Chapter 23 – Cold

All were waiting… all will wait.

And between heaven and hell…cold


Tanya tightened her grip on the steering wheel as the "Entering Orford City Limits" sign blurred by. She sighed, shook her head, and eased her foot off the accelerator - small town cops just love ticketing "outsiders."

"Another fine mess my mouth has gotten me into."

She recalled it had started innocently enough only a day ago during a kitchen table conversation…after all, the kitchen had to be used for something…

"Esme decided she would not be attending Bella's memorial service. She's too concerned about Edward's 'condition' to leave him alone," Carmen relayed to Tanya and Kate.

"That's ridiculous!" Tanya blurted out.

Her outburst drew astonished looks from Carmen and Kate.

"So, what do you suggest Esme do?" Carmen pressed.

"She should go. I know how much Esme cared for the human girl. It wouldn't be right for her not to go. She saw Bella as her daughter."

Tanya bit her lip at her mention of the word "daughter." She once had been a daughter...but not anymore. The Volturi had seen to that. They made her an orphan. Images of her slain mother, Sasha, flashed through her damn perfect memory. Thanks to its impeccable ability to let everything in and absolutely nothing out, no matter how much time passed, the wounds from her loss would never heal completely. They might scab over, but all too easily, the fragile re-growth was torn off, and the wound would bleed anew. It was an exhausting cycle that left her un-whole.

But never unhopeful. Having hope was the one way Tanya could honor Sasha's spirit, the woman who had taught Tanya every day was to be cherished like a gift as it was another opportunity to love.

An uncharacteristic snort from Carmen drew Tanya's attention. "Esme won't leave Edward alone! She fears he'll come to and have no one there to protect him…remember how he tried to destroy himself the last time he thought Bella was dead?"

Tanya shook her head even though her sister, Kate, was nodding in agreement. "He never should have gotten involved with a human."

Kate cocked a judgmental eyebrow. "Sounds like the pot is calling the kettle black."

"You know what I mean! He should never have fallen in love with a human he didn't have intentions of changing. We all knew it was a bad idea. We should have said something. If we had, maybe we could have spared him from his…whatever it is."

"Esme said it's like a coma, but that he had implied to Alice he was living in some kind of dream world with Bella," Carmen relayed to Kate what she had already explained in more detail to Tanya.

"Do you really think Edward would have listened to us anyway?" Kate asked doubtfully.

"The point is we didn't even try. And you know why? Because it was Edward. Mr. Moody himself. I bet no one said anything because secretly we were all hoping he'd lighten up if he was getting some."

Kate threw a hand over her mouth, attempting to hide her giggle, while Carmen shook her head in admonishment.

"What?" Tanya shrugged. "You know you thought it, but I'm the only one with the...guts...to say it."

Finally getting her smirk under control, Kate uncovered her mouth. "Well, if you're so gutsy, why don't you offer to babysit Edward so Esme can go to the service?"

"That's an excellent idea!" Carmen hastily agreed. Although her voice was enthusiastic, her wicked grin made it clear she was actually leveling a challenge in Tanya's direction.

Never one to back down from a challenge, Tanya replied with the false bravado that, more often than not, served her well. "Maybe I will. Someone has to get him to face reality."

Carmen patted Tanya's hand and her tone became sympathetic. "If anyone knows how hard loss can be, it's you, dear. Maybe your insight and experience can help him find acceptance."

Tanya pulled her hand away and slid it under the table. Carmen's comment was too close to home, besides, Carmen always had more faith in her than Tanya had in herself…

"Oh, bloody hell," Tanya mumbled as she pulled onto Edward and Bella's quiet street in the all-to-quaint town. Even though dealing with Edward would be a challenge, it was easier to deal with someone else's issues than your own. As she exited her rented car, Carlisle came out of the house to greet her. He embraced her affectionately.

"Thanks for coming. Esme was beyond stressing before your offer came. "

"No problem, Carlisle." Tanya handed him her bag then used her freed hand to rub small, comforting circles on his back as they walked toward the front door. "I'm so sorry for your loss. For our family's loss." There was more Tanya wanted to say about Bella and Edward's union, but she held her tongue, respecting Carlisle's need to grieve. Instead she added, "Carmen and Eleazar will meet you in Forks."

Carlisle set Tanya's bag down in front of the door and picked up his and Esme's. "Go ahead in the house. I'm going to get our bags loaded."

