Chapter 15 – Is It True or Just Me?
April 5, 2001
I'm being paranoid. That's all this is, all it must be. This is in my head and the bond Draco and I share means nothing but a mother who wants to keep us together.
I've been telling myself these things all week. Nothing has happened, every day has been completely normal, yet, I am on guard. At every sound, I jump, every sudden movement, my heart leaps to my throat. Nothing has happened.
So, maybe it's just me; I'm jumping to conclusions. What reason could Narcissa Malfoy possibly have to consult a seer? And I work at the Ministry, which has very strict security measures in place since the war. At the Manor, Draco is here and I know he won't let anything happen to me.
Things do seem a bit unresolved. Alright, very much unresolved. But that doesn't imply that some terrible thing is going to occur. I'm being silly.
I step out of the fireplace and into Draco's study after another long day of work, a normal day of work.
"Hey," he greets with a smile. He sits behind his desk, which is covered with neatly stacked parchments and files. "How was your day?"
"Fine," I reply. I see he wants to ask more. There's something bothering him. "What is it?" I sit on the very corner of the desk.
He sighs and looks up at me. I have a feeling I know what he's going to ask and I know he'll be disappointed in me when he hears the answer.
"Have you told him? Have you told Potter what happened?" he asks.
I close my eyes and run the tips of my fingers over my forehead.
"No. I haven't," I admit.
"Hermione, we talked about this."
I look at him. "I know, I know. I will," I say, wincing as I hear the useless excuse behind my words.
"You said Monday –"
"And now it's Thursday, I know, I have to." I'm ashamed of myself. Harry was my best friend, still could be if he knew the truth. But here I am putting off telling him how wrong he has been, the lies he's believed. I just wish I could go back in time and get myself out of this mess before it began, but I can't. So, now I have to suck it up and deal with it.
"What's keeping you from telling him?" Draco asks softly.
I think about that question for a moment. Why haven't I told him? Why have I let myself be alone for so long? Why haven't I fought for myself?
I look down at my left arm. The mark is thoroughly covered by layers of fabric but still manages to haunt me. It tells me I'm weak, unworthy, inferior, ugly, useless; all in the cackling voice of Bellatrix Lestrange.
And I know that they are the words of a mad woman, a woman set in her prejudiced ways, brainwashed to believe I don't deserve to exist. But every time I see where the scar marks my arm, even without seeing the word itself, my mind goes back to those lies; weak, unworthy, inferior, ugly, useless.
So, what if Harry loves Ginny more than me? What if that plays a role how he responds to the news I tell him? I want to tell him, I really do. But the weight of it is too much.
"I'm afraid," I finally reply, my eyes shifting back to Draco's.
"That he won't believe you?"
I take a deep breath. "Harry loves Ginny. He'd do anything for her. And she is convinced that Ron is telling the truth. He is her brother after all, and I can understand her wanting to believe him. But it makes me think that maybe he won't believe me. Especially after so much time has past." I glance back down at my arm, the words hitting me once more.
And how can I expect Harry to take my side against his wife?
"Why do you keep looking there? Where your scar is?" Draco asks.
"It's nothing. I'm not," I deny, shaking my head.
"You are," he argues. "Does that have something to do with why you won't tell him?"
"Of course not," I respond, but my argument is lacking strength.
Draco is silent, thinking, before suddenly reaching into a drawer in his desk, taking out a blank piece of parchment, and beginning to write.
"What are you doing?" I ask, curious.
"You'll see," he replies without looking up, careful to keep, whatever it is he's writing, hidden.
"Draco, come one, what is it?"
"Patience, Hermione. I can't think with you rushing me like this."
So, I wait, my tip toes dragging across the floor, making light scratching sounds against the wood. I look around the room, searching for something to keep my mind off my overwhelming curiosity. It's amazing how comfortable I have gotten here, in the study, in the library, in this hall of the Manor. I smile at the thought. It wasn't long ago when the prospect of coming here was terrifying, a world ending proposition. But now, even with the possibility of Draco's father lurking, the Manor feels safer than my own home.
I have to admit, even though I consider myself a fairly patient person, I'm really not. I like having the answers, I like things to happen when I want them to; I guess you could say I like to be in control. Right now, Draco is doing something right in front of me, but won't let me see. And it seems to take forever, because I like knowing things.
"Alright," he breathes. "Here you are."
He hands me a folded piece of parchment and I raise a brow at him.
