AN: Thank you so much to all my lovely dedicated reviewers. Things are getting steamier! Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer (as it's probably about time): Not mine, just playing with them for awhile. Promise to put them back uninjured (and a little less innocent) at the end.
Chapter Nine:
Bella's POV
Alice stayed with me for a week, and during that time I tried to come up with an answer for her. But I just couldn't make up my mind. Did I want to see Edward again? Part of me did. Part of me wanted to see him again, now that I knew how much he had taken away from him. I wanted to see him and forgive him. But another part of me was scared. What if he still had that control over me? He wasn't just a typical boy after all. He was an extremely strong and forceful vampire. Next to him, I was nothing more than a weak human that he could crush in a second if he wanted to.
I'd never been scared of Edward before and it surprised me now that I was in a way.
So I couldn't give Alice an answer. She was staying down in Forks, and I promised that I would come and visit soon. Charlie was desperate for me to come and stay as well, and I talked to Jacob about the two of us going down there together one weekend.
As September arrived, the weather began to cool, and dark clouds dominated the skies. My walks to work became more brisk and I was grateful for the warm coffee cupped in my hands.
I had some big projects happening at work and was forced to stay later on a few occasions. A couple of times I went down to the Children's Literature section and spent a few hours helping Mel and gossiping with her. She was still torn between her love for the married man and her conscience.
"He's never going to leave her is he?" Mel asked me one day as I helped her sort through books.
I had to smile – she reminded me of the best friend in When Harry Met Sally. "No sweetie," I said as gently as possible. "I don't think he is."
She sighed. "I know. Of course I know. But when he holds me and kisses me, I just melt into him. I believe everything he says. It's not until I'm free of him again that I come to my senses. He has a spell over me."
"Well, why don't we go out one night and try and find you another guy?" I asked. "I'm single too, it would be fun."
Mel snorted. "You are not single."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh come on, Bella!" Mel laughed, pushing back her thick red hair and gazing at me. "Are you honestly telling me that you and Jacob aren't together?"
"I've told you we aren't!" I replied hotly, but I remembered our last meeting. He'd tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, his face mere inches from mine. I could feel his warm breath on my face and had to restrain myself from throwing my arms around him and pressing my lips to his. The moment had lasted only a second before he pulled away, embarrassed, but I'd wished it had lasted forever.
When I looked up, Mel was smirking at me. "Daydreaming?" she asked.
"Oh shut up," I responded chucking a paperback at her. She caught it with a laugh. "Anyway, it's your love life we're talking about, not mine. Actually Jacob's planning on throwing me a birthday party this weekend." I rolled my eyes. I'd begged him not to, not wanting to make a big deal out of the day but he'd insisted. "Why don't you come along? He's asked some of his friends from work."
Mel agreed as Marcus stuck his head around the door.
"What are you girls still doing here?" he asked jovially, hoisting his pants up. "Gossiping, eh? Well, off you go – the work will still be here tomorrow, don't you worry!"
We grabbed our bags and jackets and I slipped off my heels, changing them for my comfy sneakers in preparation for the walk home. It was raining when we got outside and I wished I'd been lazy and driven to work that morning. Instead, I heaved a great sigh and put up my umbrella – which I'd had the foresight to shove into my bag at the last minute.
I walked quickly home, splashing in puddles along the way. The days were getting shorter and the sun had already set, and I was shivering by the time I reached my apartment. I climbed up the three flights of stairs, amazed that I could now do it without feeling puffed at the end.
To my surprise, Jacob was sitting on the floor outside my apartment door, his head resting against the wall, his eyes closed. Crossing my arms, I stared down at him, one eyebrow raised. I cleared my throat and he woke with a start.
"Oh, hey Bells. I must have fallen asleep, sorry."
I offered him my hand and helped pull him to his feet.
"What are you doing here, Jake? I didn't know you were coming over this evening."
He looked guilty. "I'm hiding," he admitted as I unlocked the door and let us both inside.
