Author's Note: Hi, everyone! I apologize it's a little bit delayed from my regular schedule. I think I'm going to stick to updating once a month, but as always, I'll try to upload as soon as possible! I want to take the time to thank all the support from everyone who has read, followed, favorited, and reviewed! It has meant so much! I've been also doing some TMNT short-stories as well, "The Extravaganza" and "To Make You Whole", so check them out on my profile if you're interested in something a bit more lighter! As always, please let me know if you have any questions or thoughts! I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Quote (1) by Franz Kafka. Song Quote from "Safe & Sound" by Taylor Swift ft. Civil Wars.

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A Turtle And His Sisyphus

...

"Don't you dare look out your window, darling, everything's on fire."

...

/././././././././././././././

Growing up, we dealt with the space we had. We made it work. I remember we used to move, a lot, when we were little before we actually found a good place to settle for a couple of years. It was tight, but we grew to call it home. Of course, that meant, sharing rooms. It wasn't so bad at first. Sensei was worried about us being completely alone, especially as kids. So, he paired us up.

Now I wouldn't be complaining if there weren't one problem with that.

I hated sharing my room for one reason in particular.

"Raphie!"

I crushed my pillow over my head. I begged for another fifteen minutes of silence. Maybe, I thought, no, I believed—maybe, if I just pretend like I didn't hear it. It'd go away.

The sudden weight on the end of my bed said otherwise.

"Raphie! I-I heard something!"

"Fascinating." I mumbled loud enough for my ever-so-insightful brother to hear. After his night terrors stopped happening, I got used to 'normal' sleep. I was so sick of his nightmares. "Go to bed, Mikey, before I kick you off!"

"R-Raphie," I felt his weight shift toward the other side of my bed, closer to me. "I-In the closet, I think the monster came back!"

The 'monster' was the one that lived in our closet and loved to come out in the dead of night, specifically, for Mikey. I mean, it's not bothering me, so why should I care?

"You deal with it!" I cried, squeezing the pillow tighter. "Just go away!"

Hell, Don would say it's dumb to feel bad for some stuff we did as kids. But, still, it didn't help that I feel bad about it now. I mean, we all were afraid of stuff, right? Why couldn't I just suck it up and tell him it's not there.

I wish I did.

Now, he has his own monsters to deal with. And this time, I can't scare them away.

But I'm sure as hell I'll be damned if I don't try.

/././././././././././././././././

Everything happened so fast, and then it stopped.

April held her breath, watching the others rush toward the van.

In a blur, there was chaos. Leatherhead, carefully cradling Leonardo as he continued to lose blood fast. Raphael, even still partially in his Nightwatcher armor, carrying Donnie on his back, his face looking grimmer by the second. Karai, much to April's surprise, stood beside Leatherhead and holding Leo's hand to prevent the bleeding from continuing. Casey rushed to the front of the van, quickly hollering at the others to pick up their pace as he began to start the car. Splinter, Oh poor Splinter, hastily went to his children's side. April felt her heart shatter as she watched her family crumble before her eyes. All their voices echoing…

"No!" Splinter broke, rushing to his eldest side. Not even Karai's presence, or Michelangelo's absence, shook Splinter from the crushing reality. Leonardo, barely conscious, shifted his gaze to his father. His body trembling as he tried to steady his breath. "W-What happened? Where is-?!"

Leatherhead, with Karai continuing to focus on Leo, carefully placed Leonardo on the floor of the van. "Master Splinter, forgive me, but Leonardo is loosing too much blood. I'm afraid; if I don't help him soon it will be too late. Leonardo's hand, I don't know if I can save it, Master Splinter. It pierced most of the nerves and right through most the bone. With their mutation, I don't know if and how long it can take to heal, if it could. Donatello said that Bishop's weapons were laced with nerve toxins, it's only causing Leonardo more pain." Leatherhead persisted. "I only have so many supplies, I don't have enough to determine what's in their system. My home should have-!"

"L-Leatherhead!" Raphael cried, lying his younger brother on one of the couches. He knew Donnie must have lost consciousness somewhere along the way back. Desperately, Raph tried waking him up. "We can't go back to the sewers! Bishop will know that's where we'll go! D-Don, he has to have something here-! He always has something, come on Donnie, wake up! Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

"Guys!" Casey's desperate cry from the front seat shook everyone's attention. Shooting his head back he nervously cried, "Guys, I-I'm sorry we have to move! We can't stay here! We're too exposed, we have to move!"

