Chapter Five: Discoveries
Shepard shifted into her wheelchair as someone rapped lightly on her hospital room door.
"Come in" She called, she was expecting Jack, Miranda and Oriana at any point.
Instead, Logan entered, he wasn't in his chair for once. He awkwardly shuffled into the room, supported by two crutches.
"Hey! You're walking! That's fantastic Logan!" Shepard delighted.
"Yeah, the doctors decided it was about time." He smiled. "Saw you on the news too, standing up on your own. You did well."
"Urgh, I totally forgot the press were there. I daren't turn the news on." She grimaced.
"They are kind of playing the clip to death." He smiled sympathetically. "You went a bit funny for a minute towards the end though, are you alright?" a look of concern crossed his handsome face. Shepard rolled her eyes.
Not him too.
Why was everyone always worried about her the whole time?
"They put that bit in too?" She grimaced. "-Yeah, I'm fine. I just kind of had a flash back of some sort, made me a little fuzzy."
"You remembered something?" He said, surprised.
"Just some stuff about the Normandy, nothing major."
"Oh right... No secret boyfriend or husband, you'd forgotten about then." He joked.
Okay, well maybe something Major.
"Err - No..." Shepard didn't know what to say, how the Hell was she supposed to explain Kaidan to him without sounding crazy.
Logan smiled, looking somewhat relieved.
"So you up for some training today? I think we should work on getting you up here with me. Then I won't feel like such an idiot hobbling round the place." He said, changing the topic of conversation.
"Oh, so we can both look like idiots hobbling around the place together? Sounds like fun." She smiled; she did appreciate Logan's company, despite how confused she was about Kaidan. "But, yeah, training sounds good. My friends will be joining us for the day though, if that's okay with you?"
"The more the merrier." He smiled again. "Although, I don't think your friend Jack likes me very much."
"Jack's very... particular about her friends. Don't worry though, she'll get used to you eventually."
Kaidan jumped off the shuttle, his boots hitting the marshy ground beneath him. Javik and Vega quickly followed. The trio scoped out their surroundings. They had been dropped in what appeared to be a bog type area; there was no sign of his Father's ship yet. The planet was peaceful; the only sound the unfamiliar chirp of foreign animals and the whistling of a light breeze through the trees. The plant life was rich and leafy, not that dissimilar to plants Kaidan was familiar. Although, here their normal green had taken on a slight blood red hue. The 3 suns were high in the sky, bearing down on them, but the breeze took the edge off the heat making the climate surprisingly pleasant. Kaidan raised his hand to his ear.
"Got anything for me Liara?" He asked through his communicator.
"The crash site should be approximately 2 miles North West of your position; you will have to travel on foot. The air is breathable, but I wouldn't recommend taking off your helmets for now, just in case. So far I can only detect some life signs from various animals, no humans yet."
"Okay, we'll get moving." Kaidan gestured in the North West direction and the trio walked on.
It was a long time before anyone spoke. Eventually they had passed through the marsh land, finding themselves in a more rocky area, the hills growing higher the further they walked until they were the size of mountains. The ground became dustier and more desert like.
"So, your Dad, huh?" Vega broke the silence as they began navigating their way around the base of a large mountain.
"Yeah." Kaidan replied.
"Wanna talk about it?" Vega asked.
"Not much to say."
"But you're glad he's alive right? After thinking he could be dead for all this time? Your Mum will be happy."
"We don't know if he's alive yet, James. I don't want to get ahead of myself. Lets just find them first, and then I'll allow myself to feel anything."
"Did they know? - Your parents - About you and Shepard?"
"No. Can we change the subject please?" Kaidan was getting angry. He didn't want to believe his Dad was alive until he knew for sure, he couldn't take anymore disappointment or heartbreak. He especially didn't want to talk about Shepard.
Vega took the hint and stopped prying. Javik said nothing, displaying his usual passiveness to what he perceived as trivial human affairs. Which was part of the reason Kaidan had brought him along, there were no pitying looks where the Prothean was concerned.