"Hiding?"
"Yeah. From Laura." He looked extremely sheepish as he flopped down onto the coach. I shook out my umbrella and stepped out of my soggy sneakers.
"Laura?" I was surprised. He hadn't spoken about her since the funeral. I'd assumed that they were over after his behaviour in front of her family. "What's going on?"
"Well, she's decided that she's forgiven me. But now she won't stop texting and phoning. And she keeps showing up at my house. I don't know what to do."
I stared at him dumbfounded. How could he be so hopeless? "Have you tried breaking up with her, Jacob?"
He glared at me. "Of course I've tried," he wailed. "But she won't let me! She keeps saying 'Don't be silly, Jacob, we'll work it out. There's nothing we can't get through.' She just won't take the hint."
"Well stop hinting," I replied exasperated and flicked on the kettle. "Seriously Jacob, it's not nice leading this girl on when you don't want to be with her."
He snorted. "Like you can talk."
We both stared at each other for a long moment and I could see regret form instantly in his eyes. But he couldn't take back what he'd just said. Why did he have to bring up the past now when we were getting along so well? I hadn't meant to hurt him, he knew that.
"You shouldn't have pushed me to be in a relationship when you knew I wasn't ready for one."
"Well you shouldn't have given me reason to hope, Bella. You always acted like it was a possibility."
I didn't know how to reply to this. Finally I said, "Well, that was a long time ago Jacob. I was just a kid."
A strained silence stretched between us. I busied myself with making tea, trying to distract myself from the uncomfortable tension between us. Then before I knew it, I could feel Jacob's heat behind me, and he was pulling me around to face him. He was closer than I'd realised and I drew in a deep breath, surprised by his proximity.
"Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought that up." He curled his fingers around my chin and drew my face up gently to gaze into my eyes.
"Maybe we should talk about it," I muttered quietly.
"Okay," he replied, taking one of the mugs from the bench and leading me to the couch by the hand. He sat very close to me, our legs pressed together, and I had to calm the over-excited beating of my heart.
"I loved your company," I admitted finally. "Whenever I was around you, I felt happy and whole. I wanted to be around you all the time. If Edward hadn't existed I would have wanted a relationship with you." I pressed on, sensing that he wanted to interrupt. "But Edward had some kind of weird hold over me. I talked with my psychologist a lot about the relationship I had with Edward. I understand it a little better now, but I still don't completely understand the person I was when I was with him.
"I don't understand how I could have been so controlled or brainwashed – the person I used to be doesn't make sense to me now. I mean seriously, how could I have really wanted to give away everything I had? How could I have been ready to throw away my humanity? It all seems so strange to me, but Dr. Kopner said that I was vulnerable and Edward gave me the validity I couldn't afford myself." I sighed exasperatedly, angry with myself. "It's so different now though Jacob. I actually know who I am, and I value myself. I never used to."
"Well I'm glad that you do." He said softly. "It's so beautiful to see the change in you Bella. You've always been this amazing person, but now you finally recognise that in yourself."
I grinned shyly and nudged him playfully with my shoulder. "I don't know about amazing…"
"Don't put yourself down – you are amazing. You have grown so much and I admire you for that." He seemed to hesitate and licked his lips, unsure of where to go next. "Bella, listen, I wont push you – I promised myself that I wouldn't put you in that position again, but I need you to know – that if you want me, I'm here."
My heart raced and I gulped down a mouthful of hot tea too quickly and felt it stick in my windpipe. Jacob patted me on the back as I spluttered and choked.
"We don't need to talk about it now," he said quietly as I recovered from my coughing fit. "I just had to let you know."
I nodded, wiping the streaming tears from my eyes. "I think the more pressing problem," I said in a hoarse voice, "is what to do with that pesky girlfriend of yours."
Jacob laughed, and the serious moment between us was over. For the time being I was relieved. Although I'd daydreamed about Jacob and me being together, I'd never seriously thought of it as a possibility. But hadn't he just said he was open to a relationship?
