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Chapter Five:

Jacob brought my car back at around mid-morning, and I gave Angela a phone call, seeing if she would be up for a visitor.

"Oh, Bella, I would love to see you!" She enthused brightly. "Are you sure it's not too much of a drive though?"

"Of course not!" I laughed. "I have a new CD to listen to in my car and it's been a while since I've visited Port Angeles."

"Well then, I'll have lunch ready for you when you arrive."

The drive was longer than I had remembered and by the time I pulled up in Angela's driveway I was starting to think it probably would have been a better use of my time to stay home and organise my cluttered bedroom. This thought vanished as soon as Angela opened her front door and beamed at me, waving enthusiastically. I got out and crunched up her gravel driveway as she ran down her front porch steps and gave me a tight hug.

"Four years, Bella!" she exclaimed. "Gosh, it's been awhile. You look amazing!"

"So do you!" I replied honestly, holding her at arm's length and taking her in. She was about four months pregnant and her bump could just be visible under her floaty floral-printed dress. "How are you enjoying married life?"

She blushed and smiled sweetly. "Loving it," she admitted. "Ben has to be the sweetest husband. And ever since we fell pregnant, he hasn't let me lift a finger. Come in, come in!"

Her house was small but very cosy and smelled delicious. I walked through the dark hallway into a brightly lit kitchen. Angela busied herself pulling dishes out of the oven, and getting out plates. I helped her set the table. She'd cooked a pasta bake for lunch with a side of salad and warm crusty bread. As we sat down at the kitchen table a small cocker spaniel bounded up to me, trying to lick every part he could reach.

"Get down, Crisps!" Ben scolded as he walked into the kitchen. "Bella! How are you?"

I laughed and stood to kiss him on the cheek. "I'm wonderful. Crisps?" I asked, leaning down to pat the wiggling dog, who ignored his instructions and leapt up onto me again.

"Angela named him Crispin after some actor…"

I grinned at her, and together we both said, "Mr Bingley," laughing at the inside joke. "It's a Pride and Prejudice thing." I explained to Ben.

"Well, whomever he's named after, he now only responds to Crisps and even then he doesn't do as he's told."

Ben shut Crisps out of the kitchen then the three of us sat down to enjoy lunch. It was wonderful. Angela told me all about her new 3rd grade class and the beginning of the school year, and how much she loved being an elementary school teacher. Ben tried to explain what he did for work, but all I understood was that he had something to do with logistics. Angela gave me a 'don't even try to understand this' look as he talked deeply about supply chains and resultant efficiencies.

The afternoon passed too quickly for my liking. Once we had cleaned up after lunch, Angela and I took the dog for a walk and I told her all about Henry and Jacob and how confused I was feeling about everything.

"Do you think you'll see Edward now that you're back?"

"I don't know. Is he around much?"

Angela shrugged. "I know they come back to Forks every so often. Alice and I keep in touch. We catch up fairly regularly." I remembered seeing that Alice had been a bridesmaid at Angela and Ben's wedding.

"One of the reasons I left was because of him," I admitted. "I'm not sure if I want to see him again. I'm worried all of those feelings will come back again if I do."

"I don't think so," Angela said thoughtfully, watching her dog jump crazily into the air after a fly. "You're so different now. You're more sure of yourself and determined. Less pessimistic too."

I smiled wryly. "I used to be a bit of a downer, didn't I?"

Angela laughed. "Well I loved you anyway. But it is nice to see you so happy. Come on, we'd better head back if you want to get back to Seattle before dark."

The drive back passed quickly as my mind raced. Was I strong enough to see Edward again without falling apart? Leaving him had been one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. And I still remembered every word vividly as though I had said them yesterday.

I'd been standing opposite him in my bedroom, my hands balled into angry fists. In that instant I hated him. I hated myself for being with him and I wanted him out of my life. I'd taken a deep breath and let it out shakily. He was still standing there calmly, his arms crossed, smiling mockingly at me as if I was a 5 year old throwing a tantrum.

Then suddenly I calmed down. I knew what I wanted to do. I knew what I wanted out of life, and I knew he wasn't it.

"Edward," I'd began, surprised that my voice was steady and calm as a torrent of emotions swept over me. "When I'm with you, I feel like the best part of me is you. I feel like the most I have going for me is the fact that I'm with you." I shook my head as he tried to speak. "But I know that isn't true, and it's taken me a long time to discover that for myself. I love you Edward, but when you left last year, I had to make a life for myself and since you've been back…Well, I don't want to give that life up. You're making me choose, and I can't make that choice. I can't give up Charlie or Jacob or any of my other friends. They were there for me when you weren't. They put back together what you broke."

I shook my head, bringing myself out of the daydream and focused on the road in front of me. I had hurt him so badly that night but an overwhelming sense of freedom had washed over me at the same time. I left for London the next week.

