Chapter Eight: Home

A few weeks had passed since the funeral. They'd upped Shepard's medication, partly because of the damage she had done overexerting herself and partly because she hadn't stopped seeing things that weren't there. Well not things, she'd been seeing Kaidan, just Kaidan. Yesterday she had been wandering the hospital halls and he'd been there, casually reading off a clip board. Shepard had frozen in her tracks until a nurse laid her hand on Shepard's back, causing her to blink. Kaidan's image was instantly replaced with that of a brown haired doctor bearing not even a vague resemblance to Kaidan. Sometimes, she woke in the middle of the night and he was there, just watching her. But when she tried to speak to him he would just fade into nothing and she was alone again.

The doctors thought she had got better after the last few days, that their medication working its magic, in reality she'd just stopped telling them about it. Besides, she preferred it this way, if she didn't mention it no one looked at her like she was crazy. Perhaps she was crazy, but at the end of the day she was Commander Shepard, her priority was always the mission and right now that mission was moving on with her life. She couldn't do that here at the hospital and now they thought she was well enough they were finally going to let her leave.

Today she had decided to start packing her things. She wasn't leaving till the end of the week but the task allowed her to relax a little. The door to her room was open and it let a light breeze roll through.

"Shepard?" Logan said from behind her, poking his head round the door as if he sought permission to enter.

"Oh, hi Logan." Shepard smiled, putting down the top she was folding. "Come in."

"Thanks." He stepped forward awkwardly, his hands instantly finding his pockets.

Logan wasn't himself, his nature was usually open and carefree but today he looked troubled. His emerald eyes had taken on a stormy quality and he looked around the room nervously, his gaze briefly resting on Shepard's picture of Kaidan before he closed his eyes and shook his head. When he opened them again his were eyes intense and he was looking directly at Shepard.

"Is everything alright?" Shepard said, stepping closer and resting a hand on his bicep.

He glanced down at her hand, when he looked up again his eyes bore into hers.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Well… here I am." She smiled again, trying to lighten the mood.

His behaviour was so unlike him and was making her feel a little uncomfortable. Shepard removed her hand and he seemed to realise that he was making her uneasy.

"Sorry." He sighed. "I'm acting weird." He smiled, and a little bit of his normal carefree self crept in.

"Maybe a little." She winced playfully as she spoke.

Logan laughed. "Sorry, it's just been a little... odd between us lately, and, well, they're letting me go so this is kind of a reluctant goodbye." The smile disappeared from his face and his intense look was back.

"They're letting me go too, not till the end of the week though."

"They are? I'll see you at the Alliance base then?" He could barely contain his excitement; relief flooding through him as his eyes quickly scanned her face for an answer.

"No." She paused and Logan looked as though his heart sank. "I'm not going to the base." She continued. "I'm going to stay with Kaidan's Mother for a while. But she lives nearby, near to the base. It doesn't have to be goodbye, not if we don't want it to."

"Shepard..." His disappointment was gone, replaced by that same intensity from earlier. "There's things I wanna say."

Shepard felt a twinge in her head at familiarity of his words, a sharp shooting pain, causing her to raise her hand to the bandage covering her wound from the graveyard, brushing her hair out of the way.

"Are you alright? What happened to your head?" Logan said, concerned.

"I fell, had to have some stitches. It's fine really, just a brief shooting pain, please carry on."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded, removing her hand to stop him worrying, the pain really had gone. He looked at her suspiciously but decided to continue anyway.

"Listen, I wanted to tell you... huh, this isn't easy. I can't think of the right way to say this but - I can't stop thinking about you. I've fallen for you Shepard. And I know there's things going on with your life right now that means you can't feel the same way I do. But I wanted you to know that's okay. I want to be the one who is there for you… I know you feel it too, all I'm asking for is a chance, a chance to see where this could take us." He stopped, holding his breath as he waited for a reply, his gaze fixed on her.

"Logan..." She spoke quietly, looking down at the floor. "You don't want to be with me. I'm fucked up and there's no magic way to fix it. I'm a mess. And I mean, look at you, you could have anyone you wanted. You don't want me, you have no idea what you'd be letting yourself for -"

"-Don't try and tell me what I want Shepard. I know what I want, I want you." He took hold of her, pulling her closer, quickly bringing his mouth down onto hers.

