Hello once again! *Insert repetitive excuse for why I haven't uploaded for so long*. Now that that's out of the way, here's something new! I must confess to you guys that any idea that i had about where I was going to take this story is completely gone. I have no idea what I'm going to have happen, I'm sort of just making it up as I go along, I hope that works out alright. I've recently gotten more inspiration for writing this stuff again because my depression is resurfacing! Hooray! but that doesn't matter. Well, I wont keep you any longer. Hope you all like this chapter.
Chapter 8: Lucid
Thinking back on it now, Ty Lee though it had gone pretty well.
She had just come back from dinner with Mai, Zuko and Suki in the royal dining room, during which Zuko had asked her to tell him everything about her meeting with the former princess. Contrary to her expectations, Ty Lee had managed to hold her composure throughout the conversation. She'd told Zuko everything. How Azula had not seemed to recognizance her, how she hadn't been able to stand and how dangerously thin she had gotten. Zuko had looked very interested the whole time, and Ty Lee even though she detected a hint of concern in his eyes.
He hadn't said much about his sister, mostly just listened and when the servants had removed the empty plates from the large wooden table the Fire Lord asked the acrobat whether or not she intended to visit Azula again. When she said yes she thought he looked somewhat relieved. He may care more than he lets on. But then why does he never visit her himself? Well, it's the first time I go and see her in years, so I guess I'm not in any position to judge.
After the meal she had gone straight to her room, avoiding potential conversation with Mai or Suki. Now she was just laying there, mentally going over what she was going to do tomorrow. She hadn't prepared at all for her first visit and had, unsurprisingly, not had the faintest idea what to do or say when she got there. She wasn't going to make the same mistake again. She knew now that there was a pretty slim chance of Azula contributing much to the conversation so she just had to think of plenty of topics to talk about, avoiding any sensitive material of course, but she was also going to ask Nurse Tomiko a few questions, like why Azula was so skinny, and why she didn't even have a bed in her cell.
Yeah. Tomorrow is definitely going to be an interesting day.
It had been three weeks now since Ty Lee had revisited Azula in the hospital. The best way to describe those weeks was 'informative'. Ty Lee had questioned Nurse Tomiko about Azula's condition, but she wasn't sure what to make of the answers she was given.
The reason for Azula's cell being completely empty was simply a safety precaution. In the first few weeks of her admission to the hospital there had been a bed in the corner of her cell. It had been removed after Azula knocked herself unconscious by repeatedly bashing her head against it. It was replaced with a simple bedroll but that was also taken away after the former princess ripped the fabric with her teeth and attempted to wrap it around her neck. While this was very disturbing news, Ty Lee actually felt nauseous after hearing what came next.
Apparently Azula's weight loss was simply the result of her refusing food; She was trying to starve herself. The only time the hospital staff were able to feed her was when she was catatonic which, fortunately, was often. Unfortunately however, as they were only able to feed her un-solid foods, plus the fact that she was only ever successfully fed every few days meant that she had suffered a severe loss of nutrients over the past two years, resulting in her body becoming thin and her skin turning pale.
Ty Lee had been visiting her friend every single day for these three weeks and sadly there had been no sign of recovery. Her behavior varied from day-to-day, one day she would scream and shout incoherently and others she would just lay quietly in the corner of her cell, her hair draping over her face, obscuring whether or not she was even awake.
The only time that stood out from the others was when Ty Lee walked into the cell about a week ago to find Azula weeping on the floor. When she asked what was wrong, not expecting a response, she was surprised when Azula looked up, directly into her eyes. They just stayed still for a few moments, looking into each others eyes before Azula averted her gaze, resuming her miserable weeping, and just when Ty Lee thought that strange little moment was over she heard the most broken voice she could imagine whisper, "Leave. Just leave like you always do." If the acrobat had to list the most soul-tearing moments of her life, this would be among of the worst.
Since those had been the only coherent words Azula had ever spoken to her, Ty Lee had to constantly keep their laughably one-sided conversations up constantly. Luckily she had never had a problem with talking and there was rarely a moment of silence during her visits.
She talked about anything. The weather, clothes she wanted to buy in the market but couldn't afford, food, hair-styling, all the while avoiding a few dangerous topics. She never mentioned the war, Zuko, the Avatar, or pretty much anyone from their past. She didn't know how Azula would react, but she wasn't stupid enough to think it would be a positive reaction.
