19 Be Mine

"I want you…with me-with us, I mean…" Tidus just stood there looking confused, and I realized that I was not making much sense. It was so much harder to ask, than to think about asking. "I want to ask you…to be my guardian." I mentally cringed at my lack of grace, and he just stood there for a moment, as if trying to understand the question.

"Yuna! What? This is no time for jokes, ya?" Wakka spluttered, as if it was the most preposterous thing he'd ever heard. "He may be a blitzball whiz kid, but up against fiends, he's a newbie." I could hardly believe what Wakka was saying. He must have been in denial. Tidus was no newbie.

"He's proven himself, in my opinion. We wouldn't have gotten out of there alive if it weren't for him." I softly stated what I thought was obvious, and Lulu stepped forward to defend Wakka. "That was merely because he was running away from the fiends." I was speechless. I knew there were other instances that he had saved us, or at least me, but my mind was still foggy and tired from receiving the aeon.

"I…well…not a guardian then…I just want him nearby." I wanted to smack myself as soon as I said it, but there was no turning back now. "What?!" Lulu drew back in astonishment, and Wakka covered his mouth with his arm, exclaiming, "Wha!" Tidus made a sequence of confused and surprised sounds, finally stammering,

"What do you mean?" I tried to recover some dignity, but failed miserably.

"It's just that…well…I-I'm sorry… I shouldn't have…" I faded off in the middle of the sentence, feeling like an idiot. Tidus still looked completely taken off guard, mumbling, "There's nothing to be sorry about…I'm just not really sure what's going on…" "My apologies." I bowed, and then fled.

I forced myself to walk calmly, with poise, but in my mind, I was running. I didn't understand why Tidus', Jecht's, Zanarkand was so important to me. When I entered the courtyard, people noticed my filthy, tired state, and a nun asked if she could help. I just said,

"I-I'm fine." I went around to the back of the temple, sitting in a shady area beneath a tree growing out of the cobblestones. I tried to think rationally, but all I wanted was to know more about that Zanarkand. The Zanarkand where people have fun, were the biggest worry is which team will win the next blitzball match, where people don't lie awake at night, for fear that they won't be alive to see the next dawn.

I want to hear about the Zanarkand filled with joy, not the one which will be my everlasting grave. I started breathing hard, gasping for breath, feeling like I was still trapped back in the trials, smoke clouding my thoughts. Then, I felt a cold hand on my shoulder, and turned to see Lulu standing there, her eyes gentle and sympathetic.

She didn't say anything, just waited for me. I finally opened my mouth, struggling to spill out the grief that was welling up inside me without crying. I didn't want to cry. Crying was like giving up, admitting that I was weak. Maybe too weak to finish my final task.

"I just…I want to…hear about the happy Zanarkand…" I broke eye contact, feeling truly stupid. As soon as it came out of my mouth, it sounded so meaningless, so childish…and yet, it was childish…it had been my childhood dream, ever since I first met Jecht. I had never heard of a place were people were happy, except briefly during each calm, and yet every calm had always been overshadowed by the terror that was brought by Sin's reappearance.

"Yuna, just…be careful." That was it. That was all she had to say. She left me to myself then, and I just sat, repeating the words in my mind for a few minutes before returning to the temple. A nun helped me to clean up, telling me that my guardians were also being helped.

That brought a surge of grief, reminding me again that only three of the four were actually my guardians. I felt like she had slapped me, but I just smiled and thanked her. Once I had taken a long, relaxing bath, the nun brought me some new clothes.

I had no choice except to abandon my Summoner's clothes, which had been utterly destroyed, and I was actually somewhat pleased with this, having decided that they where the most uncomfortable and impractical things in all of Spira.

I had instead gotten a light yellow pull over sleeveless shirt, and a red, ankle length skirt. I still wore my boots, but other than those and my necklace, which my father had given me, I discarded all the other parts of my Summoner's outfit, which was far beyond repair. The new outfit was far more comfortable than my Summoner's one, though it wasn't going with the tradition of the unspoken Summoner's dress code.

I no longer cared as much about following petty rules, if it would make it harder for me to reach the destination, and complete the goal. By late evening, we all met in the circular room for a large meal. We had all been given new clothes, except Tidus, whose clothes had once again mysteriously regenerated. Lulu wore a less heavy version of the temple nuns' kimonos, Wakka wore shorts and a blue vest, and Kimahri also wore shorts, altered to fit his large frame.

We all ate quietly, an uncomfortable silence permeated the air, from my words earlier. When we were finishing up the dregs of the meal, Tidus dropped his fork on his plate with a loud clank, drawing all of our attention, which had been previously deeply engrossed in our food, for lack of a better outlet. His eyes went from one guardian to the next, and then moved to me. We all waited, and finally he blurted out, "I'll be your guardian." I smiled, fiddling with my fingers underneath the table.

"You will? I mean…thank you!" I gave him a small bow, swallowing as I noticed the thick silence between my other guardians, whose eyes were all glued to Tidus. I then began to scrape the remains of my plate, the slight clinking of the metal against pottery sounded ten times louder than it really was, in the uncomfortable atmosphere. Tidus decided that this was a good idea, and he finished his food quickly, standing up and going to his room, but Wakka stopped him.

"Brudda," Wakka guided him into the far side of the room, speaking briefly, and causing him to blush, and then go to his room. I wondered what Wakka'd said, but he didn't offer anything, so I just left for the main temple sanctuary, leaving the three guardians to themselves. As I entered the cavernous room, the song of the fayth grew a bit louder, and I let it sink into my heart, trying to feel its peace.

