Chapter 9: Reunion
It took a matter of minutes for the crew to make their decision. Going through the relay was risky, they had no idea if it would work, but it was the only chance they had.
Yes, the Reaper beam had destroyed the relays, but it had damaged the Normandy and they'd repaired it, it had killed EDI but K'tulu had brought her back, now wasn't the time to start doubting miracles.
"This is it. Positions everyone." Kaidan said as he crossed the cockpit, taking his seat and strapping himself in tightly. "Take us through, Joker."
"Yes Sir!" replied Joker as he frantically tapped away at the screen in front of him.
"Initiating launch sequence." EDI announced moments later. "Contact in 5.. 4... 3... 2... 1... Relay engaged."
The ship lurched forward suddenly, the cockpit was plunged into darkness until the emergency lights flickered on. The engine screamed, the noise deafening. The Normandy jolted and shook violently, it was like no trip through a relay Kaidan had ever experienced.
"Joker?" He called out over the noise.
"Woooohooooo! Don't worry Major! The Normandy's doing fine. If anyone can steer this baby it's me!" He yelled back.
Well at least Joker is enjoying himself, Kaidan thought, closing his eyes and trying to ignore his developing head ache as the ship continued its assault on his senses.
"Exiting relay in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1..." EDI's voice rung out.
With a final screech the Normandy burst out of the relay.
"We made it." Joker said, the disbelief in his voice, making Kaidan doubt his earlier confidence.
Kaidan unbuckled his seat belt.
"Set a course to Earth, Joker. Let's go home."
How many times had he seen this sight? Dozens? Hundreds? He couldn't recall. All Kaidan was certain of is that Earth had never looked as beautiful as it did now.
"This is Alliance control. Normandy, if you can hear this, please identify yourselves." The voice crackled over the comms system.
"The outbound comms are still down, we have no way of responding." EDI informed them.
"We'll just have to wait." Kaidan exhaled, the crew had endured a lot but they were almost home now, they could wait a bit longer.
"I repeat. Normandy, please identify yourselves. We cannot allow you to dock unless you confirm your identity."
"Would that we could, control." Kaidan replied with a exhausted half smile. He paced the cockpit impatiently, they were so close.
"Normandy, you have been presumed hostile. Please prepare for boarding by Alliance Soldiers."
"Finally! I'll meet them on the bridge." Kaidan sighed in relief.
He practically ran to the bridge, he'd done it, they'd done it together. The Normandy crew were back and soon he'd know for sure; he'd know her fate... Was she down there now, waiting for him?
"Major, Alliance are boarding... wait... K'tulu is on the move. If she carries on her current trajectory she will reach the bridge before you do." EDI's voice announced.
"Shit!" Kaidan said under his breath and broke into a sprint with no hope of actually keeping up with her pace.
If she got to the Soldiers first there was no telling what would happen. The Normandy was presumed hostile and she was an unidentified alien species. K'tulu also had no idea the soldiers were Alliance, she may presume they were a threat. She could probably wipe out the whole group before he even made it to the bridge! Kaidan picked up the pace as all these different possibilities played out in his mind.
Unfortunately, he burst through the doors to the bridge a split second after K'tulu. She shifted forward, grabbing the first Soldier by the neck, catching him completely unaware and raising him high off the ground as his gun clattered to the floor.
"Freeze!" Another Soldier shouted as they all aimed her weapons at her, and she snarled at them ferociously, tightening her grip on the soldiers neck as he struggled uselessly against her. No one had noticed Kaidan at all.
"K'tulu no!" Kaidan called to her, raising his hands to the soldiers. The whole room turned to look at him, including K'Tulu who began to lower the soldier as she met Kaidan's gaze.
"Please! She's with us." He tried to reason with the soldiers. Attempting to calm the situation so he could explain.
"Lower your weapons soldiers." A commanding voice spoke from behind the Alliance soldiers. A voice Kaidan knew well, relief flooded through him.
"Admiral Hackett." Kaidan saluted as the soldiers obeyed their orders and K'Tulu shifted behind him.
"Major Alenko." Hackett returned the formality. "We thought the Normandy was lost. In fact, you're late for your own funeral... It's good to see you alive, Major."
"It's good to be home, Sir."
Hackett surveyed him thoughtfully for a minute.
"I have something for you." Hackett reached into his pocket, bringing out a pair of dog tags, then tossing them through the air, Kaidan caught them deftly. Kaidan stared down at the twisted and bent metal and read remnants of the name. His world came crashing down as he felt the hope he'd held on to ebb away. The room span, he felt like he had been hit by a truck.
