AN: First of all, thank you so much to my reviewers - I love getting feedback, especially when you have all been so lovely. Hope you enjoy this chapter :)
Chapter Three:
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life..." – Nel Gaiman
He was already there when I arrived, my coat dripping wet from the never-ending rain pouring down. I shook off the water as best I could and ran my hand through my curls. I'd tried to smooth them down earlier but the moisture in the air had made them uncontrollable yet again.
"I should have picked you up," Jacob said in way of a greeting as he stood to kiss my cheek. "I didn't even think." I noticed how good he looked – he was wearing a white button down shirt and a pair of dark wash jeans. Very different to the days when he'd run around La Push in little more than a pair of shorts. I tried to put the picture of a half-naked Jacob out of my head.
"Don't worry about it," I said. "It wasn't far and I had my umbrella."
He held out a bunch of flowers for me then, looking very embarrassed behind his reddening skin and not quite meeting my eyes.
"Oh thanks Jake," I breathed, smelling the flowers and smiling. I suddenly re-evaluated Karin's words from earlier. This wasn't a date was it? Just a friendly catch-up between old friends, surely.
"The florist said they were called ah-something, but I forgot." He shrugged. "I thought they looked happy, like your car." He paused. "Like you."
I grinned. "Well I love them, so thank you. You know you didn't have to do that."
He ignored this and sat down. "I hope you don't mind, I ordered us drinks," he gestured to two glasses of red already on the table.
I furrowed my brow. "When did you turn 21?"
He laughed, "Over the summer. Although I've never been ID'ed before anyway, so doesn't make much difference."
"You do look old, dude," I teased as I draped my wet coat over the back of my chair and sat down also, placing the flowers gently on the chair beside me.
Jacob raised his glass and we touched them together with a soft clink. "To getting old," he toasted and I laughed, understanding the joke behind this. Jacob would never get any older than he was now.
"Seriously though, Jacob, 21 and co-owner of what appears to be a well-established business. How exactly did you wrangle that one?"
He shrugged but looked a little pleased with himself as he toyed with the stem of his glass. "I started working there when I finished high school. Jack and I got on really well, and he thought I was pretty good around the shop. Jack doesn't really have any family see, so I think I'm kinda his insurance policy. He's getting old and he needs someone to look after the place when he's not feeling up to it. Plus he didn't want anyone offering me a place somewhere else, seeing as I'm pretty good with the cars. It helps when you can lift them with one hand." Although he said it lightly, he frowned at this and took the menu from the waitress with a mutter of thanks.
I wondered about his reaction and noticed that he looked tired and drawn, much older than he had when I'd left for the UK. Was he unhappy?
We sat in silence for a few minutes while contemplating the menu and then ordered: Pad Thai for me, Green Curry for Jacob.
"So what's been happening since I left?" I asked, realising how little I now knew about this boy's life when once I knew everything there was to know about him. "Why aren't you still living at La Push?"
Jacob half shrugged and met my eyes. I felt my stomach squirm and quickly looked away. "After the Cullens left, there wasn't much for the pack to do. All these kids kept transforming and the pack got pretty huge for a while there. We only needed a few patrolling at a time, as there weren't any vamps around, so I decided a change of scenery might be good for me."
"When did the Cullens leave?" I asked quietly.
His brow furrowed again. "Not long after you did. They come back to visit every so often – they always let Sam know when they're coming back though. You aren't in touch with," he hesitated for a second before he said, "them?"
I shook my head. "I email Alice occasionally, but her and Jasper have been travelling a lot over the past few years. She doesn't give me much news about the others."
"And you don't keep in touch with…" he trailed off, his russet skin growing darker as he blushed.
"I don't keep in touch with Edward, no."
We both gazed into each other's eyes for a moment and I suddenly wished that I hadn't lost touch with this boy across from me. I missed him so much and I hadn't even realised.
"Tell me about England," he said, changing the subject suddenly.
We chatted freely through dinner, talking about my time in England, his work as a mechanic, my new job and our dads, never delving into any topic too deep or serious. Once he'd polished off his curry in record time, he eyed the rest of my Pad Thai hungrily until I pushed the plate towards him.
"Only one and a half dishes," I joked. "What's happened to your appetite?"
The waitress brought the check around once we'd finished and Jacob went to pay. "No way," I protested. "This has to be on me – you are fixing my car after all."
"Split it?" he suggested and I shrugged in agreement, remembering how low my funds were after paying two months rent in advance and buying a new car.
Once we were outside, Jacob turned to me rather suddenly. "Do you want to come back to my place?" he asked impulsively. "I could make some coffee. This may sound dumb, but I'm not quite ready yet to say goodbye."
I smiled. "That sounds great. Do you live nearby?"
"Ten minute drive." He led the way to his car and opened the door for me. We drove quietly along the wet roads - the only sound came from the squeaking of the windscreen wipers and the dull roar of the engine. Suddenly I felt really nervous. It almost felt as though electrical sparks were jumping from his skin to mine, and I pulled my raincoat a little tighter around my shoulders.
I hated feeling anxious around Jacob. I wanted our friendship back to normal – back to the way it was when we used to sit in his garage drinking warm soda and laughing. That world felt so far away now.
He parallel parked outside a row of small terraced houses and led the way through the front gate and up the steps.
"This place looks lovely, Jake, do you live here by yourself?" I asked as he opened the door and led us into a small hallway, with a cosy living room through a door off to the left, and a staircase on the right.
"No," he replied, dropping his keys on a small side table and draping his jacket across the banister. "I sublet one of the rooms to Chris, one of the guys at work. We get on really well and he's pretty clean, so it's cool."