Could I bear to see him again now? I wasn't even sure if it was an option – sure I was back in Washington but I had no idea where in the world he was. What difference did me moving back actually make? I sighed and cranked up the music, trying to drown out any more thoughts of Edward as I belted out the words I knew and made up the ones I didn't.

When I got home, a large bunch of brightly coloured flowers stood outside my front door. They had obviously been delivered while I was out. I grinned, thinking of Jacob's apologetic face this morning and picked them up, eager to see what he had written in the small card nestled between the leaves.

"For my sweetheart Bella,

I wish you the best of luck at your new job tomorrow. You will be wonderful. I am so sorry for waking you this morning.

All my love,

Henry xx"

I scowled, feeling the heat rising in my face as I realised how stupid I'd been. Of course they weren't from Jacob – he'd buy flowers for his girlfriend, not for me.

But,said a sly voice in the back of my head, he did buy you flowers last night.

I slammed my key in the lock with slightly more force than was necessary and opened the door, depositing my bag on the floor and filling a vase with water. They were beautiful flowers and I knew I should at least send Henry an email thanking him. I was just so cross with myself for thinking that Jacob may have sent them.

Up to this point I hadn't let myself stop and examine my feelings for Jacob, knowing that I wouldn't like what I found when I finally did. Dr Kopner would have disapproved of this strategy.

"Avoidance," she would have said in her dry, soft voice.

I sighed and rummaged through my kitchen drawers searching for the pair of scissors that I had bought during the week. Eventually I found them and cut the ribbons and paper from the bouquet.

Jacob. My tummy squirmed just thinking his name. I realised suddenly that I felt the same way I always had about him. It was quite simple really.

I loved him.

This revelation made me catch my breath. There was something different this time though. Something new. Something I hadn't felt before when we were teenagers. And then I realised what it was. I wasn't in love with Edward this time. Back then the only desire I had felt was for Edward – for his perfect face, body… But now it was all for Jacob.

As I carefully placed each stem into the vase, I let my mind drift to the small glimpse I'd had of him this morning – the beautiful smooth skin, the well-toned and muscular chest, his underwear…

Then the image of that blonde head intruded my daydreams and I scowled. What was I playing at? He'd told me about how much I'd hurt him. He'd even said that he didn't love me any more. I'd missed my chance, so what was the point of going down that road now?

No, I thought decidedly. I wasn't going to let myself have these feelings. Jacob was my best friend, and I'd only just got him back. There was no way I was going to lose him again.

I sighed loudly, and placed the vase of flowers on the coffee table, standing back to admire my work. I'd never make it as a flower arranger, but they looked okay.

I shook my head, then strolled into the bedroom, ready to tackle the mess that I found there and choose an outfit to wear to work the next day.

Jacob's POV

I woke up early for work on Monday morning, glad that Laura had chosen to sleep at her place last night. I pulled myself out of bed and threw on my scrappy stained work clothes, and scrutinized my reflection in the mirror. I could really do with a shave, I thought and scratched the bristles on my chin. I shrugged, a bad habit I'd picked up from the other guys at work and tugged on my boots before heading downstairs.

Chris was already in the kitchen when I arrived, sculling juice straight from the carton.

"Dude," I complained, shoving him aside as I grabbed the milk and poured myself a mountainous bowl of cereal. Man I was hungry.

"Met that Bella chick yesterday," Chris said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and putting the carton back in the fridge. "Talk about hot."

"Back off," I growled, trying to focus on my cereal instead of my idiot housemate.

"Hey, I never said she was my type." He grinned and leaned against the counter, surveying me with his cool grey eyes. "She seems like yours though."

"Well, she's not, ok?" I lied. "Just leave it alone."

Chris winced. "Friend-zoned?"

"Give it a rest," I sighed feeling myself get annoyed. I looked down at my hands, glad to see they weren't shaking. They hadn't done so in over a year now, but it felt nice knowing that I had control of my body at last. I stood and put my dish in the sink.

"Fine. New subject." He pushed himself off the counter and followed me out of the kitchen.

"If your new subject's got anything to do with Bella, you're driving yourself to work."

He laughed and hopped into the Rabbit. "I said new subject didn't I? I want to know what's happening with little Laura."

"What do you mean?" I asked bluntly, pulling out into the morning traffic as we set off for the garage.

"Well, are you guys dating or what?"

"Not exactly," I muttered through my teeth. Then I sighed miserably. "I want to break up with her."

"Why?"

Because Bella's back, I thought. Because the only girl I want to be with is her. Because when I see her I want to wrap her up in my arms and never let go.

I didn't say any of this just shrugged and said, "She's kinda annoying."

"Yeah, I picked up on that," he replied dryly.

"It's complicated ok?" I said, sighing inwardly with relief as the garage came into view. "We need to get the Mercedes finished today," I said, changing the subject. "You ok to work on it this morning?"

Before I got out of the car, I pulled out my phone. Hesitating for less than a second, I typed a quick message to Bella.

Hope you have a great first day. Let's meet for drinks after, ok? You can tell me all about it.


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