For a split second she didn't react, but slowly her lips moved underneath his, returning the kiss. After all, it was Logan. He was right she did feel something for him, what it was she wasn't sure but maybe he was exactly what she needed. He was light hearted, caring, a complete and utter contrast to the dark downward spiral that consumed the rest of her life.

Shepard didn't know what made her open her eyes at that particular moment, but she did. There, in the doorway, over Logan's left shoulder, stood Kaidan looking directly at her, his mouth hung open in surprise. Shepard quickly pushed Logan away.

"You can't kiss me." She rushed out panicked words, taking a step back and casting her eyes down at the floor.

Logan looked at her puzzled for a moment by her sudden rejection, and then turned to see what had startled her.

"Oh! Hello Mrs. Alenko." He said politely.

Mrs. Alenko?

Shepard shot her head up.

Oh God!

It was worse that she had thought. It wasn't another Kaidan hallucination, but his Mother. Here, real, and she had seen Shepard locked in Logan's arms, kissing him! Her subconscious had picked up on the family resemblance and replaced her face with Kaidan's.

Fuck! What must she think of me? His funeral was two weeks ago and she walks in on me with someone else! Some way grieve… What the fuck do I even say?

"Err.. Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude, the door was open. I - Erm... Shepard, I was in the area and came to see if you wanted to go out for lunch - and whether you had anything ready that needed moving to mine. But I didn't realise you were busy - I'll go."

"No-" Logan jumped forward. "No, don't go. I was just leaving. Err... Shepard, I'll see you later. Mrs. Alenko, nice to see you."

He nodded at them both awkwardly, before stuffing his hands in his pockets and darting out of the room with a guilty look on his face.

Eleanor looked after him, before turning back to Shepard and smiling as though nothing had happened.

"So, lunch?" Eleanor asked casually.


"Kaidan." A voice whispered softly into his ear.

"Kaidan." It repeated.

Kaidan's eyes fluttered involuntarily, the familiarly of the voice rousing him. But he was tired, he just wanted to sleep, why was someone trying to disturb him?

"Kaidan, please."

He opened his eyes. He lay on the floor, surrounded by a great expanse of purple hazy nothingness. There was no one here, he was completely alone.

But that voice?

"You're awake!" The voice exulted and Kaidan instantly recognised its owner.

Shepard?

Kaidan rolled onto his right searching for her. Shepard crouched on her knees next to him, her smiling face above him, fixated on his own. He swore she hadn't been there a moment ago.

"Shepard!" He sat up, pulling her into his arms, embracing her tightly.

She laughed the sound light and beautiful.

Kaidan held her, just enjoying the sensation of her in his arms again. Her body pressed firmly against his, her face tucked into the crux of his neck, his chin resting on her shoulder. She didn't move, just accepted his touch.

He couldn't tell how much time had passed when he opened his eyes again, but when he did he became more aware of their surroundings. Something wasn't right here...

"This isn't real, is it?" Kaidan questioned, releasing her from the embrace.

She laughed again. "It can be."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't go back Kaidan, stay here, with me, forever. This can be our reality, we don't need anything else. Just each other." She said, laying her hand on his cheek.

He nestled his face into her palm, closing his eyes. He didn't want to go back, he didn't want to leave her, not again.

"Will you stay with me?"

He opened his eyes and looked deep into her eyes. He couldn't lose her again. He'd lost her too many times.

"Yes."

She smiled, letting out a sigh of relief before reaching forward and placing her lips softly on his. He wrapped his arms around her back, pulling her closer once again and deepening the kiss.

"Kaidan." Another voice spoke from far off in the distance.

He broke away from her lips, looking around in the haze.

"Who's there?" He called out into the nothingness.

"Ignore it." Shepard reached up with both hands, attempting to pull his face back down to hers. He ignored her, still searching for whoever else was here with them. Recognition tugged at him, he would know that voice anywhere, but it couldn't be.

"Kaidan." The other voice spoke again, but this time it sounded closer, somewhere behind him.

He turned to face it and his suspicions were confirmed.

"Ash!" He exclaimed.

The purple haze parted as Ashley Williams stepped through it, a bright light streamed from her wake. Ashley smiled at him with loving eyes. She was dressed completely in white, her eyes shone and her skin almost looked as if it glowed. Everything about her was beautiful.

