Nick Clark was a junkie. Looking back at it now, the signs that he was susceptible to addiction had been there as long as he could remember. As a kid, he would always climb on the highest trees, oftentimes falling and hurting himself; he would get the swing close to looping and jump off at the highest point, spraining his ankles; everything to get a rush of adrenaline. Even back then, playing in a sandbox like the other kids was not enough for him.
As he got older, the rush of being on the swing or climbing trees wore off, and he had to find other ways to feel alive. When he started high school, it crushed the life out of him. Not because it was difficult, it wasn't. It was too easy, it was too boring. He was smart, he knew that, but he didn't care about school.
Then he met Charlize, and all of a sudden, the adrenaline was back. Whatever chemical reaction happens in your body when you fall in love, it gave Nick a natural high. The jolt of excitement that went through his body when he spotted her in school, the tingling in his stomach when he heard her laugh, the rush of warmth in his heart when she made the little noise of affection she always made as he pulled her closer while they were sleeping.
When he was with her, he felt alive. But as relationships go, you become accustomed to each other, you fall into habit, you get in a rut. He became restless again. He didn't see Charlie as much, and instead spent time with people from school. One night they were at a party, and a friend gave him his first joint. That's how it started, and it didn't take long for him to spiral, to fall deeper and deeper into the abyss of addiction. Soon, weed wasn't enough anymore, ecstasy wasn't enough anymore, he needed more, more, more. He was taking LSD, heroin, prescription drugs, everything he could get his hands on.
His parents tried to put him into rehab many times, but Nick couldn't, wouldn't want to get clean. He needed the drugs like he needed oxygen. They made him feel alive, and that was all he needed. After his Dad died, it became worse. He couldn't bear being around his family, started disappearing for days at a time. It hurt him to hurt his Mum like that, hurt his sister like that, but he couldn't help it. His relationship with his family suffered, his relationship with Charlie ended. He would still sometimes show up at her place after they had broken up, and she would always take him in when he needed help. He always felt guilty about that, about making her think the drugs were more important than she was, about making her think he only came to her when he needed a place to crash. He had wanted to tell her that many times, but he had never gotten the words out. He didn't know how to explain it, how to make her understand that he needed to feel alive more than anything else.
That was what Nick thought about as he waited for Calvin in front of the diner in which they were supposed to meet. He had run away from the hospital a couple of hours ago, using the diversion caused by another patient dying. He had stolen the man's clothes, taken the money left in the pockets to buy a burner phone and cigarettes, and had called Calvin. He needed to shoot up, but more than that, he needed to know what was in the powder Calvin had sold him last time.
"Nicky, what's going on?" Calvin said as he arrived and motioned Nick to follow him to a table inside. Calvin was a tall, dark boy, with strong facial features. He could have been a model, his face was that symmetric. He was wearing a silver-gray jacket over a white sweater, and a baseball cap, as though he tried not to be recognizable. They used to be friends, but now Calvin was mostly Nicks way of getting his hands on more stuff.
"Hey Cal, I'm really sorry," Nick started.
"What do you mean?" Cal asked as he sat down.
"I'm sorry to put you in this position-"
"Sit." Calvin interrupted him and Nick followed his instruction. Calvin seemed agitated.
"Your Mum is looking for you," Calvin continued.
"What do you mean?"
"Showed up at my folks'."
Nick swallowed. "Oh."
"Can't have that. Can't have people-" "No, Cal-" "coming to me looking for you."
Nick was beginning to feel agitated as well.
"She doesn't know what you do, Cal."
"You're not talking about me?"
"No, no. Cal - Cal, she's just really worried about me.."
Calvin eyed him, mistrusting, and Nick could feel himself starting to slightly panic. It was bad news if Calvin thought Nick had spilled on him.
"Cal, I swear..- I swear, man..I would...I would never hurt-...I would never tell anyone what you-.."
Nick trailed off and buried his face in his hands. This could not be happening, and his withdrawal intensified his anxiety even more.
"You hungry?" Calvin asked.
"No, no, no, no.."
"You need to get some food up in you."
"No, no, no. I just - I just need to know what you gave me," Nick said, still upset.
"I didn't give you anything."
"Was it laced, man? Was it PCP?"
"Laced?"
"Was it PCP?"
"Yeah, I want my customers paranoid and pissed off and immune to pain. You talking about my shit?"
"No,"
"Then where's your head at?"
Nick sighed. He had to tell him about the church, make sense of it.
"Cal, the church..it was a bloodbath. It was a horror show. Gloria killed two people, and I need to get it out of my head."
Calvin looked at him, disbelievingly. "Gloria is 90 pounds soaking wet,"
"Yeah."
"Barely strong enough to spike a vein."
"I know,"
"You're not making any sense, Nicky."
"I know. I know. I know. But I saw it, Cal," Nick said, the memory replaying in his head over and over again. "I saw her do it and I need to get it out of my head."
