They say that chemistry is the process of growth, decay and transformation. I think that's beautiful.
If I'm doing chemistry, then Nagisa would have to be the catalyst. He's the one who tried to beg a stranger on the train to join the swim club, after all. I resented him at first- who wants some annoying stranger constantly harassing him when he just wants to be left alone?
I've always been alone- why would someone want to talk to me now?
I was thrilled when my parents told me we were moving. At my old school, I couldn't get through a single day without being called "that nerdy kid," getting beaten up and having my things left around outside.
My father was the one who suggested I join a sport, both to toughen up and to maybe make some friends. The first worked, while the second did not. Everyone still thought I was a freak.
To put it simply, I hated everyone at my old school. Even on my last day, I could tell they were glad to see me go. I hoped that I could finally have a friend at my new school.
I never expected to find four.
I had heard that there were three crazies looking to start a swim club, but I paid it no mind. Swimming was unattractive and backwards.
And one day, when I was trying to read on the train home, it happened.
Someone actually wanted to speak to me. Someone stooped low enough to speak to the boy whose parents asked for a transfer because they couldn't take watching their son coming home with bruises anymore.
I certainly wasn't expecting to fall in love with him amidst the constant flirtation and his remarks about my body while I was wearing his speedo.
I know him as Nagisa Hazuki, the beautiful menace.
Even though my tormentors aren't near me now, I can still hear them in the back of my mind.
"Things just got better! Ryugazaki isn't just a nerd anymore; he's a fag now, too!"
"You owe me a thousand yen, Hirakawa! I was right, Ryugazaki is a queer!"
But more recently, I've started to hear Nagisa in the back of my mind too.
"Rei is so sexy when he's wearing my speedo~"
"Mmmm… this banana tastes so good~"
"Oh, your bed is so comfy~"
Yesterday, my mother confronted me about my usage of tissues when I do not have a cold. It was not at all beautiful.
I woke up this morning, and I decided today had to be the day… to begin coming up with an elaborate plan for confessing to Nagisa, that is. Who am I kidding? I am the most awkward person that has ever existed. I'm horrible, and I should just stop. He is vibrant and exciting like neon, while I am uranium. No one wants uranium around.
Seeing Nagisa fidget while I am trying to pay attention in class is very distracting for me. It looks like I'll have to go to the library during lunch to catch up on anything I missed while he had a pen in his mouth and my traitorous mind imagined it was my penis. If only there was an equation that made it physically impossible to be erect at school.
I can't come up with any possible variables, so I'll have to do this the old-fashioned way… What's the least beautiful thing I can think of? Bees, food stuck in teeth, humiliation, blood, vomit, rotting garbage, Nagisa lying on my bed begging to be ravished…
I guess it's lunchtime now. Off to the library to beat some sense into my head. I carry my books in front of my pants, hoping I don't look suspicious.
It didn't work.
I pictured him luring me into one of the aisles under the guise of helping him get a book from a high shelf, only to kiss me when he was sure nobody else could see us.
If Nagisa would ever step foot in a library, that would be why.
That's odd. Nagisa seems very distracted. I think he's playing with his phone instead of paying attention. I wonder who he's texting…
Then it happened.
Mr. Honda took Nagisa's phone. "Enlighten us, Mr. Hazuki. What isn't a compliment?" He pauses. "Well, no matter. You can tell us all about it during your extra cleaning duty after school." I would like to save him, but at the same time, he does kind of deserve it.
On my way to swim practice, I run into Gou.
"What am I going to do with you idiots? First Haruka's probably gotten sick again, and now Nagisa's gone and landed himself in detention! Well, there's no point in having swim practice today. I haven't seen Makoto, so could you tell him for me, please?" Why doesn't she just text him? Oh well, I wouldn't mind talking to Makoto.
"Yeah, sure, I'll tell him."
I'm waiting outside Makoto's classroom. I'm a bit nervous, to be honest, even if I am bigger than most of the second years. I recognize some of them from track, but none of them acknowledge me. Finally, Makoto comes out.
"Hi, Rei. What are you doing here?"
"Um… First, Gou says not to bother coming to the pool today since Haruka's not here. Is he sick?" We begin walking outside.
"Oh…" What is this look? It's the same look as the time Nagisa made us watch that zombie movie. "No, he's not sick. I… was too embarrassed to get him this morning." What? That makes no sense!
"Why would you be too embarrassed to pick Haruka up?" Did he finally confess?
