Callie woke up startled by an alarm that wasn't hers. She needed some time to realize that she was in Arizona's bedroom and that the blonde wasn't there. The alarm was coming from Arizona's phone; therefore, Callie didn't recognize it right away. She grabbed the phone from the bedside table and switched it off. She saw that it was 7:30, so she didn't understand where the blonde could be. She put on a big tee she had brought in her bag and exited the bedroom looking for her girlfriend.
Girlfriend.
There weren't many places she could be, it was either the kitchen or the bathroom, so she went straight to the kitchen, where she spotted the blonde sitting on a chair next to the table, sipping on a steaming cup of coffee and reading something she was holding with the other hand.
"Morning, Arizona", Callie said, flashing a smile even though it was early.
"Morning", Arizona replied, without removing her gaze from the piece of paper in front of her.
"What are you doing already up?", Callie asked.
"I couldn't sleep"
"Why? Are you worried about the exam? I'm sure you're going to do great".
"I'm not worried… I couldn't sleep", Arizona replied, slightly annoyed.
"Did I do something?", Callie worried.
"No… You tossed and turned all night but it's no problem", Arizona said, for the first time looking straight into Callie's eyes.
"Oh… I'm sorry, guess it's the whirlwind of emotions…", Callie explained.
"No need to apologize… Come here?", Arizona asked, sensing that she couldn't keep being cranky in the mornings with Callie.
Callie moved towards her girlfriend and Arizona put down her notes and her coffee and stood to hug the brunette.
"You want coffee, Calliope?", she asked, breathing against the taller girl's neck.
"Sure", Callie answered, sensing a shift in the blonde's attitude.
Arizona went to make other coffee for Callie and then explained what she was revising for her exam. They quickly ate some breakfast and then Arizona went to get ready to go out. Callie went back to the bedroom and started reading through her notes. Before leaving, Arizona went to place a chaste kiss on Callie's forehead, but the brunette stood up and hugged her tightly. She then kissed her on the lips and swiped her tongue on the blonde's lower lip, asking for permission to deepen the kiss. Arizona gave it to her, so they let their tongues dance. Arizona was the first to break the kiss.
"Good luck!", Callie said, placing another quick peck on Arizona's pink lips.
"Thank you, Calliope. I'll be back in a couple of hours, make yourself at home", she said, turning to leave.
Callie wanted to stop the blonde and just kiss her again, but she knew she had to leave, so she just let her.
Arizona came back three hours later angry because she had to wait more than expected and the exam didn't go so well. She had studied and was prepared and concentrated, she just kept saying that the professor wasn't being fair because he asked her tricky questions and she just had bad luck. Callie tried to make her reason but she was just so stubborn and angry. She tried to make her understand that the important thing was that she passed, but she was just not in the mood to bend.
So Callie decided it was maybe better to leave her alone. She wanted to be there for her, but Arizona just shut her down, so she told her she was going to leave, pretending that the true reason behind it was that she had to finish her studying. Arizona didn't give anything away; it was as if she didn't care whether Callie was there or not. Callie knew she was mad for the exam and not with her, but she still was upset by the blonde's behavior.
They were girlfriends, yet they didn't know the first things about each other, she would have never seen that kind of behavior coming.
During her travel on the train she kept thinking about the situation and about what it was going to be like once she dropped the bomb about LA. She was confident they were going to make it, but now after seeing how easily Arizona could shut her down, she wasn't sure about anything anymore. That morning she almost wanted to tell her she loved her, and she felt it, but then she didn't want to come on too strong, so she didn't say anything. And now she didn't understand why Arizona didn't let he be there for her. She was mad, she got that, but it was no excuse to not let her help. She got home and had a late lunch, then switched off her mobile and focused on studying all the afternoon, even though her mind went back to Arizona quite often.
When she turned her phone back on, she found a text from the blonde.