"Oh, and, don't open it until tonight, when you're just about to go to sleep," he adds.
"What? Why?" I ask.
"Because it's better that way," he replies, shrugging his shoulders. "And no more thinking the way you're thinking."
I give him a questioning look.
"I know what you're thinking because I do it too. The scars we carry have meanings, and they're harmful, even if they aren't true," he explains.
So, he does know a bit about where my thoughts are.
I hop off the desk to avoid the stacks of parchment and move around it to face him directly.
"I don't know what this is," I say, waving the folded paper. "But, thank you."
I smile and lean down to him, lightly kissing his cheek. He takes the opportunity to gently guide my chin with two fingers so my lips meet his.
Draco is getting more confident and I definitely don't mind. It's one of the things the war stole from him and I like knowing he's getting a bit of himself back.
I respond with a quiet moan as his hands move to my hips, pulling me closer, before gliding up my sides. I shiver at the contact. His fingers drift to the back of my head and deepen the kiss.
"I think . . . I like . . . this thank-you," he whispers against my mouth, accenting the words with kisses.
I smile.
I haven't read his letter yet. I promised Draco I wouldn't read it until I was about to go to sleep, and here I am, in my night robes, already under the covers, and holding the parchment in my trembling fingers. Why am I shaking? Is it nerves or excitement?
Was this the reason he made me wait, to have me thinking about it for hours, building anticipation? I need to know. I honestly have no idea of what could be written on it.
I take a deep breath and unfold the paper.
Hermione,
These are some things I think you should know; some things I love about you:
The way you bite your bottom lip when you're nervous
The way your head tilts just a bit to one side and your eyes narrow just slightly when you're thinking.
The way your smile, your real smile, reaches your eyes, crinkling just a tiny bit in the corners, but lighting up with joy.
You don't know your own strength. Yes, you've got quite a bit going on, but it doesn't shatter you into a mess someone else needs to pick up. You're one of the strongest people I know.
Your thirst for knowledge and answers to even the most complex question is inspiring.
You genuinely care about people, no matter who they are.
And the list could truly go on and on.
Remember, you are strong, brave, beautiful, and can do anything you put that spectacular mind of yours to.
Remember these things when you go to talk to Potter. If he doesn't believe you, he doesn't deserve the privilege of being your friend.
Draco
I stare at the parchment in front of me, tears coming to my eyes. I don't think anyone has ever said these things to me. Well, except my parents. My heart clenches at the thought.
I push down my tears, even though I am alone in the room. A new determination floods through me, a birth of resolution. I will tell Harry, I can, I can do it. Even if he doesn't believe me and that chapter of my life is ending for good, I'm not alone.
Draco has shown me in those few words that he is a better friend than I've ever had. Who would have ever thought that the boy who teased, taunted, humiliated me in school, would be the one person I have left who appreciates me?
It may not be a muggle hating Dark Lord this time, but I'm still possibly in some sort of danger. I need to tell Harry, attempt to make him understand, be by my side like I was for him all those years. But if that doesn't happen, if he doesn't believe me, I don't have to go through this danger, whatever it may be, alone. I have Draco.
I think of Narcissa and what she said about him. What I never saw before now, what my friends refused to even consider, is that Draco has a huge heart, and cares deeply about things, about people. It isn't right how the world treats him.
And I swear to myself and to him, that after all this is over, no one will treat Draco that way again. He has so much to offer the world if they would just give him a chance.
I smile to myself. I like that I have gotten to know this side of him. It is almost as if fate brought us together and no matter what forces try to drag us apart; we were meant to know each other this way.
We need each other.
Author's Note:
Sorry for the long wait! I was away for the weekend and didn't have wifi. So, here it is and I will have the next one up for Sunday.
This was a sweet chapter that made me smile to write. Let me know if it made you smile!
I also wanted to ask your opinion of shorter chapters. I have the next few written and they just kind of had a place where they ended. I don't really want to force out more words just for the sake of making the chapters longer, so what do you think? They would be about 1,000 words, or a little over. Is that too short? There's a lot going on in them and it kind of feels right to end them where they are.
Anyway, let me know what you thought of the chapter and what you think of the shorter chapters, I do really love your opinions!.
Thank-you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, you made me determined to get this chapter out to you sooner than Sunday. I really appreciate you taking the time to review, and many are leaving very thoughtful ones. I love you guys and hope you are enjoying reading my work.
Have a great rest of your week and I'll see you, hopefully, on Sunday as usual.
