10 Heart Wounds
We journeyed on, through the deep, suffocating humidity. As the clouds above the treetops gave way to blue sky, the sun's heat burned down on our backs, my breaths came in quick bursts; I felt like I could never fill my lungs, no matter how deep a breath I took. I had to concentrate on breathing, I was feeling lightheaded, and afraid I might pass out if I didn't do it just right. My guardians also seemed uncomfortable, though Tidus didn't even seem to notice. Ject had once told me, about Blitzball in Zanarkand, a few of the most skilled players were so comfortable in the water, they could even sleep in it, without coming up for air for hours. That was probably why Tidus had no problem. As I was thinking on these things, careful to keep breathing slowly, deeply, and evenly, I broke my rhythm, screaming as dive beak fiend came swooping down out of no where, straight for me, it's razor sharp beak about to pierce me through. I dove to the side, but not fast enough. I cried out as the fiend's beak sliced deep into my shoulder. I was now lying in the dried, crusty mud, blood oozing from the wound. The fiend flew high in the sky, turned, and prepared to make another dive. While this was going on, Lulu was praying, Wakka's ball extended to her, Kimahri was occupied with a large reptilian monster which had run from the bushes. Tidus was standing by me, ready to block the next attack, his sword grasped tightly in his hand. As the dive beak prepared to make another attack, Wakka hit it with his blitzball, ice shards once again raining down over Tidus and me, though, this time, many more of the tiny needles sliced shallowly into me. I struggled to calm myself, begging my heart to slow down, I couldn't breathe fast enough to quench its thirst for oxygen. I lay still as my guardians gathered around, taking in one deep, slow breath after another, until my heart returned to normal, and I sat up. I knew my guardians were here to protect me, but I still felt so helpless. I wished that I could have mastered all the elements before I left for the pilgrimage.
I placed my hand on my shoulder, trying to stop the flow of blood, but it seeped between my fingers, making me feel sick. Lulu knelt down; she too was taking slow, measured breaths. She held out her left index finger, a tiny flame appearing, floating on the tip. She didn't say anything; we'd gone through this drill before…She placed her burning finger over the wound, cleaning it with the heat, to help prevent it from getting infected. Summoners had to have their arms working well for summoning and sendings, I couldn't afford to risk infection. Searing agony roared through my arm, shooting up my neck and down my spine, the heat from that tiny flame flooding my whole body. I dug my fingers into the dirt, my breath quickening again. I groaned, the pain almost too much to bear, but then she removed her finger, the burning pain dying away with it, changing to a dull throb. I sighed, trying to breathe properly again, while Tidus stood by, deep sympathy and confusion showing on his face, but he didn't dare speak. I nodded my head forward, not breaking my breathing rhythm. walked on, with Tidus by my side. He was beginning to feel so much like a guardian. Even if he wasn't doing a lot of fighting, I still liked having him nearby. But it would not be. He would stay in Luca. He would live to enjoy my Calm. A calm that would last through eternity. I wished.
Surely, the thoughts, longing for the calm to last for eternity had passed a thousand times through the mind of every summoner ever to embark on a pilgrimage, and yet, none of them had every had their wishes granted. Most believe Sin's rebirth is the fault of the Al Bhed, using machina; though some say it isn't. I don't know what to think.
I wanted to believe that it wasn't their fault, and yet if it wasn't, I couldn't think of another reason that it could possibly be. Even as a summoner, there were still so many things that I didn't understand.
Slowly, but steadily, the hot, humid air was cooling into evening, another day of my life fading into the distance. We didn't seem to be nearing the village, though we pressed on, meeting a growing number of fiends. Three times we were attacked, each time, we won, without a scratch. Tidus avoided getting involved with the fighting, though he still guarded me, keeping himself between me and attackers at all times. As darkness settled over the jungle, we kept meeting fiends, and we were all growing very weary. I knew, the increasing number of fiends must mean that we were nearing the village…and that many had died and changed before we could get to them. By the time all sunlight was gone, and the only sources of light were the occasional wandering pyrefly, the fiends had finally gone to rest, though we continued to travel. My shoulder and my foot still throbbed with pain; my energy was ebbing into nothing, though now that the air had cooled, I was finally able to breathe comfortably. Just when I was about to announce that we would rest here for the night, feeling that I could not walk any further, I saw the sea ahead in the distance, and a devastated village, shrouded in darkness, the sliver of a moon barely giving any light to reveal that it was there at all. I tried to gesture towards it, but I was too tired to raise my arm.