With a nod and a forced smile, Tanya climbed the two painted wooded stairs that led to the large wrap around porch. She stole a backwards glance at Carlisle before entering the house.

Carlisle placed his and Esme's suitcases in the trunk of the car. He closed the lid and leaned wearily against the back of the car. He had been doing his best to keep up a strong front for Esme, to support her in her sorrow, but the strain was wearing him down. While Tanya comforted Esme in the house, Carlisle relished the few minutes he had alone to gather his thoughts.

He couldn't help but notice the fall colors were in full show. Their beauty saddened him. Bella should be here to enjoy their glory with Edward. His heart yearned for the gracious human girl who was quiet and simple, but stirred up his son's life with the force of a category five hurricane. He truly missed her presence.

Even more so, he also wanted something – or someone – to blame. His anger was rising gradually, born from sadness that had no outlet. While Jasper's call from the reservation last night, clearing Jacob and the wolves from any part in Bella's death, brought him relief, it didn't give him the answers he craved. Was someone else involved in Bella's death?

Jasper was still convinced it wasn't an accident. He, Emmett, and Rosalie were in the process of acquiring another Aston Martin Vanquish identical to Edward's to conduct "tests." They planned to set it ablaze and compare its burn to heap that was left after Bella's "accident".

Though Carlisle didn't disclose to Jasper the conversation he had with Esme regarding the Volturi, he didn't deter them from their planned experiment. He knew they were looking for something to distract them from the tragedy that had befallen their family, and the helplessness that followed. Carlisle actually understood their need all too well.

Meanwhile, Alice had chosen to stay with Charlie. She took on the difficult task of informing the chief that his daughter was not only deceased, but there was nothing of her to bury. Bella was just…gone with no explanation and no meaning to her death. Alice said he took it very hard.

Carlisle could only imagine the pain Charlie was feeling. Even though Charlie was a man who showed little emotion on the exterior, inside Carlisle knew he was a compassionate man, and a loving father who was cheated out of precious time with his only child. Alice provided him comfort with the support of Sue Clearwater, whom Charlie appeared to be developing a romantic relationship with. It was clear in Alice's voice she had seen, and approved, of this relationship, born out Charlie and Sue's shared losses.

Sue and Alice managed on their own to make arrangements for a memorial service that was to take place two days from now. A service Edward would, in all probability, not be attending.

Carlisle shook his head as he exhaled a breath he wasn't aware he had been holding. Edward's absence was going to be very difficult to explain to the chief…

With heavy footsteps, Carlisle headed back to the house to retrieve Esme. She met him at the door, her kind, heart-shaped face slightly twisted in a grimace as her hands wrung together in worry.

"Carlisle, are we doing the right thing? Maybe we shouldn't leave him." Esme glanced back at Edward.

"I will take care of him, Esme. I promise to dust him regularly," Tanya quipped attempting to lighten her mood. The effort failed miserably, and Esme turned to head back to Edward's side.

Tanya intercepted her.

"You need time to say your good-bye to Bella, and support the rest of the family – and let them support you, too. Go. Get out of this house for a while. Right, Carlisle?" Tanya looked to the leader of the Cullen family for reinforcement.

"Yes. Tanya is right." His words were strong, but his body language appeared hesitant.

Tanya realized the situation was even worse than she had thought. Edward's "disappearance" was immobilizing Carlisle and Esme as well.

"Okay, then. It's settled. Are you ready, Esme?" Tanya placed hand gently on Esme's arm.

"I...I guess so. I explained to Edward we were going, but that we'd be back soon." Esme turned to hug Tanya before she changed her mind. "Thank you. Take care of him anyway you can, dear. I'll be in touch."

Carlisle folded an arm around his wife's shoulders. "He'll be okay. Maybe Tanya can reach him."

"You know I'll try my best," Tanya assured Carlisle.

With relief, she closed the door behind the reluctant Carlisle and anxious Esme. She parted the curtains of the front bay window and nodded slightly to them as they pulled away.

Once she was sure they were out of hearing distance, Tanya sighed audibly. "Oh, Christ! Talk about a clucking mother hen and catastrophizing Chicken Little! How do you stand that?" she asked Edward. It was a rhetorical question, really. She didn't expect an answer from Mr. Catatonic. No way it would be that easy to reach him...

She studied his bland expression. To her surprise, she actually missed his predictable brooding and often chastising countenance.