When they finally navigated the mountain and turned they corner they were met with the sight of the crashed ship, wedged into a ridge in the rock, the metal twisted and crushed. A large Alliance logo was clearly visible on the ships side. There was no sign of the crew, Kaidan tried to keep his mind focused, determined to not think one way or the other about his Dad until he knew the truth.
"This is it. Let's look around." Kaidan commanded.
They worked their way into the ship; the metal creaking as the large wreckage moved disturbed by the breeze blew threw. The team began checking all the rooms for survivors but there was nothing to be found, the ship was empty. Kaidan walked up to what was once the pilots chair and flicked off the mayday switch, contemplating their next move.
"The ship is clear, Major." Javik spoke as he and Vega came up behind Kaidan, completing their search of the ship.
"But there are no bodies." Kaidan mused. "It's possible the crew moved on. We keep looking for now."
Shepard stood on the walkway once more, this time Logan stood at the other end. He had one hand firmly gripped onto the rail whilst he held out the other to Shepard.
"Okay, so this time I want you to let go. Walk to me, trust me. I will catch you if you fall." He assured.
"It's not me I am worried about, what if I hurt you? You are not in that much a better condition than I am. Are you sure we should be doing this?" Shepard questioned.
"Shepard, stop worrying about me and just do it." Logan insisted.
Shepard sighed heavily, Logan loved throwing her in at the deep end and his methods had certainly been working thus far. She let go of the bars, finding her balance. Slowly, she placed one foot in front of the other. She was wobbly but she was doing it. Gradually, step by step she moved closer to Logan, the size of his handsome smile increasing as she closed the distance. She began to smile herself, she was actually doing it! Walking! But with a few steps to go she stumbled forward. Logan darted forward like a snake, his free hand wrapping itself around her waist, pulling her against his body; raising her so once again she stood upright. She was crushed against his chest, he gazed down at her with his emerald eyes, his face inches away from her own.
"Careful." he whispered, she could feel his breath on her lips. He studied her face, looking for her signal.
"Shepard! You did it!" Oriana cheered gleefully. "You walked! All by yourself!"
Logan sighed; Shepard guessed he'd forgotten about the audience. He loosened his grip on Shepard, until she was standing independently again. She turned to face her friends and smiled.
"I did, apart from the blip at the end." She laughed nervously, still reeling from another awkward moment with Logan, this time in front of everyone.
"I knew you would, hence why I booked one of the private rooms. We should celebrate, you've been working so hard and I have tequila!" Jack pulled a bottle out of her bag and gave it a shake. "Would you like to join us Logan?"
Logan blinked, surprised at Jack's invite. "Erm - Yes, of course I would. Thank you." He climbed off the apparatus, grabbing his crutches. Then he turned back and held a hand out to Shepard. "Here, let me help you down."
She smiled taking his hand, Jack was obviously getting used to him being around and Shepard was glad. It was easier if everyone got along. They made an odd group of friends, thrown together under unusual circumstances, but she was thankful for every single one of them.
The room was much bigger than her hospital room; it had a table and chairs, with a TV screen along one wall. The news was already on when they entered; after what had happened at Alliance HQ Shepard had been avoiding it. She wanted to get her head on straight without the added complication of media hype. Jack instantly put her bag down on the table and pulled out some shot glasses, as the 5th one emerged from her bag she looked nervously at Miranda. Miranda furrowed her brow and looked to Oriana.
"Just one, she is 19, I suppose." Miranda said and Oriana hugged her.
Jack put the last shot glass on the table and started to pour the shots. She passed everyone a glass and raised her own high into the air.
"To Shepard and Logan and the progress you have both made. Now, I am going to drink enough to need a wheelchair myself!" Jack joked.
On cue, they all drank their shots. Oriana erupted in a fit of coughing.