'Sorry for being like that. I know, we have been girlfriends for one day and yet I already keep screwing up and apologizing, and there are no buts. I'm sorry, Calliope, so sorry. I needed you but at the same time I needed to be alone because I didn't want you to see me like that for just a stupid exam that doesn't mean anything. I know you're probably studying, so I won't bother you. Good luck for tomorrow, go, be awesome. X'
Callie would never behave that way for an exam, so she didn't really understand why the blonde reacted so bad, she got that she was mad and that she didn't mean to lash everything out on her, but it wasn't good that way, they couldn't keep arguing every time they saw each other. Maybe they weren't working. Probably they weren't. Okay, Callie had feelings for Arizona and Arizona claimed to feel the same way about Callie, but feelings are not always enough, there must be some chemistry between two lovers, they should have something in common and something different, they should agree on something and also disagree on something else, but there just has to be something more than plain feelings. They worked in bed, very good actually, but thinking about it, Callie realized that outside of the bed there was quite nothing they agreed on. She regretted asking Arizona to be her girlfriend, and not just because of what happened after the exam. Maybe they could work only as fuck buddies. Callie never had one, and sure she did never think of the blonde only that way, she simply wasn't sure having a relationship with her was the best thing for her or for Arizona. She didn't want to end things with Arizona, she knew she would feel bad. They needed to talk, they had always had communication problems, but this was going to end their relationship if they didn't talk it out.
She went to say goodnight to her parents, who were dozing on the couch, something playing on TV but they weren't really paying attention. That was what being in a relationship truly meant, Callie thought. Of course her parents were together for 25 years and she and Arizona for 25 hours or less, but they should have been comfortable with each other, or else they weren't going anywhere. Callie went on with her bedtime routine with all those thoughts whirling in her mind. She was just happy she didn't tell Maggie and Amelia yet, so she hadn't to take it back already. She felt weird not to talk with any of her friends about Arizona, and she then realized that maybe that was another sign that they weren't going anywhere, of course leaving out the fact that it wasn't easy to come out of the closet anyway. She went back to her bedroom and went under the soft comforter, even though it was practically summer, she loved the warmth when sleeping. Besides, after spending the night a couple of times cuddled with Arizona she kind of missed that feeling of a warm body next to her. So the next best thing was the comforter. She switched off the light and looked at her phone once more before sleeping. There was a new text from Arizona, who probably noticed she read the last one and didn't reply, so texted back.
'Forgive me? X'
Callie thought about whether to say something or not, but she knew that if she didn't, her thoughts weren't going to let her sleep and she needed to rest to be at her best for the exam. So she tapped on her screen a quick reply for her girlfriend.
'Can we see each other tomorrow? We need to talk. X'
Arizona replied right away.
'It is bad? I'm so sorry Calliope, it won't happen again. X'
'We are not doing this trough messages. I can come to your place after my exam?! X'
'Yeah… Just tell me one thing, please? Are you breaking up with me?'
'No, Arizona, I'm not… But we need to talk about many things, I want us to be okay, I really do, but we have to get some things straight, we need to open up with each other! X'
'You're right, we can't keep being like this, we have been together for only one day. X'
'Exactly. Sleep this off, Arizona, you had a bad day and tomorrow it's going to be better. See you tomorrow, sweet dreams. X'
'Thank you, Calliope. Good luck again on your exam. Night. X'
Callie switched off her phone and lied down for quite long staring at the dark ceiling, not able to fall asleep. She had only a couple of days left before she had to accept her job in LA or turn it down. On Saturday she had to contact the agency and give them an answer. She didn't have much time, her parents were not so happy about it, they would prefer if she kept studying, but they knew it right away that she wasn't going to, so the next best thing was probably that LA job offer. They would miss her, but they knew the day of her moving out would eventually come. She was excited, but what about Arizona? She felt such an idiot to have asked the blonde to be her girlfriend before talking to her about that. She probably figured it would have been easier for Arizona to take into consideration changing her plans to be with Callie if they were actually together, but now she felt selfish having done that. They really needed to open up with each other, there was no other way they could make it. On the other hand, she knew that removing Arizona from the equation she could decide freely what to do with her life, which of course was going to LA. But that was what the all being in a relationship thing meant, and she really could see herself growing old with Arizona, so she had at least to give it a try. She figured that maybe the solution to be able to sleep was to stop thinking that she was thinking and therefore she wasn't able to sleep, so she closed her eyes and tried to keep all the thoughts out, relaxing into the mattress and letting sleep take over.
