Guess who's not dead, bitches! This crack-taken-seriously story is back again!


To Karma,

You don't want me to apologize anymore? Well, I suppose you never did like people doing things that were ultimately pointless. I can respect that.

So five more months until you can see me.. It feels like an eternity to me too, everyday is the same were I am at now (Which is, according to you, some sort of asylum). The people here wont speak to me, so I didn't even know were I was until you told me... How crazy is that? I'm not entierly sure about the passage of time either.. how long I've been here. The only thing I have to distract me from the mind-numbing boredom are your letters. And I know I don't deserve them.

You always were the best assassin in the class in my opinion, it's part of the reason I admired you so much. That said, I don't think you should break me out of the asylum.. I've already caused you enough problems as it is (thats a joke, right?). We both know I deserve to rot here.

I'm sorry they made a movie out of your trauma.. it's been years now and yet the story of what I did is still part of popular culture? No wonder you can't let it go.

How is your life now anyway? I can't beleive I haven't properly asked. What are you up to? How are you?... You don't have to tell me those things if you don't want to..

The experiments treatment that they are subjecting me too are pretty torturous intense. So I can't promise my brain wont be completely frazzled by December, but I will try and remain as sane as I can. One thing the doctors have told me is that I have brain damage. In my prefrontal cortex; The part of the brain responsible for regulating judgement, impulse control and management for agression. Apparently when my mother pushed my head it caused a small bleed and explains my 'episode'... still, not an excuse though.

(love)

best regards.

Nagisa.


Karma's eyes scanned over the letter again and again as he sat on the bus seat. Like every letter he had received from Nagisa, reading it made him feel overwhelmed with anxiety to the point of nausea. But at the same time, there was that sick thrill of excitement that coursed through his veins and made his scar tingle. Seriously, what was wrong with him? Nagisa was the cause of all of his emotional trauma, the reasonn that Karma could no longer live a 'normal' life, or interact with 'normal' people for an extended amount of time. Nagisa was the reason that Karma had panic attacks at the most inopportune times, the reason Karma could no longer sleep with the light off, the reason the scent of anything rotting would make him have another breakdown.

If it wasn't for what Nagisa did, Karma would be happy now, or at least, happier. He certainly wouldn't be the wreck he was now, who'd been detained in a mental health ward twice before his 18th birthday. Even now, although Karma was functioning better than he was a year ago that was only through the help of psychiatric medication and the occasional glass of wine or shot of whiskey when things got really bad. Most of the time lorazepam and alcohol was all that held him together.

Karma knew, that if he was smart, he'd try to leave this whole Nagisa debacle in his past. But he couldn't, it was hard to explain, but the last three years of Karma's life had been defined by the 'Nagisa incident', it was one of the few things he had left in his life. It was hard not to be obsessed with something when it still felt so unresolved, so present. There was a certain saftey in defining himself by his trauma. It meant he didn't have to focus on the hard task of moving on, of making something of himself, of facing his fears. It had become something of a crutch.

I can't leave this alone until I see Nagisa.. Just two more months.

The bus pulled up at Karma's destination and he hopped off, hood still pulled up over his head, hiding his distinctive red hair. The Nagisa Slasher move may of came out months ago, but Karma was still being harassed by fans whenever he was recognized. It was a drag he didn't want to deal with today. Shoving Nagisa's letter into his pocket (while being careful not to crinkle it), Karma made his way towards the looming gates of the cemetery. The looming shadow of the metal gates was stretched by the setting sun in the autumn sky.

Karma shivered.. this October was especially cold.. he pulled his jacket together around him and kept walking with purpose until he found what he was looking for.

A dark haired figure was kneeling in front of one of the graves, not seeming to care that water from the sodden grass was seeping into the knees of his trousers. Despite the chilly weather, he didn't have on a jacket, only a school blazer. Karma recognised him instantly.

"You're going to catch a cold if you get your clothes wet and don't wear a coat, Asano." Karma said with a tone of cation.

"I'm not that weak." Was Asano's reply. He didn't even bother to turn around and face Karma, his eyes still fixed on the grave in front of him that read Ren Sakikabara. Either side was Tomoya Seo, Teppei Araki and Natsuhiko Koyama.Karma sighed. How things had changed since their middle-school days; He couldn't believe that Asano was the irresponsible one, and Karma lecturing. The tables had certainly turned.