"No..." Shepard's dog tags... He closed his fist tightly around them, the cold metal cutting into his flesh. "She's... She's dead?" He struggled to say it but he needed to hear it, otherwise he would never believe it.
Not again...
"No, Major, I have her dog tags because we found her, she's alive."
Shepard gazed out across English Bay, another beautiful sunset. Another day it hadn't gotten any easier without him. Another night's sleep she dreaded. Her nights were always plagued by dreams of him.
Her mental state wasn't improving. Yesterday, out getting coffee with Eleanor, Shepard had stopped cold, the milk still pouring from the jug. The cup began to overflow but Shepard didn't notice, her gaze was transfixed on Kaidan as he jogged toward their table. Eleanor called out to her, reached out and shook her arm but it wasn't until Kaidan came closer and smiled at her, a smile that she knew wasn't his, that the face before her changed and a dark haired stranger took his place. That night, Eleanor had burst into her room, Shepard's screaming in the had panicked her. Shepard woke suddenly as Eleanor entered, the tears still fresh on her cheeks from the nightmare of Kaidan being beaten to death by EDI back on Mars. Shepard could no longer hide what was happening to her, she'd had to tell Eleanor.
As a result, Shepard agreed to see a therapist, the Alliance had all but insisted but she'd agreed for Eleanor made her agree to see a doctor. Kaidan's mother was worried about her and she partly blamed herself for bringing Shepard to Vancouver.
A cold breeze rolled in off the waves, Shepard shuddered and hugged Kaidan's blanket tighter around herself, clutching the hot mug of coco tightly, warming her hands.
What had the psychiatrist said? To try and picture a future, to help her move forward with her life.
Shepard closed her eyes and tried to imagine a different life for herself. Everything she tried, every image her mind could conjure turned into the same thing. Two dark haired little children, a girl and a boy gazing up at her with Kaidan's eyes. She shook her head and opened her eyes, that wasn't her future, not anymore, she needed to let it go. Giving up, she turned away from the Bay and headed back toward the patio doors.
Kaidan put his key into the front door of his house and the lock turned gently. Hackett had told him as much as he could about Shepard's condition on the short trip to Vancouver. Kaidan tried not to dwell on it too much, she was alive, that's all that mattered. But he couldn't keep his mind from swimming with questions.
What did she remember about them? Would she still seem the same? Would she be different? Did she still love him? Would she even want to see him?
Without saying too much on the subject Hackett had given him the impression that she would.
Not knowing what to expect he entered his childhood home. Kaidan walked quietly through to the kitchen and found his Mom was clearing plates, tears formed in his eyes at the perfect normality of the scene.
"Mom?" He said softly.
The froze, ever so slowly she began to turn. The bewildered shock on her face quickly softened and as the realisation took hold, the tears gathered in her eyes.
"Oooh!" She sobbed, her hands shaking.
"Shhh! It's okay, it's me." Kaidan said gently, as his Dad followed him round the corner, coming into his Mother's view for the first time.
She cried out, her shaking hand reaching up to cover her mouth. She rushed forward and embraced them both firmly.
"I never thought I'd - I'd- see either of you again! And you're - here, you're both here! Is it really you? Am I - am I dreaming?" She sobbed violently.
"It's really us Eleanor, it's okay. Now let the boy go, you're suffocating him." His Dad laughed softly, leaning over to place a kiss on her forehead.
Kaidan's Mother took a deep breath and stepped back. She looked at them both for a long while as if she were still trying to decide if they were real.
"Mom, where is she? Where's Shepard?" Kaidan asked.
Shepard looked down at her hands, toying with the empty coffee cup as she crossed the balcony. She didn't know what or why, but something caused her to look up in that second and what she saw there made her freeze in her tracks... Kaidan.
The coffee mug fell from her hand and smashed into tiny pieces of the balcony floor. She couldn't look away. It was happening again, another hallucination, but somehow this one felt different. Every other time he had always looked perfect, the same Kaidan she'd seen day in day out. But stood in front of her now, he looked... different: exhausted, like he'd been through hell, his facial hair looked months old, his Alliance uniform was dirty and torn. His expression was wrong, he wasn't smiling, he looked dark and intense.
"Shepard..." His voice hoarse and trembling.
