I want to apologize for updating so late but what can I say-Life likes to mess with us. I had some pesky annoyance that I had to get rid of. But enough depressing moments, enjoy another depressing chapter from 'So not happening!' and don't forget to review, my dears!

Love,

Angelbloodlover


So not happening!

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By Angelbloodlover

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~ I exist in a state of almost perpetual hysteria.

Sting

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Chapter 11: Fond of Hysteria

Eyes followed her but none dared to step closer towards her.

Whispers followed her but none dared to speak up to her.

...that was until some fool stood up, slamming his hands on the table, eyes glaring furiously at her, "I've had it! I don't get why everyone is so worked up about some stupid whore!" He took a daring, confident step towards her.

Whispers became quiet chuckles and they shook their head, wondering how someone could be that oblivious.

"I'll give him five seconds before she kills him off." One of the stronger men spoke up quietly, eyes flickering to the quiet figure who was eating her food slowly and then to the idiot who dared to challenge her. "He is obvious one of the fresh meats." Licking his lips, his eyes trailed back to the quiet girl, counting the seconds as they ticked by. C'me on!

Suddenly, killing intent so deadly rose up like snakes slithering towards your throat, squeezing it tightly and cutting off your wind pipe. The boy shook visibly-No, everyone was shaking with fear, eyes slightly wide as they observed the eating girl or woman... None knew her real age, she was one of the veterans within this base. How many years did she live in this hell hole? Then, she pushed herself up, picking up her plate as her black, empty eyes turned to look at them impassively. He couldn't see a single ounce of emotions inside of those obsidian pools of nothingness. Her eyes moved to the boy who had challenged her and with elegant steps she took the few steps forward until she stopped in front of him, the food plate already placed neatly on the stack.

Her hands moved to his cheeks and she patted him like one would do to an animal.

The fool was by now shaking uncontrollably, having felt the power of the mysterious girl, who was reconsidered Orochimarus favorite. "Are you new?" She asked softly with her alluring, hollow voice.

Don't say yes-Don't say yes-Don't say-"H-Hai.." You're doomed.

She stopped patting him, a weird glint in her eyes and then she did something that didn't surprise anyone. Her chakra flared smoothly and with one strike she gutted him with her arm, a sad smile appearing on her face. This was also another weird quirk of her-whenever one would say he or she was new in the hideout she'd proceed to kill him swiftly and painless. And then she would whisper the same words like she would do to every fool that was new there, "Rest in peace."

Lastly, her eyes would glance to her audience, "Continue." And everyone would go on his or her merry way, pretending as if there was no dead body lying on the ground, decorating the ghostly hideout further with a magnificent, innocent red. She proceed to pick up the dead body and flicker away to an unknown place. No one dared to follow her because following her meant only one thing-Death.

Some said she skinned them and used them as decorations, some said she collected their hearts because she was heartless.

But no one really knew the truth about it because she never allowed one of them to see the truth, let alone tell it.

They all had learned their lesson when it came down to Orochimarus perfect pet or should they say future vessel?


Sad eyes locked with empty ones. Lifeless ones.

"Don't look at me like that." I whispered angrily. "I only did the best for you."

My glare turned even deadlier, snarling, I continued, "I said stop looking at me like that!" The staring didn't stop and I was starting to lose my mind, hands shaking and eyes twitching continually. When the staring didn't stop, I grabbed the head forcefully and took out a kunai, stabbing the eyes again and again. "Stop looking at me! Stop looking at me! Stop looking at me!" was the mantra that I kept screaming in hysteria, eyes glinting like a crazed animal.

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Until I was all covered in red liquid, the metallic scent invading my nostrils. I was used to that smell, which accompanied me on every single mission that I had taken. Finally, I dropped my arms, the emptiness within me stirring madly but I cut it off-I didn't want to feel anything.

I wasn't worthy to feel...

...for emotions were for humans...

...and not for a monster.


"My dear innocent Keiko, here you are," was the smooth voice that came from behind me.

