Chapter 6 - Nervousness
Al felt sweat break out between his fingers and Morwenna's and when he took a shallow breath he felt moisture spring out in his armpits so knew the perspiration was only his. Morwenna gave him a quick look and he tried to smile at her, but it must have been a weak one. Why was he so damned nervous? S
"Problem?" she asked.
He grunted, "No," as he fished his car keys out of his pocket and tried to unlock the car with shaking hands. Come on Al, steady down! It's not the first time you ever held a girl's hand! Tosser, he swore at himself. Can't even take a girl out to dinner. He'd never really gotten anywhere with Elaine, but with Pauline? She was all too ready to move from snogging, to shagging, and then to moving in with him. He ground his teeth at that the bitter end with Pauline. She left for Exeter for nursing school and that was that. The telephone calls trickled away to occasional texts, and at the end down to one fateful phone call.
000
"Paul? It's Al," he said when she finally answered his call late one night.
"Al? It's practically midnight! I need to get sleep. Go away."
Go away? Those two words burned like acid. "Pauline? You mean that?" She'd been gone for six weeks and it felt like a lifetime of loneliness.
"You been calling a lot…" She sighed. "Look Al, it's just…"
"Just what?" He actually counted the seconds of dead air as they passed. At fifteen she answered.
"Al, I don't want to see you anymore," she said.
"Ah." Bloody hell.
She sighed into the mobile. "I'm trying to better myself - and I can't say that being tied to you down in Portwenn isn't any sort of life I want; not anymore."
He swallowed hard. "Right. Okay. Fine." He'd started to lower the phone when what she said next made him listen. "Better say that again, Pauline."
She sighed. "It was fun; a lot." He heard her clear her throat and then she said, "And I did love you."
"Did?"
"Sorry Al. I… I just don't feel like that anymore."
His heart was lead. "Right."
"I don't want to end up like my mum taking in washing to make ends meet. Trudging up all those steep hills day and night, being saddled with three crying kids before I'm thirty years old." She cleared her throat. "And never going anywhere or doing anything."
"And I'd be the one holding you back." He said it softly for he knew she was right.
"Sorry Al. I can't be with you any longer. Fun while it lasted - mostly."
"Sure. Right. Well good luck then."
She chuckled. "Always the gentlemen. Good luck to you as well. Goodbye Al."
"Yeah," he said and then with a click he heard the connection stop from her end. He'd stood firm with her when she battled her gambling addition, took her to the beach, and carried her up to the Doc's when she got jellyfish stung, all the things, and… stop. "No," he said aloud. He stared at the mobile in his hand, snapped the cover closed and dropped it onto the table. "Oh Paul," he moaned. "Bye then luv."
000
Morwenna watched as Al struggled to unlock the car. Gee Al, do I upset you that much? The way he stood there it seemed to her that something had just happened; something that didn't concern her, or so she hoped.
He looked at her apologetically. "Sorry Morwenna, I need to lubricate this lock." Eventually he pried the door open to a creak of rusty hinges. "Sorry," he muttered. "This old car is rubbish."
"No, no, it's fine. Better than my car."
"Morwenna you don't have a car." He held the door open for her, uncertain how to get her seated. And then what Al? Drive her home? Would she ask him in for coffee? And then what? He was frozen in fear. Strangely he was more scared then when he scaled the cliff after helping the Doc with the baker. But he sure got the shakes when he found out there were explosives in that bag he took off the trawler. But, he stole a quick look at her, this was as explosive; just as scary.
"Well, duh." She smiled at him. "But you do." She touched his elbow and felt the rigidity of the joint. Ah, she sighed to herself, he's tight as a bloody drum. She had hoped that the dinner would go well, and it had, but then… it sorta went off into the weeds.
000
The story of my life, Morwenna said to herself. Mike Pruddy had seemed nice, and funny in his own way, but there was nothing there. His conversation skills were poor, he spent more time fiddling with the beer in his hand then looking at her, and inside of 90 seconds she knew the date was a bust.
Thanks Mike, she thought to herself. You can't even look at more for more than 2 seconds. That gives a girl confidence. Super.
So, she sipped her wine and pressed her knees together. Thanks mum, she mused, St. Morwenna died a virgin. Good one, that. A laugher. Where you telling a joke when you named me? She looked at Mike's handsome face but there was no spark – nothing – the channel was as blank as a black spot on the moor.
Her date with Mike limped along until she could yawn mightily and go home. It was later when she found out that Mike had raging OCD and was an Army deserter besides. Poor Mike. She wondered occasionally how things came out after he turned himself in.
