Sorry to keep you all waiting! I hope you like this chapter!
Feeling her breathe on my chest, seeing her sleep in my embrace, hearing her heart beat against my body… What had I been trying to do but this? I didn't understand what I had thinking anymore. How could I turn away from Eliza? How could I not want her? I had never seen her like this, crying with her broken heart. I had always seen the strong and tough Eliza. The one who was always capable of facing hate and dealing with problems. She had never been the weak one, at least in front of me. I felt terrible about making her feel so miserable but she seemed fine and happy this morning when she'd come in with that female stranger. I was confused. I didn't understand what had been going on with her.
I placed a kiss on her forehead while she was still sleeping after her exhausting emotional breakdown. Tear trails were still on her face but she looked adorable when she slept. I couldn't help myself and I had to kiss her again. She stirred a little bit when I placed another kiss on her hairline.
'Hey, you feeling better?' I asked softly.
'Um…yes…' She woke up and tried to untangle herself from me. Her body was tense from my touch.
'Don't go. Talk to me, please.' I tightened my grip on her shoulder. She rested her head on my chest again. 'You gotta tell me what was bothering you and I am listening right beside you now.' I reassured her with my hand stroking her arm. 'Was it about Avery? Or… me?' I said sheepishly.
'Can I say both?'
'Of course you can.' I sighed. 'But you seemed very confident when you fought with him.'
'I had to be. I mean…I am quite good at doing that. I am used to. People in my workplaces usually don't like me because of my role which brings changes. I can't deny that it is hard sometimes to do my job but I know I am capable of doing it so it usually doesn't bother me too much when someone has to make a scene with me. Today, I'm just having so much on my mind and I couldn't hold back my emotions anymore. I have been thinking about you since that night but you didn't seem ready. I knew clearly that you hesitated. I missed you but I didn't want to be pushy. After I had that fight with Avery, I realised I had no one beside me. All of a sudden I wanted someone to have my back. You know, I just needed someone who would tell me everything was going to be fine but then I thought you didn't want me so I suddenly lost control. I didn't know what to do and things between us were awful. I wanted you to be here for me.' Her voice was breaking.
'I will. From now on, I am always here for you. I will have your back no matter what happens.' I squeezed her shoulder and she put her arm around my waist.
'Why are you so nervous, Arizona? Your heart is beating so fast.' Eliza was concerned.
'I think I am gonna have a heart attack and die here.' I laughed. She giggled. 'Hey, listen. Eliza, I am so sorry for hurting you so much. I didn't know you were going through so much and I was scared of committing to you. I was worried that you and I wouldn't make it and we would end up upsetting each other. So that's why I tried to hide myself because I didn't want to give you or myself any hope but then I realised I was wrong. I was really wrong. No matter how hard I tried to hide my feelings for you, I couldn't deny that I really like you. You have made me so happy ever since I met you.' I couldn't stop smiling and thinking how happy I have been lately.
'You…have feelings for me and you like me?' Eliza did not believe what she heard and she looked up at me.
'Of course I do, silly! Why would I be holding you now in my favourite on call room if I didn't?'
'Well, I would say you didn't seem sure. Why were you so scared…of me then?' She asked.
'I wasn't scared of you, sweetie! I will never be scared of you. I just…' I wasn't quite prepared to tell her about my past so soon. I didn't know how she would react. Would she mind that I had married someone once. I was hoping she wouldn't judge me like my ex-wife did. 'Eliza, what I am going to tell you might freak you out. If you are going to leave, I totally get it…'
'I am not going anywhere. Wait, are you trying to tell me that you have already been married and you have a wife waiting for you to go home to? You know what, I am not going to be a mistress.' She raised her eyebrows and looked at me seriously.
'No.'
'Oh thank God!'
'I have not been married but I had been. I had been married to someone. I thought she was the love of my life but then so much was going on. We were together on and off but eventually we separated. She is now in New York with our daughter and her girlfriend. Eliza, I know this is too much for you and I totally understand if this wasn't your expected background of mine. Whatever you will think about me, I won't blame you.' I sighed.
'Is that it? What kind of a bitch do you think I am?' She raised her voice. 'What on earth makes you think that I would mind what happened to you? Everyone has a past. Arizona, I like you, the current you, not the old you. I don't care what you did and what happened between you and your ex-wife. What I do see now in front of me is a smart, caring and of course beautiful surgeon. You know how hard it is for me not being able to see your pretty face? Especially when I knew you were avoiding me.' Her voice was sad and she dropped her gaze.
'I thought you didn't need me. I saw that you were happy with someone else and I honestly thought that I couldn't promise you anything so it would be a good choice to give up. I know I was stupid.'
'Someone? Who?'
'Um…that woman with you this morning? You came in with her early in the morning in the same car so I assumed you two were… was I wrong…?' I was embarrassed now. I was pretty sure it wasn't what I thought it was by looking at Eliza's confusing face.
'Arizona! Jesus Chris! You thought I spent the night with my cousin? So I am the kind of girl who sleeps with everyone? Do I look like that to you?' Oh God! I regretted what I said. She immediately wanted to get off bed and leave.
'No! No! Sorry Eliza! I didn't know your cousin worked here but I swear I never thought about you in that way!' I quickly grabbed her hand and pulled her back.
'Okay. Just don't ever think that I would easily sleep with anyone.' What about me then? Could I ever be the one she spent the night with? Maybe, but definitely not tonight. There was no rush needed and I didn't want us to be just physically intimate. I wanted someone that I could share my soul with and would really understand me.
Anyway, I was happy that we could talk. I just loved the honesty between us. I could never be completely honest with anyone but I found it very easy with Eliza. She didn't judge me and she didn't care what happened in my past. I couldn't wait to spend more time with her and get to know more about her. Wait… who was I to do all these with her? What were we now?
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