Author's Note: PLEASE READ. Okay, wow, first of all- I want to apologize. I did not expect there to be this much gap between the last chapter and now. A lot has happened between then and now, let's just say my last year of grad school REALLY kicked my butt. But, all is well! I graduated with my master's, I officially started working full-time in my career, and moved. For the first time in while, I found the peace and time to actually sit and finish. While this is the last major plot chapter, I will be writing a prologue to conclude the brothers' interactions and more! I will also be teasing very briefly in the prologue a NEW chapter series I will be writing! This story has been so close to my heart, and honestly reflects A LOT of transitions between when this started in 2012 all the way to today. Each one of you who has read, followed, and shared your thoughts mean so much to me. Every one of you have inspired me to continue. Please message me or review your thoughts and reactions. Every one counts! Thank you all for tagging along. And I HOPE to see you all in the prologue (COMING SOON- I will promise that!) and in my new series as well. Thank you all so very much.

Disclaimer: Song quote from "Right Here" by Ashes Remain.

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A Turtle & His Sisyphus

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"I'll show you how to live again. And heal the brokenness within. Let me love you when you come undone."

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/./././././././././././././././././

Everything's dark. Everything's cold. Guilt and regret were the only feelings that made me feel anything besides my fingertips probably turning blue. I sat at any corner I could feel and bury my head in my knees. I just wanted to erase everything that happened. Just smash the rewind button and go back home. I could imagine hearing the guys freaking out at me. Splinter, giving me disappointing frown that would speak thousands. I'll get by ass kicked in training or by my brothers—but probably both. But, somehow, I could feel it get darker around me as the air grew still. Knowing that any moment could be the final chapter in my young life.

Thinking about it, I'd much rather the wrath of my own family than any demon about to get me.

Now, I won't lie. I tapped out. I got to the awful, helpless, point of just mentally stretching out my arms and being like 'come get me'! I was being a brat, honestly. But, I hoped for anything.

And you take what you can get.

For me, it was a very echoy voice that sounded miles away. But that was enough for me to jump up and run toward it. Human or not, anything was better than nothing. The further I ran, the louder my steps were. The darkness didn't help much as I tripped often over the edges of the pathway near the sewer water (gross, I know). But, once I was at least close enough to the main tunnel—a light shined at the end. I panicked and jumped back to the corner for a moment, fearing that a human could in fact be down here.

The flashlight was growing brighter with every step. Each one getting louder as a small voice followed. "Mikey?"

I knew I'd recognize Don's quiet voice from anywhere. I nosedived right for him with a loud cry. Don was completely off guard as I wrapped myself around his arm and tripped onto my knees. No matter how mad or upset I was, nothing could be worse than the fear that I could have been completely alone. I could feel tears welding up in my eyes as I kept my head low, "I'm sorry, D. I'm sorry."

"Guys! I found him!" Donnie called out ahead before crouching down with me. He always had the softest smile. Grabbing me into a half hug, he shrugged with a laugh. "Geez, you take 'it's my birthday I could cry if I want to' to a whole new level, huh?"

God, he could be so lame. But I was so happy that even I began laughing. Helping me back on my feet, Don continued, "Are you okay? How far did you-?"

"Mikey!" A loud, definitely pissed off, voice stomped over. Raph was defiantly not as warm as Don, but I could tell he was really worried. Mostly cause he shoved me out of Don and pushed me not-as-hard-as-he-could-have and hissed, "Don't do that again! We spent forever looking for you!"

"I'm sorry," I said pretty weakly. He wasn't wrong, and that hurt more than the shove. I knew I deserved both.

I think Raph noticed, and swiftly recovered like he always did. He put his hand on my shoulder, his glare slightly lessening. "Look, we're sorry about your present, okay? Don- uh, we all kinda tried putting something together for you and messed up. We'll make it up to you."

"But don't do it again!"

