9 Not Your Guardian

"No! Please! Come back! Don't leave me!"

I heard my own voice crying out words, words that I had spoken to my father, the day he left, as I ran through the village, chasing him through the crowded streets of Bevelle. My nurse, Selinia, caught my arm, stopping me. As it started to rain, I watched my father disappear through the city gates, the water falling heavily on my face, mixing with my tears. I could feel it, coursing down my cheeks. Then, everything went black.

"No…"

I opened my eyes, my vision a green blur. I sat up, warm rain was falling in the jungle, the early morning sunlight filtering through the clouds high above the tree tops. I looked around me, my guardians were sprawled haphazardly out on the path, asleep. Nearby, Tidus slept, curled in the crook of a tree's roots, a pile of fruit lay near his feet. Apparently he had found us some food.

The first thing I wanted to do was run over and gobble it up, filling my empty stomach, but I knew that would be selfish. I struggled to my feet, my body tired and sore, I knew we'd only had a few hours of sleep, but we had to move on. I shook Kimahri, and looked around. At first, I hadn't seen it in the dull light, and rain, but now I realized that the man Kimahri had been carrying was no longer here. We had failed. I had failed. Kimahri sat up, a slight growl rumbled in his chest.

"Kimahri…he-he's gone." The permanent frown on Kimahri's face deepened, but he said nothing. He rose to his feet, and crossed his arms, taking in the scene. His tail twitched back and forth, and he made a slight gesture with his head towards Tidus, and the pile of fruit. "Eat. Then move on."

I nodded, knowing that he was right. There was nothing we could do now. The man had become a fiend. Eventually, he would be killed, and then his pyreflies would wander about Spira in a futile, unending search of a place to rest.

I shook Lulu, pointing towards Tidus, once she had fully awakened.

"He found food." I secretly hoped this might buy him some favor, but instead, she looked suspicious.

"How did he get food?" She stood, and despite her suspicion, she walked over, picking up one of the fruits and slowly biting into it. Though she tried not to betray her eagerness, she was obviously more hungry than she let on. I woke Wakka, and as he sat down to eat, I shook Tidus while saying half to Lulu, half to Wakka,

"The man-he's gone. He turned to a fiend."

Neither answered, it was a common tragedy in Spira, something we simply had to grow to expect. Tidus groaned, stretching his arms, and squinting his eyes at the rain.

"Yuna?"

"It's morning. The man didn't make it…" Some kind of emotion, I wasn't sure if it was anger, pain, or something else, flashed across his face. "Yeah. I know. I killed it. The fiend." He frowned, sitting up. He caught sight of Lulu and Wakka, hungrily devouring the fruit, and he quickly leaned forward, grabbing several for himself, and began to eat, still with the frown plastered on his face. I took several, trying to eat with at least SOME dignity, as Lulu was also trying to do, though Tidus and Wakka looked like they had never heard of the word. The pile of fruit quickly dwindled into nothing, and I finally decided to give the thanks due.

"Thanks for getting that for us…how did you?" He gave Lulu a quick look, something like annoyance showed on his face.

"Oh…I dunno…" Lulu saw him give her the look, and her momentarily thankful face hardened again. Wakka gave Lulu a glance, and interlocked his fingers, holding his hands behind his head. "So, do we gotta wait again?"

She gave him a look that almost appeared to be a smirk, but not quite.

"Yes, it seems that we are all guilty of overeating, this morning." She glanced upward to Kimahri standing silently over us."Except you, of course."

Kimahri grunted, and a slight smile came to my face, despite the situation. Tidus started to play with a couple rocks lying on the ground, and I pulled at the grass, wishing that we could get up, but I knew that Lulu was right to make us wait. Tidus looked up at me, opening his mouth, but then his eyes shifted towards Lulu, who was watching him intently, and he closed his mouth, eyes going towards the ground, and the rocks in his hands. He absentmindedly grabbed one more rock, and began to casually throw them between his hands, so that there was at least one rock in the air at all times, and they alternated between each hand. As he threw them back and forth, he looked bored, and mad, maybe.

