"Okay?" He murmured once her sobs had faded and her breathing had lessened from its previous ragged brokenness. He placed a firm kiss to the top of her head as he said it.
She nodded against his shoulder, shifting to allow her hand access to her face to wipe away her tears. "Sorry." She mumbled, a hint of embarrassment lacing her tone.
"No need." He said quietly but sincerely, placing another kiss to her head before continuing. "What happened?"
She sighed, readying herself to relate the painful conversation in the ward when a knock on Gordon's door interrupted them. Jill practically launched herself from Gordon's lap, and stood facing the window, her back to the door, and Gordon rose, calling "come in."
"Sorry to interrupt doctors." Lizzie popped her head round the door. "But I've just typed these, and thought I'd give them to you before I forgot." She laughed, and entered the room properly, holding a wad of paper in her hand. She threw a quizzical glance at Jill who still had her back to her, having apparently not yet acknowledged her presence. She flicked through the wad, which Gordon could now see was various envelopes, extracted two and held them out to him.
"Thank you Lizzie." He said, taking them from her. He watched as she smiled, glanced once more at Jill and exited the room. His gaze then fell upon Jill who turned after the door clicked shut. Despite knowing she had been crying, Gordon was still slightly shocked at her red eyes, and tear stained face, lined with mascara.
He handed her the enveloped with her name typed neatly onto the front, before ripping open the one bearing his own. He scanned the contents, a smile creeping onto his face. "So, fancy it?" He said, looking back at Jill.
"Yeah. Why not, should be good."
Despite her nonchalant response, he could tell she was secretly looking forward to it, and his smile turned into a grin.
"But in the meantime," she continued. "You free for lunch?"
"Only if you tell me about what happened." He half regretted it as soon as he said it; he might have pushed her too much. She wasn't the open of people at the best of times, and hated people prying or trying to force her into revealing her thoughts and feelings. However, he felt sure she would have told him had Lizzie not interrupted them. And he didn't want her to clam up and bottle something else up. He held his breath in trepidation of her reply, and was very relieved when it was light-hearted.
"That, Doctor Ormerod, is blackmail." She poked him lightly in the chest.
He sighed, his tone becoming serious. "It's only because I worry about you."
"I know." She glanced down, briefly. "But there's no need, really. However," she sighed and looked him in the eye. "Yes, I will tell you. Just... don't push me, please."
They passed in silence beneath the clock tower, then turned right, their shoes crunching the gravel path as they made their way towards the bench overlooking the vast expanse of water. They ate without saying much, nothing of importance. It was a comfortable silence, and it gave Jill chance to reflect on the morning; the conversation with Alex Heath, and then how Gordon had comforted her. At this thought, she moved closer to him where they sat, touching her leg to his, and glancing at him, flashing him a smile, which he readily returned. She couldn't quite comprehend the care and concern he demonstrated towards her. And whilst part of her felt she didn't deserve it, the other part was wholly grateful.
She smiled again as he looped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her even closer to him. She tilted her head back, locking eyes with his as he tipped his own head down, and leant into to press her lips softly to his. "I do love you Gordon." She whispered. "And thank you for this morning." She wrapped an arm around his stomach, hugging him tightly, knowing it demonstrated nowhere near the extent to her gratitude, but hoping it would do for now. "I suppose you want me to tell you what happened."
"You don't have to, if you're not ready."
She glanced back up at him, once again touched, this time by his patience, how he wasn't demanding she tell him. "Thanks, but I'll tell you, it's the least I can do." She took a deep breath, and felt his squeeze her shoulder as she divulged what had upset her so.
She had taken a seat by Alex Heath's bed, softly announcing her arrival to him. His back was to her, and he made no indication he had heard her apart from the almost undetectable stiffening of the muscle shoulders. She'd carried on nevertheless, hoping that at some point she'd get through to him. She apologised, profusely, feeling the guilt rise to the surface, raw and creating a burning in her chest once again. She tried to provide comfort, tried to get him to open up. "If there's anything I can do, just ask." She had finished.
It was at this point when Alex had turned to face her. Slowly his eyes focused on her, bearing an immense depth of pain that shocked her, especially given the strong man he was. "You've done more than enough."
She bit her lip, fighting back the tears his tone and words had evoked. "I'm sorry." She whispered, and rose, not wanting to make him feel any worse through her presence. She had glanced over to Gordon, hoping he had finished, but he was deep in conversation with Sister Brigid. Head down, trying not to draw attention to herself, brushing away the occasional tear, she made her way rapidly out of the ward, serenaded by the clipping of her heels on the tiled floor. She stopped only once, at the green double doors to glance back at Alex. His back was to her, his form huddled beneath the blankets, such a strong man heartbreakingly reduced to such a state.
She finished speaking and tucked her head under Gordon's chin, hugging him tightly whilst trying to fight back the nausea of the immense guilt. He didn't say anything, which worried her for a moment, until she felt his hand rubbing her back soothingly, though much as she loved it, it did nothing to settle her guilt.
