After hanging up on Arizona, Callie started crying again. She felt such an idiot. She was sobbing. Arizona called her more than once, she wanted to make sure she was okay, and yet she snapped. Of course now Arizona understood Callie's feelings towards her.
She spent the next few days at home, in her bedroom, crying when she was alone, pretending to study when her parents were there. She just didn't want questions from them. Hell, everything was so confusing. She was falling hard for a girl, for the first time in her life. She never really fell in love before. She just started to understand that maybe that was the reason why she didn't have a relationship before. She just thought she wasn't cut out to fall in love and for cheesy stuff. She had a fair share of flings, some more important than others, with a couple of men she did even sleep together, but it never felt right. She thought sex was not something for her. But now she started wondering how it would feel like to have Arizona's pale, strong hands touching her body, touching her between her legs. And the simple thought gave her goose bumps allover her body. One of the many nights she cried herself to sleep she even dreamt of a sexual encounter with the blonde. And she wasn't sure but she felt like she came while she was dreaming. She was a complete mess and she was just able to keep a façade for her parents not to notice that something was off.
After a week of hell, she still felt like that. She kept checking Arizona's updates on her socials, which were not that many, and she couldn't stop feeling like she just lost the love of her life. She felt the need to be herself around her mother, they always talked about everything, but she wasn't sure about her reaction to the news that she liked a girl. So she just kept everything inside and built up those damn walls she was so good at building.
Thursday came around, and with that she had to make up an excuse for Maggie and Amelia who asked her to meet before Webber's class for their usual catch up. She said she was not feeling good, that maybe she was getting the flu or something. From 5.00 to 6.30 she sat on her bed crying her eyes out once again, she thought about her friends being in Webber's class and therefore being able to see her. She really missed that smile. One night she was so close to calling her, but then she decided it wouldn't have been fair, she was the one to ask Arizona to stop calling.
She ate dinner with only her mother, her father being out for business and then she showered quickly. She put on some new pajamas and was heading to bed when she heard the bell ringing. Her mother looked at her a little bit worried.
"Are you expecting somebody, honey?", she asked.
"Uh, no… Are you?"
"No, I'm not".
But she went to answer. Callie couldn't hear the other voice through the intercom, but she saw her mother turning her head in her direction and then she heard her saying: "Yes, Callie's here", and then the sound of the door downstairs opening.
She looked at her mother in shock. "Who is that?", she asked.
"A friend of yours", her mother answered, before opening the door to their apartment and walking back to the kitchen, leaving Callie stood alone.
After a time that seemed endless, she heard light steps approaching their door, and then she spotted a head picking in.
A head she would recognize everywhere.
"Hey, Callie… Sorry, I didn't mean to come to your house at this time of the evening, but I really wanted to talk to you", Arizona said, shyly.
"Yeah, uh, you shouldn't have come", Callie answered, coldly. "How did you even find out where I live?"
Arizona was about to answer when Callie's mother came into the hallway.
"Hey! I don't' know you, do I? Nice to meet you, I'm Lucia", she said with a perky voice, shaking Arizona's hand firmly.
"No, I… Uh… I'm Arizona, nice to meet you, ma'am", Arizona answered.
"Callie, did you lose your manners? Come on in, Arizona! Can I get you something to drink? Or to eat?"
"No thanks, I'm good", Arizona answered politely.
"Mum, sorry but Arizona and I need to talk, in private, so if you don't mind…", Callie said a little bit harshly, moving in the direction of her room and motioning for Arizona to follow her. She didn't want to talk to the blonde and not even listen to what she came there to say, but everything was better than having her mother being all friendly towards her. She couldn't be in the same room as both Arizona and her mother, she would have caved in.
They entered Callie's room and she sat on her bed but she didn't make a move to offer Arizona a seat, so the blonde just closed the door behind her and leaned on it. For a couple of minutes nobody talked, Callie's gaze was on the floor, while Arizona took in Callie's room and the mess of scattered clothes and used tissues. Her heart ached for the brunette.
"Listen Callie, I really don't want to force you into anything that you don't want. I thought we could be friends and it looked like that was what you wanted too. But then you got angry at me and you asked me to never call or text you again. And this really doesn't make any sense to me. I thought you were mad for some reason that I didn't know, so I just gave you some time to cool off and then text me or call me or something. But then you said you wouldn't attend Webber's class and you really didn't. Your friends told me you were not feeling good and I worried. I was so worried Callie. I knew you wouldn't answer my texts, let alone pick up my calls, so I just took the first train out and came here. I care about you, Calliope, I really do. Talk to me…", she ended, almost pleading, her eyes worried and teary.