Ah, there was the mini-fearless leader himself—definitely aging in voice and stature. Returning to Raph's side, he looked a lot less pissed than I thought he was. Assuming he saw the blunt of Raph's rage, he lessened his own in order to check on me. While he was noticeably upset, his voice was more concerning, "You can't just run off like that, Mikey. What were you thinking?"

"I, uh, wasn't." I said honestly, feeling even more embarrassed. "I…I just wanna go home now."

I knew what waited for me at home. Katas, regret, yelling, regret, more katas—oh right, and Splinter. But anything was better than here, including all the punishments. I stayed close to Don, like he was my shield, keeping my head hanging low to avoid any more eye contact. Leo just deeply sighed. His voice softened as I felt a warm hand pat against my head, "Okay. Let's go."

The idea of a 'home' is weird. It could be a place you go to every day, where you know ever corner and surface that feels like it's a part of you. It could be a memory, one filled with love and happiness, and able to take on the world. It could be a person, or others—who guide you through the darkest times. But life doesn't cooperate—it changes, it shifts, it gives, and it takes away homes in an instant. It leaves you feeling so lost, alone, empty. I feared that so damn much. Every beating, every injury I watched my family endure—I could feel the foundation in my heart crack. But we supported each other, we were always together.

Maybe, I too was their home.

Maybe, that's what can keep me awake right now.

/./././././././././././././././././././././

April grew too familiar with recognizing a lie. She was no stranger to her innate ability to be able to read those around her. It was probably what gave her an edge as a student, and eventually working under Stockman. She was direct, and fearless to find the truth. This often cost her a fair deal of rocky relationships, not that it mattered much to her at the time. She hated feeling lost or naïve to anything around her.

Closer she got to the turtles and Casey, she grew very protective of them. Able to recognize the way Leonardo stares out blankly ahead of him when he gets to overwhelm, or when Raphael is upset he actually gets more quiet than loud. April keeps Donatello's secrets, mostly with his anxiety attacks after patching up one of his brothers. She's found herself to be the keeper of these moments, realizing how little they could know still about each other. Michelangelo was so easy for her to see that she almost missed his deep sense of wisdom and respect. She always overheard Splinter's projections of hope for his growth as a ninja, but wasn't until years later able witness his flexibility and natural instinct he had for the art with ease. Deep down, she always wondered if Mikey purposefully kept that to himself. Or, perhaps, he truly didn't feel like he could measure up to his siblings.

This tugged her heart, a sting of guilt sinking deep in her gut. How could she have missed this? He was hurt, isolated—was she too caught up in her own lifestyle that she wasn't there to support him? How many other opportunities did they need her without her being there for them? Could she ever be?

April shook her head, recalling back to her assault from the Purple Dragons. Her first recollection of conscious was feeling a hand squeeze hers and a choked sob. Her first glimpse of reality shook her. Casey, looking far too old for his age, was completely disheveled and distraught as he jumped from his seat and hugged her close. He begged her not to go back to sleep as he shouted for doctors to return to her side.

Casey must have sensed her darkened thoughts as she's already drowned out his argument wit Karai. A familiar warm hand gently squeezing over hers caught her attention. April turned over to him, met with a smirk on his face as he continued his banter.

Returning her gaze ahead of her, she sat up in her seat as her phone's GPS began ringing faster as they got closer to the docks. Even in the dark of the night she was able to make the familiar silhouettes. She mentally counted each one by one, feeling her heart freeze when she only counted three. April felt the car slow down as she lowered down her window and called, "Leo!?"

The car suddenly slammed into a halt. Ignoring Casey's surprised grunt, April found herself already unbuckling her seatbelt and hopping out of the nearly moving vehicle. She ignored Casey's cries as her feet already began racing.

Raphael was the first—ever the protector as he stepped out of the shadows first to evaluate his surroundings. Upon leaning into the light, April was able to see the damage he had taken. April recognized a significant amount of blood pouring in between his collarbone and shoulder. Immediately, April took off her scarf and rushed to him as she offered a small smile as she without question began wrapping it for him. He looked completely drained, nevertheless pale from the blood loss. "Raph! What happened?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine." Raphael rushed, instinctively flinching at April's quick response to his wound. He allowed her to continue, knowing there was no stopping her. He turned back toward the others as he waved them over. Taking a quick glance at the wrap, he began stepping away and going toward the others, "April. We gotta get home. Now."

