It was another bright and early day in Satan City. It had been about two weeks since Gohan started high school at Orange Star. Although Gohan was an excellent student and got near perfect scores in every class, he felt like a complete failure. It was still very difficult for him to fit in with the other students, and on top of that, Videl practically ignored his existence. He wished desperately that he could find some way for her to like him, but at this point he'd probably need Shenron to help him with that. Gohan was running late for school after a struggle session in the bathroom this morning. He sped through the air like a deranged alcoholic doubled up on cocaine.
"That's the last time I have Taco Bell as a midnight 'snack'." Gohan rubs his stomach, which is grumbling. "Oh god, I hope I can hold this in just until the end of the school day..."
As Gohan approaches school, he feels a sharp cramp in his abdomen. "Aw shit! I'm fallin' down!" Gohan tumbles out of the sky, landing on a dusty 2001 Honda Taurus.
"Oh, Christ," Gohan rubs his head as he gets up. He left a huge dent on the roof of the car. "Now I know what a period feels like."
"What the fuck, kid!" A chubby pig man with various tattoos, possibly gang related, steps out of the car. "I just stole this car last night." He shiftily looks around the area.
"I'm real sorry mister, you see I went to Taco Bell last night and-" Gohan tries to explain.
"Forget about it." The pig man leans over close to Gohan. "Listen, I got a few DUIs and I can't afford to make this an issue with the cops." The pig man digs into his coat pocket and pulls out a ziplock bag.
"Here, why don't you take this crystal meth and we'll call it square, alright, kid?" The pig creatures hands Gohan the bag, and hurriedly rushes back inside the car. "It'll fix ya right up, and it's also good for those period cramps!" The pig man speeds off before Gohan can even respond.
Gohan sighs and rubs his palm against his face. "Great, what the hell am I supposed to do with this shit now?" He quickly puts the crystal meth in his backpack, and checks his watch.
"Shit!" Gohan shrieks. "I'm late! Damn it, Mr. Punani is gonna make me torrent Seinfeld episodes after school again." Gohan starts running in place like a dumbass and then speeds off like Sonic the Hedgehog, arriving right in front of the school within 30 seconds.
...
Gohan rushes through the halls and up the stairs to class, bursting the door open.
"Sorry I'm late!" Gohan says, out of breath. He looks over and notices Mr. Punani isn't in class.
"Hey Gohan," Willy greets, waving at him. "Guess it's your lucky day, Mr. Punani is absent!"
Gohan sighs in relief. "Thank goodness, I had such a rough start today."
"Sup Gayhan," Sharpner says with a smug grin. "Late for school like a little bitch, huh?"
Gohan growls as he takes his seat. "The name's Gohan, I thought I told you this already, Sharpner."
"Heh, yeah?" Sharpner grins. "Well why don't you go and be gay somewhere else." The whole class laughs and Sharpner shoots a spitball right at Gohan's face.
"Sorry, I'm late or whatever." says Videl sourly as she enters the classroom.
"Hey Videl." Erasa waves with a big smile. "That dipshit Mr. Punani is, like, absent or something."
"No shit?" Videl grins, and turns around back toward the door. "Then let's ditch this shit shack, my dad just installed this sick ass indoor pool."
"Not so fast there, little girl." A tall, portly man with big glasses and suitcase slams the door shut behind her. "You're gonna have to save your little pool party for the weekend, I'll be your substitute teacher."
"Ugh, a substitute teacher? This school doesn't have the budget for that." Videl angrily stomps her foot on the ground.
The portly man grins. "They're giving me a different kind of payment." He says with a wink.
Videl shudders. "Gross. Who's your fat ass supposed to be anyway?"
"My name is Mr. Ruffee." The portly man introduces himself, and sets his briefcase on the teacher's desk. "And I'll be your substitute teacher for the day."
"Mr. Ruffee?" Videl looks creeped out. "What are you, a date rapist?"
Mr. Ruffee nods his head. "Yes. And a registered sex offender."