Callie didn't give away anything.
"I thought we could be friends too. But for what I noticed these past couple of weeks, you are too selfish and I don't need that kind of person in my life. Really, it's our last year, we are going to see each other only two or three times more tops, it makes no sense to me to become friends now…", Callie answered, expressing some of her true worries but not telling anything about her feelings.
They really weren't going to see each other many times more at the university, but that didn't make her happy. That worried her to death.
And when Callie Torres is worried she shuts everybody down, builds up her walls and screws up everything. How many people she lost because of that.
She didn't like the direction the conversation was taking, but the blonde went all the way to her house just to talk to her, and her mother welcomed her in, so she didn't have any other choice but to talk to her and let her talk.
"What are you talking about, Callie? You don't know me, I'm not selfish at all. Why are you pushing me away? I like you and…". She stopped midsentence and fixed her gaze on the brunette, who lifted hers to the blonde. Their gazes locked and they were now looking into each other's eyes. No one talked for what seemed like hours. Then Arizona, softly said: "I mean it, Calliope… I like you… And I'm so sorry you don't see it. I wanted to make you feel good, and loved, and… I don't know, I can't understand my feelings, it never happened to me before… But I really like you… Like… Really like, Callie". She stopped again. They were still looking into each other's eyes, Callie giving nothing away as usual. Arizona got a little bit emotional, but now the hardest part was out, she just had to finish her little speech and then leave.
"I don't know what's happening, but I want to be with you. I want to be more than friends with you, if you know what I mean… But if you don't feel the same, if you just think I'm a selfish, heartless bitch who doesn't text you for a week, just say it. Break my heart now and stop this pain. But don't keep me hanging", Arizona pleaded, now with tears rolling down her cheeks.
Callie wanted nothing more than pinning the blonde against the door and kiss the life out of her, and make love to her all night long. Arizona just said out loud that she wanted to be with her. In a romantic way.
But she couldn't say yes just yet. She knew that Arizona already had the power to destroy her. Just by not texting her for a couple of days she made her spend all her time crying her eyes out. And every step towards Arizona would mean giving her more and more power. She couldn't do that. It was already too deep.
So she did what she did best, she feigned indifference and then rage.
"What? Are you kidding? Now you are the one who falls in love with a chick and declares herself to her?", she asked, harshly.
"You're not 'a chick' Calliope… I have feelings for you, god damn it! Why don't you get that?", she asked, now kind of pissed at the brunette.
"Oh, no, I got that", Callie answered, "it's just… it's not real, right?... Actually, it makes sense… Now I get it, you wanted to be friends with me just to get into my pants, just like everybody does… Because I'm hot, my body is hot, and I'm not as smart as you are, so you think you could just use me to soothe your sexual frustration and I would be okay with that!"
"What?", Arizona couldn't believe it. She felt so hurt. She poured her heart out, and that was what she was getting? She didn't expect Callie to tell her she liked her back, but she sure didn't see that coming.
"Go away Arizona, I don't have feelings for you. I thought we could be friends but we are clearly not on the same page".
Arizona didn't utter a word more. She just exited Callie's house without looking back. Once she was outside in the rain she began sobbing, her salty tears mixing with the rain falling on her face, feeling like the more pathetic person ever.
Callie was feeling so miserable. She had the chance of a lifetime but again her stupid fears ruined everything. She was sobbing uncontrollably and she couldn't help it, even though she knew her mother was right outside her bedroom and was likely to hear her. She sure was going to check on her sooner than later, probably she didn't even see Arizona leaving, so she was wondering what the two of them were doing. Her mother didn't know Arizona so she was likely to become worried anytime soon and enter her bedroom, but she couldn't stop her crying.
After a couple of minutes, she heard her mother entering. She took in Callie's bedroom and the mess it was in. She didn't go in so often, Callie just tidied it up and cleaned it by herself, not wanting her mother to intrude and to have too much work to do.
"Honey, what happened?", Lucia's voice full of concern, she ran towards her daughter's bed and sat next to her. She hugged her from behind and held her tight, waiting for her sobs to slowly subside. When Callie managed to stop crying, Lucia wiped her cheeks with a used tissue she found on the bedside table and looked softly at her daughter.
"Where is your friend?", Lucia chanced asking.
"I pushed her away, mum", Callie answered, beginning to sob again.
"What was she doing here?", Lucia had so many questions she wanted to ask.