"Wait-!" April reached back out to Raphael.

"April!" Leonardo stumbled, carrying Michelangelo on his left side as Donatello assisted on the other side. Shivering noticeably, his skin eerily nearly matched the color of his own mask. Leo began struggling, limping on his other side in order to focus all his strength on supporting Mikey. April swiftly moved without word, knowing she couldn't possible carry the youngest turtle on her own she still moved in between in order to alleviate Leo. Luckily, Raphael was able to pick up on her cue and began assisting Leo. April was able to switch her attention to Mikey, who was half awake himself. He somehow looked smaller to her, unsure if it had been time or what else happened to him that made him seem so different. She could tell he was struggling to stay awake as he forced a smile.

"Hey," His voice was raspy and small, yet still had enough strength to smile at her. "l-long time n-no see, huh?"

They bounce back, they always do. They have to.

"I'm so happy you're okay!" April felt a lump in her throat. It felt so long without seeing the four of them together, battered or not—they were getting closer to home. She gently caressed over the youngest face, flitching at his cold skin.

"April," Donatello's voice broke her thoughts. At first she was taken back at the sudden sharpness of the genius' voice. His eyes looked glassy, faded, as if he truly wasn't here at all. It frightened her for a moment before he attempted to repair, softening his voice. "We are going back to the lair. Can you call Leatherhead and meet us there?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Come on, we'll get you guys home." Casey ushered, wrapping his arm around Leo. Helping Leo over to the van, he looked over at Raphael. Raph was quick to replace Leo beside Mikey, carrying him with Donnie. They looked battered, defeat. Not exactly a victory march, could I blame them? Is Bishop…? He knew he shouldn't ask, but that didn't stop him from abruptly turning to Raph. "What about-?"

"It's finished, alright?" Casey found it odd for Raph to be so cut and dry, especially when he damn well didn't look it. He figured something must have happened, and figured to leave it be for now. Raphael huffed as he mumbled something to Donnie before picking up his youngest brother himself, rushing past Casey as he headed over to the van and gently putting Mikey down. Donnie too slowed down a bit as April joined his side, whispering to him. Probably checking up on him, he thought. She must feel it too.

They were desperate, Casey's gut screamed. Everything was wrong. If Leo didn't hold onto Casey so tightly, he'd barley know he was there. Leo was eerily silent, at times looking back to check on the others. Raph usually attempts to shrug off any stress, but he looked cracked. As if he was now the one to keep everyone together. Casey couldn't place it, but Don looked so distant. Jesus, what happened?

"Seriously, Case? Pick up the pace." Raphael barked. Shoving himself between Casey and Leo, he pushed him out of the way to finish helping Leo.

"I'm fine." Leo hissed.

"Shut up."

Casey knew his place. He rushed over to the driver's seat and started the car. Through the rearview mirror he watched Raph take full on leadership as he dictated where everyone needed to be and what to be doing. Casey knew what he had to do, and sped off into the night.

/././././././././././././././././././

It's over. We're home again. We're all here. Everything's back to normal. Well, the normal for us at least. Splinter, probably saying some prayer alone in the dojo. Leo, refusing to be on bed rest and taking care of himself, he at least wore one of the larger sweaters we found a long time ago as he hovered over Leatherhead watching him check over Mikey. On the outside, he could have been worse. We got him back fast enough to treat all his urgent injuries. Besides looking a but underweight and his face bruised up, he'll walk out okay once the antibiotics kick in. To be honest, he eerily looked more calm then the three of us combined. He probably felt just as much at peace with all of us here than nothing at all. Raph was close enough in the corner with Casey, observing everything. Just like Leo, refusing to take anything for his own injury. He'd eye me at times, probably wondering as much as I am if we're keeping what happened between us.