"Kaidan… You can't stay here. You don't belong here." She spoke slowly, holding out her hand to him.

Kaidan stood up cautiously, never taking his eyes off Ash and removing Shepard's hands as they frantically tried to pull him back to her.

"Kaidan, no!" Shepard shouted as he walked slowly towards Ashley.

"Ash, it's so good to see you." As he took hold of her outstretched hand his own began to glow, golden lights dancing off his skin. "But - if you're here..." He turned back to Shepard, who remained on the floor, looking both horrified and defeated. "... That - that means Shepard's dead too." He looked at Ashley, a tear rolling down his cheek; she instantly reached up with her free hand to wipe it away.

"No." She smiled. "This is no place for the dead. This is a place between the worlds. A cage within your own mind, nothing more. That is not really Shepard. You know that, deep down in your heart. And now, you must go."

"How?"

"Your love for Shepard was enough to conjure her up here; it is enough to take you back. Now, close your eyes and think of being with her again, where you belong."

"But Ash, there's so much I want to say to you-"

"There is no time for that. I know. I miss you too." She reached out and rested a hand on his cheek; the light from her skin began radiating from his face. "She needs you, go back to her."

So Kaidan closed his eyes and thought. Thought of all the things he loved about her, how strong she was, how determined, of much how she'd altered his life, of all the things they'd been through together and how much they still had left to do.

"Ashley... I don't even know if she's alive-"

As he opened his eyes to speak something inside him shifted, the purple haze disappeared and instead he saw a dark room. He instantly drew a gasping breath, lifting himself off his back and causing him to splutter and cough. His neck stung and he winced with pain as he moved.

Slowly he took in the room around him, a location he knew well, the medical bay on the Normandy. He swung his legs off the bed, judging from the darkness it was late and Dr. Chakwas was probably in her bunk sleeping. Carefully, he stood up, testing his legs before he put his full weight onto them. He was a little dizzy but okay enough to walk so he made his way out of the door.

When Kaidan entered the mess hall he found his father, slumped on the table, a cup of coffee in hand. At the sound of the door his father awoke suddenly, quickly lifting his head and blinking a few times before rubbing his eyes.

"Son! You're awake." He stood, walked over and hugged him Kaidan tightly. Then he pulled away and gave his soon a good look over. "I've been worried sick. Dr. Chakwas told me you were over the worse but I couldn't sleep a wink."

"How long have I been out?" Kaidan asked.

"Nearly 2 weeks. Don't worry everyone has settled in fine. The Doctor should check you over; I'll go wake her up." He turned, but Kaidan grabbed his arm.

"No, please Dad, not right now. Let her sleep. I'm fine and I've spent enough time in that medical bay recently... I thought you were dead, it's good to see you."

His father eyed him suspiciously.

"Okay... but at least sit down." His father said before sitting down himself.

Kaidan obliged him, taking the seat opposite.

"You heard from your mother recently?"

"Yeah, just before the last push on Earth, she was worried about you, we both were."

"Well, I would have been dead if it weren't for you son. But lets not dwell on that. Your crew tell me we've won the war, that the Reapers are gone."

Kaidan nodded, looking down at the table. Every time he thought about the Reapers he thought about how they may have cost him Shepard's life and that he still had no way of knowing her fate.

"They speak highly of you, you know. You're a good soldier, kid." He laughed. "Better than I ever was! The whole galaxy owes you and your crew their lives. You're a hero. I'm proud to call you my son."

Kaidan looked up and smiled sadly at his father.

"They're not my crew Dad, they're Shepard's."

"Ah, yes, Shepard... The crew told me about her too - and about the two of you. How come you never told me and your mother? When you came home after she died on the SR-1? You were a mess, if we'd have known, we could have - anyway, not that it matters now. I know you loved her. I'm sorry son."

"We don't know if she is dead yet." Kaidan said threw gritted teeth.

He was holding on to the hope of her still being alive so tightly, he didn't need to have an argument with his Dad about it too. Had he really seen Ashley when he was unconscious, or was it just his imagination? She'd seemed to believe Shepard was alive, she would know or maybe Kaidan's subconscious had just wanted her to say so.

His father didn't say anything for a moment, before leaning forward across the table.

"Of course we don't. She's been through worse and survived... See, and there's another reason you should have told us! I can just imagine your Mom swooping in to look after her in our absence, such a Mother Hen that one."