"That stuff is awful! Eurgggh! Why would you want to drink it?!" She exclaimed as she wiped her tongue on the back of her hand. Everyone else burst out laughing.
"Hey - Shepard, that's a picture of you..." Jack interrupted, taking the TV remote and turning up the sound. Everyone turned to watch.
"-Commander Shepard, who has recently made her first public appearance since the end of the War."
The picture of Shepard changed to a video. A street, rubble, soldier, armoured vehicles and two figures talking. The image cleared, the pair becoming identifiable. The angle wasn't great but it was side on, enough to make out both faces.
"That's me - and, and Kaidan!"
They were talking, pain etched in their expressions, Shepard guessed it could be interpreted as intimate, but she wasn't sure. On the video Shepard stepped closer to Kaidan, decreasing the space between them as she spoke. Kaidan mirrored her movement with his reply.
Okay, definitely intimate...
But it didn't really prove anything. They had been through a lot together; it didn't necessarily mean they had continued their relationship. It could be just old friends saying goodbye. There was no sound on the video, so there was only body language with which to make deductions. Shepard was transfixed by the screen; Kaidan had stepped back and continued speaking.
"This footage was captured on the day of the final stand, in London, Earth and has been anonymously submitted. The man speaking to Commander Shepard has been identified as Major Kaidan Alenko, the second Human Spectre."
On the video Shepard moved to walk away, as she does Kaidan captures her arm pulling her back to him. His other hand guides her face to his, their mouths meet in a passionate kiss.
Holy Shit!
"This scene has sparked much controversy over the professional conduct of the two individuals, whose personal relationship is strictly forbidden by Alliance regulations. It has also given ammunition to those demanding that all ships that have still not returned have their crew officially announced as deceased, allowing families to hold proper funerals for them. As this would include the Normandy, the ship on which Major Alenko was aboard at the time of the Crucible beam, supporters argue that the announcement is being withheld and the bequest of Commander Shepard."
Shepard starred at the screen, her mouth hung open in shock. No one in the room spoke. Shepard's head was spinning, a thousand thoughts swam round her head, it was so much to take in. They wanted to acknowledge the Normandy crew as dead? Kaidan couldn't be dead. She knew that the thought had plagued her but she wasn't ready to accept it. She was still holding on to the possibility he would return. She thought about what she had seen, the kiss. Well, at least she had here answer. He'd come back to the Normandy and they had been together, even after what Jack had seen on Horizon. That was why her mind had held on to him, she had loved him.
Minutes had passed and still no one spoke. Shepard risked a peek at Logan. He also stared at the screen as the image of her and Kaidan's kiss repeated. The look on his face a mix of shock, disgust and jealously. Shepard started to think that she should have found a way to tell him about Kaidan, despite how crazy it might have sounded at the time.
"Well." Miranda chose to be the one to break the tension in the room. "Let's hope he properly called things off with that doctor on the Citadel otherwise she has just found out why he hasn't been returning her calls -"
"Wait! What doctor on the Citadel?!" Shepard said angrily as she was hit with a pang of jealousy.
"Oh - erm sorry. I forgot you don't remember things. He sent you a message after Horizon. It said his friends had talked him into going for drinks and it was nothing serious. I assume you turning out to be alive after he had spent 2 years mourning you kind of ruined it for him. I used to read all your messages whilst we worked for Cerberus, you knew about it at the time because Oriana blabbed in a message to you." She rolled her eyes at her sister.
Shepard stared blankly at Miranda; this was all too much at once. She was starting to get dizzy again. She put a hand to her forehead trying to focus; a throbbing in her head began.
A Doctor on the Citadel...
She didn't even want to think about that.
"Shepard, are you alright?" Jack asked.
"Yeah, I... erm, I -" Shepard rubbed her temples as the throbbing became painful. "I should get out of here. I need to rest; it's been an eventful day." She was still acutely aware that Logan still hadn't spoken and it was becoming increasingly awkward to be in the same room as him.