"R-Raph," Leo's voice was shaky, and low. Shaking he cringed as his only good hand over his other. Struggling to sit up, April quickly fell to her knees as she supported Leo. "R-Raph, Mikey, h-he took him."

"I know," Raph said somberly, watching his father's head drop down closer to Leo. Hiding his own grief of watching his family being torn. "I know, Leo. I'll go back, ok? I'll go get him-."

"What?!" April cried, "You can't be serious, Raph-!"

"We all have to go, now!" Casey exclaimed, "We can't stay here-!"

"You are not leaving, Raphael." It was Splinter's voice who silenced the crowd. His voice, struggling to maintain composure as he faced his second-oldest. "You are needed here. We must help your brothers before we can help Michelangelo. Leatherhead, Donatello kept a medical supply under the seats—something must be usable in there. Raphael, help me keep pressure on Leonardo's hand. April, try to waken Donatello. And for yourself," His eyes shifted to Karai. His voice never shaking. "I do not know why you are here, or your intentions are with my sons, but…I am grateful for your assistance with Leonardo. Your assistance helped kept him alive, for which I am truly grateful for."

Karai noticeably froze for a brief moment upon hearing Splinter's statement. She didn't hesitate long as she rose back to her feet, her voice quickly pacing. "Your gratitude comes too soon. Bishop and Goldburg will be following myself, and Raphael, now that we agreed to work for him. If you leave the city, it will be a death sentence not only for yourselves but also for your brother. Do you not see? You must remain within the area, unless you want to risk your family's exposure, and Michelangelo's life. You're bound here, Raphael."

"Fuck!" Raphael didn't have a care who was in the room, not even Splinter who gave him a quick disapproving look. He should have known this would happen. How could he willingly sign a deal with the devil knowing—knowing—it was going to bite him right back. Except this time it isn't just me who's paying the price. His eyes frantically shifted to Donatello, who lost consciousness not too long after he initially reached his brother's side. It was probably the poison that struck his fever so high, his body slightly convulsing every now and then as April fought to keep him still. It made him sick. His hands, still wet from Leonardo's blood, he gazed back down. Leonardo, who unimaginably was still conscious, wouldn't keep his eyes off of Splinter. Was it because he couldn't let Raph see him so broken? Or, because Splinter is the only solace he has to give him peace—the permission to let go. No. Fuck that. Fearless isn't going anywhere. He can fight this. I won't let him.

"Raphael!" Karai raised her voice, desperate for Raphael's attention. "Unless you want the rest of your family to die, we must act now. Although we are few left, I have a medical team, supplies—I will offer you-."

"You can't be fuckin' serious?" Raphael chuckled darkly. He couldn't look at Splinter; it wasn't because of his language this time—but the possibility of his father thinking the very same thing. "You expect me to trust you with my family's life by walking right into Foot headquarters-?!"

"Donnie's fever is breaking!" April cried, panicked. "If his fever gets any higher he'll—Raph, his body can't fight this much longer. I-I can try to get the poison out but he needs real medicine, fast!"

"Leonardo as well, my son!" Splinter's voice was like a ghost, desperately still trying to wrap his wound. "I'm afraid, for the sake of your brothers' lives, we have no choice but to accept."

Raphael rose from his brother's side, carefully approaching Karai. She didn't flitch as he inched closer to her. Blinded by his own rage; no, he was petrified of his own fear. They were cornered like mice, and she knew it. He didn't care about how she helped him so far, or even why she came back. No, she knew they were cornered. He hated feeling so helpless. Retrieving his sai, he held it to her throat. Dangerously, he whispered, "I don't know what the fuck kind of sick, twisted game you're playing. But if this is in any way a trap, and you hurt my family in any way? I'll do worse than kill you. Got it?"

"Understood." Karai smoothly responded. Reaching to her ear piece, she ordered, "Men, I'm returning with the turtles. Cease all attacks. Prepare the medical stations, they are critical. We may be followed by Bishop, scope the area and be sure they are not nearby. I was a report in fifteen minutes. Mr. Jones, I will direct you."

