Author's Note: Oh my...Yes, it has been a VERY long time. I first want to apologize. These past few months have been hectic with school, work, and just life catching up to me. I've worked on this piece by piece in the past few months, and really wanted to wrap it up before the new year- and I'm a little late. I'm in my final semester of my Master's, quickly rushing to apply for jobs and figure out my own future. We are at the end, everyone! I'm planning on doing either a chapter (maybe 2, depending) of epilogue/closure. I've been torn whether I'm gonna start another long story, which I probably will soon! I hope you enjoy! :D
Disclaimer: Song quote from "Right Here" by Ashes Within.
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A Turtle & His Sisyphus
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"I will show you the way back home, never leave you all alone. I will stay until morning comes."
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/./././././././././././././././././././
Splinter could do nothing but wait. Age reminded him often of his peeking limitations as a sensei, and worse, as a father. Splinter knew the day would come that his body would fight back at him, forcing him to stay as a guest inside the Foot. His fingertips tapped at the wooden table as his gaze never left his 'shell-cell' as Donatello so cleverly named. He was not certain what to hope for. A call could only mean relief, knowing if the news was grave they would return. He closed his eyes, and hoped meditation would ease his worried heart.
/././././././././././././././././././
The air was an eerie stillness as the whole world seems to freeze around Donatello. He could have sworn that he didn't even dare blink at the mess he created in front of him.
"Don?" Raphael's voice broke through. He carefully treaded, slowly, toward his younger brother. Donnie still gripped his sai into Bishop, his eyes never leaving the body.
He knew his brother wouldn't snap to him, but Raphael was in awe. Of course, over the years, some fights got too physical—and while they knew how to kill, no one necessarily went straight to it. Of course, when it was between a life- his brother's life- there was no hesitation. Raphael could think of moments that himself, and Leo, went there. But never Don, or Mikey. No matter how messed up, or evil, Raphael believed Bishop to be—this was Donatello, and he left no room for failure as he always does.
"Donnie," Raphael spoke gently, kneeling down beside his frozen brother. Placing his hand on top of Donnie's, he softly pressed, "Don, we have to get to Leo and Mikey. Let me-."
"No." His voice cracked, as if he just awoke from his own nightmare. He turned to Raphael, as he loosened his grip on the sai. Desperately struggling to find the words, his voice could only whisper a spur of stutters. "Raph, I…I shouldn't have- I should have-."
Despite how cruel the world can be to him, Donatello did his best to see the hope in everyone. Even when the Shredder was still around, he just wanted him to be stopped- not dead. Leo and himself knew what needed to be done, and did not hesitate to take a life if needed. Raphael doesn't like doing it, but he will do whatever it takes to protect his city and family. But Donnie, and Mikey, were not like them. Raphael knew he was losing his brother in his own thoughts, his own guilt. Guilt for taking a life, no matter how awful it was.
Raphael grabbed his brother's shoulders, shaking Donnie to face him. He voice grew softer with his grip, desperate to move past this, "You saved me, Don. You did what any of us would have, okay? Don't worry about that now." Raphael softly spoke as he carefully pulled Donnie's hands away from the sai. "We have to move. We have to get to the others."
Donnie watched as Raph's eyes shifted from the body to a group of ninja. The foot. Karai sent them? They stood idly by, as if they were waiting for orders. He was taken back at first, instinctively stepping in front of Donnie. Yet, the ninja did not budge. They waited for orders. I owe Leo one for trusting her, for now.
Raphael stood back up, bringing volume back into his voice. "One of you stay with him," Raphael pointed to Bishop, "the rest of ya go scope out the areas. We gotta make sure he didn't leave any more messes behind."
The ninja dismissed, besides the remaining one. Raphael helped his younger brother to his feet, retrieving back his sai. Donnie rose back to his feet, awkwardly handing back Raphael his sai as he continued to watch the body. He didn't know what else to say, or do, besides, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Donnie breathed, taking one final glance at the body before snapping back into reality. Retrieving his bo, he looking back to Raph. "Come on, Leo can't be too far."
Raphael hesitantly watched as Donatello snapped back into reality, and dashed off ahead of him. He paused, taking one menacing last look at Bishop before following behind his brother—saying anything close to a prayer in his mind that his brothers were as lucky.
/././././././././././././././././
Keep running! Don't look back!
Cause' I was 95% sure that if I did, a monster would be chasing behind me.
Today, I know what an idiot I was for running out of the lair in a pure fit of dramatics. Trust me, Splinter didn't hesitate to remind me 100 times—literally, the punishment was 100 katas.
But, at the time, it really did feel like I was just erased from the picture—from my brothers. And that hurt like hell, so I did what I thought I could. Run off, maybe meet some new friends, have a wacky adventure, learn about myself, sing some Oscar worthy songs, and then years down the road have my huge homecoming—but this wasn't a cartoon. This was real.
And my battery died, and I was just aimlessly running around in the freezing cold.