I turned around and watched the monster slither towards me, his cold, ghostly fingers sliding down my cheeks until he grabbed my chin. With poisonous, yellow slits, he stared at me, his eyes trying to find something but all he could see was an empty void.

His smirk turned positively creepier but I just blinked at him, waiting. All I did was wait and in the end I awaited my death to put me out of misery." My innocent flower, I've got some good news for you." His eyes glinted weirdly but I just stared, listening to the calm beats of my heart. Why did monsters have a beating heart? Why did I feel so freezing cold while my insides were warm? How could I look so innocent and pure while my inside was rotten till the core? "But for now, let's have a spar. I quite enjoy them." He took a step backwards and charged at me without uttering a single word.


"You're still not tired, my innocent flower?" Orochimaru asked pleasantly as he watched my chest heave up and down.

Ignoring the protest from my abused muscles, I stood up, no discomfort evident on my face. As I listened to him, I calmed my rabid-beating heart, steadying my breaths until I was breathing calmly and soundless.

I bit on my lip when a searing pain flashed through my limbs but I didn't quiver a second. No weaknesses were allowed. It was obvious, I was tiring my body out, pushing against my limits but I deserved it. I deserved all the pain from the world. I had trained for eight hours straight. One would think that he wouldn't stop for a break but in this case, I didn't let him stop. I kept going, I kept fighting, I kept using every ounce of my energy until I was too tired to think...

Because if I had to think then I would have to feel.

I charged at him, clenching my knuckles, ready to punch him in his gut. In the last-minute, I flickered above him and punched him in the face, only to have him block my attack. He grabbed my hand and kicked me lazily against my abdomen, followed by a punch in my gut, making blood gobble out of my mouth. He grimaced in disgust as he shook his head in disappointment, evading the blood. Quickly as a Sannin could, he pulled me up, pale fingers holding my black, loose shirt.

"Kukuku, I think you're in dire need of some free time." He chuckled in amusement, "And I have the perfect place in mind." A wide grin blossomed on his face and he leaned closer, articulating every word loudly for me to hear, "Does Konoha ring a bell, my precious?"

I forced myself not to freeze, not to care about that place but it was so damn hard. Even if I did try to hide the hidden hope inside of my hollow voice, there was a part of me, the one that was hidden underneath a layer of dust and cobwebs, that wanted to scream in agreement. But I crushed that small, whimpering voice. I did not deserve happiness, only misery.

But I knew, oh, I knew how he was trying to get a reaction out of me. After all one could bottle up so much inside of herself before she would snap and lose all ounce of mentality. He damn knew how much I loved Konoha, to see the two Uchiha's and Naruto again and used it often against me.

...to no avail.

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..

..-..

He chuckled darkly, hidden amusement clear in his tone, "Don't you want that, my precious little flower?"

"…"

"Heh." He snorted, "Now what would Shisui-kun and Itachi-kun say to that? And oh, let's not forget little Naruto-kun." He moved his lips closer to my ear, "It'd be smart, Keiko, if you agreed on this mission." His chest rumbled with loud laughter, "...or would you rather that someone else took it instead?" At that moment a beautiful girl appeared, one with long, smooth red hair and vivid green eyes that shone so prettily, you had to stare at her. "Keiko-chan, meet Natsuki-chan, the one who will replace you on this mission if you choose otherwise."

Said girl smirked cruelly, an expression that didn't suit her face, "I'll make sure I'll take the attention of those Uchih-" She didn't even finish her mission when suddenly she was grabbing her throat and screaming, gurgling, choking on her blood. And her eyes were staring right at me but no emotion stirred within me.

She dropped on the ground, kunais embedded in her eyes, mouth and throat.

Orochimaru had to admit though when Keiko got pushed to her limits, she would snap calmly. He glanced behind him, smirking dispassionately. She was disposable but Keiko was not. He returned his attention back on her and his smirk widened even more. "I see I got your devoted attention."