Aang and every other member of 'Team Avatar', as Sokka liked to call them, had arrived at the capital only a few days after Ty Lee and Suki and were now all staying at the palace. The day the last of them, the blind earthbender, got there they were all invited to dine with the Fire Lord and Lady. Ty Lee always thought it was a bit strange to have to receive a formal invitation to have dinner with her best friends, but she supposed it made sense now that Zuko was Fire Lord and nearly always busy. She couldn't just climb up to Mai's balcony with a basket of goodies anymore.
When they all got to the dining room Zuko stood from his seat smiling and said that he and Mai had an announcement to make. "Mai is pregnant," he said with an uncharacteristically wide smile.
Ty Lee jumped from her seat and ran over to Mai squealing with joy. "That's so great! I'm so happy for you!" she practically shouted in her friend's ear as she hugged her tightly. "Thanks," Mai said calmly as the acrobat pulled back and saw that the Fire Lady was actually smiling as well. Everyone else went on to congratulating the couple in their own way. "I knew it," Toph stated proudly from her seat, her dirty feet resting on the carved wooden dining table. "I thought I felt you'd picked up some weight!" Mai scowled in the earthbender's direction before turning her annoyed gaze to her snickering husband.
After everyone got back to their seats, dinner was served and everybody started asking Mai and Zuko none-stop questions about the pregnancy. Apparently they had discovered it about three months back. Using special-made robes it had been easy to hide so far but now the bump on Mai's stomach was finally beginning to show.
Zuko told them that the baby was expected to be born in about four to five months and that they were all invited to stay in the capital as honored guests until then. "I understand it will be impossible for you all to stay here every single day, we all have responsibilities," Zuko directed his gaze at Aang while he spoke. "But since most diplomatic feuds have mostly been settled and there has been little as none rebel activity lately, you should be able to stay here without much interruption," he concluded with a smile.
This had all taken place almost three weeks ago, and now all of them were happily settled into luxurious guest rooms in the royal palace. Some of them were just waking up at this very moment, but not Ty Lee. She sat comfortably in a ferry sailing smoothly towards the small island. She'd picked up a small bowl of komodo-chicken soup on the way to see if Azula wanted some breakfast. It hadn't worked for the past few weeks, but the acrobat was sure that if she kept at it for long enough, something would happen.
Someday it's going to change. Someday she's going to be different.
Azula felt...different.
She was having one of those days again. It happened occasionally that she had a day where her mind was clear enough for her to think somewhat logically. She always knew it was happening when a nurse came into her cell to offer her food. Azula would say something threatening and kick the bowl back at her. The nurse would then comment to the guards outside the cell that "the patient was responsive." The princess, no, Fire Lord, didn't know what it meant but she knew she hated that nurse along with everyone in this wretched hell-hole.
She wasn't exactly where here was, she never quite managed to wrap her head around the fact that she was imprisoned, but still the fact was somehow unbearably obvious to her. Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing but treachery and deceit. Everybody lied. Everybody cheated. She'd once believed she was the best, but now she had been bested, and nothing could change that. She couldn't quite recall what happened, but she knew who were involved, and she knew it was all their fault, ALL OF IT, THEIR FAULT!
"Come on sweetie. You know that's not true. You're just confused."
"Shut up mother. You're just like the rest, lying, cheating, backstabbing..."
She's gone you fool, you're talking to yourself again.
She couldn't do that. Who knows who could be listening. They could hear. They could all hear her, and they would all use it against her.
"You coward!"
"Go away!" Even in her clearer moments they would not leave her in peace. They shouted and laughed and pointed and spat at her in disgust. She couldn't take it but she couldn't do anything about it either.
It was all darkness, her life had perished, crumbled from its greatness and shattered into dust, but it would not end for her. She didn't know how long it had been, but she knew it was far too long. It seemed these walls were all that was left, all she knew. But even they were untrustworthy. Whispering lies, reporting to the people in white that stuck syringes in her neck and tied her arms. Traitors! They should bow to her! She was the rightful ruler of everything! Those ungrateful peasant...
"Good morning 'Zula. You hungry?"
No, not her again. Anything but her!
Azula looked up off the floor and glared daggers at the greatest liar of them all. The response she got was a small twitch and a nervous look. Why does she keep tormenting me? She saw her pink clad enemy place a small bowl on the floor just outside of the bars that separated them, she knew the smell. It was komodo-chicken soup. She looked with disgust at the little pieces floating around in the light-brown liquid. The chopped up remains of a creature to stupid to be considered worthy of life, barely even consumption.