Every creak, and splash that wasn't my own, just amplified the very fear that I was going to be alone down here forever. That I was so lost, that probably no one would find me. Feeling completely hopeless, I just fell to my knees on the cold concrete. I was cold, and alone—and I didn't want this.
Raph always says that—"I can't wait to run away" or "screw you guys the first chance I get I'm outta here". But, I don't think he can ever really mean it.
I just want to forget this ever happened. Press a rewind button somewhere so I won't feel so stupid about what I did.
But I couldn't give up hope.
Not yet.
/./././././././././././././././
The icy cold water felt like nothing compared to the pounding in his chest. By the time he was able to carry his brother out of the water, his whole body was trembling. The fear, that very moment that he swore to his father to prevent, was happening in front of him.
He felt this only a few times in his life. The first time was when they were children, still naïve to the world above. When trainings were simple, full of knowledge and purpose for good. When play was free, and they could roam the sewers. That's when himself and Raphael tangled with the albino crocodile, nearly losing his younger brother in the process. Splinter sat him down, warned him of the dangers that their family can face. That's when play turned into security, if he let his guard down one of his brothers could be hurt. Splinter began training him as leader, to encourage him and steer away from his fears just like he did with his heights. But this wasn't a valued lesson at the end of the day, this was his family—and he wore his new position like a mask.
So closed off that it practically ripped his family apart—many times. Fighting the Shredder, when the Kraang ended up saving their lives when they were seconds from death. It all was the same to him, the same terrifying truth. Death, is inevitable. But life can be protected, it can be nurtured and grown. And he swore he would be damned if anyone were to go before him.
But his intentions, unknowingly, caused his family tremendous pain. Arguments with Raphael, still leaving a sting from their exchange of words—especially from that night, the night that they hve yet to speak about again. Bickering with Donatello, his unofficial second in command, that were so meaningless. Reprimanding Michelangelo for just being. All little moments that snowballed into massive arguments, fights that he lost on purpose so Raphael could feel like he made a point. Letting Donnie sleep in his lab so he can contribute to the team. Smiling at Mikey's jokes, and making some back.
Of course going to South America made sense, Splinter approved. His six-month trip turned into a year. Letter writing every month turned into silence for 6 months. This wasn't like his training with the Ancient One, or sparing with Usagi- this was isolation, Leo realized. It didn't make him a better person, and it did no good for his family.
More moments appeared in his life, when his fear suffocated him so. Splinter growing ill, or when he was injured. Donnie's mutation, watching as he lost his brother and the crippling fear that he could never be himself again. Raphael taking Leo, or anyone's hits, that ended him up in Donnie's infirmary for months.
"Stay with me!" Leonardo cried out before even gasping his own breath of air, carrying his brother on his shell as ever fiber of his own being fought against the waves. Pushing his body already past it's nearing limit, he struggled against the remaining waves as he rode it back to shore. Once able to stand on his feet again, he raced to carry his brother away from the sea. Freezing wouldn't to justice how cold it truly felt for
"Hang in there!" Leo shouted over the waves as he pressed down repeatedly on his brother's plastron. Every crash of a wave he punched and pushed with every shiver down his spine. He fought against it, as he always does, pushing himself beyond the limit. Upon riding the final wave to the shoreline, he gently placed his brother back onto his shell. His pale, cold skin didn't tell him any news—but his faint pulse did.
Panic arose in him. The same, stomach turning, panic that he felt when Raphael's sai was inches to his throat. When there was a chance Donatello would not return to normal, and remain a beast. No. Leonardo refused for all this struggle, and pain, to end like this. He pounded on his brother's chest, desperately trying to hear Don's soft-spoken voice telling him what to do step-by-step. Like every ounce of himself left was being pushed into his brother's life, and he'd be damned if he would lose it. He repeated over and over, feeling like a lifetime was passing by as his brother's body made no effort to comply.
"Come on! I won't let you! Not after all this! Please…" Leo croaked, feeling the freezing aftermath beginning to stiff his body. He didn't stop fighting, he continued putting more pressure on every word, feeling warm tears brink the corners of his eyes. "Please…"
"Leo!"
His heart sank, as he heard his brothers' cries. He was failing—failing once again as a leader, and worse, a brother. How could Raphael accept it? Can Donnie fix this? Leo didn't stop, he wouldn't stop. Heavy footsteps were rushing over for moments before collapsing beside him. Raphael knelt beside Leo, tightly grabbing Leo's shoulders. Donnie swiftly moved toward Mikey and desperately picked up where Leo left off. By the time he did, he soon realized—he didn't need to. Not anymore.
/././././././././././././././././
"Please…"
The first thing Michelangelo felt was a tight grip on his shoulders that shook him down into what could only feel like concrete. His eyes were heavy, struggling to cough up anything that was left in his stomach that stopped him from breathing. The painful grip stopped as he was met with a warm embrace, with someone choking back a sob as it held him close.
It was warm, but it was shaking. His body wheezed against anything that was left inside, and still was met with a tight embrace. For the first time in a long one, he felt safe. Then a familiar voice cracked, "You're okay, you're okay, we're okay."
