It seemed that breakfast at Hogwarts was no less impressive than the previous evening's feast. Teddy was still marvelling at the spread of cereals, pastries, eggs, bacon and sausages when no fewer than three owls dropped letters in front of him.
Smiling, he opened the one decorated with pictures of cats and broomsticks first.
Teddy!
I hope everyone is nice and you are having lots of fun. What house are you in? Have you met Peeves yet or Mrs Norris? Uncle Ron says that she can't possibly still be alive, but Aunt Ginny says that it wouldn't surprise her at all!
Missing you already!
Victoire
xxx
P.S. Dad says I should let you settle in before I start sending you letters, but what he doesn't know won't hurt him!
The following two, from his grandmother and Harry, made similar enquiries about how he was getting on so far. Teddy made a mental note to write back to them later on, although he suspected that Neville, who had just happened to run into him in the corridor that morning and ask if he was getting on okay, had already flooed Harry to let him know he was alright.
"Look, we're getting timetables." Joshua pulled at his sleeve and pointed down the table.
Minutes later, the four first year Hufflepuff boys were studying their timetables intently. Teddy felt a tingle of excitement. He was desperately looking forward to getting to use his wand and the Charms lesson scheduled for that morning could possibly be his first opportunity. He quickly shoved his letters in his school bag and stuffed the rest of his toast in his mouth, before setting off down the corridor with anticipation.
...
The next few weeks passed in a bit of a blur. As well as learning their way around the castle and its many quirks, the first years also made headway with all of their lessons. Teddy could now levitate a feather and make a potion to cure boils. He proudly explained all he knew in Astronomy and could answer all of the questions that Neville, or Professor Longbottom as he had to call him now, asked in Herbology. He was quite pleased that he managed to stay awake through History of Magic and it turned out he wasn't as bad at flying as he thought he might be either. Obviously all of the nitpicking Ginny did just came down to her own perfectionism.
Although he had received a few letters from his grandmother, Harry and Victoire and had finally managed to send some replies, Teddy was surprised to find he hardly missed home at all. Harry had been right; he already felt incredibly close to Joshua, Aiden and Matthew and life at Hogwarts was so interesting and enjoyable that it was hard to think about being anywhere else.
That was, until Teddy thought about the war. He was trying to get to sleep one night, when, for no reason whatsoever, he remembered the conversation him and Victoire had with Bill a couple of years before. His parents had died in this castle. Suddenly all of those things about Hogwarts that had seemed so magical before seemed less enticing. What horrors had the castle walls witnessed?
Journeys about the castle were no longer filled with marvel for Teddy; instead he found himself constantly wondering if that was the last corridor his father had ran down, if the view in front of him was the last one his mother saw. These thoughts caused several more sleepless nights for Teddy and for the first time in his life he had nightmares, in which masked wizards shot curses at a woman with pink hair.
The other boys were starting to look at Teddy with concern. He was inclined to think that they had just changed the topic of conversation when he arrived on more than one occasion and couldn't fail to notice how they nudged each other and glared at him when they didn't think he was looking. It seemed Matthew had been the one chosen to 'find out if he was okay', although the conversation that followed was an awkward one in which Teddy continued to insist that everything was fine whilst Matthew wrung his hands nervously. Afterwards, they ate their lunch in silence.
That afternoon's Herbology lesson was the worst hour and a half Teddy had experienced so far at Hogwarts. Obviously fed up with his sullenness, Matthew had given up on Teddy and partnered himself with one of the Gryffindors, leaving Teddy alone. For the first time, he wished he was back at home. He had fallen at the first hurdle and managed to push away his friends before he had even properly got know them. Teddy knew he should be making more of an effort; he had spent so long worrying that no one would want to be friends with him when they knew about his past and now he wasn't even giving them a chance. Yet all they wanted to do was to marvel at how wonderful Hogwarts was; he would only bring their mood down with his anxieties. He failed to concentrate throughout the lesson and noticed, as the others were lining up neatly potted plants, that he only had a pile of soil and the shredded remains of something green.
Neville put his hand on his shoulder as they were leaving the greenhouse. "What's going on, Teddy?"
"I'm fine," Teddy said, a little too forcibly.
"Drop by my office this evening," Neville instructed in a hushed voice. "I've got something to show you."
...
Neville's office, as Teddy had expected, was filled with plants. Pots showcasing different species hung from the ceiling, whilst the shelves were filled with an assortment of books, more plants and a selection of photos.