"Do you want me to take you?" Jack moved towards Shepard's wheel chair.
"No- No! I am fine. You guys should enjoy yourselves; I am just going to get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow." Shepard didn't even bother to make eye contact as she hastily wheeled herself back to her hospital room.
Kaidan and his team had exited the ship and continued on what had seemed the most logical path away from the wreckage, following a trail of debris the crash landing had obviously created. They split up to search the larger areas, but remained in sight of one another. They kept their eyes peeled for anything which might indicate where the crew had got to.
"Here!" Vega called.
Kaidan and Javik raced to his position. Amongst what would at first glance appear to be a mass of debris there was an opening, large enough for a person to enter, covered by a metal sheet. On closer observation the debris seemed somewhat organised, too well positioned in between the rocky crevice to have occurred naturally. Kaidan nodded to Vega and hepulled the metal sheet away peering inside, gun poised.
"Clear!" Vega confirmed.
Kaidan gestured, signalling the team forward. Kaidan went first; the passageway was narrow so they were forced to make their way through in single file. After a few minutes the tunnel opened out into a sort of valley. The sky was visible but the clearing was surrounded by mountains. Kaidan dove to the right and signalled the other two to the left, taking cover behind some boulders.
He peered out of the cover, in the clearing crude structures had been erected using parts of scrap metal and natural materials. In the centre a fire burned, people were gathered around it, whilst others carried out tasks elsewhere on the encampment. From their tattered uniforms Kaidan knew they were Alliance Military. They had to be the crew from the ship, so far no one had noticed their approach.
"Appears safe. Approach with caution, they have been stuck here along time, they could be confused." He whispered to Javik and Vega.
They trio rose from their cover. They walked in formation, guns forward, towards the encampment.
"I am Major Kaidan Alenko of the SS Normandy-" Kaidan began
The people stopped all suddenly, startled by the intruders. Some turned around, others took a cautionary step backwards, hushed whispered passed between individuals. A tall man, with a full head of grey hair pushed his way forward through the crowd gathered at the fire.
Kaidan lowered his gun. "Dad!"
"You need to get out of here, son." He said firmly.
"What are you talking about? We're here to take you back to the Normandy. We'll get you home." Kaidan explained, puzzled by his Father's behaviour.
"There's no time for that. You and your friends need to get back to your ship and forget about this place."
"Dad, you're not making any sense. We're not going to just leave you here. Come on, don't be ridiculous!" Kaidan argued.
"You and your friends need to turn around and go. It's too late for us they know we're here. They know our numbers. But you - you can still get out of here before they realise you're here. Take your ship far away from here. We can't risk them getting their hands on the Normandy."
"Who are you talking about? Who is 'they'?"
"Erm... Major, we've got company." Vega interrupted.
Kaidan turned towards him. Vega stood, still covering Kaidan's back, with his gun pointed at the mountain tops that surrounded the camp. Javik mirrored his stance. Kaidan followed their line of sight. There, on top of the mountain, a figure stood and it was of no species Kaidan had ever seen or even heard of. From this distance he could tell it stood at approximately 7ft tall, taller than any man. Its figure was slender, almost feline but distinctly feminine. The creature had stark white skin, the colour of fresh snow, emphasising its blood red eyes that stared threateningly down at them. Its appearance was primitive, long white hair fell past its waist and was the only thing covering its bare breasts. The only item of clothing worn was a basic loin cloth made from some form of animal skin; in its right hand it carried a long, sharp spear.
Panic erupted amongst the humans, people in the camp began to scatter, cries and shouts filled the air.
"Kaidan, leave now!" His father shouted over the panic and then disappeared into the crowd.
Kaidan ignored him.
"Take cover." He called to the others gesturing them towards some nearby salvaged supply crates. The trio sprinted towards the location. Once they were side by side, backs pressed against cover Kaidan turned to face the others.