Videl slowly backs away. "I fucking hate this school." She mumbles as she walks back towards her desk.
"Alright, now which one of you is, uh... Go-han?" Mr. Ruffee asks the classroom.
Gohan raises his hand. "Um, that's me."
"Says here you're from Iraq." Mr. Ruffee pulls out a security wand from his briefcase. "Gonna have to do some inspection in your backpack. For safety reasons."
"Huh?" Gohan panics as he remembers the crystal meth in his backpack. "W-wait a minute, this shit can't be legal!" Gohan protests as he holds his bag tightly against his chest.
"You're a kid and a minority, you don't have rights. Now hand the bag over you little shit. Shouldn't be a problem if you got nothin' to hide." Mr. Ruffee squawks.
"Yeah, Gohan, just give him the bag." Erasa tells him. "You're acting, like, pretty fucking suspicious you know."
The whole class begins yelling at Gohan to give him the bag.
"I don't have a bomb!" Gohan pleads. "Please don't make me open the bag, Mr. Ruffee!"
"Jesus, kid, what's your problem?" Erasa starts pulling at Gohan's backpack. "What, did you bring your Cars lunchbox again? Give me that shit!" She rips it from Gohan's bag and throws it to Mr. Ruffee.
"Thank you, little blonde girl." He shoots her a really creepy wink, and then begins to open the bag. He searches through, finding nothing but books and the small ziplock bag.
"Hrm?" Mr. Ruffee pulls the bag out, examining it. "What's this here, Gohan?"
Great, I'm fucked now. Gohan lowers his head down in shame.
Mr. Ruffee opens the bag and examines the crystal meth with his fingers. "Dear god!" he says with a horrified expression. "This kid is hiding crystal meth!"
The whole class gasps in shock.
"Wow, check it out everyone, Gohan's a fucking junkie!" Sharpner shouts out.
"Well, I'll be damned." Mr. Ruffee shakes his head disapprovingly at Gohan. "You're far too young to be smoking meth, Gohan. I'll let you off with a little warning this time, but I will be taking this." He puts the bag of meth into his back pocket.
"Jeez Gohan, you're a real fuck up aren't you?" Erasa looks at him with contempt. "God, I can't believe I have to sit next to you all year. I'd rather sit next to Willy with him gawking at my feet all day then sit next to your loser ass." She scoots back as far as she possibly can away from Gohan.
"This is a huge misunderstanding!" Gohan tries to reason. "If you guys would just give me a minute to explain."
"You can explain it to the principal when I leave a note for Mr. Punani to report it!" Mr. Ruffee shouts back.
"What!?" Gohan jumps out of his seat. "You said you'd let it slide!"
"Yeah, today." Mr. Ruffee shrugs. "If I report it now, they'll confiscate the bag. I'm not gonna pass up some of this high quality meth." He sniffs the inside of the bag, sighing. "I need to get the name of your dealer after class, Gohan."
The whole class begins giggling and calling Gohan a loser.
"Now that's enough everyone." Mr. Ruffee puts the meth into his briefcase and begins writing on the chalkboard. "We gotta begin! Today's lesson is about black crime statistics..." He goes off. Gohan sighs and sinks into his seat with embarrassment.
...
It was just after lunch and Gohan was in the hallway, getting some books out from his locker. He had a project coming up and realized he didn't have a partner. Gohan saw Videl just at the end of the hall by her locker. He took a deep breath and decided to approach her. He nearly trips over his own foot as he tries to walk 'confidently', like the YouTube pickup artists he watches everyday.
"Um, hey Videl." Gohan says shyly. She barely notices his presence next to her.
"Huh? Did somebody say something?" Videl turns over to see Gohan. "Oh, it's you." She looks a bit pissed off now. "What do you want? I'm not interested in buying any meth or whatever."
"Er, it's not that." Gohan scratches his head, his thoughts are all jangled up. "Well, um..." He starts stuttering.