"She told me she likes me…", Callie explained, sobbing.
"So, what?", Lucia was now really confused. "You need to give me more than that, baby… What would you say if we moved to the couch, I put on some chamomile and you tell me everything?", she chanced.
"Yeah…"
They left Callie's bedroom and went to the living room, where Callie took a sit on the couch and wrapped a blanket around herself. Her mum went to the kitchen for the chamomile.
Callie decided that that would have been the moment, now she had to tell her mother, she needed help and some advice. She wasn't ready to come out of the closet with her mother just yet, but she had no choice. After a couple of minutes Lucia came back from the kitchen with two steaming cups of chamomile and put them on the coffee table, while taking a seat next to Callie on the couch.
"So… Do tell…", Lucia said softly, taking her daughter's hand into her own.
"I don't know mommy… She is… She is awesome… I've been feeling something for her for almost two years now… I met her at the university, she is Lexie's friend…", she started hesitantly, but she had to take it all out. "And Lexie introduced us just by chance. We had a lot of classes together last year, so we just started sitting next to each other, we weren't friends, we didn't really talk about things other than school… We saw each other outside a couple of times, always with Lexie and other people, but I began falling for her. She just has something about her… I don't know… Then she left because she went for one semester to another university abroad and when she came back I was in New York for my trip, so we haven't seen each other for quite a long time, and in that time I was able to put those feelings aside, but when we saw each other again, a couple of weeks ago, everything came back, and hit me so hard…", she stopped and sipped on her cup, her mother looking at her in awe, beginning to understand where that was heading, but not saying anything, just giving her the time to process her feelings before going on with the story.
"Well, she asked me for some notes when she was abroad and she promised to buy me coffee to pay me off when she would come back. So when she first saw me, she asked me out for coffee, which turned into lunch and then I invited her to dinner the next day and everything was so good, I felt that good just by being with her. She suggested we should see each other again after that dinner, so I thought she liked me back, but then for a whole week she didn't text me… And I didn't text her either, but you know how I am… I understood my feelings for her and I was beginning to accept them, but I didn't know about hers, so I just wanted her to text me first, to give me something to work on, anything… But she didn't… So I saw her next week in class and she ignored me until the end of the lesson when I was going to the train, when she stopped me and asked how I was… I kind of reacted coldly and left and then she kept calling and texting. I answered and told her I didn't need a person like her in my life and asked her to back off. She did. Mommy, she did everything I asked to, even though I'm sure she was hurting. And today I didn't go to classes because I didn't want to see her and yet she came here, she stalked for my address I don't know where and she came here, and introduced herself to you… And poured her heart out to me… But I'm such an idiot, I told her I don't like her and pushed her away…", she began sobbing the second she stopped talking.
"Why, darling?", her mother simply asked.
"Because I'm scared, mum! She is going to graduate soon and who knows where she ends up after that, she is from freaking Colorado, Colorado, do you understand? She already has all that power on me, I can't give her more, she has the power to destroy me…", Callie said in a mess of emotions.
"I get that, Callie, you've never been in love before, let alone with a woman, you are scared. But did you think about how happy you could be if you let down those walls you always build by yourself? Talk to her about her future plans, how do you know that she won't stay? I know you don't want to study any more after your graduation, but maybe she does, who knows? Talk to her, Callie, she seems nice enough and in love with you too. Do you have any idea of how rare this is? To love and be loved by the same person. Don't let your fears ruin this for you, honey. You deserve everything good life has to offer you. Now go to sleep and tomorrow morning you go get your girl!"
Callie was overwhelmed. She knew her mother was right, but she already thought about all of that and she still decided that it wasn't a good idea. But she was already a mess, it could hardly get any worse. She hugged her mother.
"So you are okay with me liking a girl?", she asked.
"Of course, baby, why wouldn't I be? I won't be okay though if you stop yourself from being happy with her. Give it a chance!"
"Yeah, I'll try… But I'm not sure she would talk to me after what I said tonight. I said so many hurtful things, things that of course I don't mean, I said them just because I was hurting and I wanted her to hurt too… It's just… I'm not good with words and I screwed it up big time with her. If I were her I would never want to see me again… Sorry for this mess mum", she apologized.
"No apology needed… I'm sure that if you pour your heart out to her the way she did tonight with you, she is going to listen to you and accept your apology! Now go, sleep this off, tomorrow you'll have to look better for her, you're a mess now!"
They both started chuckling and then parted ways, both heading to their own bedroom.
SO, juicy stuff coming…
Do you want another chapter later?
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