Kaidan didn't know how to read her right now, she was clearly in absolute shock and he didn't want to push her too far. He had to make it easy on her, but that was hard when all he wanted to do was hold her tightly in his arms and never let go. He wanted to feel her against him, feel that she was alive and that she was safe. But he remembered what she'd been through and maintained his distance. It felt like a life time had passed but it was more likely only a matter of seconds, Shepard still hadn't moved, her mouth still hung open, the only difference was the tears streaming down her face.
"Say something... please..." Kaidan said gently. "I'm dying over here." He instantly cringed over his poor choice of words.
Without warning Shepard ran toward him, giving up on the final few steps, she leapt forward into his arms. Like a striking snake her face stabbed forward, finding his lips. Their tongues met and he matched the ferociousness of her kiss with his. Kaidan poured everything into that kiss, all the pain and anguish, the months of not knowing if she was alive, of not knowing whether he would ever make it home, his entire being and he could feel that she was doing the same. He knew he shouldn't really be doing this, they should be talking, taking it slow, he should have made sure she was comfortable with him first. But he reminded himself she'd initiated the kiss, she wanted this too. After all, they had plenty on time to talk later and there was no way in Hell he was letting her out of his site any time soon. With that thought he tightened his grip and let himself be consumed by his love for her.
If this wasn't real she never wanted to break the illusion. She had never imagined him like this before. Shepard could feel him, on her lips, in her arms, she could smell the scent that was so distinctively Kaidan, she could taste him on her tongue. Was it over? Was he really here? Or had she completely lost it this time. As much as she didn't want it to end, she had to know for sure. Breathlessly, she pulled herself away to gaze up at him.
"Kaidan... is it really you?" She asked cautiously.
He laughed sympathetically, the sound was the possibly most beautiful thing Shepard had ever heard.
"I'm here Shepard, this is real. I'm really here." He said softly as he brushed the hair out of her face and leant down to kiss her again, this time more tenderly.
When he broke away he rested his forehead on hers and sighed deeply, she shuddered violently, partly because of the cold and partly because of the intensity of the emotions running through her.
"We should go inside." He said reluctantly, his concern evident.
"Mhmm." She agreed, disheartened. She wanted to believe this was really happening but going inside would soon prove it one way or another. If she got in there and Kaidan's mother couldn't see him what would she do? Would he completely disappear? Or would she still be able to see him even though she knew he wasn't real? She wanted to stay in this moment forever.
Kaidan took her hand, he still felt real enough and led her inside.
Hours had passed since Kaidan and his father had arrived home. He and Shepard still hadn't had a chance to talk properly but she'd seemed to accept he was really there. They were still in the living room with his parents, they'd all talked for hours and Kaidan would have felt bad for making their excuses and dragging Shepard off to his bedroom so he could have her to himself.
At first he'd made no presumptions with Shepard. She did at least remember him and it seemed as though she still wanted him, but he didn't want to act in anyway that made her uncomfortable. Since she'd come inside she'd hugged his old comfort blanket tightly around herself, although the sight of her in it made him happy he couldn't help feel her actions were defensive, keeping him out. So he simply sat next to her on the sofa but as the night progressed and they all talked, and ate, and drank, Shepard worked her way closer, until she was tucked up into Kaidan's side, his arm around her and her head resting on him. Eventually, he had to get up to use the bathroom and when he came back he found the blanket on his side had been left open as an invitation. He sat back down and wrapped it around himself too, planting a gentle kiss on Shepard's forehead causing her to nuzzle into him.
The evening crept on and inevitably the time came to say good night to Kaidan's parents. Shepard's head was still spinning as she and Kaidan made their way to his bedroom. She tried to focus on what was important, Kaidan was here, he was real, he was alive. She let that sink in, let herself accept that and instantly it was as though the months of turmoil had washed away. Shepard remembered something amazing... what it was like to feel whole.
There was so much still left unsaid between them and the tension hung between them as Kaidan closed the bedroom door.
"I- uh, I wouldn't mind grabbing a shower, if that's okay?" Kaidan said awkwardly, struggling now they were alone.
"It's your room."
"Yeah I suppose..." Kaidan laughed as he looked round at Shepard's things nestled amongst his own. "I won't be long." He said and disappeared into the bathroom, briefly glancing over his shoulder to give her a soft smile before shutting the door.