Videl just looks at him confused. "What the hell is wrong with you? Were you tweaking during lunch or something? Spit it out already."
"S-sorry, I was just wondering..." Gohan tries again. "Well, if you wanted to be partners for the Sex-Ed project. We're supposed to be in boy and girl pairs and I don't have a partner, so..."
Videl laughs to herself and slams her locker shut. "Sorry, but no. I don't hang with junkies." She dismisses him. Before she can leave, Sharpner comes across the hall corner.
"Videl, what's happening, girl?" He greets her, leaning against the locker coolly. "Faghan, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be hitting a pipe or something?"
Gohan clenches his book in anger.
"Oh yeah, Videl, you know that stupid Sex-Ed project?" Sharpner says. "We should totally be partners."
Videl sighs. "Yeah, sure, whatever, just don't expect me to do any work, alright?" She walks off back to class.
"Heh, fuck yeah." Sharpner grins contently. "See that, Gohan, that's how you seal the deal with a lady." He flexes his muscles in front of Gohan then shoves him into the lockers, knocking his books on the floor. "Seeya later, queer."
Gohan fumes with anger, he couldn't believe Videl chose Sharpner over him. He picks his books back up and walks to class pissed off.
...
Back in class, Mr. Ruffee walks in a couple minutes late, his eyes bloodshot. He nearly trips over as he walks over to the desk.
"Oh, shit," he rubs his head as he falls over on the desk. "That crystal meth really fucked me up. I'm too old for these drugs." Mr. Ruffee quickly dozes off into a slumber.
The class begins fucking around as the substitute teacher takes a nap.
"God, I wish I had cool, hot boyfriend!" Erasa sighs. "Everyone in this school is so lame, though."
Videl nods her head. "It's so hard to just find a confident, honest guy around here. Everyone is such a fucking try hard."
Sharpner rubs his chin. "An honest guy, huh?" He walks over and leans against Videl's desk, grinning smugly. "Yo, sup, Videl?" He makes sure to flex his muscles in front of her. "You like an honest man, huh? You ever heard a white man say the n-word?" Sharpner leans in close to her ear. "Hard r?"
Videl immediately slaps him across the face, leaving a nice red hand print on his cheek. "Screw off. I don't fuck with racists." She grabs her bag and stands up from her seat. "Come on Erasa, let's make a run for it before that dipshit wakes up." They both get up and run out of the classroom.
Gohan starts to laugh uncontrollably.
"Wow, really, Sharpner? A hard r?" Gohan shakes his head disapprovingly. "Not even black people say that shit."
Sharpner growls in anger, and marches toward Gohan with his fists clenched tightly.
"I don't think anybody asked for your opinion, Bitchhan." Sharpner snaps at him.
Gohan jumps out of his seat and faces Sharpner. "I'm getting sick of you calling me that shit!" Gohan yells out angrily.
"Oh yeah, and what are you gonna do about it, pussy?" Sharpner grabs Gohan's collar, pulling closer towards him. The whole class begins to oooh as the two go head to head. "Fight! Fight!" the students begin to shout out.
"You gonna hit me, fuckboy?" Sharpner tempts Gohan.
"Please," Gohan dismisses him, knowing full well he could kill Sharpner without even trying. "One hit and you'd look like a white supremacist at a Black Lives Matter rally."
Sharpner furrows his brow in anger and shoves Gohan back into his seat. "You got a lot of confidence for a Cars lunchbox-having bitch. Why don't we settle this right now then?"
The class eggs them on, repeatedly shouting 'Fight! Fight!'
Mr. Ruffee wakes up , looking around the class in confusion. "Huh, fight?" He quickly gets up from his chair. "Now that's enough, there will be no fights in this classroom!" He announces, the whole class groans in disappointment. "You two can save that shit for the parking lot so I can record it and upload it to Worldstar."
Sharpner grins. "What do you say Gohan, me and you after school. If you win, I'll leave you alone for the rest of the school year," Sharpner bargains. "But if I win, you have to do my Sex-Ed project for me, got it, punk? I'm way too cool for that homework shit."