"The village." I said, knowing that they would see it momentarily, if that had not already seen it. I heard a few sighs of relief, and we stumbled on towards it, all of us exhausted, ready to rest. When we finally reached it, I had to concentrate hard, just trying to place one foot in front of the other. The sky was already beginning to turn pale with dawn when we stepped inside the village gates, and we all lay down on the docks, too tired to do anything more, too tired to even take another step.
I smelled the sea, I heard it. I wondered where I was. Was I on Besaid? I felt as if I was swaying back and forth, floating in mid air…I couldn't figure out what was going on.
As I slowly opened my eyes, they took several moments to adjust to the brightness. I found myself lying in a hammock, strung between two posts in a house with half of the roof torn off, and the wall leaning on sticks to hold it up. I carefully sat up looking around, I could see through the countless holes and gaps in the wall that we were inside a village, and I remembered that we were on Kilika.
I clung to the rope holding my hammock up, and rolled over the edge, moving slowly, until my feet touched the floor below me. As I put my full weight on it I could feel the boards sag a bit. I stepped cautiously across them, walking to the open door.
Similar to Kilika village, the whole thing was built on docks above the sea. There was destruction all around. Very few people wandered around the devastated village, the ones that I could see all had wounds wrapped in filthy bandages, scratches and cuts, and most were limping. There were several other hammocks strung up around me, and each of my friends was lying in one. Soon, one of the villagers milling about noticed that I was up. A young man, not much older than myself approached me. "You are a summoner?" His voice was tired, he sounded defeated.
"I am Yuna. From Besaid. I am a summoner." It was hard just to force out those few words.
"If only…you had arrived sooner…there are few of us left." His words were not accusing, just sad. I bowed my head.
"I…I am sorry…I tried..." I felt my eyes stinging, and my throat clamped shut. I struggled to maintain control, before I continued, taking a deep breath.
"I am here to send and heal…are there any who need it?" I took in his state. His arms were covered in small cuts; several red, infected wounds ran across his bare chest, though he didn't appear to be seriously injured.
"No, m'lady. Our injuries are many, though the worst injuries are on our hearts…Those of us who are left only have minor wounds. All our dead have become fiends. The rest of us will heal, with, or without your help…you must conserve your strength. You must go on to the temple…Defeat Sin, m'lady…save us…" There was such deep hurt ingrained in words, his voice cracked, and tears began to fall down his face. I clasped my hands together holding them so tightly that my knuckles turned white. I fought tears, trying to smile, giving him confidence that I could, that I would defeat Sin. It was always the hardest when I saw another person in pain.
"I…I will move on…if that is your wish." He nodded, and turned away, choking out the words,
"Thank you…m'lady." I bit my lip hard, tasting my own blood.
"Y-you are…welcome…" He turned around, looking at me again.
"We will provide you and your guardians with food." Then he walked away.
"Thank you." I called after him, beginning to feel dizzy. I looked towards the sky, the sun was at its peak; it was near time for the midday meal, though we had not eaten since morning, the day before. I lay down on the dock, waiting for my friends to wake up. I must have fallen back to sleep, but I was eventually awakened by the sound of oncoming footsteps. I looked up, seeing young girl, maybe eight years old, carrying a basket so full of assorted fruits and berries that she could hardly carry it.
She looked so much like Amai. I missed her. I thought back to the people on Besaid that I had left behind. They had raised me. They had loved me. I loved them, and I would die for them. They were precious to me, they had been replacements for the family I had lost as a child, and now they too were lost to me.
I sat up, watching the girl approach, taking in the long cut down her arm. When she arrived, she placed the basket down by me, and did the prayer gesture, though she would not meet my eyes with her own. There were fresh tears running down her face, amongst old, dried tear tracks. She was dirty and bloody, her body was thin and fragile-looking. My heart broke for her, and as she turned to leave, I reached out my hand toward her.