Raphael watched as the heir to the Shredder lead them out. Is this was desperate looked like? The enemy of my enemy is my ally? Raphael didn't care for any of that. Leonardo, on the other hand, saw something in her that was somehow trustworthy.

Come on, Fearless. You're always right. I can't handle another mistake.

/././././././././././././././././

How long has it been? An hour? Days? Weeks? Months?

All I knew now was that I was awake, right in hell, probably.

I woke up. By the thumping vibrations in my head, I knew I was alive.

That, and the beeping noise that kept going off beside me. That explains the IV in my wrist at least. But my eyes had a hard time adjusting.

The walls were white, the light above me was white. The sheets were— yeah you guessed it! I've seen enough horror movies to know what these straps around me were. They used them on those insane patients that always get possessed by the demons—what are they called?

Anyway, I ran a checklist in my head, like Donnie used to do when we got hurt.

Wait, Donnie! Yes! I totally remember!

Master Splinter, Leo, Raph, Donnie, April, Casey, Leatherhead, Klunk, my leftover pizza from last Saturday-!

Wait. Donnie. He was hurt—Leo! He got really hurt—I need to go!

Looks like I'm all clear. But, like Don said, I don't have much time do I?

He said that I'll be gone for good this time. Why am I still okay? Was he bluffing? Or, is this some sick cruel joke to make me think that I was actually free?

All I know is that I don't have much time.

And I knew that this room is going to be the first and last place I'll ever truly see.

I'll never see my real room again. I really wish I finished my comic series; I only had two left until I found out what happened to Captain Herios. Klunk, buddy, I hope you look after my family—right? You know where your favorite treats are, and where Raph keeps his secrete magazine pack you can totally go after those.

I'll never see the dojo again. No matter how many times I complained, and whined, and complained, and zoned out—It's there where I became who I am, or who I was. Sensei, I'm sorry I goofed off so much. I didn't mean it out of disrespect or anything like that. But, you always knew that. Right? You never doubted me, ever. None of you did. And I'm sorry you won't hear me say that.

I closed my eyes.

I didn't care what happened to me anymore. If there's anything good in this world, please, just let the others be alright.

The door opened. It actually hurt my eyes to adjust to the figure walking in front of me that wasn't in white, instead it was dressed in black from head to toe.

I flinched as it moved closer to me, not like I was going anywhere anyway. It leaned in close, as it fidgeted with my IV's putting something in it. No, I don't want to sleep again. My voice cracked, it didn't sound like me. "No, wait, dude. Don't." It hurt like hell to talk. I guess it's been a while, huh? Why couldn't it just give me water or something instead of that weird-whatever-the-heck-it-is?

I figured out why.

It's head finally turned to me, and I recognized it's eyes. It's a face I wouldn't forget. It reached for me, I was reminded that I was stuck. It's voice was quiet, almost eerily gentle. "Quiet. It will help you see your family soon."

Soon? No. They're dead. No. They can't be. Leo, Don, Raph, Sensei—did they all die because of me? God, how long has it been since—no they can't be gone.

It lifted my head. It didn't take long for me to realize what it was doing. Whatever it gave me, it made me sleepy again, so I couldn't really move. I watched as it retreated back, holding my bandana in it's hand.

It turned to leave. I tried to grab it's hand, remembering it was strapped down to the bed. I was running out of time. It hurt like hell as my voice cracked like I was going through puberty all over again. "Wait. Please. Tell me. My family."

It had it's back turned to me as it rushed toward the front of the room, it's voice still quiet as it looked back at me one more time.

"Soon."

That was the last time I remember seeing it.

All I saw now was darkness, and for the first time. I let it in.

/././././././././././././././././

"My son, would you like to try again?"

It's been nearly three weeks since the attack.

Although many of those days he was out of it, he was well aware of what had happened. Any moment he was awake, it wasn't about his own pain—but his family. Asking where Raphael was, if Donatello ever woke up, if anyone had news about Michelangelo. Every time, Splinter squeezed his forearm and offered words of hope.

I was out of it for a few more days. The second time I remember waking up, Donnie was there that time. A sling over his arm, his face—god, the bruising was awful. I think he saw my horrified expression.

