A/N: It's been over year since I last updated this story, I know and I'm sorry. But I'm back and this fic will be finished, I promise. So… do you still remember what happened last chapter? Here's a quick recap: Kaidan slept with Dr. Jessica Wright, but she left when he got a message from Shepard. It was a goodbye message she had sent him before going through the Omega 4 relay.
Also, I revised the past four chapters and fixed grammar mistakes, typos and a horrible continuity error I had made regarding Shepard's background.
Sounds of laughter, shades of life
Are ringing through my opened ears
Inciting and inviting me.
(Lennon/McCartney)
Chapter 5 – Inciting and Inviting Me
When his omni-tool beeped, it sounded more like a bell ringing inside his head. He had to make a huge effort to open his eyes. The orange light was painful to look at and he rubbed at his eyes before giving it another try. Was it too much to hope it would be from…? No, it couldn't be. Odds were against her, against them. But when weren't they? Maybe…
It was a message from Anderson saying he had good news for him and wanted to meet him in person. Unless the admiral was going to tell him Shepard had succeeded and was back safe and sound, no news would be good enough right now. Unfortunately, it was very unlikely that Anderson would have anything to say on that matter.
His biotic appetite, more than his appointment with the admiral, was what finally got Kaidan up on his feet, though he was more dragging himself than actually walking as he went into the kitchen. By the way Citadel's fake daylight was shining outside, it was about 1300 hours, but he felt like it had been only a couple of minutes since he had gotten that shocking message and thrown himself on his bed, wondering if death wouldn't be preferred to enduring that nasty migraine and the agonizing wait for news – that would most probably never come – from Shepard. Devastated wasn't enough to describe how he had felt the first time she had died. How was he supposed to go through that again? He couldn't.
Food would have no taste now, no matter what he ate, so he just chose whatever was easier to make and wolfed it down.
Kaidan was feeling completely numb, swimming in painkillers as he went to see Anderson.
The admiral spoke for a long time; something about a promotion and a new assignment. It seemed important, but the only thing the sentinel really grasped was that he would have a few more days of leave until the paperwork was done. God knows he could use those extra off-duty days.
"Congratulations, Major Alenko," Anderson said, shaking Kaidan's hand.
Huh? What? Major? "T-Thank you, Sir."
"I won't lie to you, Alenko. Recruiting and training human biotics… I thought you'd be more interested. Don't you have anything to say, questions to ask? Is something wrong, son?"
"Shepard…" he couldn't help himself.
"You heard? No wonder she would contact you. Most of her old crew is with her after all. Admiral Hackett just told me he talked to –"
"He did? How? Where is she?"
Anderson frowned and Kaidan quickly squared his shoulders and cleared his throat, trying to recompose himself. "I'm sorry, Sir."
The admiral shook his head and continued, "I was hoping you would know where she is. She wants to return to the Alliance, but apparently there are some things she needs to do first. You know Shepard, right?" he shook his head and smiled, amused. "I knew she was still loyal to us. Unfortunately, Cerberus will be after her now. And officially she's still a terrorist. After all she's done, it's a shame she can't come back as a hero."
His heart was thumping like mad. The numbness was gone and he was back on that unnerving, insane emotional rollercoaster that only Shepard could draw him into. "Are you sure about this, Sir? How did she survive?" Kaidan asked, trying not to sound too eager.
"Hackett was the only one who talked to her, but it was before she went through the Omega 4 relay. After she got back, he could only get Joker on the comm. He said Shepard's in a bad shape and so is the Normandy, but wouldn't give us any more than that. She's somewhere in the Terminus Systems. That she would rather repair her ship and get medical care out there than on Council space shows how much she doesn't trust anyone anymore."
"I'll see if I can find her, Sir." Kaidan saluted Anderson and, with his heart about to explode in his chest, he rushed back to his apartment. He needed to get in touch with her, find out where she was and make sure she would be fine. Was it true that she wanted to come back to the Alliance? God, he sure hoped it was.
When he got home and sat in front of his terminal there was a chat box opened.
Unknown user: The Commander would like to see you.
The Commander? It had to be Shepard, right?
Alenko: Who is this?
…
Unknown user: I am the Enhanced Defense Intelligence of the Normandy SR-2.
The AI. Dangerous. Interesting.
Alenko: Did she ask you to contact me?
Unknown user: She said your name twenty-four times while regaining consciousness after anesthesia. She also said something about Space Hamster. However, animals are not allowed to visit.
Right. Better not to ask.
Alenko: What happened to her?
Unknown user: Major, are you trying to trace my location?
How could that thing know about his promotion when he had just heard about it and it hadn't even become official yet? And, yes, of course he was trying to trace its location.
Alenko: No.
Unknown user: You are. You will not be successful. I would not contact you if I was not prepared to block these attempts. Three crewmembers alerted me you were not to be trusted. Their judgment of your character is reliable. You are still trying to trace my location, Major.
Alenko: Who said I was not to be trusted?
Unknown user: Operative Miranda Lawson.