Was this all our days were going to be?

Waiting for the next disaster to strike?

/./././././././././././././././././././

We all have shadows. Some are larger than others, some hide behind the light. The very existence of a shadow relies on a light. One can't exist without the other. We must accept both, acknowledge both in our lives. No matter how large the shadow, the light is just as big.

But this shadow felt big as I watched it come closer to me. I don't budge, hoping I could fool it. Shocker—it doesn't.

"Here," Leonardo carefully placed the plate beside Mikey's nightstand closer to him before sitting on the end of the bed, "you should eat something since you skipped dinner."

"I'm okay." His voice was as small as he felt. Picking his head up, he tried giving him a smile, "Thanks, Leo."

Leonardo nodded before giving a deep sigh. "Listen, Mikey…You've been avoiding all of us since we got back. I told them to give you space; you were…gone for a while. I…I don't know what happened to you. And it's okay to not talk about that, not until you're ready. But, completely shutting everyone out isn't good either. It's safe here; you're safe with us. Whatever happened, it doesn't change how much we care about you. I'll leave you alone, if that's what you need, but I'm gonna check in to make sure you eat something. Okay?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"This!" Mikey exclaimed, sitting up while tucking his knees up to his chin. "Being nice, checking in, you know—being a good brother. I…I don't deserve that. Not after this, not after what happened."

He didn't have to say anything more. Leonardo was quick to intervene, his voice full of authority. "Michelangelo, what happened wasn't your fault."

"Maybe. But what happened to you was."

"Is that what this is all about? Mikey-."

"Come on!" Mikey felt the warm tears welled up in his eyes, feeling his heart hurt as if the floodgates opened. "Don't you get it? I got you hurt, and not like a recovery hurt—I made your life harder! It's my fault you almost died, it's my fault you have to learn how to use your hand again, it's my fault-!"

Leo didn't speak a word as he stood up to embrace him. For a moment they held the silence. Mikey, for the first time, felt it was safe to collapse. No more walls, no more resistance. This was what safe was like. Leonardo carefully broke the silence, softly speaking, "Listen to me. I never once blamed you. Never. You had no control over what happened…None of us did. What matters now is that we're all home, all of us."

"Leo, you're acting like you scrapped your knee or something. If I didn't fight him-."

"Donnie would have been worse off." Leo answered indefinitely. "You did what any of us would have done. You're right. This isn't something I can walk off, but I've adjusted. See?" Pulling back, Leonardo grabbed one of Mikey's nunchaku and spun it around with his prosthetic. Smiling confidently, he flipped it in the air and caught it before returning it to its side. "See? Just like before, just a little tighter. I can hold heavier swords now, and even stop a blade from stopping."

"You don't have to be an optimist for me, you know. It still sucks. But…I appreciate you trying."

"Anytime." Leonardo smiled to himself. I learned from you to take the small victories. "I gotta check on Sensei, you eat something okay? I'll come back in a bit-."

"Wait." Mikey reached out, grabbing his arm. His voice panicked, "What happened to Bishop? Is he-?"

"Confirmed Dead." Leonardo answered quickly. That was all he needed to know, for now. "His lab destroyed, and all his allies fled. It's okay now. Rest up. I'll be back-."

"Wait." Mikey let go, looking up at him. "Can…Can you stay for a bit?"

Leonardo felt his heart warm up, swiftly taking a seat beside him. "Of course."

/./././././././././././././././

Reluctantly, Casey and April returned home after checking with Leo again and again to be sure. Splinter continued to spend most of his evening in the dojo meditating. When he wasn't there, he sat with Michelangelo as he "slept". Don knew all too well when Mikey was faking it, probably to avoid any conversation. He figured Splinter knew this too. Leonardo and Raphael were whispering off to the corner, both shared a worrisome serious look. Don felt his gut turn, knowing Raph was probably telling Leo what happened on the rooftop. Maybe they were talking about the possibility of Mikey releasing, or maybe if Bishop wasn't actually dead? He didn't bother with possibilities, he rather work with facts. Retreating back to his lab, he ran through Mikey's blood tests again. Hoping, for the first time in weeks, it'd be negative.