I didn't answer him, my hand itching to stab him time after time but I composed myself. I would not let him get to me. There was always a solution for everything. But I was angry with myself for killing someone so carelessly, though I couldn't help it. The moment those words left her twisted mouth something stirred within me, something violent and mad. Something that wouldn't let anyone hurt Shisui, Itachi and Naruto. They were mine and mine alone.

...and only I would do that mission, "I'll do it."

He laughed openly, obviously noticing the slight twitch of my fingers. "Finally," He chuckled loudly, "Little Keiko-chan is showing some emotions." His facade turned back to normal but I could notice the amusement deep within his poisonous eyes, "Be ready to leave at dawn. I expect you back within a week. Your ID is on your desk." His voice turned darker, "Don't forget who you are and what you do, my cute student."

"By the way, clean up the mess, will you?" He joked humorously and then he disappeared in a flock of snakes that crawled away. Before I would crumble in a heap of bones and flesh, I landed on my knees, ignoring the scorching pain that crawled through my tired muscles. Though, that was the least of my problems...

...how would I be able to face them again after all that I had done?

...would they still accept me?

…Seeing Naruto again.

He was such a pure, innocent boy while I was rotten. How could I walk beside such a good person after all the sins I've done? I wasn't worthy to be his friend, let alone his sister figure.

I clenched my knuckles tightly and hit the ground softly, "...I-I.." My eyes flickered to the bleeding corpse-freshbloodfreshkillmorekillkillandmore killing! How could I look inside his pure eyes while mine were dead?

"Damn you, Orochimaru." I sneered angrily, hitting the ground with each word that left my chapped lips.


Keiko...

How long would I last?

I'm pretending as if nothing bothers me but in reality it's ripping me up inside.

I'm pretending that I don't have any emotions while in reality I'm too damn scared to face them.

I'm starting to accept the things as they are while in reality my mind pleads differently.

...will I keep taking the path to oblivion or will I stop and turn around?

-How long before Keiko will be no more?

...-or is Keiko long forgotten, rotting somewhere where no one would find her while an impostor is walking freely around with her visage?

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Am I such an ignorant fool that I can't hear the hysteria from within my mind?

..or am I just plain stupid?


I frowned as I walked through the base, all eyes on my back, boring through my flesh, trying to find anything remotely off. Today, my vibe had been less intimating and somewhere inside of my treacherous heart, all answers were leading to Konoha. A growl escaped my lips and the people who were watching me were flickering away, one by one until I was standing all alone in the hall. They were very aware of my unstable emotions-they thought I was crazy.

Maybe I was? Who knew?

And my twisted mind didn't help either, creating scenes where I would meet my old friends again only to be hurt beyond words.

...I didn't want to feel pain.

...I didn't want to get hurt.

I didn't want to feel...anything.

So I simply punched the wall that flanked my left side in unadulterated anger, my eyes seeing red.


"Strengthen your bond with those Uchiha brats, my precious."

Lips curled up in a snarl, rage seething within me but I refused to show it.

"Make sure you wrap them around your little, sneaky fingers."

Hands clenched-unclenched-clenched-unclenched-...

"...that way we'll have the Uchihas strength on our side."

Pure fury whirled inside of my heart, threatening to explode from the sheer emotion of it.

"...and you'll have your friends."

Narrowing my eyes, I gnashed my teeth.

"...it'll be favorable for us both, Keiko-chan."

Blood drawled out of my lips as my teeth dug inside the tender flesh.

"...and both sides will be happy, don't you agree, Keiko-chan?"

My blood boiled demonically, sweat dripping down my face as I remembered Orochimarus vile words. Did that snake really think he could play me like a puppet? Did he really think I would do his every bidding?

How much ignorance can someone have?


The surrounding forest made my mind calm down, its soothing presence made me think clearly but now, not even that calming presence had any effect on me. I could only see..

...disappointed eyes,

..eyes that held resentment,

...and I couldn't do anything about it.