The Cerberus' pawn who had very politely threatened him. It figured.
Unknown user: Jeff.
Alenko: Joker?
Unknown user: Yes.
No surprise there too. If the message the helmsman had sent him was any indication they were not exactly on friendly terms right now.
Alenko: Who else?
Unknown user: Commander Shepard.
Dark energy crackled on his fingers. It stung to read that name. If Shepard said that about him it had to be after Horizon. But then why would she have sent him that message telling him about her mission, her crew, Project Lazarus, everything?
Ah, of course. She thought she was going to die. She thought all of them would; all the people she trusted would die fighting by her side. He was just the next best thing. The hundredth best thing, actually. For confirmation, he looked for the vid-message and files she had sent him. They were all gone.
Alenko: Where's the message she sent me?
Unknown user: She asked me to delete it if we survived the trip back from the Collector Base.
He took a sharp breath, trying to rein in his anger so he could fix this. He had to fix this.
Alenko: How is she?
Unknown user: She fractured four ribs, two fingers, her left ankle and her nose. She's suffered internal bleeding and multiple bruises.
Alenko: God! Where is she? Is she going to be fine? What happened?
Unknown user: She fell.
Kaidan read that answer in disbelief.
Alenko: She fell? Come on! You've got to give me more than that.
Unknown user: The Collector base was collapsing while she was still in there. She fell and bounced off a few platforms before hitting the ground and getting trapped under debris. If you want to see her, you have to come alone and you will be searched for bugs upon your arrival. Do you accept these terms, Major?
Kaidan re-read the message a couple of times and took a deep breath, before typing his answer.
Alenko: Yes.
Immediately after EDI had told him where to find Shepard, Kaidan packed his duffel bag and left his apartment. After he was settled in a shuttle to Omega, he sent Anderson a message saying he had found a lead on Shepard and was going to check on it.
He sent her an email trying to verify the information the AI had provided him, but hours later he still hadn't gotten an answer. His resolve was weakening with every stop the shuttle would make along the way. The more time he had to think about it, the less it seemed like a good idea. A couple of days later, by the time he landed on Omega, he was sure he was making the biggest mistake of his life. Trusting an AI and going alone to what could very well be a trap was stupid to say the least.
The instant he stepped out of the shuttle, seriously considering turning around and making the trip back to the Citadel, Garrus and Tali appeared in front of him. They had their weapons drawn and looked like two people on a mission.
"Tali, Garrus," he gave them a polite nod.
"Stand still," the quarian said dryly as Garrus began scanning Kaidan.
"No bugs," the turian announced.
The marine rolled his eyes and blew out an annoyed breath. "Are you going to check me for weapons too? You know I won't –"
"This is Omega, Kaidan. Alliance uniforms aren't welcome here, so it's best if you keep your weapons," Garrus replied. "And, of course, Shepard and I pissed off a lot of people here so if you'll be staying with us, you need to be prepared."
"Is she safe?" Kaidan asked.
"She is. The others are guarding the clinic," Tali said as Garrus led the way to the slums.
When they arrived at said clinic, the place was crawling with aliens and humans coughing, throwing up in buckets, women in labor, children crying, people being rushed inside on improvised gurneys… Kaidan couldn't believe Shepard was looking for medical care in a place like that.
Garrus and Tali directed him to a room with four beds, all occupied. Dr. Karin Chakwas was on one of them, connected to an IV. Joker was sitting on a chair by her side and the Cerberus operative Miranda Lawson was standing by the door.
"We'll answer your questions; explain everything you want to know. You'll listen to us and then we'll let you talk to Shepard," Garrus stated.
"I want to see her," Kaidan replied.
"You've hurt her more than you think, Alenko. You won't see her until we're sure you won't cause any more damage," Chakwas said sternly.
At that, he swallowed hard. The way some of her companions were, so guarded around him; while others were looking angry and even hostile, surely it was not without reason. He would probably have a better chance of fixing things with Shepard if he listened to them first.
He agreed to their terms and they told him about the last few months, their missions, how Shepard had helped everyone get closure on their personal issues before they had headed to the Omega 4 relay and the so called 'suicide mission'. They told him how her crew had gotten kidnapped by the Collectors – including Dr. Chakwas, and that was why she was recovering in Mordin's clinic. Shepard was there too, instead of on the Normandy's medbay. Garrus told him how he and Jacob had gone with Shepard for the final push against the Collectors. They had set up a bomb to destroy their base, defeated a human reaper that was being bred there and then the place was crumbling around them and Shepard had used a biotic throw to get the two of them out of harm's way; which led to her ending up buried under a pile of debris.
"It took some time until we found her underneath all the mess. We kept calling her, but she wasn't answering. She was wounded but alive, breathing and conscious when we reached her. The bomb was about to go off and she knew it, but she never called for help. She… she wanted to die there, Kaidan," Garrus said, his dead serious tone wavering a little in the end.
His stomach dropped. Kaidan knew it was selfish, but all he could think of was that she couldn't die on him again, because he couldn't take it. Why would she want to give up? It wasn't like Shepard to give up.