For a moment, he felt his gut stir. He hadn't yet spoken much to anyone; let alone Mikey since his rescue. No matter his own guilt, Don knew he'd have to sneak in to check on his youngest brother soon. But not until I have actual good news to tell him.

A thought passed him. Does his brother even know that Bishop is out for good? Wouldn't that help him? His stomach turned, his vision flashing to the blood dripping from his hands. Not his blood, but Bishop's. The blade twisting tightly into him as he plunged his entire upper strength into it. The sickening relief he felt watching the life fade away from his enemy's eyes, Don felt as if he was back in that moment.

Like a splash of cold water, he heard his heavy lab door swing opened. A gruff voice called out before closing it behind him, "Donnie? Hey, you good?"

"Raph, not now." Don didn't bother turning to face his brother. His face stiffened as he planted his feet to the ground, tapping his index finger to his knee as he tried to center himself back into reality.

Raphael saw his brother spiraling, and he'll be damned if he didn't snap him back. Grabbing a chair, he rushed beside him and sat next to him. Putting his hand on his shoulder, he softly said, "If not now, when? Don, look, what happened on the rooftop-."

"I know what happened." Donnie huffed, feeling himself lose control with raw emotion. "I know what I did. I know it was the right thing, I know he was going to hurt you. I know that I did what every one of us would have done. Okay? I get it."

Raphael bit his check has hard as he could. He hated seeing Don get this worked up, especially over a low life like Bishop. He was so sick of watching his brother practically kill himself from stress over it. He was angry, and didn't miss a beat to spit back, "Then why are you fucking acting like you killed a friend or something?"

"There was a moment there when something just…turned on for me. Something darker, that I didn't feel before. I was so angry about what he did to us. I was so pissed that he played me over and over again. I hated feeling so used, hell he turned my own computer systems against me. I hated him. I…" Don paused for a moment, feeling himself returning to the reality of how he truly felt. "I thought that Mikey or Leo were dead and it was his fault. I…I would have kept going if you weren't there. I just know it. I hate that this is what our lives are. We bleed for this city and it's people every goddamn day and every time we get kicked and shoved until we can't get up. I…Raph, do you really wanna spend the rest of your life thinking that tomorrow one of us can be gone?"

"You think I'm that morbid?" Reading his younger brother's stone reaction, he quickly retreated from his failing joke. "Of course not. Geez, Don, I mean yeah we get beat down but you gotta give us—no, yourself—more credit than that, bro. We can break, but we always pick each other back up. Without you, we'd be broken. All of us. It…It took me a long fucking time to realize that. Don't make my mistake, Don. I know every time we go topside is a risk. We live with a target on our backs everyday, but that doesn't mean we can just tap out of the game. Bishop's gone, Shredder's gone—soon enough some other asshole is gonna step up and cause chaos. But we'll be there to stop them. Together."

Taken back, Donnie couldn't help but gaze up at his older brother. In the midst of everything, he'd forgotten how different his brother has gotten over the years. For years, Raphael lost himself in trying to be better than Leonardo. Without Leo around, Donnie felt Raphael take the blow most of all. Since Leo's return, their relationship had dramatically changed. In the midst of unspoken loyalty and support, he could finally see the respect between the two. Standing beside him, Donnie saw the brother he always he knew was capable of being. Offering him a short smile, he kept his nerve as Don sighed, "Our luck is gonna run out someday, you know."

"Someday, yeah." Raphael shrugged, offering back a smile. "But after this week, I'll take those odds."

A loud alarm shook the pair as Don quickly rushed to his computer as he began reviewing the results. For what felt like forever, he smiled to himself, "Maybe you're right, Raph."

"Huh?"

Don's voice was light, feeling the final weigh free him. "Mikey's tests! He's clear!"

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