I am so sorry for the wait of this chapter! No excuses... well, there are excuses and a lot of them, but no one wants to hear them anyway, right? Anyway, I am here with a new chapter and I'm pretty pumped to get back to writing regularly and I hope you guys are ready for more regular updates. I don't have much more to say other than I hope y'all are ready for some adorable stuff to come. ;)
Let me know what you think. Enjoy!
Ally cried for what seemed like forever, and Austin didn't budge from where he sat. Finally, she pushed gently off him and wiped her eyes and nose on her sleeve, looking at him lost, nearly shattered his heart. He swallowed hard before taking her hand and squeezing it, to which she hiccupped and closed her eyes, still unable to calm her breathing enough to take a deep breath. Then, she got up and silently went over to his other dresser and began to rearrange things, followed by fixing the bedding on the bed, stopping at the very end to stare out the window at the sun.
"You can just sit there. You don't have to do anything."
She looked briefly at the chair which they were in only minutes before and then sat down on his bed, not giving him a proper answer to his statement. "I've been in the parking lot most of the day. I saw Dez go into the hospital, so I waited until he left to come in. I got your voicemail in the elevator." Instead she said that, which seemed out of place, but he figured whatever was going on in her head was probably jumbled.
Austin couldn't help but be surprised. She was there all along? There was something so kind about being absolutely destroyed but knowing how important his conversation with Dez would be to wait until he was gone. It was heartbreaking at the same time. He shook his head at the thought and then stared back at her, still not wanting to use absent words when they were not necessary.
"I didn't know where else to go. It made sense for me to come here."
Any other time he would've made a joke, but instead the comment made his heart swell. He never would've thought the cold brunette would end up meaning so much to him, but he was proud that her first place to run had been to him. Was it just pride?
As if timing couldn't be worse, his legs started to spasm. She glanced down at his body and looked around his nightstand for the spasm medication, one of the few he took by mouth and not by IV. "Did you take these today?"
He didn't want the conversation to turn to him—like it always seemed to, but not answering her could prove worse in the long run. "The last time I took them was yesterday. I haven't needed them as of yet."
"Take two," she ordered him and he couldn't help but smile—for even a brief second, he was shown the bossy, demanding part of Ally he couldn't help but miss. It didn't go past her either because she narrowed her eyes and stuck the bottle out further, giving him a deadly look he didn't want to cross. She walked over to the far side of the room where she had installed a small mini fridge, taking a bottle of water from inside. Begrudgingly, he took the pills and followed her with his eyes back to the chair.
"Thanks."
"Any news?"
He shook his head. "Nothing. I have another appointment tomorrow. Supposedly the swelling has gone down enough for them to try another test. More than likely, I'll know the status tomorrow."
"Are you nervous?"
He wasn't sure. There was a part of him that knew finding out could change his life forever, permanently this time, or it could begin the journey to recovery. The options seemed so black and white, despite how many times his occupational and physical therapists were trying to make it gray. Single handedly, finding out that his injury was complete would mean a lifetime in a metal cage, so to speak, wherein finding out it was incomplete could mean better odds to complete recovery.
"I want to know, but at the same time, not knowing seems like a less scary option sometimes."
She nodded and then looked back at him, "Would you mind company? I know your appointments usually fall later in the afternoon, but…"
"Of course. You can come."
"Thanks."
He smiled at her, going over to his bed so that he could transfer for a while. Sitting in one position was bad for his lower body, so he knew it was best he get out of the chair. She immediately stood up and put the brakes on, offering her hand wordlessly so that she could take some of his weight and make it a smoother transition. They worked so quietly these days he forgot how awkward it had been in the beginning.
"You've got a bruise on your lower calf," she noticed, her fingers tracing over the area, though he couldn't feel it. There was a brief silence as he mourned the loss of that sort of feeling, then realized how ridiculous it was to even be worried about his own damn body when Ally's boyfriend had just died. He didn't even know the details as of yet.
Still, he felt as if he owed her an explanation. Knowing Ally, she wouldn't stop until he gave her one, anyway. "I stumbled this morning getting out of the bed, might've happened then."
"I should've been here," she murmured, helping him situate his legs on the bed before covering them out of habit. While Austin was not as shamed anymore considering the bruises had mainly faded on his good leg and the amputated one was just a part of him he could no longer deny, it was something they always seemed to do when they were together. The blanket was a part of them, he supposed.
"No one expected you to be," he finally retorted, keeping his voice soft, in case she honestly thought he was blaming her for not being around. She really couldn't blame herself for not being there, could she? He understood, and he was more than willing to explain to her that the staff would too. No one would hold it against her. Besides, he needed to get used to transferring on his own more often. One day, he wouldn't have Ally around to help him on days he just didn't feel up to par.
She gave him a half-hearted look, as if the girl that loved to argue just couldn't do it that day. "I should've been here."
"Okay." How else could he answer that? He didn't want to keep pressing the same argument when the answer to either side was not going to change.
She gave him another glare in what seemed like out of nowhere, one he wasn't sure he deserved. "Stop it!"
"What?"
"You would've made a joke at any other time. You would've said something really stupid, or really insulting about me, I would've rolled my eyes, affectionately called you an idiot or something like that, we would've laughed, and it would've been normal," she chided, closing her eyes only for a second before they filled briefly with tears. She made a sweeping motion with her hand and the fierce, proud Ally broke through the sadness, if only for a second. Seconds later, the glare was back.
"I just… I didn't want to upset you. I know how we are, but there is also a time and place for jokes and I did not want to be that sort of guy that pretended what you're going through isn't important or warranted or whatever else someone might say and glaze over it with some dumb joke when all I want to know is that you are okay."