"You need to contain yourself," Calvin told him. He was trying to figure out what to do with his former friend, who looked like he was close to a nervous breakdown.
"Okay, yeah. I'm leaving."
"Come on, stay."
"No, man, I'm gonna go,"
"Nick. Stay. I get it, I get it. You think you saw some bad shit," Calvin started and he saw that Nick was on the verge of crying. He put his arm around Nick's shoulders, trying to comfort him. Nick leaned into the embrace.
"I can't wipe it out," Nick said with a strangled sob. "I can't..-I can't scrub it out."
"Yeah, you can," Calvin tried to calm him down. They were already drawing enough attention to them, especially with Nick looking like he stole his clothes from an 80 year-old man.
"How long has it been?"
"Um..a couple of days," Nick thought about it, and all of a sudden was in desperate need of a fix. "I'm managing," he added.
"Clearly," Cal said sarcastically.
"I'm really trying," Nick told him, thinking of what he told Alicia in the hospital. He told his sister he would quit. After what he saw, he was done. He had to be done. But right now he could not think straight. He couldn't go cold turkey like this, one day to the other. He wasn't strong enough.
"You got your works?"
"No,"
"I got you," Calvin told him.
"Oh man, thank you so much," Nick was relieved. "Thank you so much!"
Calvin gave Nick a ride. He asked him about the accident, about whether the police had been involved. Nick didn't make much of it, just sat in the passengers seat, thinking of how bad he needed to shoot up. He felt like his whole body was throbbing, asking for a fix. In his head there was just noise, party because of the withdrawal, partly because of what he had seen in the church. Gloria's hazy eyes, her behavior, it played on a loop. He was barely paying attention to where Calvin took him.
He snapped back into awareness when he heard Calvin getting out of the car. "Sit tight, brother. It's safe here," he said, and walked around the car to the trunk. Nick saw that Cal had taken him to the river. They were in a huge, abandoned lot, shielded from unwanted eyes.
When Calvin was done at the trunk, he walked around to the passenger side and opened Nick's door.
"Come on, Nicky," he began.
Nick was just about to get out of the car when he caught a glimpse of what Calvin had gotten out of the trunk. In his right hand, hidden behind his leg so Nick wouldn't see, was a gun. All of a sudden, Calvin's questions about Madison and the police fell into place. Calvin was not trying to help Nick. He was trying to get rid of him, so he wouldn't spill on Calvin's extra-curricular activities as a dealer.
Nick didn't know what to do. He tried to buy some time by stalling to get out of the car. Should he talk to Cal? Tell him he could trust him? No, it was too late for that, otherwise they wouldn't be where they were now. The only option left was to jump him, trying to get the gun out of his hand before Calvin could do anything.
"Come on," Calvin repeated.
Nick slowly made to get up. He needed the moment of surprise, otherwise there was no chance of overpowering Calvin. Calvin was tall, strong. Nick couldn't take him on a good day, and now he was in withdrawal. He was shaking as it was already.
Nick was fully out of the car by now. He stood in the door for a second, pretending to stretch, pondering his next move. He decided to just go for it. He made a quick movement toward the gun and managed to get his hands on it, but Calvin realized what Nick was doing just in time to keep a firm hold of it. They were struggling, Calvin trying to point the gun at Nick, Nick trying to point it away from him.
"No, Nicky," Calvin shouted. He shifted his weight and managed to pin Nick against the car. Nick's body was full of adrenaline. The fix was forgotten, instead he just tried to fight his way out of this. He didn't want to die. He used his left shoulder to give Calvin a little push, which gave him enough momentum in which he managed to turn the gun away from himself, but in the struggle, someone - Nick couldn't tell who - pulled the trigger. The shot was loud, and echoed off the ground. As soon as it had started, the struggle stopped. All power went out of Calvin, and his limp body sunk to the ground.
Nick took a few steps back but did not manage to run. He kept turning towards Calvin's body, which was lying with his back toward Nick. His heart was hammering in his chest. Eventually, he took a tentative step toward the figure on the floor.
"Hey, Cal?" Nick asked quietly. "Cal?"
Did he shoot his friend? His heart was hammering so loudly that it must be audible for miles. All of a sudden, Nick became hyper aware of all the sounds around him. A car horn. A train whistle.
"Cal?" Nick tried again and made another step toward the body. Would he go to prison? Could he cover this up?
He was standing over the body now, and slowly bent down. He touched Calvin's shoulder, but he did not react. Nick slowly pulled and turned the body. Calvin's previously white sweater now had a big, red stain in its center. A puddle of blood was on the asphalt next to him.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no.." Nick uttered. He turned around. He turned back to Calvin. He was panicking. What should he do? Make a run for it? His DNA was all over the car, and the gun. The gun! Nick turned around and spotted the gun lying next to the car. He bent down and reached for it, changed his mind in the last second - he shouldn't touch it again - turned around, and bolted away.