The girl must have seen the way Azula was looking at her offering as she sighed and moved the bowl aside mumbling, "Didn't think so."
Then she just started blathering on about mundane things just like that. She was indeed different from the others. She always stayed for so long, and she never directly taunted the princess, but it was there, Azula could see it. The loathing, the hate, it was always there.
She wasn't real of course. Nothing was, every single thing she saw or heard was just a trick, made to weaken her. But everything being illusion meant that illusion was all she had left, therefore making it her reality. It wasn't a concept she could comprehend, so she didn't bother trying. Not that she would be able to focus her thoughts on the subject for long, she'd lost that ability along with everything else. Right now however, her attention was solely focused on the treacherous viper sitting across from her. She just won't stop talking.
"So I was at the market this morning, right? And I was on my way to get the soup, and I saw these gorgeous red shoes at a stall across the street. They were so pretty! They were red and had these amazing little golden laces. Personally, I think the old red and gold gets a bit old, 'cause you know, it's everywhere, but this one..."
"Shut up. For the love of Agni shut up and stop tormenting me!"
"But anyhow, I asked the guy running the stall what it cost and he honestly said it was twelve gold coins! Can you believe that? Sure, it may be handmade in some remote island in the corner of the Fire Nation, but that price is just silly! I mean..."
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" The room fell silent.
Azula couldn't handle it. What was the purpose of all this? What was the purpose of this torture? It didn't make any logical sense. So she screamed at her old friend. She mentally cursed the large bars that separated them and the strait-jacket restraining her, if it weren't for those she would run over and rip that traitors head off her pretty little neck.
"W-what do you mean 'Zula?"
Look at her! Acting nervous and scared. What does she think I am? An idiot? I am NOT falling for that act again!
"Why are you here!? I have nothing left for you to take!" Azula ground her teeth together and hit her head against the wall she was half-propped up against. She hated how weak she was. Siting in front of her was the worst lair and traitor she had ever known, but she couldn't even shout at her without crying like a little girl. The tears blurred her vision, but she could still see Ty Lee, sitting there with er stupid face, pretending to be shocked and remorseful. Her lips pressed tight together and...was that a tear? How DARE she! The nerve! I wish I could walk over there and force her mouth open and rip off her jaw! Or better yet, sew her lips together so she can't utter another disgusting lie.
Those...soft lips.
NO! NO! NO! STOP IT!
The princess threw herself to the floor, thrashing and shrieking. She had to get out, she had to. The pain in her shoulder was suddenly unbearable and seeing as her struggle was in vain anyway, she eventually gave up. She curled up into a ball in hopes that she would simply cease to exist. Breathing deeply, she collected enough air to voice the only thing that she could think of. "Just...just go away."
There was only silence. For a moment Azula thought her wish might actually have come real and that she was now dead, but the illusion faded as she heard the girl on the other side of the room get up from her sitting place and collecting the bowl of food from the floor. Another moments passed in silence before Ty Lee finally poke.
"I know you don't believe me 'Zula. But all I want is to help you. I'm going to do whatever it takes to make you well again and believe me," Azula lifted her head and looked at her as she finished the sentence, "This time I won't leave you. Never again."
The sincerity in Ty Lee's voice was agonizing, for a moment Azula actually allowed herself to believe her. She wanted to believe that the silly, pink clad girl with the big grey eyes was her friend. But looking at her now, she remembered everything that had happened before. Every time Ty Lee had made similar empty promises. Her insides twisted and she felt like she had to vomit just by looking at that face. So she looked away, her dark hair draping across her face, shielding her from the world around her. In between her own muffled sobs she could hear the door of the cell opening and closing again shortly after. She was gone, but she'd be back. She always came back and continue her torture.
In the darkness of her cell, Azula wept herself to sleep, hoping, as always, that when she woke up she would be back in her bed. In her own room. In her palace. With her loyal friend laying right next to her.
Yet another chapter complete. I'm finally at the part in the story where I can start writing more from Azula's point of view. I know many of you have been waiting for that and honestly, it's the funnest part about writing this. Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter, there's more where that came from (don't hold your breath though). As always I ask you to write reviews and tell me what you think.
Peace out.