Kaidan smiled, he cherished how well his parents knew one another. He could just imagine his Mom doing exactly that, if she had known about him and Shepard. Maybe he should have told them, if she was alive Shepard could probably do with the support. But then again, she wasn't used to people fussing over her and if there was one thing his Mom liked to do it was fuss.

"I think Shepard would like Mom."

"Yeah?" He smiled. "Well I can't wait to meet her. Now, I'm going to go and get the doctor, you look exhausted. Wait here." He said as he rose from the table, briefly pausing to squeeze Kaidan's good shoulder as he passed.


The move from the hospital had gone off without a hitch and now Eleanor pulled her car up outside a quaint, somewhat old fashioned house. It was just the sort of place Shepard could imagine Eleanor owning and Kaidan growing up in. It gave off that family home vibe with its cute wooden fence and flower filled garden.

Eleanor hadn't mentioned witnessing the incident with Logan a few days ago so Shepard didn't bring it up. She also hadn't found a spare moment to talk to Logan either. He'd left the hospital for the Alliance HQ without saying goodbye in person, just a note he'd left on Shepard's bed whilst she'd been in training. All he wrote was that he'd got Eleanor's home phone number off Jack and he'd be in touch when they were both settled. Jack had returned to her students, promising to visit every weekend until Shepard was sick of the site of her. Shepard missed her company but she was happy to see her go, Jack's students were important to her and Shepard could tell she was eager to get back to them.

Shepard climbed out of the car and grabbed a box out of the boot, there were only a few, she didn't really have that much stuff, only what had been in her old room in the Alliance base and the stuff she'd accumulated at hospital.

"Leave those for the moment dear; let me show you around first." Eleanor called as she swung open the gate and headed up the gravel path.

Shepard closed the boot; already holding one box she thought she might as well bring it inside and followed Eleanor to the door.

The house was just as homely on the inside as it was on the out and was deceptively large. The front door led them to a large opened plan living area. On one side were a set of slightly worn leather sofas, with handmade patchwork quilts thrown over them, facing a large brick fire place. Along the fireplace were numerous family photos, mainly featuring Kaidan. Some of him as a baby, some as a young child and some of him as an awkward looking teenager. Some alone and some with his family. But all beautiful. He always looked so happy, smiling brightly at the camera. Shepard quickly looked away from them as her emotions started to get the better of her. She was starting to wonder if coming here had been the best idea.

On the other side was a modest kitchen and large family dining table. To the back of the room was a set of large patio doors opening onto a vast balcony, with breathtaking views over English Bay.

"It's lovely." Shepard said; her gaze still fixed on the view out the window and across the water.

"Thank you. We always loved it here." Eleanor smiled. "My room is down that way, as is the family bathroom." She said, pointing down the hall way which led off the kitchen. "But let me show you to your room first and you can get rid of that box." She headed for the opposite hall way, the one which ran on the opposite side, past the living room.

Eleanor passed a few rooms, identifying them as they moved through the house. Eventually she stopped and opened the door in front of them.

"This was Kaidan's room." She said softly as they stepped inside.

Shepard looked around the room, it had a double bed in the centre, which was a relief for Shepard after sleeping in that small hospital bed for so long. A simple wardrobe and chest of draws were to her right and a door to an en-suite on her left. There was a desk along the opposite wall, upon which sat a couple more photos of Kaidan, mostly with his friends. Above it hung a large pin board, full of things Kaidan had once thought important enough to keep there. More pictures, movie posters, pictures of bands, pamphlets about BRAIN CAMP, a news paper clipping about saving the Citadel from Saren with a photo of the whole Normandy crew, and on the corner of the vast board hung a blue baseball cap bearing the Alliance logo.

Shepard walked over to the board slowly as she took it all in. She placed the box she carried down on top of the desk and picked up a picture of a very young, fresh faced Kaidan, wearing what appeared to be his first Alliance uniform. It must have been taken when he enlisted.

"I thought you might feel more comfortable in here; if not there is a guest room down the hall?"

"It's perfect." Shepard replied, glancing round the room once more.

"Good... I'll give you a moment to settle in and then we can get the rest of your stuff if you like." Eleanor smiled and left the room.

Shepard walked over to the bed and sat down, surveying her surroundings again.