I was mesmerized, I'd never seen anyone perform such a trick.

"That's…neat." I said, Wakka nodding in agreement, Lulu gave me a sharp look.

"Wha'dya call that, brudda?" Tidus let the rocks fall, one in one hand, two in the other.

"Juggling…haven't you ever seen it before?" Wakka and I shook our heads, Lulu did nothing, except I might have seen her roll her eyes, though I'm not sure. Lulu then got to her feet, seemingly not wanting to have a conversation about this.

"We have waited long enough, we leave." As we shuffled into our positions and began along the road once again, I could feel the tropical island sun already starting to heat up the day. As we walked, I waited for some of the seeming tension to die down, before I spoke of my intentions.

"Our plan is, we'll travel to this next village, and I will do my duties, and then we we'll travel all around the coast of Kilika, and then, when we finish a full circle around the island, and are back at Kilika village, we'll travel from there to Kilika temple, at the very center of the island. We don't have time to search the whole jungle for people to heal and send, there's no telling how long that would take, we have to make that sacrifice."

Wakka grunted, showing that he understood. Lulu turned her head, directing her speech over her shoulder.

"That is…it is a good plan, though I would point out that it may take us days, even weeks to get all the way around Kilika. There are six villages, we've been to one of them. We've already traveled a full day. By the time we get to the other villages…it's likely that…there will be no one left who needs healing, and that those who didn't make it…will already have turned to fiends…" She turned her head to face forward again, and there was an unhappy silence within the group. I knew she was right. A few lives, a few souls...were they really worth the time and risk? The question weight heavily on my heart.

I wished there weren't so many decisions, so many hard decisions. I knew that if I leave them behind and go straight to the temple, I would be more likely to save many more lives.

"We…I…you are right." I clenched and unclenched my fists, knowing that I was condemning people to death, even eternal death…but it was for the greater good. "We must travel to the next village. If there are more than a few people I might be able to help. "It is good…we must do what is best, even if it hurts." I glanced beside me, and Tidus had a look of horror on his face. He seemed to be trying to hold something back, but finally, it exploded.

"What is best! Good?! How can what is best hurt? What are you thinking? You are going to leave these people to suffer for eternity?! For speed?!" He was really mad. As he spoke, Lulu stopped walking, her fists clenched tightly. Her whole body was tense, everything in her appearance said that she was very angry, but I knew it was a cover up-a cover up for her sorrow. Lightening flashed, striking a tree that was near Tidus, beside the path. He jumped, and brought up his arms to block from the heat. A fire started, but the rain quickly quenched it. I knew that the lightening had been from Lulu, and I started to fear for Tidus' safety. Lulu turned slowly around, her voice low and controlled, spoken through clenched teeth, almost a growl.

"I told you, keep your questions to yourself." Tidus took a step back, slightly raising his hands in front of himself, partially from surrender, and partially in defense, in case she got even more mad. Though he appeared to be giving up, I could tell, he was still furious. As they had a staring match, for a tiny instant, both of Lulu's hands burst into flames, though not long enough to burn her. She spun around, walking stiffly forward, and we all followed. No one even tried to answer Tidus' question, and no one wanted to.

We traveled a long way, and saw no fiends. They seemed to have retreated into caves and such, probably because most fiends of this region didn't like rain. We walked even faster than we had the day before, and after several hours I was already beginning to tire, the lack of sleep and food already catching up to me, along with the stress of decisions and the tension between Lulu and Tidus.

I looked at Tidus walking beside me. He must have thought that I didn't care about these people. He couldn't have been more wrong. I would give up my life for these people, and that was what I was going to do. But the longer we took to save a few people, the more likely that Sin would attack again, and kill many more people than we saved in the first place.

Tidus noticed me looking at him, and as soon as he turned his head to face me, I dropped my gaze, feeling awkward for staring.

"I-I understand now…sorry." He said, his expression looked genuinely regretful, he must have thought about it more, and realized what was best.