They were quite different from each other, Tanya and Edward. Ying and yang. Tanya was a "free spirit", and her lack of concern over the consequences of her often spontaneous actions was disconcerting to Edward. While Edward, who was habitually rendered at a standstill by the fickle, unpredictable risks of life, frustrated Tanya to no end.

Looking at him now, Tanya was reminded of the time he came to Alaska in a classic Edward tizzy over Bella. Tanya had thought he was actually running to her, not away from Bella. Instead, it turned out to be the last time she had a twinge of hope he might chose to stay in Denali – with her.

"Turns out you do need me after all." Tanya walked over to the couch and flopped down next to Edward. "They really do baby you, don't they? I mean, don't get me wrong, I adore Carlisle and Esme. And they are wise, wonderful folks, no doubt. But seriously! All this fretting like you could be so easily broken. Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, you are going to get through this – I'm going make sure of that. What you need is some tough love…and I'm just the one to give it to you."

Tanya rolled up the sleeves on her sweater – she had work to do.

Quickly locating a few thermos containers from the kitchen, she grabbed a set of keys to the Volvo, preferring it to her sluggish rental, and headed out the door. She had studied the area and mapped out her destination ahead of time. Venom pooled in her mouth as she dwelt on the new flavors of the local cuisine. Although she had a job to do, Tanya had no doubt she could fit in a little dining in the process. Bobcat and black bear would be a nice change. And, although the Cullens have sworn them off their diet, Tanya was not averse to sampling the local wolf population should she be lucky enough to encounter one...or two.

Within two hours she was back at Edward's side with the elixir she believed would bring him back to life. Tanya rushed through the door, giving the curtains a quick check – she didn't want anyone to witness what would come next. It would be far less risky to accomplish this on their sprawling compound in the Alaskan wilderness, but that wasn't an option. Carlisle had made it clear Edward was not to be removed from the house.

She set the thermoses on the coffee table in front of the couch and faced her task.

"Edward?" Tanya called his name firmly. "Edward, it's time to come back. Do you hear me?" She watched for any sign he had heard her – a slight twitch, a stiffening of muscles, any eye movement from under his purple eye lids which were underscored by dark rings. Tanya wondered how long it had been since he fed...

She carefully pried open one his eyes. The color was closer to black than gold.

"Anyone home? No?"

Tanya shook her long, curly hair back before tying it in a neat ponytail with the band she kept around her wrist. After taking a deep breath, she straddled Edward's lap. Her knees poked through the tattered holes in her designer jeans.

Placing her hands on his shoulders, she gave him a firm shake.

"Edward! This is reality."

She repeatedly shook and called to him without success.

"Okay, it took you several days to get to this point. I realize it might take some time to get you back."

She had to admit, she loved pushing his buttons just so she could see his reaction. It was worth an attempt now. She switched tactics, and brought to her mind the lewd images she had spun in her mind to relentlessly tease him whenever he was near enough.

Nothing.

Taking it to the next level, Tanya ran her hand along his defined jawline – her favorite observable part of his anatomy. When she reached his strong chin, she paused before planting a firm kiss on his still lips.

Still nothing.

His unresponsiveness was foreign to Tanya and she couldn't help but let out a pout. Her male companions always responded to her seduction. However, the reaction she had hoped to get from Edward was not an amorous one, as she had figured out a long time ago Edward would never respond to her sexually, but actually quite the opposite. She had counted on her inappropriate proximity and unwanted manhandling jarring pious Edward out of his stupor.

She sighed, again seeing Edward's tormented face in Alaska. Tanya repeated the advice that seemed to help him see more clearly when he was in Alaska agonizing over Bella, "No matter what it is…or who it is…that is haunting you, you'll face it head on. You're the type.

"Be that way again, Edward. Face this. Don't hide from it."

When he still failed to react, Tanya could feel her temper begin to flare. Even at her lowest point, after watching her most beloved mother and sire burn at the hands of the Volturi, she refused to give in. She would not let them quell the fire instilled in her heart by Sasha's ability to love unconditionally, even though it was what Tanya most wanted to do. Tanya had to be strong for Irina and Kate. She had to think of others, not just herself.

"You're being a quitter! Is this what Bella would want for you? Hiding in your head instead of confronting your challenges? You are hurting your family, they need you and you need them. I won't let you do this to yourself, to them or to Bella's memory!"