This was harder than she thought it was going to be. Amongst all his things, his gawky teenage pictures, the stuff he'd thought important enough to keep no matter where the Alliance sent him, the things that made this his home. The place he had run to for shelter when he'd thought she was dead. Now it was her turn to pull herself back together and find a way to move on with her life. Somehow, it felt right to be here, the only sense of belonging Shepard had felt since she woke up in that hospital all those months ago. This was as close to Kaidan as she had managed to get. Keeping their relationship secret meant there was very little evidence of its existence. But it's not like they wouldn't have needed that, they had each other and their memories. That's all Kaidan would have had after her death, his memories. Now she had even less, her memory of their life together in a collection of tattered rags. Shepard felt a chill run through her. She had gone too deep into her thoughts and she was letting her emotions get the better of her. She didn't have time for that right now. Later she could dwell on all that and give herself over to her grief. Right now, Eleanor was expecting her to begin unloading her stuff from the car.

Still feeling the cold, Shepard rose from the bed; she walked over to the wardrobe and swung the door open, hoping to find something to keep out the chill. A few odd clothes hung in front of her, she ran her hand along them, Kaidan's clothes. She wasn't sure how she felt about disturbing them. It was good of Eleanor to even let her in here, let alone use it as her room. After losing a child most parents would want to keep everything just how they had left it, like at any moment they could come back and would need to assume their life before. But Kaidan wasn't coming back, maybe Eleanor was just good at accepting that and knew that Shepard needed to be in this room, needed to be close to him.

On the top shelf of the wardrobe Shepard noticed a yellow woollen blanket and pulled it down. It was a little bit worn and the colour was faded but it was just the right size. Shepard wrapped it around herself and padded back to living room.

"Shepard." Eleanor beamed over her shoulder as Shepard joined her in the kitchen. "Sit, I've made coffee."

Shepard did as she was commanded and walked over to the kitchen table, taking a seat facing Eleanor. The older woman turned from the counter, carrying over a tray with steaming two coffees and all the extras you could possibly require, biscuits, cream, milk, various types of sugar. As she approached the table she looked up from the tray, noticing the blanket around Shepard's shoulders for the first time. She stilled and a sad smile crossed her face.

"Oh… Kaidan's old comfort blanket." She placed the tray on the table. "He'd kill me for telling you but he carried that thing everywhere till he was about 12 years old!" She laughed as she sat down, but the sound wasn't right, the pain audible.

"Sorry, I didn't know. I'll go put it back."

"No! Don't be silly! It's not you my dear. It's just... he was such a sweet boy. I miss him." She said quietly as her eyes glistened with tears.

"I miss him too."

Eleanor sighed. "I'm glad you're here." She said as she reached over and took hold of Shepard's hand. "You know, it's actually nice to see you using it. Shows how in tune you two were, even now." She smiled, the sadness subsiding somewhat. She released Shepard's hand. "Now drink up. Oh! I almost forgot! Logan rang a few moments ago. I told him you would ring him back when you got a chance."

Shepard took a drink of her coffee attempting to avoid eye contact. She did not want to talk about Logan with Kaidan's Mother, she was still reeling from the other day.

"Oh, Logan? Thanks, I'll ring him back later." Shepard said awkwardly.

"Shepard... you don't need to hide your relationship with Logan from me. I'm not mad or upset -"

"It's not really a relationship… as such - we're just friends." Shepard interjected a little too quickly.

"That's not what it looked like the other day." Eleanor raised an eyebrow.

"Well I suppose. Logan wants us to be more than friends."

"And what do you want?" Eleanor asked.

"I don't know." Shepard sighed.

"Well it sounds like you need to figure that out then. All I'm saying is don't feel like you have to hide it from me to spare my feelings. Logan is a nice guy and he cares about you. Kaidan isn't coming back. You're young and although wallowing in loneliness and self pity might be what you feel like doing right now, when you're old like me you might regret it, being alone most your life, missing out on having children of your own." She paused. "Feel free to tell me to stop being an interfering old woman."

"You're not." Shepard smiled. "I appreciate the advice. Thank you. For everything, for being so understanding, for letting me come here. Kaidan was lucky to have a mother like you."

Eleanor shook her head.

"No, I was lucky to have a son like him."