"Wait." She turned back to face me, though she still would not look into my eyes. She said nothing. Her hand went up to her arm, clasping over the sore, festering wound. She winced.
"I'll heal you." She finally raised her eyes to mine, silently walking back to me, shakily extending her arm. I touched it, and she flinched, though she didn't pull it back. I tried to pray, though for a moment, my mind was overwhelmed with sorrow for the girl, for the village, for this island, for this world, torn and broken…For a thousand years of pain, suffering, death and loneliness. I would have given literally anything to bring peace.
I didn't even have to ask Yevon for healing. As the thoughts passed through my mind, I was startled as I felt her arm pull away. I opened my eyes, and saw a slight smile on her face, though I could see in her eyes a deep pain, a loss of innocence; she had seen death, tragedy. She was far too young to see such things, and yet almost every child in Spira had…She finally spoke, her unusually thick Kilikan accent sounded strange, almost foreign.
"Thangk you." I was confused, and then my eyes fell to her arm. The wound was healed, though there was an angry looking scar in its place, a life-long reminder of the pain. I didn't understand how it happened, but I simply nodded, and then she walked away. I followed her with my eyes until she disappeared around the corner of a dilapidated house.
I clutched my shoulder, feeling the raw, crusty skin beneath my fingers. It hurt, but I tried to ignore the pain. I ate some of the fruit, while waiting for the others to wake up. For the first time, I noticed that Kimahri was not around; he probably went into the jungle to get some food. Lulu was the first to wake up, and I gestured with my good arm towards the basket.
"They brought food." Lulu ignored the basket, instead frowning at my shoulder.
"Yuna, we need to make a bandage for that." We hadn't had time the day before, needing to hurry, but now, we had to wait, anyway. She pointed her finger to my wound, whispering, and a stream of water flowed over it, cleaning it. It stung badly, and I flinched. When she was finished, she started to untie my sleeve.
"I never understood why Summoners have to wear such impractical clothing. Are you alright with removing your sleeves, so that we can use them as bandages…they really are useless." It was true, summoners clothing was beautiful, but so uncomfortable. I would be going against tradition, though it was never spelled out in the precepts how summoners were to dress, it was just expected. I figured that it couldn't matter that much whether or not I wear sleaves.
I nodded in consent, almost relieved that I would not have to wear the things anymore. She pulled it off, tearing it neatly into several strips, wrapping one tightly around my shoulder. When she finished, she reached for some fruit. By this time, Wakka and Tidus were sliding carefully from their own hammocks, and stumbling over to us, both excited at the sight of food. Tidus crumpled to his knees, reaching forward and grabbing a piece of fruit, wolfing it down as if he hadn't eaten in a week. Wakka also dropped himself to the ground, shoving food into his mouth. I took several more pieces, as did the others, and we all ate until there was none left. As we finished, Kimahri approached us, his movements slow and methodical, he was clearly very tired. It was a strange sight; I don't think I'd ever seen the Ronso appear weak. When he got to us, he sat down, looking at me, obviously searching for instruction. None of us had said a word as we ate; silence was becoming a close companion to us all. I looked at each of my friends in turn, all looking to me to know what our next step would be.
"We-I spoke with a villager. I will not heal those here. Those who are left…their wounds are minor; they will heal by themselves, with time. The dead have already been lost…We will go to the temple, and then back to Kilika village…" As I took in the faces of my friends and guardians, I saw only frowns. None of us wanted to leave them here in pain, but we had to.
"Then…we will leave the island, and go on to Luca." At the mention of Luca, I noticed Tidus flinch a bit, but it was so subtle, I wondered if I had actually seen it at all, I wondered if it had been my imagination.
"We will rest today and tonight, and we will rise before dawn, eat, and then work towards the temple. It will take several days, and when we get there, we can rest, and then…we will face the trials." Shivers ran down my spine at the idea of Kilika's trials. Many a summoner and guardian had died in them.
I received only grave nods from my guardians. Then, signifying that the matter was over, I stood up, and slowly raised myself into my hammock, careful not to put much weight on my injured arm. We all retired, to finally get the sleep we had lacked for the last few days.
TidusxYuna Always