Or had I misread what he was saying? Was he just saying that if I wanted him as a friend he'd be there? I wasn't sure of myself or of him. I'd hurt him so badly; surely he would never want to take me back after everything I'd done to him.
He clearly had never forgiven me for stringing him along; that was obvious from his comment earlier: "Well you shouldn't have given me reason to hope, Bella. You always acted like it was a possibility."
What if we tried going out now and it didn't work out – and I broke his heart all over again? I couldn't be responsible for that.
I went to bed confused and upset with myself that evening, unsure what Jacob and I had. I was uncertain of what I wanted with him – all I knew was that when I thought of his beautiful face or his strong, well-built body I felt myself melt inside. A strong yearning took over my senses and my lower abdomen ached with desire.
I tried to distract myself and pounded my pillow angrily, trying not to think of Jacob, asleep on the couch. A part of me desperately wanted to go back into the living room, crawl under the spare blanket and press myself into his warm, half-naked body. I wanted to bring him back into my bed, clamber in with him and slowly run my hands all over his body.
This wasn't helping. Angry with myself, I decided I needed to have a cold shower or I would never sleep. Leaning over, I flipped on the bedside table lamp and padded across my bedroom into the bathroom. I tossed off my pyjamas and turned on the shower, glad for the steam filling the chilly bathroom. I didn't quite have the guts to have a cold shower, but a nice warm shower would hopefully do the trick. I stepped into the stream of water and enjoyed feeling the jets pounding into my scalp.
Slowly, my tension and anxiety began to fade away and I imagined Dr. Kopner's calm face. She would tell me off for worrying about something that could so easily be resolved.
"Communicate with him," she would say in her soft, reassuring voice.
I reached for the soap and worked it into a rich lather across my skin then shampooed and conditioned my hair. As I stepped forwards to reach for my face wash, I slipped on the suds in the tub and my feet shot out from under me. Cursing my clumsiness, I grabbed for the shower curtain to steady myself, but the sheet merely ripped free of the railing as I fell, my shoulder smacking the edge of the tub with a crack that made me shriek in pain.
I lay, the water still pounding into my face, sobbing at the agony resonating from my shoulder. I tried to move, to sit up, but a white-hot pain stabbed through me and I realised I was immobilised.
Then I heard the bathroom door burst open. I pulled the shower curtain further over me in an attempt to protect my modesty as Jacob turned off the water, his face stricken.
"Bells, what happened? Are you okay?" He reached down to help me up.
"No!" I yelped before his hands could touch me. "Jacob it's my shoulder. I think I've hurt it."
I saw his eyes trail to my shoulder and his face paled under the natural tan.
"It's okay, Bella," he said, his voice reassuring in a practiced sort of way. "Listen to me, I'm going to get you up out of the tub, then we're going to head to the ER to get you checked out okay?"
I nodded, feeling tears trickling from my eyes. I wrapped my uninjured arm protectively around me as Jacob carefully put his hand under my back and helped me sit. I gasped at the pain this caused.
"It's okay," he said again. "Now I can either lift you out of the tub, or you can give me your arm and I'll help pull you up. Which do you think would be better?"
I was mortified at the thought of him reaching his hands under me, touching my naked body. As it was, he'd see a good deal of me, as the shower curtain wouldn't conceal much when I was standing.
"Help me stand," I said quietly, trying to shift the shower curtain into a more modest position. "And please don't look Jacob."
He smiled. "I'll try not to. Okay, give me your hand. On the count of three, stand up, okay?"
Painfully, he pulled me to my feet and I just managed to grab hold of the curtain before it fell to the floor.
"Let's get you into some clothes." He eyed my shoulder worriedly. "Maybe something strapless?"