"I didn't say you were weak. I'm saying you'll get a cold." Karma said, walking closer to the other and putting a hand on Asano's shoulder. Asano quickly wiped his eyes and finally turned to look at Karma with bloodshot amethyst eyes. Karma decided not to ackonowledge the fact the other had been crying, he'd rather avoid a fight if at all possible.

"How did you know I'd be here?" Asano asked, as he stood up. The knees of his trousers were ringing wet and grass-stained, but unlike the Asano of three years ago, he didn't seem to care about untidy clothes.

"You told me that this was your first day of autumn break. I knew you'd head here straight after you got back from boarding school." Karma said evenly, trying to gage the situation (What type of Asano is he right now?). "I thought I'd catch up with you before you stayed out here too late. Don't want you to stay out half the night and have your Dad call the police. Again."

Asano scoffed. "That happened one time and I was hardly out that late. The old man was just over-reacting in his old age." He huffed. "And besides, Akabane, you're the last person I want lecturing me on being responsible. I'm not the one who got drunk and had to be taken home by the police."

"Hey, I'm just enjoying my teenage years. You should try it, Mr straight-lace." Karma retorted with a snicker. He felt relieved that it was this Asano he was dealing with. By almost all measures, Asano had made a remarkable recovery from the incident- He'd managed to walk again, and even got into a top boarding school despite being in the hospital for almost two years straight. But Karma knew that a lot of that was for show. Just beneath the surface, Asano was just as damaged as Karma was, and when that shone through, Karma felt as though he was looking at a reflection of his own trauma. He didn't know how to deal with that Asano.

"Enjoying your teenage years, huh? So does that mean no more obsessing over that case?" Asano said with caution in his voice. that case he called it, as if he wasn't directly involved in it. Karma wondered how Asano would react if he admitted he and Nagisa had been exchanging letters. He didn't even want to imagine how angry that would make Asano.. Their tentative 'friendship' that had formed over the years would be completely shattered.

"It's hard not to when I'm being mobbed by fanatics whenever I go out without a hood, and there's Slasher posters everywhere." Karma grumbled. Okay, so maybe that was a slight exaggeration. But the sentiment still stands, Karma thought.

"That's why I keep saying.. you should do what I did. Change your name and move away from here. It's the only way you'll ever be free.. Otherwise you'll just make the incident into part of your identity." Asano said sternly. He and Akari were the only ones who'd speak to Karma like this.. everyone else would tiptoe around the 'fragile' victim. Karma was greatful for their honestly, but at the same time it irked him.

"Now who's lecturing who, Asano." He said sullenly. He glanced at Asano. The guy really must of came straight from school, he still had his uniform on, and a bag slung over his shoulders. He was taller than he was in his middleschool days.. but thinner too. Even the way he walked was different.. less confident, a slightly noticable limp even after so many months of physio-therapy. His previously blond hair had been dyed jet black and Karma swore there was some frost on the tips (Just how long had Asano been kneeling by the grave?). only his eyes remained the same, still as fierce as ever.

"By the way when we're in public I want you to call me Katsumi Hatsu. That's what I go by now." Asano explained. Karma shrugged. Sure. whatever. The red head wondered if there'd ever be a day were he'd make up a new name to disguise his identity. He couldn't imagine it.. He couldn't imagine being anyone other than Karma Akabane, object of Nagisa Shiota's obession and slasher victim.

"So, how is boarding school? Have you managed to make yourself overlord yet?" Karma asked in a jovial manner as they reached the bus stop. Asano looked at him, then looked away, tugging at his blazer sleeves self-consicously in a decidedly un-Asano-like manner.

"It's a work in progress." Asano said evasively. But the look in his eyes said it all. Karma knew the other boy was probably frustrated that he coudn't do things like he could at Kunugigaoka; Asano's injuries meant he no longer had his physical prowess, and missing so much school must make it more difficult to rank at number 1 like he used to. While Asano worried that Karma focused too much on the past, Karma worried that Asano was pushing himself forwards too hard; From the moment Asano woke up from his coma, he'd constantly pushed himself going against medical advice, Walking before the doctors thought he should, sneaking out the hospital when he was still supposed to be on bed-rest, studying when he was supposed to be sleeping. When the doctors and his father tried to convince him to take anti-anxiety medication, he flat out refused and threw the packet in the bin (Karma had tried to get the guy to give the pills to him. That earned him a scolding). Now, even after all he went through, Asano still wasn't satisfied because he wasn't the best pupil in the whole school. It was ridiculous.