I looked back at him. "A wise man once told me…life, it doesn't ask us what we want…it offers us decisions…and…we must make a choice…no matter how much it hurts…" I hoped he would understand. "…I…I understand…I think." He said.

I was too tired to talk any more about it, all that needed to be said had been, and my brain felt numb, I could hardly think. We spent the next half hour walking in silence, until he pointed out some nearby bushes. Lulu and Wakka had been so absorbed in their conversation that they hadn't even seen the bushes, covered in dull, red looking berries. I called ahead to the two."There's some berries here." "Food!" Wakka said, half enthusiastic, half just plain tired.

"Good. I feel as if I recognize this place. I believe we will arrive at the next village by late tonight." Lulu came back to us, Wakka in tow. The rain was starting to let up, but the air was still hot and moist, and I was thankful for a rest. We were all very muddy, especially myself, from falling. Because of our states, none of us cared about sitting down on the muddy ground, we were all to tired and hungry to care. Kimahri sat watching us as we all stripped the bushes of their berries, eating every single one of them. Through a mouthful of the fruit, Wakka mumbled to me,

"Good find!" I glanced at Tidus, smiling,

"Oh, I didn't find it, Tidus did." He didn't appear to want attention at the moment, and when he received an icy glare from Lulu, I saw why. Finally, I lost it. I slapped my hands lightly together, clearing my throat loudly, drawing all eyes towards myself. I didn't frown, though I felt like it, I just sweetly said to Lulu, "My guardians and traveling companions should not fight." Her eyes flashed with anger, and she spoke coolly at me, "Wakka, Kimahri and myself, are your guardians. HE is a child Wakka has taken in under his wing. NOT a traveling companion. When we get to Luca, he will find himself a blitzball team, and he will stay there. Wakka and I have already talked this over."

She finished with an air of decisiveness, and I couldn't help but feel depressed at the thought. Over the last few days, he'd saved my life more than once, and I'd grown to enjoy his company. Though, I knew she was, as usual, right. He had no place with us…he was a blitzball player, nothing more. Still, he had already proven himself to be skillful with a sword. I wondered if he could be a guardian, if he could be my guardian.

I gazed around at the people surrounding me…my friends. Wakka looked downcast, he wouldn't look e in the face. Kimahri looked on the scene with a certain aloofness that I grown used to long ago. Lulu kept her head tilted to the right, her face a blank mask. I could tell, she didn't like what she was doing… I couldn't figure out why she was doing it, though.

Then, my gaze turned to Tidus. He was plucking grass from the mud soaked ground, deep in thought. He was upset. I just stared, not really consciously realizing that I was doing it, but, he eventually looked up, and his eyes widened in fear.

"Behind you." I was sitting with my back to a large bush, and seeing his expression, I decided to stay as still as possible, my own eyes growing wide with concern. His words got the others' attention, and Lulu calmly took in the situation, extended her hands toward above my head, whispered something, her lips barely moving. I felt searing heat radiate on the back of my neck, and heard the scream of pyreflies as burning twigs and leaves fell into my hair and lap. I launched myself forward, rolling out of the way, just in time to see a large plant fiend fall, burning, in the spot were I had been sitting. My heart was pounding wildly, realizing that I could have died right there. Plant fiends are very dangerous, they inflict a kind of poison with their attacks that only healers are able to cure, and there are no healers around, besides myself. If the poison is not cured, it slowly saps away the energy and life, until I would die a long, painful death…I had once again escaped death, though at that moment, a wave of doubt hit me. Life in Spira is treacherous. Especially for Summoners. Many had attempted to travel the pilgrimage across Spira, to save Spira, but few had ever made it to Zanarkand… I feared that I wouldn't make it, even taking a moment to wonder if all this was really worth it, but I reassured myself that peace was worth anything.

I still lay in the mud, all of us trying to recover from the shock. Finally, I sat up, looking from Tidus to Lulu, "Thank you."

TidusxYuna Always