I approached the huge statue of my father, in all his proud, stone glory. I sat against his robe, feeling the cold, dead rock breathe reality into me. This is how I plan to end up. Dead, gone forever, without even leaving a soul behind. Just completely gone from existence. Seen forever as a cold, stoic hero. A role model for future generations, never remembered for who I truly am, but never forgotten.

"I miss you, father…so much." I whispered into the empty air, to lifeless, stone ears. I squeezed my eyes shut, hugging my knees, letting my mind float back to the time spent with him. I was never really able to recall much, but a few brief memories were all it took to make me miss him.

Lost in thought, I don't know how long I spent in there, but eventually I looked up, hearing the creaking of the large door opening, and my newest guardian leaning in. When he saw me, he stepped in, a bit tentatively. I didn't say anything as he walked over, sitting a few feet away from me. We sat a couple minutes before he spoke, his voice quiet and shaky.

"You okay?" I smiled at this. It wasn't what I'd expected, though I wasn't sure exactly what that had been. I thought for a minute before answering, asking myself the question. Was I really okay, or did I just pretend to be.

"Yes, I'm fine…It's just sometimes…I get…scared…" I felt weak admitting it, but I knew he would understand. My other guardians seemed to think that I had to be fearless if I was going to succeed, but I knew I wasn't fearless, though I tried to be. He smirked as if he thought this was ironic, chuckling a bit, though it was an unhappy expression.

"Yeah…I know what you mean." His eyes flitted towards the door to the trials, and he gave a slight shudder. We were silent for a few more minutes, before my curiosity got the better of me. "So…if you're scared…why did you agree? To become my guardian." He started picking at his shoelaces, frowning, and blinking quickly.

"…I just….you know…If my Zanarkand's gone…everyone I ever cared about is gone…my parents, they were both gone already, but I still had my teammates…they're all gone. I guess…I don't want that to happen to this place too…"

He looked up, cringing, as if I would laugh at him, but I pressed my lips together in a grim smile. "That's exactly how I feel…" I didn't speak after that, and neither did he, we just sat there, waiting for exactly nothing. Eventually, I yawned and stretched, and we both left back to the other room.

Kimahri had already gone to bed, and Wakka and Lulu conversed quietly at the table. They went dead silent when we walked in, and since they didn't seem to be in a good mood, I just went straight to my room, as Tidus went to his, only offering a quiet, "Goodnight."

Regardless of the fact that my mind refused to stop thinking a million miles per hour, I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, my dreams blurry, smoke filled, with the ever evasive call of my father, echoing in the background, though I could never seem to find him.

Morning came far too soon, but I took the luxury of sleeping in a bit, knowing that we would leave today, and the more rest we had had, the better. When I did get up, my guardians were already eating, and I joined them, eagerly consuming the food, knowing this would be the last real meal we would have for several days. There was still a bitter silence between my guardians, but I knew that eventually, they would have to accept Tidus. When all the food had been eaten, I rose from my seat.

"Tidus, do you think you could show me the girl who healed me? I need to thank her." His previously blank expression changed to slightly distraught, but he said,

"I can try." pushing himself up from the table. He led me out of the room, into the courtyard, where a few people were milling about, in the morning light. He looked around, and then quickly approached a middle aged woman, who was huddled in a corner. He knelt down, putting a hand on her shoulder, and then she looked up.

"Is Karina…?" She burst into hysterical tears before he finished, covering her face with her hands.

"She…She…She diiiiied!" I came closer to crying than I had on the whole trip, knowing that it was likely that my life had been exchanged for the girl's-that she died from the weakness brought on by healing me. That this woman was in pain because I was not. I knelt down by her, squeezing my eyes tightly shut, my throat constricting so that I couldn't even speak to console her, so I just I took her hand, stroking it, allowing her to just let out her grief.

After several minutes, I asked her, "Has she been sent?" The woman broke down bawling again, and for a moment, I was scared that the girl had become a fiend, but she choked through her spasms, "Yes…Lady…Dona did…" Then she pulled her hand from mine, hugging her knees and burying her face in them, saying,

"Leave." Tidus and I traded pained glances, and I saw that Tidus had tears in his eyes. I turned away, drawing in a deep breath, then getting back to business. Lulu had come from the room, and I went to her, saying, "We will leave as soon as we have gotten some provisions."

We hadn't taken provisions from the villages because we didn't want to burden them, but the temples were always careful to have months worth of basic supplies, knowing that the they are the providers after Sin's attacks, until villages can get back on their feet. Even now, I'm sure that crusaders had come from the temple, bringing food, bandages, and help to the devastated villages.

We entered one of the side rooms; a nun was organizing some supplies, but when she saw us, she left what she was doing, bowing and saying, "M'lady summoner. Are you leaving?" I bowed back.

"Yes, we are, but do you think you have some dried fish we could take with us? And some water?" "Oh, yes, but do you have anything to carry it in?" I shook my head, we had hoped to get supplies in Kilika village, when we started out on Besaid, but we hadn't expected the attack.

"Okay, well that's fine, we have some to spare." She gathered some various things from different cabinets, coming up with some dried fruit and fish, some filled water skins, and several belts with a small bag on each hip. The three of us worked together, filling one bag on each of the five belts with fish, and the other with fruit. When we left the room weighed down with the supplies, I felt much more prepared to once again face the jungle. Tidus, Wakka and Kimahri met us by the stairs, and we passed around the belts and water skins, one of each for all of us. After that, we set off down the temple steps with new determination.

TidusxYuna Always