I don't know if I can take this anymore.

Every time I see him, I get just a bit closer to breaking. I want to kiss him, touch him, squeeze- Sorry. That is not a thought that I normally allow myself to think during daylight hours.

Even when we were kids, I wanted to hold him tight and say that everything would be okay, even if he ultimately ended up being the protector. The dark is scary, okay?

Oh, Haru, will I ever have the guts to say how I feel about you?


I finally did it. I said the things I needed to say.

What did I do afterwards?

I walked away before he had a chance to say anything.

Good one, Makoto! Now he'll definitely choose a baby like you over a fearless guy like Rin!


I spent the rest of the night watching cat videos online and listening to Oldcodex, always my go-to for when I'm upset.

I feel too embarrassed to get Haru, so I just go to school myself. Sure enough, the seat behind me is empty all day.


Nagisa and I were alone at lunch. Kou had to meet up with some girls from her class, and Rei had to go to the library.

"Can I ask you something, Mako?" I had no idea that Nagisa could make himself sound so small.

"Sure! What's on your mind?"

"If I like someone, and I'm not sure if they like me, should I tell them? I'm not always the nicest to them, and I don't think they like my personality." It's so cute how he thinks I have no clue who he's talking about.

"This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with our friend in the library, would it?"

He gasped. "How did you figure it out?"

"Well, you do flirt with and tease him a lot." Why does kind always translate to "oblivious?"

"Yeah, I'm talking about Rei. I don't think he likes it when I tease him, but I think it's perfectly normal to tease the person you like." Of course it is- in elementary school, though, not at 16. It would be cute if Ren or Ran did it, but for you, not so much.

"It'll probably be a little tough at first, but try not to make fun of him as much. I don't think he likes it. You may think you're just being funny, but he may not see it that way. He may actually be hurt by your words. Things will never work out if one of you is constantly hurting the other."

"Has that worked for you and Haru?" How? How does he know? "I'm not oblivious either, Mako. I've always known you would end up together. At first I was jealous, but then I figured that my special person would show up eventually, and I think he has."

"Yeah, it's worked out pretty well. You just have to keep trying until you find what works, and then you keep working." Hopefully I sound a lot more confident than I feel.

"That makes a lot of sense. I'm glad I didn't ask Haru- he'd probably say stuff like 'blah blah blah free' and 'get off me Nagisa I am trying to breathe.' Thanks, Mako." He smiled, momentarily distracting me from my own issues. With a bit of effort, he and Rei will make a good pair.

"You know, that's the sort of thing that will hurt Rei if you say it about him." And once again, Nagisa is conveniently deaf.


I leave the classroom at the end of the day to see Rei waiting for me across the hallway. It's clear he's a little nervous about coming to the junior hallway alone. He's messing with his glasses and it makes him look neurotic.

"Hi, Rei. What are you doing here?"

"Um… First, Gou says not to bother coming to the pool today since Haruka's not here. Is he sick?" We can't stand in the hall all day, so we might as well head home, or in Rei's case, to the train station.

"Oh…" He will learn the truth eventually anyway. "No, he's not sick. I… was too embarrassed to get him this morning." Rei looks very skeptical.

"Why would you be too embarrassed to pick Haruka up?"

Why must this glasses boy always ask the hard-hitting questions? "I've been in love with him for years and I told him yesterday." He was going to figure it out anyway.

"I knew it! I knew there was something going on! When I first joined, I thought you were already together. Has he given you a response?" Well, at least someone's happy.

"…No. I kind of ran away before he could, and he hasn't texted me or anything since I left."

"That's probably for the best. Haruka seems like the type who would need time to make a big decision like that. Let's just hope he hasn't sat in the bathtub all day." Thanks, Rei. Forgetting that tiny detail was the only thing that allowed me to pay any attention in class today.

"That's true. At first I thought I was just being a coward, but maybe I'm letting him reach out to me when he decides he wants to talk. It's good to be reassured once in a while. Thanks, Rei."

"No problem. You always do so much for everyone, and I don't mind an opportunity to help you when you need it."

"By the way, where's Nagisa? I thought you usually only went to the junior hallway with him."

"He's in detention. He got caught texting during class in the afternoon and now he has to do extra cleaning duty for the next few days. You know how much Mr. Honda hates cell phones." I had seen many a classmate go to detention for even forgetting to turn their ringers off. The general consensus around the school was that he could smell cell phones. I hope he's okay.


Even if Haru doesn't really talk, the walk home is still really lonely without him.

I want to go check on him, but I remember what Rei said, and just go home instead.

But what if he never talks to me again and he just stays in the bathtub forever and he becomes some human fish hybrid? That sounds scary! The school would probably call his parents if he stopped going and I don't think he wants to see them. As much as I want to get on my knees and thank them for making such a perfect being, I can kind of see his point.


"No, we're watching Tangled!"

"No, we're watching One Piece!" If Ran and Ren could get along for more than five seconds, they would be so much cuter. I would also like them to stop attaching themselves to my legs every single time I enter the house, but the smiles on their faces make it worth it.

"Brother, Ren won't let me watch Tangled!"

"We always watch Tangled! I want to watch One Piece!"

I think I have a good way to solve this… "You could watch the Princess Bride! That was my favorite movie as a kid! It has pirates and romance, so you'll both be happy!" I found it for them, and I considered watching it, but it would hurt too much to watch a kissing movie now.

"Where are you going, brother?"

"I think I'll do homework on the porch. It's really hard, so please don't come get me unless it's really important, okay?"


About the time the movie ended, I heard someone open the door.

"Ahem." We exchange some small talk, but it's clear that he has something to say, so I give him the floor.

"I ran into Rin today. Actually, he came into my bathroom. He laughed at me and told me I was going to grow gills. He said Nagisa practically begged him to come see why I wasn't at school." I don't know how I feel about this…

"We went over to Samezuka and raced. I lost, so he made me tell him what was wrong. When I said it, he laughed at me and said we were married." That's a lot of laughter.

"I never really noticed or cared before, but our friendship is very different from other guys our age. I guess my friendship with Rin is a lot more typical, since he mostly laughs at me and calls me a water freak. But if that's what normal is, then I don't want it. I just want you by my side. And after spending all day thinking about you, being together as friends may not cut it anymore."

I bite my tongue. I have to see if this real. It hurts, but I can't bring myself to care.

"Haru! Are you accepting my feelings? Do you love me?" He turns his head. He is so cute! I can't dare imagine him being mine.

"Yes." Yes? Yes! I'm pretty sure that this is what being crowned king is like.

I couldn't help but kiss him. I had to confirm that this was real, and there was no better way in my book. He didn't resist, and that was good enough.

"You're everything I need, and that's enough."

As you wish, Haru.


Makoto is so cute! I think we all want a boyfriend like him. But to write him, I had to try so hard to turn off the sarcasm that is like a reflex to me.

I am a bit saddened by the end of Free!, but it's okay. Tetsuya Kuroko will get us through it (well, he'll help me), because gay basketball is a good substitute for gay swimming. (Also, you can pretend that this story is in between prefecturals and that second joint practice with Samezuka, because I assumed that Rin would be slower to warm up again than what ended up being true.)

Thanks for reading!

~Aurora