However, that night after their horrible date, and alone in her bed, listening to wind blow outside the empty house, she wet her pillow with tears.
000
"Ah, Morwenna, it's a Frankencar," Al said bitterly, "made of bits and bobs. A mismatched door and fender, the tranny leaks like a bloody sieve and the exhaust pipes are held together by spit and bailing wire. It's rubbish."
"So?"
He shrugged the way he always did. Now he did feel embarrassed. Stupid wreck of a car, but he'd paid £400 cash and mowed three fields to get his hands on it. It was better than that crappy little motor scooter with the wonky ignition that rarely worked well, especially in the wet.
She took a deep breath as she recalled what she'd read in the 'Assertive Female' book. When frozen by fear and apprehension, do something - anything - to get things rolling in some direction. Even if it turns out to be the wrong direction, you can change course later provided that the fleeting choice you do make is not injurious to you or to someone else.
Morwenna cocked her head, looking at her date. Not Al Large, but her date; the man who took her to dinner properly and he'd asked and everything. They'd talked, traded ideas, teased and kidded a little, even saved a life, and then there was that moment when the elephant in the room could not be ignored. Sex was the name of the elephant and it scared her and from the rigid look of Al him as well.
So, what to do now? A cool breeze was blowing and it pressed her dress against her damp back - damp from nervous perspiration. Be assertive, don't back down, press ahead with your plans, the book had said, and if you don't have a plan to get ahead, then you had better get one and fast. The words rang through her brain. That American bird had a chip on her shoulder, but she was sick, and irritated, and maybe she was just executing her plan?
So Morwenna Newcross, what is your plan? She saw Al swallow, his Adam's apple aquiver, and then he pushed the car door open further, his head nodding towards the opening; telling her to sit.
She still held his left hand with her right, so she slowly put her left arm around him, and turning him slightly, kissed his cheek. There, she thought. So whatcha' gonna do now Al? She watched his eyes go wide and his lips twitch.
Her sudden movement shocked him briefly. Morwenna girl, what are you doing? Oh. A kiss. He saw her twinkling eyes up close, waiting it seemed. He blinked hard for a moment, then he gently wrapped his right arm around her waist and kissed her lips briefly; just the slightest peck.
But her lips were soft, and tasted like cherry lip-gloss with a coating of berry juice, and then her perfume went to his head, so he kissed her again, but harder and longer.
She was surprised by the kiss on the mouth, but it made her tingle in a nice way. Okay, Al, here goes! She hugged him, pressed her lips to his and gave him something to remember.
Al's head swam as she kissed him; really kissed him. Lordy, Morwenna. Okay. Don't go too far. He sensed this very warm woman; the way her legs pressed against his, her slim waist under his arm, her soft baps pressed against his shirt, the scent of her perfume, and her hair. He felt himself respond down below rapidly. Steady, Al, he thought. Go slow; don't foul it up.
Morwenna twisted her neck, sliding her lips across his. He kissed nice. Nicer than most. But oh dear Morwenna how many boys have there been? Hm, let's see. One, two, three? No just two really. Her pulse shook her so she wanted more. Come on Al, harder, she thought. Squeeze me like that bugger with the food in his throat. But no, too fast, so she gently pushed him away, breaking the kiss and putting a few inches between them. "Where did that come from?" she sighed.
"Seemed like the thing to do," he replied.
She nodded. "Right."
He grinned. "Yeah."
"We never did this when you rented a room at my house."
"Uhm, no. We were just housemates."
She looked at him coolly. "I know."
He smiled. "A minefield, right? Too many snoopy neighbors."
Morwenna chuckled. "Like Mrs. Shin. I swear that woman goes through my rubbish to see what I've been up to."
Al laughed. "She always gave me the evil eye when I was coming or going. But nothing..."
She nodded. "Happened." Then she laughed. "But there wasn't, I mean, anything for her to worry about. You were a perfect gentleman." To his credit he had been, but there were times she was far too aware of the young fella just down the hall...
Al barked in laughter. He dared not tell her how hard it had been to be 'a perfect gentleman.' Why just a whiff of perfume, or the faint scent of her hair conditioner made him feel as shameless as a bull in mating season. But he always suppressed the feeling, at least physically. He shook his head and smiled. "Yeah, I guess I was, sorta, but now?"
She smiled. "You're a good kisser Al Large." Morwenna leaned to him and pulling him closer, gave him a gentle hug.
He bent his neck and kissed her hair. "You too, Morwenner. You too."