Later that night, Shepard opened the door to Kaidan's room and entered cautiously. She had unpacked now, her belongings nestled alongside Kaidan's almost seemed like they had always been there, like they belonged there. Eleanor had bought Shepard a new pyjama set as a welcoming gesture, to "make her feel at home" and laid it neatly on the bed. Shepard walked over and picked them up, running the soft fabric through her fingers, intently studying the little pink flowers. She was suddenly startled by the sound of the shower turning on in the en-suite; the sound of water hitting the tiled walls echoed behind the door. She put the pyjama's down and slowly crept towards the bathroom door. When she reached it she turned the handle slowly, trying not to make as sound before quickly swinging the door open. As the mist cleared a little she could make out a figure in the shower, causing the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. There he stood, completely naked with his back to the door; a figure she knew very well. She watched, mesmerised as water sluiced over the mass of dark hair on his head, past broad muscular shoulders and over a sculpted perfect round buttocks.

"Kaidan?" She called, squinting through the mist as she hurried towards him.

"Kaidan!" She repeated when he gave no reply.

She edged forward; reaching for him, now only inches away. As she went to place a hand on his shoulder, her hand slipped through its intended target and she stumbled into the cold tile wall. The illusion shattered. The shower was off, the room completely dry and mist free as though the shower had never even been on. And Kaidan was gone. Shepard turned and slammed her back against the hard tiles before sinking to the ground. Tears formed in her eyes. She was really losing it. The hallucinations were getting worse, more vivid and frequent. There was no moving on with her life. Her mind wouldn't let her, her memory had left her and now it was using what little she had left against her. A prisoner to her own psyche. She was confused, unsure of what was good for her and what was making her worse. Tears began to roll down her cheeks as she thought of all the things people had done for her, Eleanor, Jack, Miranda, Ori, Logan… Shepard closed her eyes. She had to be strong. This wasn't who she was, breaking down on the cold floor of the shower because she wasn't in control. She had to take control, find a way to get through this and like everything she had overcome since she'd woken up in hospital, she couldn't do it alone. Shepard stood up and strode purposefully into the bedroom. Carefully, she placed the pyjamas on top of the cupboard before rooting through the drawers, until she found what she was looking for. An old faded t-shirt. Shepard stripped off and pulled Kaidan's oversized top over her head. She wrapped her arms around herself, feeling closer to him. She loved Kaidan, she would always love Kaidan. But she had to remember him in her own way, on her own terms, not with painfully realistic hallucinations that tricked her into thinking he was alive. And tomorrow was a new day, another day to work on that, to work on moving on with her life. With positive thoughts on her mind, and a heart full of fragmented memories, Shepard climbed into the bed and went to sleep.


A few days had passed since Kaidan had woken up. His bite wound still oozed yellow gunge in places but both Dr. Chakwas and K'tulu had examined it and concluded he would be fine, something about the toxins escaping his system. The crew had been running a tight ship in his absence and the new arrivals had settled in with the crew quite nicely. Things were going so well in fact that he had been told to take it easy as much as possible, but he found that hard.

Some of the crew were still weary of K'tulu. She didn't seem to mind, she spent most of her time learning about the ship, experimenting with various parts. She'd also found a friend in Tali who loved teaching her all about tech, reminiscing about her pilgrimage days aboard the Normandy SR-1 and learning the ships secrets.

Kaidan starred into the Galaxy Map. Where were they? How far away were they from the Milk Way? Would they ever see it again? Would they ever get home? The questions swimming round his head were interrupted by a furious Joker over the comm system.

"ALENKO! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR STOWAWAY DOING IN THE AI CORE?! I SWEAR TO GOD IF THAT THING TOUCHES EDI-"

"I'm on it Joker!" Kaidan sprinted for the elevator before the pilot completely lost his shit.

What is K'tulu doing?

As he approached the AI core smoke was rolling underneath the door and the sound of sparks could be heard coming from the other side. Kaidan quickly entered the room.

K'tulu stood at the wall, slightly hunched over; she'd pulled the panel completely off and was elbow deep inside it. Wires hung everywhere. For a brief moment he was suspended in shock at the complete and utter chaos she had caused.

"K'tulu, what the hell are you doing?! Stop!" He commanded.

But it was too late; Joker had already made his way to the AI core, hot on Kaidan's heels. His face was red with rage; Kaidan had never seen him this angry before, ever.

"GET AWAY FROM HER!" Joker yelled.