And it seemed as if the forest was pushing my wound even deeper-the birds were chirping their melodious songs as they sought out a partner to mate with, the sun was shining high and mighty above the celestial sky, no depressing clouds to see.

I felt absolutely shitty and the turmoil in my mind didn't seem to lessen, in fact, it became worse with every step I took.

To think that seeing Konoha again would make me scared like this was astonishing idiotic ...but then again, I was an idiot, but one without a heart.


Unfortunately I arrived too fast to my feared destination.

...Time really was one of my worst enemies.

I stopped near the giant red gate where the guards were standing, taking out my identity card from my small bag I had packed with the minimal amount of stuff; some ryo's (I had collected by doing unholy missions), food, water, a spare ninja outfit, weapons and a crimson-red kimono I was forced to take by Orochimaru (to impress the Uchihas, he said...). The waiting line wasn't long, much to my dismay. All I could hear was the lightning-fast beating of my heart that got louder every time I got closer and closer...and closer...

Three more. I couldn't hear anything, every sound was muted and I felt light-headed..

ba-dump!

Two more. My hands were getting sweaty and I had a hard time breathing...

ba-dump! ...ba-dump!

One more. Swallowing loudly, I blinked my eyes continually, trying to remain calm and steady...

ba-dump! ...ba-dump! ...ba-dump!

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-...

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"Good morning." came my soft, dead voice as I handed my ID-card to one of the guards.

They frowned as they looked at my card and then back at me, probably wondering why a small girl like me could sound so hollow. I suppressed sighing in annoyance as they shared a look, both smiling sadly at me. Clenching my hands, under my long sleeve, I forced myself not to show any signs of discomfort at their looks of pity.

I didn't want their pity, I had never asked for it, damnit!

The brown-haired guard handed my card back, albeit hesitantly. "…Kid, don't you got any parents?"

My calm demeanor vanished from my face, replaced by a eerily calm visage, "…No."

The two looked in shocked distress as they saw my eyes darken completely. "Are you two here to check my ID or to question me." I wasn't asking them, I merely wanted their pesky presence to be gone with.

"Ehh…you're free to go." One of the two said hurriedly, probably not feeling very safe with my petrifying presence.

I passed them without uttering another word, my vibe saying enough. With an angry mood, I took the first step towards the giant, looming gate. Before I would cross over, I hesitated, the lump in my throat getting uncomfortable.

I-I could do this...there was nothing to fear of... I fought many shinobis and kunoichis alike-this was nothing like those times...nothing at all..

The two guards were by now staring at my, I could feel their eyes boring in my back, wondering why such a girl could be such an enigma, along with the fact that they allowed, unknown to them, a monster inside their home village. Clenching my hands tightly, I took a fearful step and then another and another...until I was inside andohkamiIwasbreathingsoloudpeoplewerestaringatme. This was going wrong, closing my eyes I calmed myself down, no, I forced myself to calm down.

This was nothing in comparison to the retching missions I had to take where I had to kill off babies, vulnerable, innocent ones.

This was nothing in comparison to the disgusting missions I had to take where I had to seduce old, mighty men only to end up killing them with their own genital organ.

This was nothing in comparison to the missions I had to take where I had slaughtered many sleeping children who were sleeping soundless in their bed, only for their parents to wake them up screaming at the sight of their lifeless children.

This was nothing in comparison to the missions I had to take where I was forced to experiment on living beings and that for the name of science.

This was nothing in comparison to the shit I had to take under Orochimarus tutelage where I was forced to embrace insanity with open arms.

I had killed off people without batting an eye, I had tortured ninjas without any remorse, I had slaughtered many innocent ones without feeling any guilt...

I must have been the offspring or the reincarnation of the devil itself. For how could I acted so ruthless and uncaringly?

...and all thought escaped my thoughts when I saw familiar onyx eyes but they were not the ones I longed to see. Freezing, icily coldness slithered inside of my veins and I narrowed my eyes slightly, speaking in a civil manner but all who listened intently could pick up the hissing, venomous intentions behind my sweet pleasantries, "Yakushi Kabuto."