I directed him to my closet and he found a strapless dress, which I managed to climb into. Chivalrously, he kept his eyes closed the whole time I was dressing but I wasn't sure how much he had seen. He draped a jacket over my shoulders to keep me warm and I was all too aware of the fact that I was naked under my dress. I hated the thought of going to the hospital without wearing panties but there was no way I could put them on myself. Jacob seemed to be having the same thought. He pulled a pair of cotton briefs from my dresser and held them out to me.
Beet red, I shook my head. "I don't think I can."
"I'll close my eyes," he said then held them out so I could easily step into them. Once I had done that, he carefully worked them up my legs and into place. The feeling of his fingers brushing against my skin made my stomach squirm in embarrassment and something more.
I couldn't believe this was happening. I so desperately wished that Alice or even Angela had been staying with me for this. But at the same time, what would I have done if I'd been here by myself?
Jacob drove me quickly to the hospital in his Rabbit and I was rushed through to the x-ray department. The doctor came back with bad news. "You dislocated your shoulder," he told me pointing out the dislocation on the x-ray. "It's a pretty quick fix but it will be painful."
I nearly broke Jacob's hand as they put my shoulder back into place. My arm was put into a sling and I was prescribed some strong pain relievers before I was finally allowed to go home.
ooo
"Dad," I sighed into the phone, trying to avoid puddles as I made my way to work on Monday morning. The weather had stayed cold and miserable and although Jacob had offered to drop me off at work because of my sling, I'd stubbornly refused. It would have made him late to work and I was completely fine managing by myself.
"Dad, listen," I started again, cutting him off rather abruptly. "I don't need to move back home with you, okay? It was just an accident, that's all."
"But what if no one had been there, Bella?" he repeated. "You live by yourself, what would you have done if Jacob hadn't been there?"
"I would have called someone for help. Dad, I just dislocated my shoulder it's not that big of a deal. If it had been something major then I could have called for an ambulance, but it wasn't. It's nothing."
I let Charlie rant for a bit as I stepped into the warm coffee shop and quickly paid for my usual before the barista could ask what I had done. Charlie was still lecturing me by the time I put the phone back up to my ear and headed back onto the street.
"You lived by yourself for nearly 16 years before I came back to Forks, and you were just fine, ok? So can you stop worrying?"
Charlie fussed a little bit more before we finally said goodbye. I was nearly at the library by that point. At least he hadn't asked the difficult question – what had Jacob been doing at your house at 1 in the morning? I blushed again as I remembered Jacob's soft warm fingers carefully dragging the cotton briefs up my legs and thighs, his eyes tightly closed but his breathing ragged none the less.
Jacob had decided to stay for the remainder of the weekend, setting up camp in my living room. I accused him of using it as an excuse to hide from Laura and he reminded me that I was helpless performing all sorts of various day-to-day tasks without two working arms. Because of my lack of mobility, we spent a lot of time playing board games and watching movies and drinking hot chocolates in front of the newly-working fireplace. Despite the continuous throbbing pain in my shoulder, we'd had a pretty great weekend.
Although we hadn't discussed our relationship again, the tension between us had been tangible during the long hours we spent together. It also seemed as though Jacob took every opportunity to touch my hand, brush against me in the kitchen or gently tuck my hair out of my eyes. Whenever we sat on the sofa to watch TV or a movie, he'd pull my legs into his lap or he'd wrap me into the warm crook of his arm, always being carefully not to nudge my sore shoulder.
Jacob spent a good deal of the weekend trying to organise my birthday party for the end of the month. "Will you just tell me what you want, please? It's so much easier than trying to figure out what's in your head."
"I don't want anything," I protested. "You're already throwing me a party, that's more than enough."
He rolled his eyes. "Bella!" he groaned. "Fine whatever. So is there anyone else you want to invite?" He eyed the list of about ten people that we'd jointly constructed.
"Alice," I said quietly.
Calmly, he scratched the word Alice at the bottom of the list. "I don't have her details, so you'll need to let her know, okay?"
I was amazed at how well he was taking this. "You really don't have a problem with her, Jake?"