Suddenly, a light flashes in Gohan's brain. If he does the project for him, that means he's also doing it for Videl, which means he'll get another excuse to interact with her. Gohan thinks for a second, then grins smugly back at Sharpner.
"Alright, Sharpner, you're on." Gohan extends his hand to shake on it.
Sharpner cracks his knuckles, chuckling to himself. "Handshakes are for queers. Seeya after school, Gayhan. Don't pussy out." Sharpner walks back over to his desk.
Gohan knew that Sharpner couldn't actually do anything to him, but he still had to lose the fight so that he could do the group project for him. It means he had to swallow his pride and pretend to get his ass kicked by Sharpner. It would be humiliating, but it was worth it for him if it meant another shot at talking to Videl.
...
The last bell of the day had rung, and it was now time for the fight with Sharpner in the parking lot. At this point, everyone in the school was talking about it and it was a huge event. The students whispered among themselves as they passed Gohan in the hall.
"Wow, Gohan's really gonna fight Sharpner, he must be pretty tough."
Gohan was getting pretty popular off this, he imagined how much respect he'd get if he actually decided to win the fight. But he didn't care about that, he just wanted Videl's attention first and foremost. As Gohan was heading out to the parking lot, Willy caught up with him in the halls.
"Gohan, you sure you can take Sharpner?" Willy asks him, knowing pretty confidently that Gohan stands no chance. "You know that guy's a boxer, right? I don't want you to get hurt out there!"
Gohan nods his head. "Don't worry about me Willy, I thought this through." Gohan reassures him.
"Well, you are pretty smart Gohan." Willy nods. "If you say so, buddy. Good luck out there. I got a Cars 3 fanny pack I can fill with ice if you get your ass beat."
Gohan shakes his head. "Um, no thanks, dude."
Gohan finally makes his way outside in the parking lot, where there's a huge crowd waiting outside, it must be the entire school waiting to watch this fight. Gohan gulped a little in fear.
"There's Gohan! Bring him up here!" One student shouts as he drags Gohan through the ocean of people and into the center, where Sharpner stands confidently.
"There you are, Faghan." Sharpner walks forward, cracking his knuckles. "I didn't think you'd actually show up. Guess you got some balls in between those legs."
"I wouldn't pussy out against you." Gohan responds, and the crowd begins to hype up.
"Aw yeah, Gohan's gonna fuck him up!" One student shouts out from the crowd.
Sharpner hisses, and steps right into Gohan's grill. "Your confidence won't save you here, Gohan. I've been boxing for years, you're not gonna stand a chance against me. Now let's fucking go, I just downed like 3 Rockstars." Sharpner cracks his neck and gets into fighting stance.
Gohan takes a deep breath. Alright, remember, I'm not allowed to even touch this guy. I gotta swallow my pride and take the beating like a man. Think of that cutie Videl on the other side of all this-
Before Gohan can even finish the thought, he gets a clean fist right against his jaw. Gohan reels back from the hit, nearly stumbling over.
"Aw shit, I wasn't even rea-" Gohan gets clocked with another fist to the face, then another right in the stomach as Sharpner begins pummeling him.
"Oh fuck, Gohan's getting his ass beat!"
"WORLD STAR, WORLD STAAAARRRR!" The students shout out.
"You're pretty built, kid, but it ain't gonna stop these blows!" Sharpner yells as he pounds Gohan. He has no choice but to take the beat down.
"Come on, Gohan, fight back!" The students shout at him, but Gohan just stands there like a human punching bag getting his ass beat.
"Talk shit, get hit, pussy!" Sharpner yells and hits him with a finishing blow, knocking Gohan flat on the ground with a black eye.
Gohan just lies there on the floor. Jeez, this guy's a fucking pussy, that barely even hurt. But fuck, I have to pretend to be in pain and shit.
"Ow, ah!" Gohan winces. "Oh fuck, aaaaah, shit the pain!" Gohan yells.