A car honked. Travis was here. Nick came out of his hiding spot under the bridge and started heading to the car, but stopped in his tracks a couple of steps later.
"No, no, no, I told you not to bring her!" he said, referring to his mother. He had not calmed down yet, and this upset him even more. He didn't want her to know what he did.
"Where have you been? We've been looking for you!"
"I told you not to bring her!"
"Why wouldn't I?"
Nick knew he needed to say something, that was why he had called Travis in the first place, but he couldn't bring himself to, not in front of his mother. So instead, he leaned toward Travis' ear and whispered.
"I did - I did a bad thing."
"It's okay," Travis said, his voice gentle.
"What are you talking about?" his mother said.
"Just get in the truck," Travis said again, shooting Madison a look.
Nick didn't move. "It's not okay."
"Nick, what happened?" Travis asked. Both of them could see how nervous he was. Nick didn't know how to explain what happened.
"Okay, so..he-he pulled a gun on me,.."
"Who?"
"..he pulled a gun on me and he tried to kill me, and I just-I just wanted to know what was in the shit he gave me,.." Nick was working himself up again.
"What are you talking about Nick?" Travis asked.
"Calvin. I shot Calvin."
Travis and Madison were silent for a moment, Nick's answer obviously taking them by surprise.
"I killed Calvin," Nick said again.
"Where is he?" Travis asked finally.
So Nick took them to the empty lot where Calvin had taken him not even an hour ago. In the car, Nick overheard Madison telling Travis that it was her fault, sending Calvin to Nick like that while she was looking for him, and he overheard Travis saying something about self-defense, but he couldn't concentrate on their voices. When they reached the lot, they parked in a small tunnel so Travis' truck would not be visible. They saw Calvin's car and started approaching it, carefully.
"Calvin?" Madison said as she walked around the car. She then looked at Nick. "Where was he?"
Nick saw what she meant when he walked around the car too. The body was gone. There was only the red stain of blood on the asphalt.
"Wait-wait a second,-"
"There's no one here, Nick," Madison continued.
"He was right here!" Nick was desperate now. This was too much. These last 48 hours had been too much. "He was right here," he continued without noticing. Gloria killing the others, the hospital, Calvin. Was it the drugs? Was he going insane? Was he actually just hallucinating?
"He was right here," he said again. All the energy left his body and he sank to the ground, his mother trying to catch him.
"There is no one here, baby." She tried to soothe him, putting her arms around him. He reciprocated the movement and held on to her for dear life. Nothing made sense anymore.
"Let's get you back to the truck," Travis said. Madison helped Nick up and they slowly walked back and made to leave. Nick felt numb.
"Let's call Calvin, see what's up,.." Madison started as they were back in the car, but Travis interrupted her.
"Holy shit!" he exclaimed as he looked into the rear-view mirror. He got out of the car and told the others to stay inside, but Madison got out with him. When Nick turned around, he saw what they had seen. A person was shuffling toward them in the tunnel.
Calvin.
Only it wasn't Calvin anymore. There was a huge, bloody stain on his sweater, bigger than when Nick had left him, and his eyes were hazy. It was the same look he had seen on Gloria in the church.
"No, no, no, Mum! He'll kill you! He'll kill you!" Nick hammered on the glass. He could see Travis getting dangerously close to him.
"Calvin, can you hear me?" Travis asked, but instead of answering, the shuffling figure grabbed him and with a grunt, tried to sink his mouth into Travis' neck.
Nick reacted on instinct. He had seen this before. His Mum and Travis would not get far with talking. Nick jumped into the driver's seat, put the car into reverse, and started speeding the car backward through the tunnel, toward the struggling figures.
In the last moment, Travis managed to push Calvin away from him and jumped to the wall. The truck made impact with Calvin's body and fully drove over him. When he could see Calvin's form on the ground in the headlights again, Nick stopped the truck. A moment passed and no one moved. Travis and Madison were paralyzed, too shocked by what had just happened. But Nick had a premonition that this wasn't over.
A moment later, he was proven right. Calvin's body was stirring, moving, getting up. When he was fully standing upright again, he turned toward the truck that had just hit him. When he was exposed in the headlights, Nick could see that one of his bones was sticking out of his arm. He was mangled. There was no way someone could come back from this.
Calvin started moving toward Nick again. Nick put the car into drive. He took a deep breath and hit the gas. He hit Calvin's body with full force, dragged him until they were out of the tunnel, and then hit the brake with full force, causing Calvin to fly about 20 feet away from the car.
Nick could not take his eyes off of the body. Would he come back from this? In the corners of his eyes he could see Travis and his mother running down the tunnel. They stopped when they were next to the truck, everybody fixed on the lifeless body. Nick's heart was racing.
"God," Travis said.
Not much after that, Calvin's body moved and he got up again. When he turned around this time, Madison gasped. His jaw was missing, yet he was still walking towards them, making snarling noises.
"What the hell is happening?" Madison asked Travis.
"I have no idea."
