Chapter 12 – The Sign
March 30, 2001
My story is a continuous one. I can't really tell where the war ends and where the rest of my life begins. It's all just one big messed up existence. Things have never exactly been easy for me, but they have gotten harder over the years. Even now, when things finally seem to be looking up after a long haul of emptiness, I keep waiting for the fall, the fiery explosion that marks the steady decline.
With everything that has been going on with Ron, leading to a whole lot of tension in my other friendships, I'd forgotten what it felt like to be wanted, to be happy or at least content. Who would have known that Draco Malfoy would be the one to remind me?
I step out of the lift at the fourth level of the Ministry and make my way to my office.
"Good morning, Hermione," Kara greets.
That girl is the closest thing I had to a friend for a long time; that is, until Draco appeared. Kara is a nice girl, she can be quite sweet, but we haven't really spent much time together outside of work. When I met her in America, it was a very dark time for me and we bonded somewhat then. But our almost friendship is perfect for the workplace.
"Good morning," I reply, sending her a smile and entering my office.
I close my eyes and exhale slowly. Another day. Another Friday. Another week has passed.
Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I get to bring hope to people who are being shunned for something they can't control. I get to advocate for people who have done terrible things with no memory of the event. I get to bring light back to those stuck in a seemingly endless dark place. Lycanthropy can be devastating, but it can be managed. I have the opportunity to walk with those who have been bitten through their journey back.
It's the rest of my life that wears me down; the nightmares, Ron.
Walking over to my desk, I set down my bag and slump down into the chair. As usual, I open my top drawer to pull out my schedule book and pause at the picture I have hidden there. Why don't I move it to a less used drawer? I don't have an answer, but every time I look at it, it brings back memories and saddens me.
The picture was taken shortly after the war was won. A difficult time for all of us as we attempted to comprehend the significance of what happened, of the losses we suffered, of what it meant for our future. It was the last time we were all truly together. Soon after, the next round of chaos began.
I shake my head and close the drawer, hiding the picture once again. Flipping through my schedule I find I have a couple meetings with clients in the afternoon, paperwork and people to contact before then, and lunch with Draco.
Draco. Such a curious thing. Somehow, even from the very beginning we have understood each other in a silent and unspoken way. We were both victims to the war, both fighting to recover. He understands me as no one else has been able to.
And he makes me feel wanted.
The way he looks at me with a softness in his eyes, an admiration, is something I'd forgotten existed. And it feels good. As much as I hate to admit it, I do like the recognition he gives me.
He sees me. He sees all of me; the bright, intelligent, girl I've always been, and the hurt, broken girl that has overpowered the former. He sees me and understands.
And something happened, I know. There is some magical force between us that I am uncertain of. It was strange and magnificent, explosive and pleasant, and I have no idea what it was.
The kiss. That was what triggered it, and somehow, Draco came to save me, even though the danger I faced wasn't even real. Maybe it's some sort of sign that this is right. It felt almost familiar, as if that is where I belong, I was always meant to be in his arms.
But that's ridiculous. It happens only in fairy tales and my life is no fantasy. I don't have a 'Prince Charming' to instantly fall in love with. Love at first sight. That's what they call it. I don't believe it though. I used to. When I was little. I used to imagine meeting a boy and immediately feeling sparks, marry the next week.
Life isn't a fairy tale, and love doesn't flourish at the first glance. But that kiss, that explosion of something I cannot name, it was not my imagination. And it must have a cause.
I sigh at my thoughts. There is nothing I can do now about this matter but commit to researching it later. And I will. I have the Malfoy library to give me resources, so I will find answers.
I push the wonderings from my mind and pull a file in front of me from off the pile to my right. The most boring part of my job, but it must get done.
Time passes slowly as I move from one file to the next and set up a few meetings for next week. It won't be long now until I can move on from this tiresome part and to lunch, the real beginning of my day.
There is a knock on my door before it opens and Kara pokes her head in.
"Harry Potter is here to see you," she tells me, seeming slightly unsure.
I take a deep breath. This is not what I need today.
"It's alright, send him in. Thanks Kara," I reply in a calm façade.
Harry tries, he really does, but it's been difficult. Ginny despises me after the breakup and he is trapped in the middle of the whirlpool, being pulled under. I know he just wants us all to be friends again, but there are some things that simply can't be. I'm pretty sure Ginny has gone so far as to forbid him with speaking to me, as we have not even come face to face in months and we work in the same building.