"I'm not okay and I'm not going to be okay, but for God's sake some normalcy would be fucking fantastic right now," she spat.
Austin bit his lip in apprehension, then gave her what she wanted. "For someone who doesn't believe in God, that's quite a statement to make."
She laughed bitterly at first, and then the tears started a second time. Austin just sighed as she slid off the chair and came closer to him, leaning her head down on his chest. They were one for some time, before Ally got up and muttered an apology. She then adjusted his sheets. Austin couldn't take the busy work and grabbed her wrist, "Get me my chair, please."
"Why?"
"We need to get out of this room. C'mon, get it."
She did as she was told and they were off through the hallway, Austin peeked into Jake's room as they went past, noticing that he wasn't around. Austin had not seen Cassidy that morning either. Maybe they were out on their own, probably at a movie or something fun that the redhead always seemed to plan. He did notice Warren in his room, staring blankly at the ceiling, though alarmingly his head turned as they passed, as if he knew that it was Austin.
Your wheels make a funny noise, he remembered him saying the day before and shook his head. What else could he hear for what his eyes couldn't see?
"My father was his surgeon," she said once they were outside and she was guiding his chair over the bumpy sidewalk to the area they were in only a week's previous with Cassidy and Jake. "He was supposed to save him. I can't face my father. I can't look at him. There's a part of me that knows it's not his fault and I could never blame him, but there is this rash, unhinged side of me that says he should've been able to save him, do something to stop whatever injuries he had."
"You haven't spoken to him at all?"
Ally sat down on the bench and faced Austin with a shake of her head. She looked a little less pale outside in the sun, but without make up on and her hair tossed so casually, it was hardly the girl he was used to seeing. He didn't mind this girl though; there was nothing hidden about her. Her entire being seemed to be on display. It seemed wrong that such a horrible event had to happen for him to meet this girl, but he was grateful for the opportunity too.
"I haven't been home."
"Ally, the accident was almost two days ago now."
"Yes. The surgery went overnight into the afternoon."
"What happened?" he asked gently. "No one ever told me."
She took a shaky breath in, wiping her eyes with a sleeve again. It seemed like a great time to pull tissues out of some compartment in his chair, but he didn't have that luxury. In fact, he didn't even know what was behind him in the chair, it was something that Ally usually used to store her bag, or whatever else she needed when they left his room.
"I mean, you don't have to…"
"No," she said forcefully. "I'm sorry. I mean, I don't know the exact details. I just know that night we were supposed to go to dinner his family stayed out later than originally planned. I guess they were drinking, or his family was. Connor was sober, but he didn't leave the restaurant until well after one in the morning. He had quite a drive back to his parents house and about halfway home some guy ran a red light and t-boned his side of the car. The guy was drunk."
Every ounce of color drained from Austin's face. The love of Ally's life was taken from her because of some idiot just like him. Some idiot who decided that their life and those around them did not matter so they got behind the wheel of someone's car and put their luck to the test. Austin was lucky that he only injured himself permanently and that everyone else just walked away with scratches. It didn't mean he was any less horrible though. He could've easily taken someone's life.
Connor was supposed to be a lawyer…
"Austin?"
"I can't believe you even want to talk to me right now," he muttered without thinking.
"What?"
"How can you look at me? It could've easily been me."
"What?" she asked again, putting her hand on his. "Are you feeling okay? Is anything hurting you?"
"I'm fine," he muttered back. "Ally, I could've done that. That could've been me. I could've hurt someone… I could've killed someone. What happened to the guy that hit him? Is he dead?"
She shook her head through a confused stare, sighing. "No. He walked away with minimal injuries."
"See? I get it now. I deserve exactly what happened to me."
"Austin, stop—"
"Ally, honestly if you want to go. I get it. I feel like I can't—"
"Austin, shut the hell up."
He froze at the sound of her voice, the one he remembered her using on the woman in the aquarium. He looked at her from his panic, noticing that there was no ill colors to her face, nor were her eyes full of hatred or disgust.
"I don't blame you. I couldn't blame you. Think about it for a second. You did not hurt anyone. Did you make a mistake? Yes, you sure as hell did. Was it really stupid? Yeah, I would say it was. But, look at yourself. I mean that in the nicest way. I'm pretty sure you are paying for that mistake every day."
"It doesn't mean—"
"I don't care what you did in the past." She took a deep breath, looking out toward the parking lot and zoning out for a minute. It seemed as if she could not think of what she wanted to say, not that he blamed her. If she truly hadn't slept in two days, her mind was probably completely gone. "I'm just trying to say please don't let something like that eat at you. I'm so glad that you survived and that nothing worse than what happened, happened. Because I sure as hell don't know where I would've gone today if I never met you."
"I'm glad that we worked things out," he agreed, grabbing her hand and squeezing it. He thought back to only moments before when he was freaking out and how quick she was to ask about him, forgetting about her own turmoil because Austin might be in physical pain. Ally might try to look tough, but he realized she was going to be a great doctor someday. "I don't think I would have gotten through these last few weeks without you."
"Would you mind if I spend more time here in the next few weeks?"
"You can move in if you really want to," he joked. There was a time and place to say to her that maybe she should be home and talk to her family, but it wouldn't go over well, and he liked the idea of her being around. One because he could keep an eye on her. And two, selfishly, he wouldn't be alone either. "Though, I don't think there is space in my room for any of those kitten heels."
The smile that came across her face following the joke was probably the best thing he saw in weeks. It light up her face in such an innocent way and reminded him just how much he missed her. A thought came over him as she cracked up, nudging him with her other hand. He almost craved that feeling—seeing Ally purely happy and it made him wonder: was it merely from a friendship standpoint, or was the absolute dread and worry that plagued him over the last two days until that very moment because he was falling for the girl sitting next to him?