I followed Jacob down the hallway and into a small bright kitchen where he filled the kettle and put it on the stove to boil. His place was very clean but a bit sparse. A typical boy's place, I suppose. The walls were painted a warm shade of pale yellow and navy blue curtains hung from the small window above the sink. Another door led off the kitchen and I could just see a small back garden behind the house in the dim light from the moon.
"When did you move in?" I asked him, sitting down at the scrubbed wooden table and crossing my legs as Jacob got out mugs and busied himself making instant coffee.
"I lived above the shop for a couple of months after I finished high school, two years ago. Then Jack helped me find this place. It belongs to his Aunt who's in a nursing home now. She's pretty sick. Jack says when she passes away he'll sell the place to me, but until then I'm renting. Not a bad price either once Chris moved in and paid half the rent. Sugar?"
I realised he was talking about the coffee and shook my head. "Just milk please."
He handed it to me, "Come on, we'll take these through to the living room."
We sat on the sofa in silence for a moment and then I heard Jacob swear quietly under his breath.
I turned to look at him confused.
"What happened to us, Bels?" he asked, gazing intently into my eyes, and I saw sadness within their depths. "I used to know everything about you. I used to get you…well to an extent. I never really got the whole vampire thing. I knew who you were though, but now…" He trailed off and looked away from me, down into his coffee.
"I know what you mean," I mumbled. "We've talked all evening but I still don't understand. I don't understand why you left."
"I don't understand why you left," he shot back, glaring at me now.
I inhaled quickly. "What are you talking about? You know why."
"You didn't come back!" He said, speaking louder now. "Four years, Bella!" He got to his feet and strode over to the window then turned back to face me. "You left and you didn't look back. You didn't even bother to keep in touch!"
"I tried," I insisted, on my feet now as well.
"No you didn't," he interrupted. "What, the odd email once in a blue moon? That wasn't trying. You left Charlie and you left me, the same way Edward once left you."
I flinched at the comparison. "I just wanted some normalcy in my life, Jacob."
"You think I didn't want that too?" He demanded, running a hand through his already dishevelled hair. "You think I wasn't desperate to get away from it all as well?"
"I didn't know," I said lamely. "I didn't realise."
"Because you didn't care." His words stung.
"Please don't say that – of course I cared about you. Of course I did. I still do! I just had to get away. I had to look after myself for awhile, can't you understand that?" I felt tears burn in my eyes as I looked at him.
He watched me for a second then swore and pulled me into a warm hug. Warm but not hot I realised. "I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to hurt you. But you have to realise how difficult it was over here - seeing pictures of you popping up on my news feed every week, showing me how happy you were. Happy without me." The pain in his eyes was nearly unbearable. "I loved you so much, Bella," he said suddenly, pulling away from our hug and looking at me. "You knew how much I loved you. And when you and Edward split up, I couldn't believe it. I was over the moon, but then you left. You left him behind but you also left me behind and I felt…" he gripped his chest trying to search for words. "I felt like you'd ripped out a part of me and taken it with you." He shook his head sadly. "Oh god, Bella, I'm so sorry. I'm being the biggest dickhead right now. Listen, I was so happy to see you smiling, to hear you talking about your new friends, and to hear that you were loving life. Truly, that did make me happy. I just missed you. I just wanted my Bella back."
"I guess it's too late now?" I asked, hating the tears that were dripping from my eyes.
"What? Hey, no, of course not. You're still Bella, still my best friend. But a lot has changed since you left."
I nodded sadly. I knew that of course. "Did you imprint?"
The question knocked him back a step. "What?" he exclaimed, a half laugh on his face. "No! God no. There was no way I was going to let that happen."
"What do you mean?"
"It's why I left," he said quietly, taking my hand and leading me back to the couch. He kept my hand in his even when we were sitting. "I couldn't stand the thought of having my freewill just taken away from me like that. Everyone around me was imprinting." He smiled sheepishly at me. "Even at the time I knew it was stupid. You'd left, so why not imprint? I had the chance of happiness. But I didn't want to stop loving you. So as soon as I finished high school, I packed my bags and went to work at Jack's. Slowly, my temperature began to fall – a couple of degrees each year. I can't lift the cars with one hand anymore. Oh, and – " he pulled his hand from mine and showed me a long scab across his palm, "I don't heal instantly now. Cut myself last week. Bled like a bitch for a good hour. Jack wanted me to get stitches."
"So you can't turn into a wolf?" I asked him, shocked at this information.
"Well I probably still could," he shrugged. "But the longer you don't transform, the harder it is to do."
"Shit, Jake," I breathed. "You did all of this…Left all of that behind because…because you love me?"
He laughed then. Not cruelly, but it was still difficult to hear. "Loved," he emphasised. "Past tense."
I felt as though he had slapped me in the face.
"You left. I had to move on with my life, surely you can understand that?"
"Of course!" I said quickly. I felt as though I was lying. "That's so great. But after you got over me, why didn't you go back? Why didn't you rejoin the pack?"
He looked back down into his coffee mug and shrugged again. His shrugging was beginning to irritate me. "Nothing had really changed – I still didn't want my freewill taken away from me. I still wanted a normal human life."
I grabbed his hand again and squeezed it tight. "Well I'm so glad, Jake. And as much as I hate arguing with you, I'm kinda happy we had this fight. I feel like I know you again now."
He laughed, and it was a light, happy sound. The laugh I remembered. He threw his arm round my shoulders. "I've missed you, Bel."
We finished our coffees and Jacob dropped me back home, promising to see me soon. "Tomorrow?" he asked, his eyes hopeful.
I smiled. "I'll send you a text in the morning."
Thank you for reading. So the next five chapters are written - I will wait to get a bit of feedback between each posting though so that I can make any necessary changes. Thanks so much for the reviews! They make me happy!