It was repeating over and over as if it were a prayer. But maybe it was, Mikey thought, as he fought so hard to just open his eyes. But it wasn't working, cause Leo was still shaking. Was he cold? Oh right- the river, he remembered. The memories kept flooding back as he tried to feel anything besides the crushing pain in his chest. But there were voices, so many more voice.
"Mikey!"
"You're back!"
Everything felt so right, so safe for the first time in weeks. He leaned against Donnie as the others embraced together. Everything was going to be okay. I'm home.
/./././././././././././././././././
Casey Jones was no stranger to the unexpected. He always found himself as the 'go-with-the-flow' kind of guy, easily able to adapt to anything. Losing his father taught him survival. He kept to himself years after, knowing all too well the consequences of those surrounding him if the Dragons ever knew who he was. It was the reason he unexpectedly cut ties with some childhood friends, never dared go any further than a one night stand, and convinced his own mother to leave the city. He needed to be alone, he had to be reminded of the pain he felt as a child—a grim reminder of why he alone had to stop the Dragons.
Casey always saw himself as laid back, and not giving a damn about anything but his resolve. That was, until the turtles landed into his life. It wasn't until years after that Casey noticed something had changed about him. His resolve wasn't from a place of rage, or hurt—it came from love. He gained a family, one who was just as misunderstood as he. Leonardo, the ever fearless leader, at times reminded him of his own father—no matter how much he nagged, he always was there to provide stability. Raphael quickly became his best friend, an ally who didn't need to ask questions to know where he was coming from. Before Raph learned how to tune up his own bike, Donnie was the go-to for fixes. Casey found himself getting to know Don through repairs, quickly bantering over inside jokes. Michelangelo was that annoying little brother a part of him wish he had. Video games, pizza, (until recently, drinking)—he always found a way to pick him back up.
This was the family he would not lose again, this time he was going to fight for them regardless. And of course, she knew that. She always did. April. Fierce, brilliant, and practically perfect—Casey still cant get over how someone like him could even be associated with someone like her. After all their ups and downs, he would lay his life down for hers at any moment. He felt a warm hand touch his, drifting his attention away from the road as he looked over at April. Her face was scrunched up with worry, as her eyes practically screamed, 'Are they okay?'.
Casey offered a short nod, catching Karai in the backseat talking in Japanese to what he could only assume to be the Foot. He tried to shut his skeptical mind, but his mouth was always faster. "Well? What are they saying?"
"The situation has been neutralized." Karai ended her call. Pausing for a moment, almost in thought before she carefully continued. "Raphael and Donatello are confirmed safe."
"What about Leo and Mikey?" Casey didn't know why he bothered to even ask. He bit the inside of his lip, having a dreadful feeling what news was next. Casey trailed off, "Are they…?"
"I'm not certain. The other two went after them, so they can't be far."
"They have to be, I just know it." April spoke softly, Casey knew probably to herself. His hand reached over, caressing her arm gently.
"They should be-."
"Leo!" Her desperate call shocked Casey enough to slam on the break. April swung the car door open before he could even say a word. It took him a moment to catch his eye, finding not three but all four of them huddled together. Although it was almost a month since she last saw him, Leonardo just didn't look the same. He was exhausted, shivering as he held his brother close to him. Casey watched for a moment from the car as she embraced them warmly.
"Thank God," Casey sighed to himself with a smile, feeling the weight come off of him.
"As always," Karai's voice broke through the moment. "those four always seem to come out in one piece."
"Yeah, not without scars though." Casey was taken back at his sudden interest in conversing with her. Putting the van he park he turned over to her, knowing he had to be the one to make the first move. "So, what now? Bishop's out, his goons are gonna disperse, the Dragons and the mafia are retreating to their parts. What's the Foot gonna do?"
"I did my part. What happens next? That is none of your concern," Karai curtly replied, stepping out of the car. She walked toward the driver's window, offering a small smirk. "I know it does not mean much to you, but you could have went against me at any point. You kept your word to Leonardo. But, as did I."
"So?" Casey scoffed.
"Loyalty is powerful. It can be like a trance, unable to see anything else. It's what Bishop tried to use as a weapon. As noble as it is, it nearly cost the life of the city—of my men. You put your life, and Ms. O'Niel's, for those four everyday. You know the costs, as did I when I agreed to this 'alliance'. I can trust in words, but it is the undoubting loyalty that overpower it."
"And…what's your point?"
"Do you know why people like my father, and Bishop, can never win? Why I, could never win? Because at the end of it all, they can never trust another. My men are loyal to me, that is no doubt. But…I do not trust them with my life. Lone wolfs only survive for so long until they realize they need a pack to thrive. People like Leonardo earned…my trust. He had many times to end my life, when it was just, but he let me live. That's my point. You can only shut out the world, Mr. Jones, until it consumes you entirely—and you do not want to be alone when it does."
Casey wasn't fully sure of the woman standing beside him, and was taken back at her sudden change of person. He didn't even think of a response before watching her walk away from the truck…
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