"She doesn't know you're here," Joker said.
"She helped us all and it was past time we returned the favor," Chakwas added.
Garrus took a step towards Kaidan, his weapon still in his hands. "We all tried talking to her, but you know how good she is shutting people out."
Miranda crossed her arms in front of her chest, hip cocked to the right. "You're not good for her, Major Alenko, but it's you she wants. She's…"
"Broken. You broke her, asshole," Joker interrupted, his tone bitter.
"She needs you, Kaidan," Chakwas continued as if Joker had never spoken, her voice calm and polite.
And what was he supposed to do? He and Shepard, they didn't trust each other. Not anymore. Their lives had gone complete opposite ways. He was Alliance and she had been working with terrorists. Of course he wanted to talk to her, to be part of her life again, but things were not that simple.
Kaidan raked his fingers through his hair. "I don't know if I can help. She's not the Shepard I knew. I'm not sure about this. She doesn't trust me, she might not even want to see me and…"
Dark energy flared around him as Garrus grabbed him by the collar and shoved him against the wall. "You will fix this, major," he all but spat the last word on Kaidan's face.
Kaidan used a biotic throw to get the turian off him and instantly Tali had her shotgun trained on his chest and Miranda had her pistol pointed at his head.
"Tali," Kaidan began as he slowly raised his arms in surrender.
"This was not a good idea," Garrus grumbled as he got back up on his feet.
A deafening noise caught everyone's attention. The building trembled and dust fell over them.
A krogan and a drell burst into the room announcing that the clinic was under attack.
"We need to escort the crew back to the Normandy," Miranda said, her attention diverted to hallway.
Chakwas had already ripped the IV off her arm and was unhooking the other crewmembers on the beds there.
"Grunt, you take point and make sure the path is clear. Thane, you'll escort this group back to the ship," Miranda started giving out orders.
"There are three more rooms with the rest of the crew," Tali said, exasperated.
"We'll make sure they get out here alive. Let's go," Miranda said, and they all started moving.
Kaidan threw up his barrier and took out his gun, following them. "What about Shepard? Where is she?"
"Don't worry. Jacob and Massani got her back," Miranda replied, before disappearing into a room, shouting for the patients to get up and follow her.
Kaidan broke off from the team to look for Shepard. Jacob and Zaeed were the ones with her on Horizon. No doubt they could handle a fight, but he wasn't about to leave this place without her when she could be in danger. No way. Never again.
As he advanced inside the clinic, following the noise of gunfire, he spotted her wearing a hospital gown that left nothing for the imagination. She was barefoot, with bandages wrapped around her almost all her limbs, and running to get into cover with the mercenary on her six.
Kaidan wanted to think he had taken cover behind that cabinet because there were enemies firing at him, but the real reason was that he didn't want her to see he was there. He was not ready for that encounter, especially with her dressed like that.
"Nice ass, Shepard," he heard the old man say. It was just battlefield banter and it shouldn't bother him, but it did. After all this time, he still felt like Shepard was… his.
"Thanks, Zaeed. I've been working out," she replied wryly as she sent a shockwave ahead, throwing the enemies out of their covers.
Kaidan helped her and Zaeed finish the mercs in sight, but when she looked back to see who was there, he hid again. She didn't look a second time, probably assuming it was one of her companions.
"Mordin, Jacob, get them out of here now!" she yelled.
The salarian came out of a room with a bunch of civilians in tow. Jacob was right behind them, providing them cover as they headed out.
Kaidan stayed hidden. The fight seemed to have ceased at least for now and Shepard and Zaeed were coming towards him. He took a deep breath, preparing to step out of cover and meet her when a small woman materialized in front him with her gun to his forehead.
She giggled and put her weapon down. "Shep, your boyfriend is here."
"Not now, Kasumi," Shepard replied.
"More incoming!" Zaeed shouted and, at his warning, Shepard threw herself behind the next cover she found, which was a cabinet way too narrow for two people to hide behind it.
Of course she wasn't expecting to find someone else there and lost her balance as she bumped against his chest. Kaidan put his arms around her to steady her and pressed her flush against him as enemy bullets hit the cabinet. It felt so right, so good having her in his rms. God, how much he missed her.
She gave him a startled look. "Kaidan? What are you doing here?"
"The Normandy is ready to leave. Where's the commander?" Joker's voice rang on Zaeed's comm link.
Kasumi peeked out of cover. "Shep, we have to go. There are too many of them and you have no armor," she said.
"Yeah. I don't like running away from a fight, but with your ass hanging out like a goddamn target…" Zaeed added.
Shepard blinked a few times and cleared her throat, getting back in battle mode. She turned around to face her team, her back now pressed against Kaidan's chest so she would still be hidden behind the narrow cabinet and out of the enemy's sight. "Kasumi, flashbang out on my mark. Prepare to run, people."
Everyone nodded and she signaled Kasumi. As the flashbang went off in the middle of the group of mercs that were advancing on their position, she grabbed Kaidan's hand and they rushed out of there.