Before Karma could articulate a response to Asano, the bus pulled up, and the two of them hopped on.

"Don't I know you two from somewhere?" The driver mused, staring them up and down as they handed in their money. Karma felt Asano tense up next to him.

"We live in the local area- probably seen us around somewhere there." Karma said quickly, slamming down the money and dragging Asano away to the back bus seat as quickly as possible. The bus driver shrugged and set off driving. The sun was completely gone from the sky now, and the warm bus was a comforting escape from the icy temperatures outside.

"I bet if I hadn't come to collect you, you'd still be in that graveyard, wouldn't you?" Karma said, turning to Asano, only to find the other had fallen asleep. no way! They'd been sat down for less than a minute.. Nobody sleeps that fast!

Karma rolled his eyes and sent a quick text to Akari saying he'd met up with Gakushuu, then sat in silence, staring out the window. As soon as he had nothing to distract himself, the thoughts of Nagisa returned... he tried to resist, but after a few seconds, Karma had pulled Nagisa's letter out his pocket and began to read.. He'd already read this letter over a dozen times, but it still made his heart pound and his palms tingle. He couldn't work out if that was a good feeling or not.

I have brain damage. In my prefrontal cortex; The part of the brain responsible for regulating judgement, impulse control and management for agression. Apparently when my mother pushed my head it caused a small bleed and explains my 'episode'

So Nagisa's breakdown hadn't been purely psychological. His literal physical brain had broke as well.. Did that mean Nagisa wasn't responsible for his actions even partially? Did this change things? (Could he forgive Nagisa now?). Karma pictured Nagisa in his mind's eye. He was so tiny, so timid looking. Karma had originally sought Nagisa out as a friend because of how 'harmless' he seemed (Oh, the irony). But still, even after seeing first hand all the horrors that Nagisa had inflicted, it was hard to reconcile the image of Nagisa as a 'killer'.

If only Karma had stopped Nagisa's bitch of a mother.. if only he had done more.. he knew Nagisa had problems, yet Karma did nothing. Don't blame yourself, Karma, Akari's voice spoke in his head. Easy for her to say. She had been the 'rescuer' after all. While Karma was just the victim who let everything happen.

Karma felt his amber eyes drift over to Asano's sleeping form (the guy must be exhausted to sleep here of all places). Peeking out from the very edge of Asano's sleeve, Karma could just about make out the sliver of white scar-tissue. Asano's scars from Nagisa's attack. Nagisa's art. Karma knew that Asano was covered in them, but he'd never seen them, not properly. Asano always wore long-sleeved shirts and trousers even in the height of summer. Karma knew the scars that marred Asano's skin were probably one of his biggest insecurities. He knew Asano couldn't bare to look at them himself, and the thought of someone else seeing them was even more mortifying.

But still.

Karma wanted to see it.. It was Nagisa's art. Evidence that Nagisa existed. (And the most twisted, depraved part of himself was jealous. Jealous that Asano had gotten more scars from Nagisa than he did. Wasn't Karma supposed to be Nagisa's obsession?)

Slowly, fully aware that if Asano caught him this could be the end of their friendship, Karma rolled up the sleeping boy's sleeve to expose more of the scar's. Nagisa's work. At first, it just looked like random cuts, but when Karma looked closer, it was actually kanji for monster. The scars were everywhere. What had Nagisa been thinking when he'd done this?

Forgetting to act with discretion in his thirst for more evidence of Nagisa. But suddenly, he felt a hand grab his wrist and push him away. Karma jumped back on instinct.

"I expect this from the common, vulgar people who chase after sensational stories like a pack of hungry wolves, putting their own curiosity above sensitivity, but not from you, Akabane." Asano hissed, before letting go of Karma's wrist, tugging down to leaving, and marching off the bus at whatever random bus stop they had currently reached. Karma took a second to get over the shock of being grabbed before hurrying off after Asano.

"Wait!" Karma called out, as the two of them jumped off the bus at an unfamiliar part of town. The sky was completely black now, the only illumination came from the dimly-lit street lights. Asano ignored him, walking as fast as he could down the street away from Karma. Karma caught up with him easily though, much to Asano's frustration.