He chuckled in amusement, "Now, now, Keiko-chan, I didn't think you'd say my name, let alone greet me politely." He was trying to rile me up? ...how pathetic.

"What do you want?" Did he sought me out?

"Can't a friend-" "I'm not your friend and I'll never be." I hissed dangerously, my veins boiled from the sheer anger that I felt upon seeing this bastard. I had been in Konoha approximately ten minutes and I was getting already pissed off beyond imagination.

He feigned hurt, hands placed on his heart, "Ouch. You hurt me, Keiko-chan. But enough of that." He pushed his glasses up, his trademark smirk on his face, "I came here to make something very clear." His voice turned threateningly, "Orochimarus views you as his most precious possession," I turned around, not caring to hear more about his little speech, probably to impress Orochimaru. This must have hurt his pride because he went for a low jab. "..and if you try to escape we'll have to hurt your precious people, we'll have to hurt little Naruto-kun and we don't want that now, do we?" He mocked me, a wicked glint in his eyes.

I barely registered his words, hearing Naruto and hurt in one sentence. I've had it with being civil, this bitch was going down. Flickering behind him, I whispered softly, "...touch him and die." His eyes widened in surprise at my sheer speed-What did that fool think I was doing with Orochimaru? Pick flower and play hide-and-seek? How utterly pathetic.

A tiny smirk showed on my face. I was going to make him scream for forgiveness, I was going to make him scream for his precious Nono-chan. Nothing on my face showed my roaring fury that smothered my entire being, hatred clouding my sense of rationality as adrenaline rushed to my blood. Channeling chakra towards my hands, I clenched them tightly and punched him swiftly in the back, releasing the powerful liquid within me with pinpoint timing, toofast for him to dodge. That attack was one of the hardest to learn and was still a bitch to keep a leash on it. It was like an entire new being, flowing within you and keeping you alive-you had to synchronize with it, you had to please it or it would not bid your command. Power and unwavering leadership did always fit together, ne? Because really who'd ever thought that perfecting your chakra control could be such a hassle? I'd rather utilize thousandth fireballs instead of doing pesky chakra control exercises...

Especially under the snakes tutelage, he wanted nothing more than utmost perfection. Combine chakra control exercises with chakra weights and you had a cocktail of pure bitchiness.

Along with my petite and weak-looking body, I had the advantage of being underestimated by older and strong-built ninjas. A sickening crunch vibrated in my ear shells, satisfying my blood lust, if only a tiny bit. But that was not all I wanted to do, I wanted to do so much more like pulling his limbs out, one by one, or to gouge out his eyes, shatter his bones, rip out his intestines and choke him with it... I wanted, I wanted...

I wanted to make him long for death and even then I wouldn't grant him that merciful choice.

He flew, his front ramming against a tree, making the tree crack in two as it screeched loudly. Timber! The rational part of my mind scoffed at my reckless decision but I had it with being calm-the tree fell down and the surrounding people ran away in fear. ANBU must have arrived by now and I would get an ear full from Hiruzen but for now I could only think of Kabuto as he writhed on the ground, coughing out blood. For once, I smirked in glee as the red liquid, his life-force fled his pitiful existence.

Chaos was the perfect word that could be described for this moment. And I drunk it all up.

Walking towards him, I crouched down, grabbing his chin tightly, "If you ever dare to lay a finger on him, or the ones I care about I'll personally deal with you." Velvety softness combined with my deadly threat, I was sure he understood the hidden implication. Sure he was strong, sure he knew Medical Ninjutsu from Nono but he wasn't insanely skilled at this moment like he would be in seven more years. And although Nono was good Orochimaru was way better than her.

He paled, eyes wide as he looked me up and down, wondering how I could have become strong in such a minimal amount of time. "B-But h-h-how...?"