With that she did something she knew Carlisle and Esme would never have approved of – had they been present. Tanya stood, gripped Edward by the shoulders, and tossed him across the room. He crashed onto the floor, sliding some distance across the highly polished hardwood before friction brought him to a stop. Tanya stifled a snicker, as Edward lay undignified on his side on the floor, still posed in the sitting position.

She grabbed one of the thermos containers and marched over to Edward. Standing over him, Tanya loosened the cap. She crouched next to Edward and pried his mouth open with one hand, and with the other, she tipped the opened thermos.

She had hoped it wouldn't come to this...

"You better pray this works because you don't want to know what I have planned next if it doesn't," Tanya threatened.

The blood of the mountain predators had thickened, but it still flowed. Like thick motor oil, it glugged out of the container and into Edward's mouth. But Tanya only let one third of the precious liquid be consumed. She would need the rest if this succeeded…

She was betting on the reliability of vampire nature. Feeding was a reflex. Once the process began – the prey identified, the course set, the consuming desire to drink – logic and conscious thought took a backseat to instinct. If Tanya could get through to Edward's primal side, she may be able to coax out the rational side – eventually.

The blood that flowed down his throat would activate the flow of venom within him. The cascading effect from that point would be unavoidable.

She watched his face in anticipation.

That was a mistake.

Edward's first movements were quick, despite his previous petrified state. His hand flew up to Tanya's neck. Her world spun as she flew across the room; still, she was able to orient herself quickly enough to flip onto her back. When Edward's attack came, she was able to coil her legs against his chest. Stronger than him thanks to her recent feeding, she was able to thrust her legs out and launch Edward backwards through the living room wall.

Artwork and pictures fell from the walls as Tanya jumped to her feet, racing to the coffee table to retrieve the second thermos of blood.

When she turned, Edward was already making another approach. His eyes were black as coal, his fists clenched.

Tanya ripped the top off the thermos, quickly regretting waking the sleeping beast using the human equivalent of a slap across the face. "More, Edward! I have more. Drink!"

Edward charged, but instead of taking the thermos, in his irrational state of confusion, he slammed into Tanya. Their combined weight sent them through another wall, dumping them onto the dining room floor. The spilt blood only added fuel to his feeding frenzy.

"Noooo!" Tanya screamed as Edward pinned her to the floor and clamped his teeth around the side of her neck. Piercing her jugular and carotid vessels, Edward sucked out the blood that still flowed through Tanya's body from her earlier hunt.

She gasped in shock and pain as she lay under Edward, even though she knew it might come to this, as the scent of her recent meal was still fresh within her body. Like a sacrificial lamb, Tanya allowed the violation. She was stunned by how quickly her body weakened. With her eyes squeezed together tightly, she moved her lips with great effort, "Edward. It's Tanya. Family."

His strong, deep pulls on her neck ceased. In the next moment, the weight of his body was gone.

Tanya forced herself upright to find Edward huddled against the far wall of the dining room, blood running from the corners of his mouth.

To stem the flow of blood from her body, she put a hand to her neck, the other extended toward Edward in a sign of acceptance. "It's okay. I understand. I know you must be disoriented."

The smell of blood hung in the air. Tanya's shirt was covered, and the floor around the fallen thermos was stained. Debris from their struggle littered the once idyllic home.

Edward looked pathetic, and Tanya's heart went out to him. How many times did she bear the same dazed, confused expression as she stared at another human lover laid to waste? No matter what her heart desired, the beast within was frequently stronger…

Tanya approached Edward slowly. The wound on her neck had healed just enough that blood no longer flowed from it.

"It's going to be okay. Do you want to hunt? I'll take you," Tanya offered in a soothing voice.

Edward's eyes narrowed as he tried to make sense of his surroundings and Tanya's sudden presence. Only moments ago he believed he was making love to Bella on their fifteenth wedding anniversary vacation in Isle Esme.

He was able to make his lips move, but no sound came from them. Edward swallowed several times and wiped his mouth on his sleeve before clearing his throat.

"Where's Bella? Where are the children?"

Tanya closed her eyes. Did she have to tell him Bella was gone? And...children? Had his fantasy world completely obliterated his memories of the real, harsh one?

"Edward, Bella isn't here."

"Where is she?"

Tanya hesitated. What would be the ramifications of him learning the truth – again.

She pulled a decorative mirror off the wall and held it up in front of Edward.

"No!"

He stared in disbelief at the image reflecting in the mirror. Instead of the thirty-something man he had expected to see, Edward witnessed a pale, seventeen year old with black eyes and blood streaked across his mouth. The barriers separating him from reality fell with the weight of a ton of bricks, crashing through his brain and reminding him of everything he had escaped from.