"I don't know what's going on or what that thing is, but the people are scared of it. Keep up your guard, it may look as though it's equip with basic weapons but Sovereign looked like a space ship. I'm not leaving these people behind. Take that thing out!" Kaidan commanded.
Vega prepared to take the first shot. He turned and peered over the supply crate. He found his target instantly and fired. The bullet skimmed the arm of the creature, tearing at its flesh. The creature let out a high pitched snarl.
"Shit!" Kaidan cursed.
Alerted by the noise, more of the white creatures appeared. Kaidan scanned the mountains; there were creatures in every direction, the clearing surrounded.
The soldiers sprung into action, just as they were trained to, their reflexes taking over. Kaidan took the direction of the camps exit whilst Javik and Vega concentrated on the flanks. Bullets flew threw the air in all directions. Kaidan took out two in close succession, sending bullets straight through their hearts. Vega shot again at the first creature, this time getting a perfect head shot, killing it instantly. Javik took out one, but as he targeted the next creature it shifted, its movements so fast that to the naked eye the creature moved in a blur. The other creatures soon followed, each using the same rapid movement. They descended the mountains in seconds and were soon upon the camp. One shifted next to Javik, raising its clawed hand and striking him across the face. Javik flew through the air, landing several feet away, knocked out cold, blood gushing from the fresh claw marks on his face. Kaidan looked around, trying to decide on his next move, the creatures that weren't focused on him and Vega were gathering up the other humans, capturing them in large vine nets. His father had produced a pistol and was trying to protect his fellow crew, a creature quickly descended on him, it back handed him across the face and he fell to the floor. Kaidan looked back to Vega, he had managed to kill some of the beasts. Suddenly, Vega sprinted forward, producing his omni-blade and drove it into the back of a creature just releasing its net. The creature let out a blood curdling scream, grasping the attention of the other creatures. They all shifted to Vega's location, encircling him. He shot at them, killing another, but the remaining quickly outnumbered him, bringing him to the ground and trapping him in a net. Kaidan, ran to his aid, taking out a few more of Vega's captives, but one quickly turned and shifted into his path. Before Kaidan could dodge out of the way the creature seized him by the neck, raising him high off the ground. He had awful flash backs to when EDI had nearly killed him. The creature tightened its grip, starring menacingly at him with its blood red eyes, Kaidan struggled against it.
This is it. He thought as the oxygen left him. His own words repeating in his mind; I'm going to fight like hell for the chance to hold you again.
I'm sorry Shepard, I tried.
Then gradually everything went black.
Shepard strode along the crumbling streets of London, she was going to face the Reapers, to end this once and for all. She couldn't remember where she had been but she knew her destination. She had to find Kaidan, she had to see him before the assault began. It might be the last time they would ever be together.
No.
She wouldn't allow herself to think like that. They would get through this they always did; they had always survived and found their way back to each other. This was just another step on their journey. They would stop the Reapers and they could plan a life together in the universe they had saved. They had never really spoken about it but she had always imagined that Kaidan was the kind of man that wanted children and the thought of having his children didn't horrify her as much as it might have done. In fact she could see them in her mind, with his hair and big brown eyes. She knew that would be her demise, trying to say no to Kaidan was hard enough, but kids giving her the same puppy dog eyes? They would be spoilt rotten and would get away with everything. Between them and Kaidan, that would be the death of her, not the Reapers. She had nothing to fear, she just wished she didn't feel as though she did.
Shepard spotted Kaidan standing outside a nearby building. He had his finger over his ear, talking to someone through his communicator. He was partially turned away from her, looking down to the floor, pain and worry marred his perfect face. Shepard guessed it wasn't from the conversation he was having but for the situation they had found themselves in. He was scared too.
"Hey, Kaidan." Shepard said trying to the sadness out of her voice, she wasn't doing a very good job. Kaidan turned to her, lowering his hand.
"Hey. There you are." He smiled softly.