Kaidan stuck out an arm to stop Joker getting any further. He knew how strong K'tulu was and if she so much as pushed Joker away from her she would probably break his spine.

"FOR FUCK SAKE ALENKO! STOP HER! DO SOMETHING!"

K'tulu turned her head slightly, never taking her gaze away from whatever she was doing and let out a very audible hiss; a clear warning not to come any closer.

"K'tulu, please you don't understand..." Kaidan tried to reason.

But he never got a chance to finish; as he spoke K'tulu stepped back. The console next to them buzzed into life, a blue hologram appeared above it.

"J-Jeff?" EDI's confused voice came from the ship.

"EDI?!" Joker exclaimed, he pushed Kaidan out of the way and lunged at the console. He fell to his knees, gripping the sides of the machine as tears began escaping from his eyes.

"Jeff! What happened? I remember - the explosion, I remember fear and then my memory bank is blank… I sense my body is none functional."

"Never mind that, I'll buy you a shiny new body, any body you want! I thought I'd lost you..." Joker gushed before remembering his audience; he turned to look at K'tulu, all his anger forgotten. "Thank you."

"It is my pleasure." She nodded.

Joker looked back to EDI. "Come on, I'll fill you in on the details in the cockpit."

"I shall see you up there... and Jeff, I love you." EDI replied.

"I love you too." Joker said before getting up and exiting the room.

Kaidan turned to K'tulu.

"That was a nice thing you did."

"Tali'Zorah tell me of EDI and the pilot. I look to see if I can fix. EDI's hardware damaged by Reaper beam, software still saved inside Normandy. Quite simple really. If others have work out the ways it should be possible to restore some Mass Relays, get to Earth sooner than estimated."

"I hope you're right. Whether it was simple or not, Joker will be eternally grateful, I'm sure. EDI is important to him."

"Yes. He loves her." K'tulu paused. "I understand from crew that you were also in love, with Commander Shepard. That is why you ask me strange question in the prison. You wish to know if she survived."

"Yes." He said softly. It was hard to talk about Shepard but K'tulu had certainly proved herself, she deserved to know a little about him.

"I do not know this. But I want you to know, if I could fix her as I could EDI then I would. I was in love once, I know pain of loss."

"Thank you, I wish it were that "simple"." He sighed. "How did you lose somebody? If you don't mind me asking."

"You have seen my world, the way it was. When I was a young girl, my mother was not very important, of low class. So I sent to work in tower, to cook, to clean. There I met male. Despite all that happen to him he was still happy, hopeful, with dreams of different world for our people. He was handsome and strong willed. I would sit and listen to his ideas for hours, I would sneak him extra food and books to learn. They would beat him regularly but he remain of strong spirit, no matter how hard they try, they could not break him. Every time I would bathe his wounds and slowly our love for each other grew. When our love turn physical, I become with child. Elders find out about us. They kill him. In their religion, once male fathers child they make him sacrifice to gods. They make me watch. They take my baby. Make her into priestess, the ones in tower with red robes. Raise her there, live in there her whole life, never see outside world, never to know me." She paused looking down at her hands; the subject obviously painful for her to talk about. "That is why I hope to go back to my home, to free those who will come, a new planet, where we can live together. Fall in love, have families. Maybe even see my girl again."

Silence hung in the air for a moment. Kaidan was shocked by her tragic story but had great admiration for her. He admired her frank openness about her past. How her experiences had shaped her into this brave individual, fighting for a better life for her people.

"K'tulu… I promise, as soon as I am able, I will help you with this. We will help you and your people."

"You are kind Kaidan Alenko. Whether it was your gods or mine that brought you to my planet, I am glad they did." She smiled, the softest smile Kaidan had seen her give.

"Major, you might wanna see this." Joker's voice crackled over the comms, interrupting their conversation.

"On my way." He nodded at K'tulu.

Kaidan made his way to the bridge. A brief smile passed his lips when he saw EDI, back in her rightful place, at Joker's side but that quickly faded when he remembered Joker's serious tone. This was still business, there would be time for celebrating later.

"What you got Joker?" He asked, scanning Joker's screen.

"It turns out we are not as far from the Milky Way as previously believed. In fact, we were just on the outskirts. I recognised the star structure ahead of us, it's the Kite's Nest system." EDI answered. "It would be a great risk to travel through, but the mass relay appears... functional."