The pain was worse than a thousand simultaneous Jane attacks, and he was crushed, frantic to seek refuge in some hidden corner of his mind that had yet to see the light of this day, this reality.

"No." Tanya was shaking him violently as she witnessed him fading away. "I won't let you leave!"

"Why are you here?" Edward locked eyes with Tanya. "What do you care?"

"I care about you." You know I do, Edward. We are family. I have lost loved ones too. I can teach you how to live."

Edward looked away. Tanya's thoughts carried the emotional weight of her loses, and he didn't want to trivialize what she had been through. He, more so than anyone, had heard the unspoken regrets in her mind: the loss of her "mother" Sasha, countless lovers, and Irina. Still, he could not see how they compared to losing a mate.

"Please, destroy me or leave me be," Edward begged.

"I will do neither, and you know it." Tanya took his face in her hands, forcing him to look into her amber eyes.

They stared at each other, trying to anticipate the other's next move. When Edward saw the determination in her eyes and heard it echoed in her mind, he tried to pull away.

"Edward, you need to feel. You can't separate yourself from your emotions. Feel it. Only then can you move on."

Edward wanted to debate this fact with her, but again she showed him how she had grieved over the loss of her maker and mother. The pain she endured on her way to healing.

"No. That's not an option for me."

"Why not? Is your pain more valid than mine? I'll have you know, your comatose state had Carlisle considering leaving his coven to care for you! What would happen to your family then? Alice even saw you revealing your family to humans! How many lives are you willing to ruin? You're a selfish coward." Tanya stood before him, looking down and making him feel smaller.

"I have nothing to fear. Not anymore."

"Really? Because I see someone willing to bring everyone down with him just so he doesn't have to lose control and grieve the loss of his wife like he should."

"Don't," Edward growled threateningly.

"You're used to having it your way, aren't you? The irreproachable Edward. No one ever makes you deal with anything unpleasant. Your family enables you, cushioning you from anything that may upset you. How nice for you. But look at the result - you don't know how to cope, Edward. You're lost, unable to find your way on your own. This is life… and sometimes it is unfair! But you can't run and hide from it."

"Are you done lecturing me?" Edward asked as he jerked out of Tanya's grip and stood up. And, even though at six-foot-two, Edward towered over her five-foot-five frame, Tanya didn't relent.

"That's exactly why you left Bella, wasn't it? You couldn't deal with adversity or the fear you would lose control. It was easier to run – and you made your whole family run like cowards with you."

Edward could feel his body tense with the pressure of his emotional loss. "I'm not listening to this." He attempted to walk past Tanya, but she blocked his path.

"No, you are going to listen, because you need to. You are not seventeen. You need to stop acting like a spoiled child and face your responsibilities."

"Get out of my way, Tanya," Edward snarled, baring his teeth.

"No."

Edward stumbled back, his heart shaken by the sudden change of thoughts in Tanya's head: she was remembering the day he married Bella.

"Stop! Have you no decency?"

"She's gone. Say it."

"I don't have to. I can find her again."

"It's not real, Edward."

"It feels real!" He challenged.

"Is that what you really want? Is that what Bella would want you to do with your life?"

"My life? My life wasn't supposed to be this way. We were supposed to be together! Goddamn it! Hadn't we been through enough? Didn't I do everything I could to keep her safe?" Edward's voice rose in volume as he rapidly hurled questions at Tanya.

"You're…angry?"

"Hell yes, I'm angry! This isn't fair! She didn't deserve to die! Why did this have to happen to her? Why didn't she take the Guardian?"

"Maybe it was her time, Edward. Things happen for a reason."

Edward erupted, and heated words were spat only inches from Tanya's face, "That's bullshit spoken to make others feel better about what has happened to them!"

Tanya swore that if Edward was still human, his face would be bright red and his blood pressure would be through the roof. He was nearing his breaking point; she just had to get under his skin a little bit more….

"Maybe it was your fault she died?"

Her last comment struck the chord Edward had been avoiding. He flew into an uncontrolled rage, unfortunately for Tanya, his emotional explosion sent shrapnel everywhere, and nothing was immune from its cutting damage, including at her. Edward hit her hard with his whole body, driving them across the room and into the archway of the dining room. The solid oak trim splintered.

Tanya shoved back. "Say it!"

