I will not convince my godson to imitate Severus Snape and inform the man's portrait that he had an illegitimate son before he died, nor will I laugh hysterically when said man's portrait informs me just why that would be impossible.
I will not acquire contacts and then spend the day intentionally bumping into people and telling them it's because I broke my glasses.
I will not hex people every time they say I look like my father and have my mother's eyes.
I will not melt down previous students' Special Award for Services to the School and make it into an animated lion, no matter how adorable it is and how evil the former recipient was.
I will not hold Annual Lockhart Books Burning Day in the Great Hall.
I will not provide guided tours of the Chamber of Secrets.
I will not inform students that the teachers bet on their love lives.
I will not reveal how much money Professor Flitwick won when Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley finally got together.
I will not make pictures in the grass of the Quidditch pitch that can only be seen whilst in the air.
I will not charm teachers' clocks to cheer when class is over.