"Some of them don't like it in the greenhouses," Neville explained, following Teddy's eye. "It can be a bit too bright."
Teddy turned his attention to a photo of a younger looking Neville, stood with Harry and Ron, who were all waving enthusiastically.
"That's when we all completed our auror training..." Neville paused, contemplating what to say next. "They're all worried about you, said you didn't sound yourself in your last letter. I said I'd keep an eye out, that you were probably just too busy having fun to write properly...but something was definitely wrong earlier, even I could tell that."
Teddy continued to stare at the walls in the office. There were a lot of familiar faces in the photos; many of them were friends with Harry. Neville was now banging about in a cupboard behind him. He lifted out a Pensieve. Teddy recognised the strange instrument; Harry had one too.
"Did I ever tell you I was brought up by my Grandmother, Teddy? My parents were...injured...in the first war, they had to stay at St. Mungos. So I lived with my Grandmother until I began at Hogwarts...I didn't have the best start when I got here and was convinced that I'd get chucked out at any minute. I didn't really have a great start when it came to making friends either..."
He motioned towards the Pensieve. Teddy stepped towards it and bowed his head towards the silvery substance swirling inside.
With a lurch, Teddy's surroundings swirled away from him and he found himself in a small hallway with green, paisley print wallpaper. A number of dark, wooden doors led off from the hallway and it was beside one of these that a young Neville stood, his ear pressed up to the panelling. Teddy copied him and listened intently to the voices coming from the other side.
"I don't know what to do about him, Algie, what if he doesn't even get his letter? I thought it would have come by now." The woman sounded highly distressed.
"There's still time yet, Augusta."
"But what if he isn't magical enough to get in? What do we do then? What would Frank say if he knew...if he understood?"
"You know that Frank and Alice wouldn't care if he was a Squib or the greatest wizard Hogwarts ever produced. He is their son and that is all that matters. Deep down you know that it doesn't matter either, he's still your grandson and you love him."
"Yes, but Frank, my Frank, he was such a wonderful wizard. He showed so many signs of great magic before he even started at Hogwarts. How can his son have turned out so...so...I just thought he would grow up to be so like his father, I thought he would do his father proud, but now I wonder if he'll ever achieve anything!"
Teddy thought that she may well have started crying. Before he had a chance to fully comprehend the situation however, the hallway was disappearing and being replaced by blue skies, but not before Teddy caught a glimpse of the tears running down young Neville's face.
Startled by the memory, it took Teddy a few moments to realise that he was now stood on the lawn near to the Forbidden Forest. It seemed that Neville was having his first flying lesson. Tearing his attention away from Harry, who was having a lot more success with his broomstick than Neville was, Teddy watched as Neville took off without warning, his face turning whiter and whiter the higher he got, before he slid from his broom and landed with a thud. Teddy couldn't help notice the jeering faces of the Slytherins amongst the concerned faces of the Gryffindors and wished he could remain to see what happened between his godfather and the boy with the blonde hair.
As the next memory appeared, Teddy found himself and the younger Neville in a corridor. Neville was staring mournfully at a portrait of a large lady in a pink, silk dress.
"There is absolutely no way I can let you in without a password, even if you have been to the hospital wing. You'll have to hope one of your friends notices you're missing and comes to find you."
Neville's face fell even further and he dejectedly sat down on the floor, resigned to a long wait.
Another change of setting saw Teddy inside what he took to be the Gryffindor common room. Once again his attention was immediately caught by Harry, who was playing chess with Ron. It took him a few moments to notice Neville, who was sat alone in a corner, looking as miserable as before, helplessly prodding a feather with his wand. The memory seemed to change, but Neville's position did not, and Teddy realised that his Professor's solitude was not a one off occurrence.
Feeling a tap on his shoulder, Teddy retreated from the memory. He looked up at Neville, confused. "But you're Neville Longbottom. You helped lead Dumbledore's Army and fought against Voldemort...you got chosen to be an Auror..."
Neville smiled at him and gave a small chuckle. "Yes, it's quite extraordinary really. Hogwarts has a knack of doing that to people, helping them to change the course their lives take. In my first few years here, nobody believed I could do anything, myself included. I was the boy whose parents were at St. Mungos, the boy who lived with his grandmother, the boy who would never live up to who his parents had been...but then a few special people, your father and Harry included, helped me to see otherwise."
He motioned back to the Pensieve, where a new memory was waiting.
