"Except you cannot outrun insanity, anymore than you can outrun your own shadow."
Alyssa Reyans, Letters from a Bipolar Mother

...

Herschel was worked up. He had no idea how to stop Michonne from digging holes. Herschel was relieved to see Rick who strolled in to the kitchen after having had a hot shower and a clean change of clothes.

Today was meeting day.

"Rick, go out there and stop Michonne from digging God Damn holes."

"Today is meeting day. Why the hell she digging holes?"

"The hell if I know. I promise you I am going to call Father Gabriel to do an exorcism. I know Mabel is against it but I am going to do it if you two don't settle down. No one is going to tell me Michonne ain't possessed. I am not sure what the right frame of mind is for Michonne but I can't say she been in it if she really did kill her husband as she tells the story. I thought Dr. Deanna would do her some good but Michonne's soul ain't resting. I don't know why Mabel have y'all going to Séances. Y'all need to stop attending."

All Rick heard was the name Father Gabriel. He didn't hear anything else. He thought he misheard.

"Father Gabriel. The one who has performed 15 exorcisms that killed thirteen people trying get the devil out of em? No. No offense Herschel but I be damned if he thinks he's coming near Michonne. I will not have anyone messing over Michonne. She has multiples she ain't possessed." Rick declared.

"Get her to stop digging holes. All she's doing is bringing attention to all of us here trying to live in peace."

...

We were missing our second meeting in a row this month. Two weeks straight. I couldn't get Michonne to put the fucking shovel down so we could leave. I knew it was Michonne. I know when it is Sybil in all her evil ass glory because I was dealing with her all day yesterday that I had to take a fucking break. A Time out.

How do I know when I was dealing with Sybil? She would say the meanest shit which causes me to lose my shit if I don't walk the fuck away. Example?

"Who you staring at like that you little pink dick motherfucker?"

"That ain't how Michonne would describe it..." I countered.

"You a lying sack of shit. I like my men darker, taller and buff, like Tyrese."

"Sybil, it is very good to know you ain't no where around when I am fucking the shit out of Michonne to the point she is like...Tyrese who?"

I left Sybil stumped.

Today was the meeting day and we just weren't going now that Michonne was obsessed with digging random holes in the ground. I counted 34 fucking holes.

"What are you doing Michonne?"

"What you think I am doing?" She shoveled the earth and placed it in a neat pile.

"I would say if you are the new grave digger you are making too many holes and none of them are deep enough for a casket of any kind unless you are burying a dead pet hamster that I don't know anything about. So based on my Guestimation you need to stick to hairdresser and makeup artist of the dead."

"I have to figure out something." Michonne was intent on digging.

"What are you doing Michonne? Why are you digging all these holes?"

"I am looking for your pills." Michonne rested one hand on the top of the shovel handle and the other on her hip looking around. I was completely flabbergasted at the various empty holes throughout the back of the Mortuary.

"My pills?" I wasn't sure I heard her correctly because we buried both our collection of pills together in the same place. Where? I had no idea. I just know we buried them together, swearing off any and all prescription medication that was supposed to make us feel better about life but made us feel even more dead inside. Numb.

"You need to be on your fucking Xanax. You need to take the whole damn bottle when I figure out where the fuck we buried all our pills."

"I thought we decided to stay off the pills. I thought we decided we weren't depressed or full of anxiety. I don't have anxiety attacks any more Michonne."

"Then how did you get locked a way on the fourth floor? Why did you think it was a good idea to take the Gold Jogging suit that Mr. Jones wanted to be buried in and actually go jogging in it? The police found you jogging on Route 666 before you passed the fuck out. How was that a good idea Rick?"

"I don't remember doing that Michonne."

"I had to get Eugene to get you out of there yesterday. Luckily, Eugene has a resemblance to some quack doctor up in there and got you out speaking all kinds of nonsense to have you released in to his custody."

"I know Michonne. I know. I have no memory of how I got in, I just remember being there and not being able to get out."

"What pills did we bury that you need, Rick?" Michonne was insistent.

"I don't need pills Michonne. I just need you."

"You going to talk to me?"

"I don't want to lose you. Not again."

"Why do you talk like that?"

"Like what?"

"What you just said. Losing me? It scares me when you say it that way."

"I don't know why. It was just right there for me to say. It's this feeling that I have loved you for a long time. Longer than..." I had no idea what I was trying to express to Michonne. It was a fleeting thought or emotion.

"I have to find your pills." Michonne began to dig the thirty fifth hole but I snatched the shovel out of her hands and threw it out of reach.

"We are missing another meeting because of this but we won't miss any love making Michonne."

"You have to be completely out your mind, Rick."

"We are going to take a shower together."

"You just took a shower. I can smell soap on your skin."

"I will be happy to take another one. I would be happy to take how ever many to spend time with you. I know how you like me to be clean as possible. Well, I want you to be clean too. No way I am taking you to the meeting with the way you looking right now."

"You are full of shit, Rick." I followed her in the house. She was walking a head of me.

"How so Michonne?" I asked.

"If I came to you just like this. Dusty and all you would still have sex with me. Sweaty and as dusty as I am, you would."

Michonne made a very truthful assertion. I didn't disagree.

...

Rick was all I thought about when I was quiet, silently working on the dead. I worried about him constantly. Sybil took over when it became unbearable. Queenesha when it was time to eat cake or dealing with the living. I was eating a lot. My nerves were bad.

I worried Eugene until he finally found the time to get Rick off the Psych ward. I felt him there. Nothing worse than needing someone that is there, but is out of reach.

I made a promise to myself to be stronger if Rick was back. Sybil was sometimes stronger but I was strongest with him when I could feel his devotion. He needed me to be present and I needed to be present.

I watched the shovel fly through the air. He was demanding I stop. I wasn't going to fight him over it. My compulsions were getting the best of me at times.

I wasn't going to resist when he wanted to love me because I desperately needed to love him. I loved him. I love him.

He's always wanting to make love to me. It was like his obsession. Sex. Any variation of it was satisfying for both of us. I replaced his pills. He replaced mine. This was our shared addiction, each other. His behavior was crazy. Mine was too. We were erratic, but when we came together to fuck...Oh my God!

Incredible!