The whole crowd begins to boo and walk off from the parking lot.
"Wow what a letdown, Gohan's a huge pussy!" The students shout out.
"I skipped fucking a cheer leader to watch this shit show?" Mr. Freddie Mercury says, spitting on Gohan as he passes by.
"You're fucking pathetic, Gohan." Sharpner scoffs, hocking a huge loogie on Gohan's face. "Can't believe I downed 3 Rockstars for your pussy ass. Don't forget my project, fag."
Gohan lies there, humiliated, and wipes the spit off of his face. He felt like a complete loser but the thought of Videl talking to him again helped his spirit. As the crowd dissipates, Willy walks over to Gohan's corpse.
"Um, you still alive Gohan?" Willy asks, extending his hand downward to help him up.
Gohan pulls himself up and dusts his shirt off. "Yeah, I'm fine." Gohan sighs.
"You got your ass beat worse than Rodney King out there." Willy rubs his head. "What were you thinking, Gohan?"
"It's cool, I lost so I could do the group project for him. That means I'll get a chance to talk with Videl." Gohan explains.
Willy nods. "Ah, I see. Strategic move there, buddy." Willy smiles. "Oh, you want my Cars 3 fanny pack?"
Gohan shudders. "No thanks. Anyways, I better head home. Later, Willy." Gohan heads off.
"Seeya, pal!" Willy says with a slightly gay undertone.
...
Gohan arrives home safely, carefully floating down in front of his house. He notices a Comcast cable truck outside. He can hear children giggling nearby him.
"Hey Gohan!" Goten calls out. Trunks is with him. "Woah, what the fuck happened to your eye? Did you try to suck dick and put it in the wrong hole?" They laugh at him.
"Fuck off Goten. I got in a fight at school." Gohan explains.
"Wait, you mean you got your ass beat by some human kid?" Trunks asks, and the two burst out laughing. "You know you could kill them with like one punch, right?"
"Yeah, I know that, dipshit. I lost the fight stratgetically so I can partner up with this hot chick in my class."
"Pfft, your big brother's whipped as fuck, Goten. He clearly doesn't listen to Dr. Dre."
"Yeah!" Goten shouts. "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks!" He high-fives Trunks.
Gohan rolls his eyes. "What's your Tumblr-looking ass doing here anyways, Trunks?"
"I told you already, Gohan, it's not Tumblr if my hair is naturally this color," Trunks snarls. "My mom kicked me out of the house for jacking off on her time machine again, so I'm chilling with Goten."
"Did you get those pics of your mom I asked for?" Gohan raises his eyebrow.
Trunks grins, pulling out a stack of photographs from his pocket. "That depends. You got my Xbox Live card?"
Gohan tosses a card out of his bag and the two trade. Gohan shifts through the photos. "God damn, your mom's breast implants really paid off." Gohan bites his lip.
"Fuck yeah!" Trunks jumps up and down cheerfully. "Come on Goten, let's go buy some Minecraft DLC!"
Man, kids play the lamest shit nowadays.
"Well, I'm harder than the new Kodak Black album. I need to bust one, fast." Gohan hurriedly rushes into the house.
"Wait a sec Gohan, you don't want to go in there right now." Goten flies over to him. "Mom's fucking the cable guy again."
"Huh?" Gohan rubs his chin. "Does that mean we're getting HBO again? Thank god, I missed like 2 seasons of Game of Thrones."
Goten shrugs. "Probably, they've been in there quite a while."
"Whatever, I'll just jack off in the forest again." Gohan waves. "Seeya later, kids!"
Gohan binge watched Game of Thrones for the rest of the night and weekend, and got to work on that Sex-Ed project. Although he felt deep humilation from getting his ass beat by Sharpner, and knew he'd probably never live it down, Gohan felt happy that he'd get one more shot at impressing Videl. Stay tuned for the next chapter of TOSHSM to see what happens with Gohan and Videl!