"No," Edward yelled, punching a hole in the wall of the hallway. The force of his fist shattered the drywall and exposed the wood studs. His brain fired signals in all directions, and control slipped through his fingers like the splintering beams he ripped out of the walls. Tearing at everything his hands came in contact with, he moved in a blind rage, shouting as he went.

"She was everything! I let my guard down!"

More destruction followed by more shouting.

"I should have changed her! I should have! It was an uphill battle protecting her from the beginning!"

"But you loved her." Tanya followed at a distance.

"I did what was best for her! I loved her for who she was, she didn't have to give up her soul for me! I wouldn't destroy her like that! I didn't want this life – why would she want it?"

Furniture flew around the living room before Edward moved to the kitchen. The sound of the refrigerator smashing onto the oven was ear-shattering.

"Now she's gone. I'm alone – again."

Edward sunk to the floor among the half-filled plastic left-over containers and bottles of salad dressing and condiments that littered the floor. He brought his knees up to chest, hung his head, and sobbed. Finally. Tanya broke him, now she would help put him back together again...

"Let it out, Edward," Tanya said as she settled next to him. "It's okay to be upset at yourself and sad for your loss. We don't grieve the ones we lost for they have gone on to somewhere better. We grieve for ourselves and our heartbreak at being left behind."

Edward leaned against Tanya. His body quaked and he sobbed until she swore his throat sounded raw. It lasted for over two hours.

"I don't know how to live without her. I don't think I want to."

"You just need time. You are not alone in this world. You have a family that loves you. And you've got me. "

Edward gave her a sideways glance.

"No, this isn't a proposition. It's just a truth, Edward. We both have fallen in love with humans thinking we were enough like them to make it work. But we're not. I wanted you to stay in Denali with me because I was tired of being alone. You were searching and so was I... You know, sometimes you gotta learn to love what's good for you. Someone who's your own kind."

Edward shook his head. "We will never be mates, Tanya. You know that."

"I do, and maybe I'm not looking for a mate at this point. Maybe just a companion…a real friend. Someone who's good for me. And more durable."

"You have a coven. You need to return to them." Edward's voice was flat, unconvinced.

"It's changed. After losing Sasha, and gaining Eleazar and Carmen, then losing Irina… Kate has mated with Garrett. I'm the pathetic third wheel now, and Eleazar is a much better leader than I ever was. It's his coven now."

Edward looked around at the destruction, unable to comprehend what Tanya had just revealed. "I ruined it all. I can't stay here anymore."

"Then we rebuild – together."

"Then what? Go back to my coven where I'm the pathetic one? I can barely stand my own thoughts, let alone theirs."

"Then we just go where ever we want. Start anew."

"It's not that easy," Edward grumbled as he cradled his head in hands. "I'm not making any promises."

"I know. One day at a time. But Edward, there has been enough grief and loss, don't put your family through what you are experiencing. Hurting yourself is not an option."

Edward stared at nothing, but he felt himself nodding his head. "I want to be away from the minds of others. I don't want any reminders, sympathy or clichés about how 'it's going to be all right'. I want to know what happened..."

Tanya stood and took in the scope of destruction. "One day at a time, one room at a time."

Edward looked up at her, and in that moment the look in his eyes made him appear as helpless and innocent as a child. "Where's my family? Did they give up on me? How long was I…gone?"

"Edward…" Tanya measured her words carefully, not wanting to set him running off for the comfort of his internal refuge. "We're going to go meet with them in Forks. You don't have to stay there, but it's a trip you have to make. Trust me, the first step you need is some type of closure."


A/N: Thanks for reading! And thank you for your supportive comments and interesting conjectures!

I apologize for the delay in posting. My jobs have been soooo busy and have me hopping like an bunny jacked up on too much chocolate. In any case, no excuses, just asking for a bit of slack as updates might be every other week instead of weekly until I get through April (but at least they are getting longer...)

So...big question...what do you think of Tanya and her motives, actions?

Thank you as always to Ashling92, RowanMoon and RosaBella75. Shout outs to this story's biggest supporters: Rahveryn, snikerdoodles, crazy4rob, JMarie, DutchGirl as well as previous reviewers but new readers of FI, Sherryola and Camilla10, and close friends Fuzzyltlwingedthing, Gasaway Alley and my RL sister-in-law (who has always suspected I was a strange, but is now convinced.)

Bella's memorial service next chapter...(do you think Edward will attend?)