauren down on the booth Faith took a seat beside her and waited patiently for Lauren to continue.
"Bo passed her Dawning and I should be happy for her...I am happy for her. I just...a part of me just wishes she hadn't passed it the way she did." Lauren said looking at Faith for comfort and understanding. "I mean...I think the reason she passed her Dawning ceremony was because of Dyson. He offered to sacrifice himself to help her survive it. He died in the temple and she broke all the rules, as usual, to bring him back out." Lauren looked out at the skyline and wished talking about it didn't hurt so much. "She forcefully pulled chi from all of us to bring him back." Shaking her head Lauren took a deep breath. "I don't want Dyson to die. I don't even want him seriously hurt but I didn't want her to take my chi to bring him back. He made his sacrifice and yes a part of me was glad that he would be out of the picture. What doesn't that say about me Faith? As I sat there in the Dal waiting to see if she would pass a part of me was overjoyed that I would never have to compete with Dyson again. When she brought him back to life it just cemented the fact that she is still very much in love with him and he's still in love with her." Now the tears were flowing freely and Lauren didn't even bother to wipe them away. "I am so tired of being in this triangle. I am so tired of not being enough for her. I am tired of not being equal. I'm so tired of being unhappy Faith." Lauren shifted and moved into Faith's waiting arms. Feeling Faith's arms wrap solidly around her shoulders Lauren lost control of her emotions and wept.
In her entire life Lauren could not remember crying as often as she had in the last couple of months. She felt as if she was constantly close to tears. She didn't understand why she was so emotional but she was glad that Faith had entered her life. She was glad to have someone who wanted to help her, to have someone who would listen to her, someone who would hold her and let her cry. It was freeing not to have to hold her emotions in, not to have to be so in control all the time.
Looking down at the test results Lauren remembered her day with Faith sailing Lake Ontario. The DNA tests proved several very important things. The first being that she was having a son. The second was that her son had no genetic defects and all chromosomes were normal. The third was that he was unlikely to survive . The test results were a little overwhelming and she desperately wished she could return to the yacht were thoughts of genetics and children were far from her mind. She wished for that simple happiness of being wrapped up in Faith's arms and knowing that someone cared for her.
Picking up the results she lit a Bunsen burner and burned it. She didn't want to reveal the results to Faith. She was barely ready to accept them let alone decide what to do now that she knew. She didn't know if Faith would pressure her to abort the child and she didn't' want to face that possible argument yet. She had done so much for this unborn child and the idea of losing him hurt. She had been careful in her first couple of months. She had drank and hadn't taken her vitamins and gotten beaten but the second she knew she had done everything she could think of to ensure her child would get a better life.
She wasn't going to abort him. If her body forced a miscarriage then she would accept that. If he died at birth she would force herself to accept that as well. She had less than six months to figure out a way to save him and she had the lab to do it in.