The hairs stood up on the back of Kaidan's neck, he gripped the back of Joker's chair tightly, his mouth falling slightly open.

"How?" Was all Kaidan managed to say.

"Who cares how! Kaidan - we're going home." Joker emphasised.


"It's beautiful here." Logan commented.

Shepard looked up at him and then followed his gaze across the water to the point where it met the clear blue sky. It was late afternoon as they walked along English Bay. The sun hung low in the sky, warming the sand beneath their feet. They'd had a long lazy lunch with Eleanor on the balcony before she'd suggested they took a walk along the bay. Shepard had walked here pretty much everyday since her arrival, to the extent that all the practice meant she no longer needed her crutch and could walk unaided again. She loved it here, but it was somewhat bittersweet. Although she felt happy walking along the beautiful shore line she couldn't shift the same constant nagging feeling.

Kaidan should be here...

"It really is." Shepard sighed.

This was the first time Logan had come to visit her here, they still hadn't spoken about the fact he kissed her, or that she kissed him back.

"It's a great spot for running actually - when you're feeling up to it. You know, along the beach? You'd have to keep up though, I don't want to be leaving you behind to eat my dust - or sand for that matter!" He nudged her playfully, sending her slightly off balance.

"You think you could out run me solider?! Well luckily for you I'm on strict orders from the doctor - no excessive physical excursion, otherwise I'd love proving how very wrong you are." She said raising an eyebrow.

"Excuses! I'll believe it when I see it." He laughed.

"Oh yeah laugh it up! You won't find it so amusing when I embarrass you by beating you by a mile!"

"You embarrass me?" He looked at her mischievously.

Before Shepard could guess what he was up to he lifted her off the ground. She screeched as he threw her over his shoulder into a fireman's lift.

"Put me down!" She screamed kicking her legs and p0unding her fists onto his back.

But Logan didn't listen to her protest; in fact he completely ignored her as he headed for the sea.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Shepard shouted as they reached the water, Logan's long strides kicking up the sea water and lightly splashing her.

People on the beach were starting to take notice, a few children had gathered by the waters edge, laughing at the spectacle. Logan didn't care and carried on. The water was rising up past his thigh now and getting too close for Shepard's comfort.

"I swear to God Logan, if you do not put me down I'll-"

"Oh you want putting down? Why didn't you say so?" He said, amused as he let go of Shepard, sliding her body along his own and dumping her in the sea.. He kept his arm around the small of her back, holding her close to him.

"You bastard!" Shepard said breathlessly as she gazed up at him, her fists clenched and wresting on his chest, her face inches away from his own.

He smiled, pushing a wet tendril of hair out of her face.

"Shepard..." He sighed. "What you said the other day, that I couldn't kiss you, did you mean it?"

"No."

He smiled, leaning forward and bringing his lips towards hers. Shepard closed her eyes, but just as she felt his breath against her lips she pulled away, lightly pushing against his chest.

"Wait." She said, as she opened her eyes his were already boring down into hers. "I can't kiss you."

"This is about Kaidan, isn't it?" He asked softly.

She nodded. "Its not that I don't want to, it's just doesn't feel - right... not yet."

"I understand." He smiled sadly before letting her go and creating some space between them.

"Thank you. I'm not sure I deserve your patience." She reached forward taking his hand in a friendly gesture.

"No, it's my fault. I know what you're going through and still I keep pushing. It's selfish of me. I should have waited, given you more time." He gave her hand a light squeeze.

She nodded. "Yeah that's exactly what I need, some time to get my head around things. There's stuff that I haven't told you, that I haven't told anyone. I need to take things slowly."

"I can do slowly. And you can tell me whatever you want to, I'll always listen." He lifted her hand to his lips, holding her gaze as he lightly kissed the back of it.

"Oh, so now you're gonna start acting like a gentleman?! After dumping me into the sea and drenching me?!"

Logan gave her a perfect grin in reply and she couldn't help laughing. But she wasn't going to let him get away with it that easily. Catching him off guard she pushed him hard, square in the chest, sending him tumbling backwards into the water. He went down with a great splash, completely submerging him and sending water flying everywhere. Before he could recover Shepard made for the beach as fast as she could, fairly certain she was going against the doctors orders of minimal physical exertion.