"Just leave me alone." Asano hissed, his eyes were blazing with fury, but also betrayal. Those eyes said all the things that Asano was too proud to say. Karma felt a stab of guilt. he considered grabbing Asano by the shoulders and forcing him to listen, but decided against it.

"I'm sorry." Karma said (It was rare for someone like him to apologise for anything).

"Why? Why did you do that?" Was Asano's response. "Curiosity? What was it?"

"I- Well- " Karma started. It was rare for him not to be able to find the right words. How could he explain this as a way for Asano to understand. Understand that he hadn't meant to make Asano feel as though he betrayed his trust. "Okay! You were right when you said I'm making this Nagisa thing into part of my identity. The whole thing still feels so unresolved. My life has been defined by that incident for three years, yet there's still so much I don't know.. about Nagisa.. about what happened."

"Jesus.. You're just as obsessed with him as he was with you." Asano retorted, a harshness in his eyes. "I don't understand you, Karma, he mutilated you, he killed your friends. Why is it that you seem so reverent of that monster?"

He's not a monster. Was Karma's first reactionary thought.

"I'm sorry, Asano but my feelings don't make sense. I can't deal with this in the 'typical' way like you do; Hate the bad guy and try to move on. Nagisa was my friend! it's not so easy as him being the 'bad guy'. Its more complicated for me. There's things I still need to come to terms with!" Karma said back, feeling on the verge of shouting. It wasn't exactly Asano he was mad at, but the world who judged him for not reacting to the trauma in an 'acceptable' way like Asano did. "It isn't fair that people just put all these expectations on me about how I should act!"

"He killed people, Karma. What's so complicated about that." Asano replied coldly, shutting down futher conversation. Karma felt a tinge of frustration.. for the first time he'd tried to explain his feelings to someone only to be shut down. Well. Maybe it was his own fault for trying to open up to Asano after betraying the other's trust. But still. The two of them walked side by side for at least an hour, a tense wall of silence between them. Both was annoyed at the other.

"Your house is that way." Asano said curtly as they reached a more suburban and familiar area. Karma just nodded.

"I'll walk you home first." He said sullenly, knowing it would cause another argument.

"That isn't necessary." Asano bit back, attempting to quicken his pace, but his limp was more pronounced. Karma noted that the other was looking a little shaky too.. a day of travelling and sitting in a cold graveyard must of worn down Asano's energy. He might not act like it, but Karma knew Asano still wasn't fully physically recovered, and he still had a tendency to collapse if he pushed himself too hard.

"I'm not leaving." Was Karma's reply. No matter how tense it was between them at this moment in time, Karma refused to leave the other and be responsible if Asano collapsed in the street alone.

"Stop treating me like I'm weak." Asano growled, but it wasn't very convincing when his pace was getting slower and slower, despite attempting to appear 'fine'.

"There's no point arguing about this." Karma said. He must of had this argument with Asano almost every time he'd seen Asano since the 'incident'. Asano hated being helped no matter how much he needed it.

"I don't need your pity- " Asano started too say, but stopped abruptly when one of his legs gave out under him. he slipped forwards, only managing to stop himself from falling by grabbing onto the fence. Karma was there in an instant, ready to help him up.

"Just take it easy and stop trying to walk so fast- " he started to say, but was cut off when Asano swatted him away.

"I hate this!" Asano hissed, glaring down at his legs with eyes full of frustration. "I hate this weak useless body! I hate that you are too afraid to leave this pathetic, fragile, injured boy to walk home by himself because you don't think he's strong enough."

Karma sighed. There was a million supportive things he could say to Asano, about how he shouldn't be so hard on himself, since many doctors predicted he wouldn't be able to walk at all, how overcoming those odds proved he wasn't really weak. But he'd said those a million times before, and they'd never made Asano feel any better. That boy would only be satisfied when he was once again in peak physical and mental condition. Able to take on the world like before.

"That's just how things are right now." Karma replied, his voice neither mocking nor pitying. Instead neutral. "You're going to get stronger, but right now, this is the position you're in right now."

"Giving lectures doesn't suit you." Asano said as he slowly pulled himself upright, glaring at Karma as he did so. He was still pissed. The two of them walked together until they reached Asano's house, the silence once again resuming. It was only when they reached the gates to the Asano residence that Asano spoke up again.