But, he smiled. Tried to crack a joke. "Well, good morning to you too, Leo. What? Not happy to see me?"

He was trying so hard to help me forget, even for a second. To forget about telling me that my hand was completely gone for good. To forget that I lost, to Bishop, that I failed merely costing both our lives. To forget that I haven't seen Raph since that night on the rooftop. To forget that I watched as Mikey was taken away facing God knows what.

I wanted him to believe that I did.

If that wasn't the worst of it, it didn't end there. The nights he woke in a cold sweat, desperately reaching for what was already gone. Realizing the horror of what happened to him, stripping him of everything he worked so hard to protect. And just like that, it was gone. Using his only good hand left, he traced over his scars of the memory of what used to be. It wasn't until a week ago that his new prosthetic replaced that emptiness. Of course Donnie helped, so did Leatherhead. They made it possible. But mostly it was the Foot's technology that made it happen. And I didn't know what makes me sicker—knowing my little brother had to help make a prosthetic for me because of my failure, or that it was my enemy's technology that made me do it.

After Donatello's recovery, Splinter never left Leonardo's side. The nightmares still continued, but Splinter was reassuring. He couldn't say the same for his brothers.

Raphael was gone most of the time.

Donatello, as soon as he was able to get back on his feet, went straight to work in the labs to help Leonardo.

It was like we were all forgetting.

But I didn't.

Leonardo repeated himself for what felt like the tenth time that week. His voice hallow, using his other hand to put the weapon back down. "No."

"You have not tried your other hand yet, Leonardo."

Oh, he meant the fake. Leonardo eyed down at his right 'hand'. Although it looked eerily similar to his original, the black metal band wrapped around his wrist reminded him otherwise.

'Think of it like a bracelet', Donnie said.

Mikey would say, 'It's super stylish, bro! Now you're caught up with the tend!'

But he wasn't here.

"You know," Splinter encouraged, bending down to pick up the sword. "They said it should be fit to train now, my son. Donatello said it is not as rigid as you may think. Perhaps, Leonardo, you should try with it."

Leonardo hesitated as reached for the sword with his new hand. Carefully gripping the blade, he carefully examined it. Splinter offered a warm smile, "It appears you have a good grasp. You should try your katana's with it. You can do it, my son. It is alright."

"This is humiliating." Leo muttered under his breath, turning his head in disgust. "Look at me, Sensei. I was careless, distracted, I lost my—I lost. I failed my brothers, I failed you-!"

"Leonardo," Splinter assertively reached for his good hand. "you must not look at yourself, or what had happened in such shame. You were given an opportunity many do not, you can do this. With practice, you we will be ready to move forward."

Master Splinter says it so easily, like it's just working off a broken arm or something. But, he was right. The faster I get used to this, the quicker I can get back into action. Which reminded me…

Leonardo carefully swung the blade. "Where is Raphael?"

"He is currently out, investigating with Karai."

Right. Karai. Leonardo felt his stomach twist; it has been days since he talked to her. Considering the amount of times he was awake, he wasn't surprised. But he knew he had to talk to her, especially considering they are currently living inside the Foot headquarters.

"And Don?"

"Donatello is currently with Leatherhead, hoping to learn more from what the Foot had gathered about Bishop's technology. It appears the ninja are quite respectable, especially towards Karai."

"I have to talk to her."

"Yes, I believe it is time we receive some answers."

"Sensei?" Leonardo's voice cracked as he halted his movements. "Do…Do you feel him? Mikey? Is his spirit…Is he…?"

There was no hesitation. Splinter offered a warm smile, "I do. Although it is weak, I do believe his presence is real and not entirely spiritual. I have been trying to contact him, but with little success. That does not mean I will rest until I do."

/././././././././././././././././

30, 240 minutes since everything fell out of place.

Numbers kept Donatello's mind straight. It reminded him of the urgency to stay focused on task, remembering it was his younger brother's life on the line if he didn't. With Leatherhead residing with them, Donnie felt both safer and able to complete his analysis quicker.

