Thanks to: jackiex3 for reviewing the last chapter! I hope this one does it justice! :)
The classroom was quiet today. Our teacher had already given us our assignment and most of the others were hunched over their desks trying to finish it in class while they could so they could focus later on set, in the studio, wherever they may be. I on the other hand, was in this class on a temporary basis, so I sat staring at anything and everything in the room. One thing, person really, that I kept coming back to though was Carlos.
Logan was the only one who was done and was leaning back in his seat reading over an anatomy book and it gave me perfect sigh of Carlos on the other side of him. He wore his helmet to class today and was scribbling in his notebook with a wild expression on his face. I smiled and watched him, resting an elbow on my desk and my head in the palm of my hand, as he spun his notebook around and began to scribble again.
"Elizabeth Miller…"
I snapped my head to the front of the class where our teacher stood in front of her desk, arms crossed on her chest with a frown on her face and her eyes locked on mine. I sat straight up; it had felt like I had lost my ability to speak before I finally stuttered out a, "Y-yes?"
Slowly she began to walk up a row of desks to where I was sitting in the back. All eyes were on me as she placed her hands on the edge of my desk, leaning in face to face. She whispered, "You will never be a Jennifer."
My eyes snapped open and I was breathing heavy. The room was nearly completely dark; the only light that was in the living room was coming in from the window through the cracks of the blinds. Instead of going to sleep when everyone else did, Carlos had stayed up with me and we watched movies and popped some corn. Normally we would've just had the movies on for background noise and we would be talking about the movie, our lives, whether or not we could make plans for the weekend, but I was still upset when we had started watching movies. So we just sat together; his arm around my shoulder and my head on his shoulder, my knees pulled up closely to my chest.
The TV had been turned off and I had been lying on top of Carlos, his arm lay over his eyes as he breathed evenly. So we had fallen asleep during the movie. Carlos usually did if there weren't any explosions. I tried to sit up slowly so I wouldn't wake the sleeping Latino. Luckily he only stirred lightly as I stood up. I pulled down the sleeves of Carlos' hoodie over my hands and balled the ends up in my fists. Carlos had given me a hoodie and a pair of his sleep pants for me to wear tonight. The hoodie was a little big, but it was comfortable.
I slowly made my way to the bathroom. I yawned closing the door behind me and turning on the light. The lights blinded me momentarily as I tried to blink it away. I didn't need to use the bathroom; I just didn't want to wake anybody up by wandering back and forth around the apartment. After my eyes adjusted to the light I put the lid of the toilet seat down and sat sown. I yawned and scratched an itch on the back of my head. I breathed in a deep breath and sighed it out. It had been a few night, nearly a week, since I had had a dream and I wasn't pleased with the one that they decided to return with.
This Jennifer thing was beginning to haunt me. Sure, it is great to be a Jennifer, but what was so bad about being Elizabeth? I stood up and faced the mirror above the sink. Maybe…just maybe, I had been seeing me how I am for so long, that I didn't care how others saw me. Does that make sense? I stepped back; I could only see the upper half of me, but it was enough.
My hair was a brown tangled, matted mess from sleeping on the couch; my eyes were only half open and I was able to feel how tired I actually was. I sighed as I bit my lip; I was going to regret doing this, but couldn't stop myself. I reached up behind my head, tugged on the hoodie, and pulled it off over my head. Letting it fall to the ground I looked at myself. For some reason, I wouldn't allow myself to look anywhere below the shoulder line.
I shuddered out a breath and wiped my eyes. I hadn't been aware that I was crying. Why is this such a problem? My throat got tight as I tried to gasp for air. The bathroom only seemed to get hotter in my panic to breathe and my knees began to give away. I could taste bile in the back of my throat and suddenly found myself knelt down in front of the toilet, emptying into it what my body was forcing out. When I was finished, I tore off some toilet paper, wiped my mouth and flushed everything down. I scooted back to the wall behind me and tried to cool off, but was barely given a chance to as somebody knocked on the door.
I scrambled to my feet, getting a head rush on the way up and threw on the hoodie as quickly as I could. I ran my hands over my face to wipe away any tears that I had missed or had been lingering, before I answered the knock, "Yeah?" I called.
"Elizabeth? Is everything okay? Can I come in?" Katie's voice replied as she cracked the door a little.
"Uhm, yeah, come on in." I answered.
Katie poked her head in before coming in completely and closing the door behind her, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I just…"
"Barffed." Katie finished my sentence. I looked to her, both hands behind her back as she leaned against the door. She locked on my eyes and looked at me with a questioning look, but already knew the answer.
"Yeah." Is apparently the only word I know anymore.
"Wanna have that talk now?"
Biting my lip I nodded, she weakly smiled and slid down the door until she was sitting on the floor. I joined her on the floor and crossed my legs in front of me. Katie and I had conversations like this when it was needed for the two of us. She was wise for her age, "What's wrong?"
I sighed "Nothing really. I guess my nerves are just getting to me about the song. I haven't even got one started yet and Gustavo is going to be back soon expecting a complete song. If he is as bad as the guys say he is…then…I may lose this chance forever." I replied.
Part of me was lying. Katie stared at me and considered what I was saying. She held her legs close to her chest with her arms wrapped around her knees, her hair was pulled back into a pony tail; her bangs still lay on her forehead. She looked from me to random things around the room, her lips going into duck face mode as she thought. Finally she said something, "You need to be a teenager."
"I am…"
"When was the last time you truly had fun?" She asked.
I thought for a moment, "…The pool side bonfire."
"Every song, every single one, is about life. What happens in it, who we are in it, people we know in it, how you feel about it…you basically lock yourself away in your room now a days." She stated.
"How am I supposed to write if I'm not in my room?" It's the only way I can write, with no distractions.
"How are you going to write about life if you aren't living it?"
Touche…
"So what do I do about Gustavo?"
"I don't know," she said as she stood up, "it is three in the morning you're lucky you got that out of me." She smiled and I laughed as she reached for the door knob, "Think of it this way; you're a free balloon. And you know what they say, the sky's the limit. Good night Elizabeth."
"Good night." I replied as she opened the door and walked out.