"You ready?" She asked, not really sure what you should say at a time like this. She had been so focused on seeing him one last time that she hadn't worked out what she was even supposed to say to him.
"Absolutely. For anything. Bring it on." He replied, doing a better job of keeping his cool than she was.
"And Biotics Division? You students?" She asked, trying to make conversation. She knew that he was passionate about his students; he was probably more worried about them than his self.
He laughed. "More than ready. Eager. That's youth for you. Guess we're old soldiers, hey Shepard?" The way he spoke showed that his composure was slipping.
"Yeah, I guess we are."
"We know the score. We know this is goodbye." He said, looking at her, his voice heavy, his eyes conveying his emotions and the things he couldn't say.
Shepard didn't like where this conversation was headed and she wasn't going to accept it. She didn't want him thinking like that, yes they were both scared but there was still hope.
Hope and a fighting chance.
She thought back to the image of those beautiful children her mind had created, their children. It strengthened her resolve, this wasn't the end for them, it couldn't be.
"When this is over, I'm going to be waiting for you. You'd better show up." She took a step closer to him, her voice waivered but she tried bury her fear deep down.
"Don't get me wrong! I'm going to fight like hell for the chance to hold you again." He closed the gap between them and briefly closed his eyes. "But listen, there's… things I want to say." He said as he stepped back again.
"Looking back… I have a few regrets, but not many. That's pretty damn amazing, right? Messed up kid that I was, never would have dreamed of the life I've had. And I owe a lot of that to you, you know."
"It's been quite a ride." She said, not sure what else to say. He was an amazing man and he'd become one on his own. The real question was whether she would have been able to do all this if it wasn't for him. When it got really tough; when she was working for Cerberus, when no one would believe her, when she had been incarcerated, when she really felt like giving up, she thought about him and it wasn't just a universe she had to save, it was him, Kaidan. He made it all real for her, something personal worth saving.
"It sure has. But how are you doing? Scared?" He asked.
"Damn straight, I'm scared. But that fear's gonna keep me alive long enough to strike these bastards right through the heart." She let her fear creep in, if she could show it to anyone it was Kaidan. But that only made her more determined, if she was going down she was taking the Reapers with her.
"Yeah. Exactly." He agreed and she realised her problem, he was a soldier too, through and through. He agreed because do the same, he would happily go down too if it meant he took the Reapers with him. The thought made bile rise in her throat, this was too hard. She couldn't lose him, she had to get out of here and focus on the battle.
"So… take care, Major." She moved to make her exit but Kaidan took hold of her and pulled her back, kissing her. He poured his goodbye into the kiss, his fear of one of the not coming back. She reciprocated, using the kiss to tell him the words she could not say.
"Stay safe." His voice was wrought with emotion and the words almost sounded a plea. He stepped back and looked away. "Well, I should find the rest of my squad."
You too, Kaidan. I can cope with dying but I can't cope with losing you.
"Yeah." She said, not speaking her mind.
"You know, I've never been to London." He mused.
Get a good look Kaidan. She thought as she walked away. Because after this we are never coming back. She'd had enough of London to last her a lifetime, once she was gone she never wanted to think of this place again. She never wanted to relive these memories.
Shepard took a deep breath as her eyes flew open. She sat up and looked around her, it was dark and she was in her hospital room. She looked at the clock, 03:14 am, she had been dreaming.
No, wait. She thought. No, not dreaming.
She thought of the video of her and Kaidan that had been hogging the news, she hadn't been dreaming, she had been remembering. During her dream she had felt the love she had for him in that moment, the pain of words she couldn't express, and the fear of losing him. Although she couldn't remember what had come before or after, the feelings still resided within her. They pulled at her heart, a warmth in her chest mixed with a pain and longing she couldn't satisfy. The gravity of it made her understand why her mind had clung to him so tightly. It was a crushing blow when she realised that he could have been right, that could have been their last goodbye. And she had been right too, it was over and she was waiting but it was looking ever more likely that he was not going to show up.