I knew I was in deep. The last thing I remember from that night was talking to Raph, and then nothing. I think I remember the van, April was standing over me trying to talk to me. Then, I woke up in some kind of infirmary, throwing my guts up was probably the only distinct memory I have. I knew my eye was bruised pretty bad, only one cracked rib, my arm was dislocated; I guess I was lucky enough to be out of it when they popped it back in. The bruising was pretty bad though, I remember the first time I saw my reflection. Everyone said it was way worse. That didn't help. Then, finally, I was conscious enough for Splinter and Raphael to update me on what happened.

I froze. We were residing right in the Foot headquarters. Mikey wasn't with us, we weren't home. Leo was critical for the past few days while I was out, and now he lost his hand. Raphael was still in his Nightwatcher gear, and all I could think was—how the shell could he abandon us like this?

As it all slowly began to make sense, I forced myself to get better. I had to get up. I had to be part of the, whatever kind of team, was helping Leo. Leatherhead, luckily, was already one step ahead of me. A prosthetic. I never told the others, but I prepared for something like this. Years ago, I did some research about it. Always got to be prepared, right?

So, that's what I did. Worked, pretty much all day into the evening. Usually, it was Raph who'd make me go to bed after he got back himself. He caught me up on what happened, I told him about some progress I made, we talked about Leo—and that was it. We didn't dare to talk about Mikey. If we talked about Mikey, that would mean I'd have to think about what has been happening. I hated ignoring it. I think Raph did too, but it hurt to much to vocalize about it. So, we each both drowned in other stuff—hoping it'll all lead us to Mikey.

Once Leo was out of surgery, we chatted a bit more. To be honest, I was so worried about losing Leo. He was going back to his darker self, which I can't blame him. I would too. Which is why I helped Splinter train him for a bit. Since I couldn't really practice much, I was more of a moral support. Leo's still adjusting. But, in my mind, I was screaming. We have to get Mikey back. We all have to be on top of our game.

How did I let this happen?

Did this all really spiral out of control so bad, that I lost control?

I had to keep focusing. I have to believe that Karai would give us answers, that Raph might find something useful, or Leo will be back to his normal self.

Mikey, you know we haven't forgotten you, right?

We're coming. Just hang on.

/././././././././././././././././././

21 days since finding sanctuary right in the hornet's nest.

No matter how much Raphael hated being here, he knew what the goal was. Get in, heal up, get Mikey, go home. That's it. He had no idea it'd take this long, and how much he'd be spending it without his family.

Once his brothers' were out of the woods, he knew he had to leave. Raphael, although relieved once Donnie and Leo were awake again, grew weary thinking about his youngest brother. Much to his surprise, only Karai was the only one allowed access to the warehouse. Karai reported that Michelangelo was there—or at least was—but that she only saw him through passing or on paperwork. That wasn't enough. Goldburg's communication with Karai was brief; merely the exchange of resources, asking the Nightwatcher to oversee exchanges, and hunting for the rest of the turtles.

At first, Raphael did in fact search the sewers. Wandering around below the surface for a bit helped clear his head, or at least that's what he told himself. Casey offered support, but considering their location, he and April took a step back. Much to their defense, Splinter argued that for now they'd be safe at home. Alone, Raphael patrolled the sewers. It was through his investigation that he let his mind wander to his family.

Leonardo was officially now wearing a prosthetic hand. For a while, Leo was in pretty bad shape. He didn't know, but Raphael sat by his side for the first few days until Karai called him back to 'work'. Ever since his brother's surgery, Leo reverted back to his quiet self. I can't say I blame him. I wouldn't know what I'd do if it happened to me. But we need him—I need him, too. Once he's back to himself, we can finally talk about a game plan to get Mikey. I'm so sick of being the Princess's lackey.

Donnie's bruising looked to be getting better, or at least not as bad as it was in the beginning. Compared to Leo, Raphael would argue that Donnie was just as bad. Not because of the bruising and beating, but the poison. If they were any later…Raphael refused to think about that. It only took him about a week to fully recovery, and being his typical self wanted to do anything else but sit in an infirmary bed thinking about Mikey. I didn't blame him. Getting out cleared my mind of it. I was gone so much, it was almost like the way it was a few years back when I was actively the Nightwatcher. We didn't want to talk about Leo being gone, so we all did our own thing. Now, with Mikey gone, it's like it's happening all over again. Besides a few short exchanges, Don hasn't said much about Mikey besides studying the paperwork Karai hands over—which, frankly, don't sit right with me either.