Shepard paced the room, unsure what to do with herself. The sound of the water coming on made her feel uneasy, a strange sense déjà vu from her dream not so long ago. She crossed the room again and stood at the bathroom door. This was not a dream she thought as she ran a finger along the back of the door that separated them. He'd come back to her, he'd kept him promise, he was home, the missing piece to her puzzle. A pang of guilt suddenly hit her.
Logan!
Since she'd seen Kaidan on that balcony Logan hadn't even entered her mind, how was this going to affect things? What did it mean for her and Kaidan? She had to tell him. He'd kept his promise, he'd fought like hell for his chance to hold her again. But she had almost given up waiting for him. Shepard lightly banged her head on the bathroom door. What a mess she'd made. She let out a sigh. Was she really being fair on herself? She may have kissed Logan because she'd been told Kaidan was never coming back. She had still been waiting for him, a part of her would always have been waiting for him, forever.
The shower turned off, pulling her out of her revere. She quickly stepped away from the door, defensively wrapping her arms around herself and as Kaidan entered she turned to face him.
Naked apart from a towel which hung low on his hips, Kaidan glistened from the water droplets, his dark hair was still damp and curled down his forehead, unlike the usually expertly styled do he normally supported. Shepard couldn't stop her eyes from wandering hungrily over his body, her mouth opening slightly involuntarily. He looked more relaxed now, more like himself, still clearly exhausted but she noted he'd had time for a shave. The only thing that marred his perfection was a bandage wound over his shoulder and around his chest, accompanied by various scrapes and bruises. He really had fought like hell to be here. It was only when Shepard met his gaze again that she realised she'd been completely gawking at him for a significant period of time, Kaidan didn't seem to mind though, he looked somewhat amused, yet there was a darkness behind it, his own hunger.
"I should, err, change this dressing. Mind giving me a hand?" Kaidan asked as he crossed the room and took a seat on the edge of the bed.
Shepard hadn't even noticed the first aid kit in his hand, finding some composure she sat down next to him. Being close to him like this, with all the tension between them, him so exposed and her hands on him, made her shiver. As carefully as she could manage she unwound his bandages and revealed a ferocious looking wound.
Were they teeth marks?
"What did this to you?" She asked, horrified.
"Another time." He laughed and then winced as she began to clean the wound.
"Am I hurting you?"
"No, it's fine."
"We should get this seen to." Shepard said as she began to wrap the fresh bandages around him.
"I will, tomorrow, I promise."
"There." She said as she tied a knot to keep them in place, her hand resting on his good shoulder.
"Thank you." He placed his hand on hers and turned to look at her. "There's a lot we need to talk about, but its late and I think we could both use the rest. I can sleep in the other room if it'll make you more comfortable."
"I..." She paused. "I - I don't want you to."
"Good, because I really didn't want to." He smiled seductively as he leant forward to kiss her.
"Kaidan-" She pulled away. "First, there's something I need you to know." Tears welled in her eyes. "Kaidan, I thought you were dead, that you were never coming back, everyone kept telling me you were never coming back. Then there was this guy, he helped me recover and he wanted us to be more and I tried so hard to believe you weren't dead, but I had to create a life for myself, some how. And well, he... we - I kissed him and if I'd have known you were alive, I'd have never - I..." She stammered, the words coming too fast, her thoughts all muddled.
"Shhh. No, Shepard." He raised a hand to caress her cheek. "No apologies. I told you once that you'd never have to find out what you'd do without me. But you did. The things that happened, what you did to cope, I don't want to know about. I know what it's like to be the one that's left behind, but all that matters is now, here... Us."
"There is still an "us" then?"
Kaidan laughed. "On one condition... Don't ever do that to me again. No more suicide missions?"
"Agreed. No more suicide missions." She smiled and closed to final few inches between them, her mouth finding his once again.
Kaidan manoeuvred her slowly back onto the bed. He began removing her clothes with an eager desperation, his own towel quickly discarded. As he pressed her against the cushions of his bed, pinning her body down under his own, he pulled away from her kiss to gaze down at her. Shepard knew exactly what he was thinking and exactly what he was about to say. Those words that he always said first in every memory she had. For some reason she'd always struggled with them, but that just seemed silly now. After everything they'd been through she thought it was time for him to hear it without initiation.
"I love you, Kaidan Alenko."
He smiled, slightly surprised. "And I love you. Always" He replied as he leant down to kiss her once again.
As they made love that night Shepard's universe fell back into place, she knew it was over, all the pain and turmoil. She knew why he was the one memory that had stayed with her when all else had gone, he was her place in the galaxy she'd saved.