Initially Teddy was shocked to see his father, alive, taking the class, then recognition set in. Harry had shown him this memory before. Neville was quivering in front of a Boggart that had taken the form of Professor Snape. With his father's coaching, Professor Snape gained a vulture topped hat and a long, lace trimmed dress. As Neville retreated, he was congratulated by his classmates for doing such a great job... then they were in a spacious room Teddy hadn't seen before, filled with shelves of books and lots of cushions. Students stood in pairs practising spells and Harry was praising Neville about how much he had improved...a slightly older Neville now, with a gash down one side of his face, sitting in the same room, now filled with hammocks too, telling other students they had to stand up for the right thing...a girl with dark hair asking Neville for help with her disarming spell...
The memory began to fade and Teddy lurched backwards.
"I would never have believed I could do any of those things when I first started at Hogwarts. Everyone always told me that my father was a great Auror, that I had to live up to his memory, but I couldn't see how I would ever do that. It took a lot of time and a lot of support from others for me to realise that I wasn't going to grow up to be an exact replica of my father and that I couldn't let the past define who I was. I had to be brave enough to become who I wanted to be and not the person others expected to see. Your life is chosen by you, Teddy, it shaped by the decisions that you make about your future. Don't let the events of the past hold you back."
Neville's memories and words shocked Teddy. He would never have expected Neville to be anything less than what he was now, an ex-Auror and a hero. But Neville had grown up without his parents, he had felt alone when he first started at Hogwarts and in reality, was far more alone than what Teddy was now. From what he had just seen, Teddy guessed that Neville had faced the same worries that he did. Had he believed that he was different to everyone else? And what about his parents? Had he had nightmares about what happened to them?
He looked up and Neville's concerned eyes met his own.
"You know you can talk to me about anything Teddy. I won't even tell Harry or your grandmother, not if you don't want me too."
Teddy nodded. Somehow it did feel easier talking to Neville, he didn't feel as worried that he was going to upset him as when he spoke to Harry or his grandmother.
"I keep thinking about them," he began. "About how they died in the castle. And now I've started thinking about it, I can't stop. Every time I walk down a corridor, I imagine their bodies. Even when I'm asleep, I dream about it."
Neville remained silent for a moment. "I could show you, if that would help? Where they were when they died."
Teddy's eyes widened. That was an answer he hadn't expected. "You know?"
Neville frowned, dealing with the uncomfortable memory. "I was one of the ones who helped to bring the bodies back to the Great Hall."
A shiver passed over Teddy as he thought about what it must have been like, not knowing who you would find, having to carry a body back to their waiting family or friends. He couldn't imagine it.
Leaving Neville's question hanging, he asked one of his own. "How do you cope, being here every day? After you saw all of that?"
"It was hard at first, but I have so many good memories here too. I walk around and remember winning the house cup or the Yule Ball or parties in the common room...you have to let the good memories take their place above the bad ones...and you will make lots of good memories here Teddy," he added, seeing the look on the young boys face.
"They seem like good boys, your room mates. Now, I'm not saying you won't fall out occasionally and I'm already convinced that Joshua Jones has got an eye for mischief, but I think you four could be lifelong friends if you set your minds to it. Don't push them away Teddy, let them help you."
The tight feeling that had resided in Teddy's chest for the last week began to ease. Maybe Neville was right. He didn't need to dwell on the past. He needed to be making the most of his first term at Hogwarts and start enjoying himself. That's what everyone else wanted him to do, and it was what he wanted to do too. "Thanks Nev...Professor Longbottom."
"Don't worry about it," Neville smiled. "I'm not saying it will be easy. You will still have nightmares sometimes, there will be days when you feel sad even if you're not quite sure why...but there are plenty of people here who can help you. Anytime you want to speak to someone, or want me to show you anything, you know exactly where I am."
"You won't tell Harry, will you?"
Neville shook his head. "Just send him a letter, let him know you're okay. I'm fed up of him turning up in my fireplace every couple of hours because he hasn't heard from you!"
Teddy grinned and made his way straight up the Owlery.
...
A/N: I hope nobody minds that this was more Neville centric than Teddy, but I find it really interesting considering the parallels between them. I'm sure Harry would have had lots of conversations with Teddy about dealing with the aftermath of the war, but I like the idea that Neville is someone else he can turn to who also had similar experiences.
As a warning, the next chapter is one of the few that is currently completely unwritten and March is looking like a really busy month for me, so apologies if you don't see me for a while. Hopefully I will have a burst of inspiration and find some time to write soon.