Stop hesitating already! "I've been in love with him for years and I told him yesterday." I was right! Go, Rei!
"I knew it! I knew there was something going on! When I first joined, I thought you were already together. Has he given you a response?" Not that it would be anything other than yes, unless Rin…
"…No. I kind of ran away before he could, and he hasn't texted me or anything since I left." That makes sense. Haruka will never do anything that he doesn't want to.
"That's probably for the best. Haruka seems like the type who would need time to make a big decision like that. Let's just hope he hasn't sat in the bathtub all day." There is a 98% chance that he has.
"That's true. At first I thought I was just being a coward, but maybe I'm letting him reach out to me when he decides he wants to talk. It's good to be reassured once in a while. Thanks, Rei."
"No problem. You always do so much for everyone, and I don't mind an opportunity to help you when you need it." It's nice to have someone so selfless who wants to help you. He'd probably be the best person to help me with my problems, but I don't want to bother him! Maybe Haruka-
"By the way, where's Nagisa? I thought you usually only went to the junior hallway with him."
"He's in detention. He got caught texting during class in the afternoon and now he has to do extra cleaning duty for the next few days. You know how much Mr. Honda hates cell phones." He grimaced.
I sent Haruka a text on the train.
To Haruka Nanase
Haruka-senpai? I know you don't check your messages much, but I would like to speak with you on a rather urgent manner. If you get this, please meet me in the library during lunch. –Rei
PS. Good luck with Makoto-senpai.
I don't really expect a response.
I attempt to do homework, but my mind does not stray from Nagisa. There's a knock at the door just as I am about to rip my hair out in frustration. Think of the devil, and he shall appear.
"You should have told me you were coming. Or, you know, asked for permission. Oh well, come in. Are you hungry?"
"Oh, no, I just ate." That's odd. Nagisa never turns down food!
"That's never stopped you before. I have snacks if you want them, though." I'm too afraid to say anything. What if I just blurt everything out? I need Haruka's advice first!
Finally, he breaks the silence. "Ummm… Rei?" Who knew he could sound that nervous? It's actually cute in a way.
"Yes, Nagisa?" What does he want to say to me?
"Do you like it when I tease you?" He's so bold! I can feel my face turning as red as my glasses!
"Ummm… Well… Honestly, there are times when I don't. For example, that time on the island when you didn't want to sleep in the tent with me, and you and Makoto fought over the chance to sleep with Haruka. I know it's silly, but I felt completely left out, and I was genuinely upset. That night, Makoto told me that was just your way of showing affection, but it still hurt. I wished that you couldn't hurt me so much, but you pulled me out of my comfort zone, and I'm glad you did. Thank you, Nagisa." I've said all that and I'm not dead. Things might be alright, after all.
"Well, I talked to Makoto today, and he said I should stop teasing you so much. It'll take a lot of work on my part, but I'm willing to try if it's for you. I really like you, Rei, and I think I want us to be together." What? He actually wants me? I was starting to think I'd be forever alone!
"You want to be with me, even after I said all those terrible things?" He nods, and I can feel my heart stopping. "Well, alright! If that's what you want, I'll take care of you! But wait, should I have asked your family for permission? What if they don't like me? What if one of your sisters knew and dated my brother?" There's so much I haven't considered!
He laughs. "No, you don't need to ask my family for permission. My oldest sister is married, and her husband didn't ask for permission. And my family will love you! Besides, I highly doubt any of my sisters have even seen your brother. He lives in Osaka, right? None of my sisters live there. You don't need to worry so much!"
From: Haruka Nanase
Sure. I'll be there tomorrow. –Haru
Of course I'll get help as soon as I don't need it. Naturally, I appreciate his willingness to help me, but it doesn't really mean much now.
The next day, as we head to lunch, he says something that meant as much to me as Nagisa's confession.
"I'm happy you joined the swim club. You're a great friend, Rei."
That's all I've ever wanted.
Poor Rei! Unfortunately for him, I like putting him in embarrassing situations. Luckily, he also gets the recognition that he deserves. I just hope he's not too perverted.
Well, Rin is next, and that was going to be the end, but now I'm considering a Kou chapter, too! It turns out that having Matsuoka blood is the only way to stay sane around these parts. Last night, I wrote almost a full page on my iPod.
It would be a lot harder to write about swimming in October if it wasn't 75 out. It's supposed to be about 15 degrees colder!
See you next week!
~Aurora