Next day she woke up at 6, not rested at all. The anxiety for the exam came to close the pit of her stomach right away, and just a second after feeling it, she remembered about the talk she had to have with Arizona, and the sensation became even worse. For a moment she thought she was going to throw up, but then she was able to swallow the lump she had in her throat. She went to the kitchen to put on some coffee but she noticed the pot was already full. She turned her head and spotted her mother already sitting on the breakfast bar, sipping coffee.
"Hey, baby. Coffee is fresh. You want anything else?"
"No, thanks…".
She poured the coffee in her favorite cup, but just the smell of it made her feeling sick, so she poured it back into the pot.
"You okay, baby? Are you worried?", her mum asked, concerned to notice her coffee-addicted daughter wasn't drinking any that morning.
"Yes, you have no idea!", Callie replied, relieved that she had someone to talk to.
"For the exam or is it something else?", she asked knowingly.
"The exam and above all Arizona. We keep arguing, I don't know mum… I don't think we are on the same page, or better yet I don't think we have chemistry, we just have feelings for each other and we work great in bed, but we aren't able to talk to each other, to open up… So yesterday I asked her to be my girlfriend and she agreed, but then she was mad because her exam didn't go the way she wanted it to and instead of letting me be there for her, she shut me down. Then she apologized, but we can't go on like this… So today I asked her to talk and I'm going to tell her all these things but also about LA and I'm positive we are going to break up. I mean, this whole LA thing would be big for any steady couple, imagine how it will be for us…", Callie stopped talking on the verge of tears.
"Do you love her?", her mum asked.
"I do. I didn't tell her yet but I do…", Callie said honestly.
"Then talk to her, open up, say everything you need to, don't hold back. You two always had communication problems, but don't let them come in the way this time, just tell her how you feel and explain your worries, if she feels the same about you, you'll work this out", Lucia said, hugging Callie tight.
"Thank you mum, I love you so much", Callie said, wiping a tear falling down her cheek.
"I love you too, my little girl! Good luck for your exam and for the talk with your girl. Whatever you need, call me. Everything is going to be okay, love. Grab some breakfast before the exam, if you're not hungry now", Lucia added, kissing her daughter's forehead lovingly.
Callie went to her bedroom to get dressed and to the bathroom to brush her teeth and put on some make-up on her tired face, then she slipped out of the door and went to catch the train to Seattle. During the travel she put on her headphones and listened to her and Arizona's common playlist on Spotify and let the thoughts about the exam and her girlfriend invade her mind. She reached Seattle a little bit after eight, she had almost an hour before the exam started but she still wasn't hungry, so she walked straight to the university, where she met Amelia and Maggie, who went with the train before hers. They didn't really talk, they revised some things about the exam. They entered the classroom and took a seat. The exam was written and lasted two hours, so Callie took out a pen and patiently waited for the professor to let them start writing. She was sure about all the answers and she was able to stay focused on the exam, every other thought left out for later. She was pretty satisfied with herself.
A little bit before the deadline, she gathered her things, stood up and turned in the papers, leaving the room before Amelia or Maggie could reach her and headed to Arizona's, her heart beating fast in her chest. The ten minutes' walk to the blonde's apartment were not enough for Callie to gather her thoughts and make her decide what to say. She was just sure she was not going to hold back anything. She waited a couple of minutes next to the door to Arizona's building and when she felt almost ready, she rang the bell. She heard the blonde's voice asking who it was through the intercom so she let her know that it was her. The door clicked and she pushed it. She breathed deeply and began to go up the stairs, her heart beating fast, the burning at the pit of her stomach coming back full force. She reached the second floor and Arizona's door swung open, revealing the blonde's tired and empty face.
"Callie…", the blonde breathed out.
"Arizona…"
Sooo, is the talk going to ruin their relationship or to fix it? Will they talk at all?
Let me know :)