Harry walks through the door, and sits down in the chair across from me.
"Where've you been?" he asks and my brows raise.
"Hello to you too Harry. No, 'how've you been,' going to skip straight to the 'where've you been' are you?"
His hand comes up to his forehead. "Look. I'm sorry. I haven't been the friend I should be. I was worried." His eyes meet mine and I can tell he is genuinely concerned.
"I'm fine. I'm doing a bit better," I tell him.
"I'm glad. And I really am sorry I haven't been around."
"I know, you've been busy," I say.
"I just . . . Ron's back. He went to see you and you weren't home. I wanted to make sure you're alright."
Of course, that would be why Harry is making more of an effort now. Ron is back, meaning there is an opportunity to rekindle our friendship. I look down at my desk. As if I need a reminder that he returned. He told me quite plainly when he broke into my flat.
I consider lying, but this is Harry and I care enough to tell him the truth.
"I've been at Malfoy Manor for a little while," I tell him.
"What?" He's hurt, worried, confused. "I don't understand."
"Harry, Draco's been there for me when I really needed someone. When you weren't there." I know I'm rubbing it in, I know I'm hurting him, and I hate myself for it, but I can't stop myself from saying it.
"But he's . . . our enemy, a Death Eater, a Malfoy."
"Was. He was our enemy, a Death Eater. Guess he still is a Malfoy, but that one really can't be helped. The war changed all of us, and Draco was no exception," I clarify.
"So, you went there. You trust him that much? When was the last time you even saw him before now?" Harry asks.
I sigh. "I've been meeting with him regularly for a few months now."
"And, you're alright?"
"I am," I reply, and surprise myself at the truth behind those words. I am alright. Ron's back, and I'm alright. Harry is sitting in front of me, and I'm alright. I have been at Malfoy Manor with Draco Malfoy, and I'm alright. I'm not falling to pieces. I'm alright. At least for now.
"Hey, I don't suppose you personally have been by my flat, have you?" I ask curiously. If Ron was there, maybe it's been cleaned up by now.
Harry shakes his head. "I haven't." He takes a deep breath. "Look, I know he said some things he shouldn't have and ran away from his problems as usual, but he's back, and he's ready to forgive."
I tense. Forgive. Of course, Ron would play the hero, he would play the role of taking the high ground. And of course, Harry would fall for it.
"Maybe you should leave," I say calmly, ignoring the urge to explode and hex the man who I used to call a friend.
"Hermione – "
"Maybe I'm not ready to apologize." I lock eyes with him, willing him to see the desperation and hurt within them.
For an auror, he isn't all too perceptive. He keeps going, "I know the war was hard on all of us and you're still healing, but I want us to be friends again. All of us," he urges.
"Harry, please. You don't know as much as you think you do. Please. I'm meeting someone for lunch," I say.
"Malfoy," he states, a cold glare in his eyes.
I begin packing up my bag as he stands.
"Yes," I reply, making my way past him and to the door, turning to face him once more before making my exit. "And Harry, I do miss you."
I walk to the lift without a glance back. As much as he wants to, Harry doesn't understand, he doesn't see me for who I am now, he sees what he thinks I've done. He's giving me a second chance, but I don't need a second one, I just want my first one back. Ron took that from me.
But Draco, he understands me. Now I know. He knows my pain, shame, fear. He experienced it. He's still living it, just like I am. I want to heal, I really do, I'm trying. But Harry and Ron make it so difficult.
Draco could be the key. He's hurting too. I wish I could have been there in sixth year, supported him, been on his side instead of Harry's, intent on hunting him down. But now I can. We can support each other.
And it scares me how strongly I feel. It's different, different than it was with Ron, but that doesn't mean I'm not terrified of my feelings. I care about Draco. I care about what happened to him, I care about what he is still going through. I want to help him heal as much as I want to heal myself, if not more. And it scares me.
But I'm not running. I'm Hermione Granger and I'm brave enough to face terrifying realities. It's something else I am just now remembering. I am brave. I am courageous. I can face this fear head on.
I can go to lunch.
Author's Note:
Hermione's POV begins and the mystery continues! I think this was a good introduction chapter into Hermione's story. Let me know what you think!
Thank-you so much to all of you who reviewed for the last chapter. You really made me smile. As always, I love to hear your thoughts on what's happening on the story, any predictions you may have, and also anything I can improve on.
Thanks for reading and I hope you have an amazing week!