"I wasn't strong anyway." Asano muttered quietly. "I couldn't save anyone. Not even myself."

"Me neither." Was Karma's wistful reply. Almost as soon as they reached the gate, a slightly-frantic looking Gakuhou Asano burst out from it. He must of been watching for Asano's return from the window.

"Gakushuu. you should of been home hours ago." His father chided, his frantic expression quickly receding and being replaced by that usual stern look he had. Gakushuu gave him a look of insolence.

"I told you I'd be late."

"I suppose you probably wouldn't be home at all if Akabane hadn't gone to fetch you. I assume that's what happened." Gakuhou said, acknowledging Karma with a nod. Karma could only stiffly nod back. "Would you like to come inside, Akabane? you at least deserve some tea for taking care of my irresponsible son?"

"Thanks but no thanks." Karma said, forcing a it wasn't for his and Asano's argument, he probably would of accepted. Dealing with the former Chariman always made him feel conflicted. On the one hand, he'd created the sadistic school system that compunded Nagisa's breakdown, and his strict method of raising Gakushuu was probably half the reason the boy felt so much disgust at being 'weak'. On the other, Karma had come to realise that despite how he acted, the Chairman really did love his son. The way he fell apart when Gakushuu was in that coma was proof enough. "I'll catch you later, Asano's."

With that, Karma left. He'd have to make up with Gakushuu later. God. His obsession with Nagisa was not only damaging himself, but others around him. But all he could think about was what to write in the next letter. He hated himself for it.


Something about Nagisa was changing. He could tell that much, or at least, he thought he could. Was it just the anti-psychotics and sedatives, or could he feel the fundamental build of his fingers altering.. they felt stretchy somehow. Maybe it was just tactile hallucinations as a result of all the isolation and torture, but Nagisa was sure he could feel some sort of metamorphosis occurring. The tests that the scientists conducted on him no longer left him feeling nauseous and sore, but rather, stronger and more invigorated.

He was sure one time while they were experimenting on him, he managed to wake up briefly during the procedure despite the anesthetic. He was sure that he saw them stretching his fingers to impossibly long lengths, as if they were pieces of spaghetti. it was so surreal. So strange.

A scientist was stood over him. The guy had dark green hair that reminded Nagisa of slimy seaweed, his face was long and his chin had a cleft in it. However, the most startling thing about him was his left eye, or rather, his lack of it. In it's place was a bionic optical device that shone red. Through the haze of anesthesia, Nagisa had a hard time recognizing the man.. but finally, it came to him in a flash. Kotarou Yanasigawa; The man who created Korosensei and blew up the moon!

"We were right to take things slow this time." Yanasigawa was saying, although his voice sounded muffled in Nagisa's ears. "We wont have any mistakes like last time, this super-being will bend to our will entirely and he wont blow up after a year. How laughable that the guinea-pig's own student will become our new lab rat!"

Yanasigawa and the others around him laughed. Nagisa felt only a flash of dread.. so this meant.. that he was being turned into a monster like Korosensei!?

Nagisa wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't any more. All he had to ground himself in reality was Karma's letters. They were his salvation, the one bit of salvation in this cold, confusing world he lived in.


Okay so this chapter is waaaaay longer than any of the others! But I really wanted to explore Karma's weird relationship towards Nagisa in more depth, and I did this by juxtaposing him against Asano. They have both dealt with their trauma in very different ways, each with it's own pros and cons. They kind of have a weird sort of friendship in this, because those two and Akari are the only ones who dealt with 'snapped-Nagisa' first hand. Asano runs away from his problems, Akari acts as though they aren't real when it suits her, and Karma can't bring himself to escape his. I also used this chapter to try and highlight how badly Karma's obession with Nagisa is imapcting upon his functioning, and how it presides above all else for him.

The Nagisa part was pretty short, but I've revealed a big twist! Yup! The scientists experimenting on Nagisa are working under Shiro, who is trying to turn Nagisa into another 'super being' he can control this time. I wrote this story before the Assclass manga actually ended, so I didn't know Shiro was going to end up paralysed. So we'll havr to say in this AU, things ended a little differently.

Let me know if I should continue all the way until Karma and Nagisa meet! Let me know what you think of the story! If you have any ideas for the story let me know :D