Karai and I have been working together, as weird as it's been. But it's more like exchanges really—she tells me where to go, what to do, what to look for. I come back, she asks what happens, I spill. I ask her what happened, she said little. Rinse. Repeat.

Such bullshit, if you ask me.

Karai has yet to even begin to spill about what the hell goes on at that freakin' warehouse. We know Mikey's there, but she won't say what. Nor, for that matter, say why the hell she freakin' cares. Every time I bring it up she shuts me down, and I want to make her talk and well—Splinter recommended we wait until Leo was ready enough to confront her.

If anyone can make her talk, it's him. And it better be soon, cause' I'm sick of waiting.

Now with all of us sitting in the same room, I almost wish I wasn't here. Almost.

Raphael sat beside Leo, while Don sat on his other. Splinter was next to Leo, carefully watching Karai's movement. Karai sat at the head of her table, her voice stern. "Goldburg will not be distracted long, Raphael. He is growing suspicious as to what is taking the Nightwatcher so long to find you."

"I've been checking the sewers, remember? Just tell him they're hiding," Raph shrugged, simply. "You think he knows it's me?"

"I do not know," Karai admitted, "frankly even if he knows he cannot act upon it with me as an 'ally' for now. It appears that the 'cure' and the drug we received a few weeks back should be able to be administered."

"There's a catch, right? Always a catch."

"It must be by certain dosages," Donnie flipped through the paperwork, as he continued. "If we over stimulate his system, it could have adverse affects. But, we have no idea what he's been…going through. And, honestly, if they kept up the drug I don't even know if we can…There's a lot of uncertainty, here. Without knowing, I can't say that I-."

"I think what Don's trying to say," Raphael cut him off, shooting back at Karai. "is that we need to know what, and where, Mikey is. I think ya know. Why you don't tell us, is pretty freakin' weird. And on that matter, where the hell is Bishop?"

"I have not seen Bishop in quite some time, which concerns me even greater."

"Karai," Raphael was caught off guard by the sudden authority in his brother's voice. It was so long since he spoke, let alone seemed back to normal. Mikey's absence, it's real now. "I appreciate your cooperation these past weeks, and your assistance with myself and my brothers in a desperate time. I'm afraid, though, I am not sure where your intentions were—and what they continue to be. I still have a brother missing, and little to no information about that. How am I to believe that he isn't dead? We need the truth, Karai. I know you know it. What are you holding back from us?"

The room was silence for a moment. Karai sat up in her seat, as she reached in her pocket, sliding it across the table. Michelangelo's mask. Leonardo breathlessly grabbed it, his eyes wide. "No, how did you-?"

"He is alive, that I can reassure you. I saw him myself. Somehow, most likely because of your genetic mutation—he is still resilient to it's affects. Although he was disoriented, he was able to recall you all—not explicitly, but he was able to ask for his 'family'. I was not able to get access to his documentation, but it made me curious. It appears they are possibly administering the cure themselves. When I checked his IV, they are giving him some kind of antibiotic. It appears they are curing him."

"They're making him…better?" Donnie nervously questioned. "But, why? Why go through all this, and then just cure him, for nothing-?"

"Bishop's absence, Goldburg's impatience with getting a 'newer' and more 'clean' specimen, the amount of exchanges between my clan and his lab, my partner Akio's absence—I fear, there is something much more greater at stake than we initially thought."

"What are you suggesting?" Leonardo carefully asked, watching as Karai's posture tensed.

Karai, for a moment, looked helpless. As she carefully spoke, "I believe, it is possible, that Bishop has other intentions. His drug 'failing', I believe has given him a new purpose—a way to use it differently. From what I have gathered, I'm afraid…he is seeking more than just control. He is 'curing' your brother to do something far worse. To start from scratch…"

"What the hell does that mean?" Raphael exclaimed, completely frustrated by her hesitance to finish. "Start from scratch-?!"

"Wait..." Leonardo's face paled as he slowly connected the dots. "Don, before Bishop injected Mikey, he said..."

Donnie breathlessly finished, "Our deliverance is death, but not this one." (1)

"Yes, I believe he wants to revive the dead. And I have a feeling, I know exactly who is thinking of."

/./././././././././././././././