"No," he said. "I'm human, remember? And I'm never going to tell you who your friends are."
I gazed at him for a long moment, a smile playing on my lips. This was a pretty big deal for him and I knew he was doing it for me. I decided that I needed to be honest with him, and so I told him about Alice's request that I meet up with Edward. To my surprise, Jacob didn't seem angry although it was a few long moments before he spoke.
"I guess I knew he'd want to see you. Sam told me they were back – why else would they all return now?"
I was surprised that he knew this information, but decided to take advantage of his seemingly calm disposition rather than quiz him about what else he knew.
"What do you think I should do?"
He shrugged again. "You do whatever you think you can handle. If you want to see him again, then go for it. Just make sure you can manage it. I don't want to lose Bella again to that bloodsuck- I mean – to that guy. You deserve better than him Bella, so just make sure you don't fall for any of his tricks."
I snorted. "I highly doubt he wants me back, Jacob. When I left, I made my feelings for him pretty clear – I told him that I didn't want a relationship with him any more."
"Yeah," Jacob sighed regretfully. "But you're not easy to get over Bella."
I blushed and felt sadness overwhelm me. I wondered at what point Jacob had realised that he was over me.
In the end, I decided not to invite Alice to my party. I could catch up with her another time and it wasn't fair to make Jacob, who had put so much effort into organising my party, go through the pain of having her around.
I finally had to snap myself out of my daydreams about Jacob and the weekend when I reached work. The library was significantly understaffed and Marcus needed "all hands on deck" as he put it, dashing past my office door as quickly as his considerable bulk would allow him to go.
I hurried out of my office after him and he thrust a list into my hands. "Academic in the stacks on level four, requested these."
I bit back my groan – not the stacks! Hadn't I paid my dues there already? But instead of complaining, I nodded and ran off to find the dusty old copies the academic had requested. My sore arm wouldn't allow me to carry many at a time, and I'd need a trolley.
After I'd finally located all the required books and loaded them onto a free trolley, I awkwardly wheeled the books down the elevator and onto level four.
I'd been expecting an old, stuffy university professor, perhaps balding a little on top with a paunch to rival Marcus', but instead I was met by a tall, gangly man with straw-blonde hair and a pair of glasses perched on the end of his nose.
My first thought was that he was fairly attractive in a geeky sort of way, then I suddenly realised that I'd met this man before. He looked up, his green eyes resting on my own, and a spark of recognition blazed behind the pupils. A dull flush coloured his cheeks and he looked away embarrassed.
Pushing the trolley over to him, I smiled in greeting. "You're the carrot guy," I said, referring to the man who had warned me off the fresh fruit and veg at the supermarket a few weeks ago. I looked down at the scrap of paper still clutched in my hand. "Professor Callow?"
"Cole, please," he said shyly. "Just call me Cole. Please, let me take those books from you, it looks like you're struggling." He eyed my sling warily.
"Oh I'm fine," I replied and helped him unstuck the trolley of books onto the table where he was working. "What a surprise to see you here. Are you a professor at Seattle University?"
He nodded and smiled timidly. "I lecture in Medieval English History."
"Oh how interesting! I studied Medieval English Literature at university."
"Then you must recognise some of these titles?"
We chatted amicably about authors and texts that we were both familiar with until I suddenly remembered how understaffed the library was today.
"I'm so sorry," I apologised sincerely. "I've got to get back to work. But if there's anything else you need please let me know." I turned to leave but he put out a hand to stop me.
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?"
"Bella," I replied with a genuine smile. "My name's Bella."
I tried to help with other menial jobs around the library but Marcus, who seemed more aware of his surroundings now his stress had diminished, took one look at my shoulder and sling and instructed me back to my office, where I spent the rest of the day running through computer programs and making phone calls.
I hope you enjoyed! Please please please leave a review! (not to beg or anything so undignified...) Or hey, how about this, leave a review and I'll include a kiss next chapter ;) Annie xxx