Only a wicked smirk appeared on my face, "Stupid questions deserve no answer." Chakra-enhanced nails trailed over his face as he tried to struggle against my strong grip. He lashed out, his feet aimed at me as he rolled over but I flickered away from him. His eyes narrowed dangerously, a snarl evident on his face. "Tsk, tsk..." My eyes moved down to my nails where blood was dripping down and keeping my eyes locked with him, I licked it off.

He jerked his head back in disgust and I smiled sardonically at him, uttering, "I'll enjoy the day where I'll be able to feast on your blood, Kabuto-kun." My smile became even wider as I looked at the blood-gushing trail on his left cheek. Deciding to rile him further, I insulted him, "And dear, you'd might want to check up on that injury of yours." Darker, provoking, "Red doesn't suit you."

He bristled, a low growl escaping his bloodied lips, and I smiled in satisfaction. That'd probably become a scar, well at least I managed to fuck-up his face, disfiguring it prettily. Satisfaction curled inside of me, chirping happily.

Before he could attack me, shinobis from Konohas Military Police Force appeared, all frowning and all of them Uchihas. My heart skipped a beat when I felt a familiar, warm presence and I could practically smell his personalized smell.

Only one person smelled like that.

Shisui.

"That's enough." came his loud, authorized voice, "One more move and it'll be jail time for you two."

"…" I didn't dare to say a word, my entire petite frame shaking like a sobbing wreck. My hands clenched tightly and I bit my lip, drawing blood from it. My eyes flickered back to Kabuto who was being scraped up like garbage by one of the men and then he, too, disappeared and I had nothing to focus on. Eyes were on me and for the first time I felt self-conscious-it was nothing like in the hideout where fearful eyes watched my unapproachable self, this was torture.

Young impatience, flicker of curiosity and annoyance, "Show yourself."

This was the moment I had dreaded ever since I departed from the dark, wet, eerily hideout. I closed my eyes and swallowed quietly, I could do this. I've had worse.

Slowly.

"We don't have all day," was his irritated reply when I stood stock-still.

Move Keiko! You're being pathetic!

I fluttered my eyes open and turned around completely.

Surprised gasp came from the shocked boy-no, man. And I couldn't help but worry more as his wide eyes seized me up and down, recognition shining inside his warm, pure eyes. Not cursed ones like mines. "K-Keiko?"

Opening my mouth, I tried to speak but my vocal cords were not budging. I couldn't speak.

He took a step forward, and another one-they became hurried, scared, as if my fleeting presence might dissolve into thin air. "Keiko!" He repeated but this time it was more confident, a bright smile appeared on his face. He forgot all about the incident but his comrades did not and they were obviously annoyed at his behavior, wondering what was so great about me.

The happiness that radiated from him made me sick-he wasn't supposed to be this happy, he was supposed to sneer at me in disgust, spitting on me. Rather, he showed the contrary and my mind reeled from it. I, Keiko, monster-in-training and student from Orochimaru, wasn't supposed to receive happiness and joy in life. Suddenly warm, sticky arms were wrapped around me.

My eyes widened in horror...

...tightness in my chest, constricting me...

My heart fluttered madly as the arms tightened andohgodtherewasnoescape!

...the feeling of them on top of me...

My hands trashed wildly-I hit and hit, chakra channeling wildly and uncontrolled... "Don't touch me!"

...sickness embraced my stomach pleasantly...dirty hands touching me...wet lips kissing me...

...arms tried to restrain me...shouts of worry...

...futile struggles...helpless...weak...

Angry tears rolled down...and I just...give...up because struggling means entertainment for them...and I was so tired of it...

...madness, furious anger, hysteria, hatred raped my mind...

"My fault...my fault...too weak..."

..eyes glazed over as I remembered them leaving the room... "How lucky are thou..." They could just leave them room while a part of me will be lying in that dark room, rotting till infinity...

Someone grabbed my face forcibly...and then nothing.

Hypnotizing red clouded my abused soul and I stopped trashing, screaming for help and became desperate when none answered to my pleads...

...all I felt was a soothing warmth, protruding my senses and for once I slept peacefully, no nightmares to abuse my fragile mind...