22 Star of Zanarkand

When I saw Sin, I froze in terror, soon calmed a bit as I realized that it was quickly fading into the distance, clearly with no intention of attacking us. It was heading west, not towards any civilization. I knew that if people knew how close it had come without us knowing, the whole ship might be flung into an uproar of panic, even though no good would be accomplished.

So, I decided to keep it to myself, at least for now. As I watched the monster disappear over the horizon, the question of why it had not attacked was nagging at me, but I knew there was no way that I could find out, so it was best to ignore it.

Wakka stood up, along with the Aurochs, who all at once appeared to have decided that their conversation was over. When Tidus stayed sitting, a lopsided grin on his face, Wakka leaned down, grabbed him by the arm, and yanked him to his feet. Wakka proceeded to give Tidus a noogie, saying something about bed head. I smiled at the silly, almost carefree actions, but I knew that behind just about everything Wakka did, there was a more serious backing, hidden behind his playful, sometimes even childish demeanor.

Tidus began to complain, unable to free himself from the larger man's grasp. He continued to protest for several seconds, growing increasingly louder, until Wakka let him go. Wakka then turned to me. "Yuna, you oughtta get some sleep!" "But I-" I began, but he laughed. "I know, you've been sleepin' all day, But the more rest we all get, the better! You too, Tidus! It's past your bedtime!"

"Is not!" Tidus moaned, but Wakka grabbed his arm, and dragged him back to the central cabin. I followed, and we each flung ourselves into our hammocks. Lulu was already fast asleep.

I figured Wakka must be right, if both of them thought we should get more sleep, and both had been on pilgrimages before. In a matter of minutes, Wakka began snoring, and at about that time, the Aurochs filed in, all falling asleep quickly, no doubt exhausted from their little training session with Tidus. In the next half hour, more people came in, until every one of the hammocks were full, mostly with snoring men. I still couldn't sleep, though I tossed and turned as best as I could in a hammock.

Eventually, I settled into a position with a full view of the rest of the cabin. Bored, I scanned the sleeping people, but stopped when I saw Tidus. He was laying in his hammock across the room on his stomach, his chin resting over his crossed arms. What made me stop was that his eyes were wide open, and he was staring at the door.

"Hey!" I whispered, quickly gaining his attention. I grinned, a plan instantly forming in my mind. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to sleep any time soon, and it seemed he was in the same predicament. I pointed to the door, raising my eyebrows slightly. He made the same gesture back at me, grinning.

I nodded, slowly pushing myself out of the hammock, softly hitting the floor on the balls of my feet. Tidus did the same, and we crept out into the night. The whole deck was deserted, and the only sound was our footsteps and the water lapping on the sides of the ship. As soon as we got far enough away from the cabin to keep from waking anyone, we exchanged looks that said, 'We are so clever!' and began to laugh. It felt good.

Once we finished our fit of giggling, we stood quietly for a moment. I grinned. "Can you do the Sublimely Magnificent Jecht Shot Mark Three, again?" I asked, holding back another bout of laughter at the ridicules name. As his answer, he grabbed one of the blitzballs which were rolling around on deck and placed it under his foot, smiling at me.

"You know, I must've done this shot twenty times today!" Then he proceeded to do the whole shot, adding a back flip at the end, landing directly in front of me and bowing with a flair and a very silly expression. I smiled and laughed, dreaming of seeing the move performed in a Zanarkand stadium, all lit up at night, surrounded by stands full of thousands of fans cheering wildly in their excitement, with not a thought of Sin ever crossing their minds.

I stepped towards the railing, gazing out over the sea. "There's just…something about that shot…it makes me think of your Zanarkand…" He came up beside me, all playful air gone. "Hm…" was his reply. He was quiet for a moment before speaking again. " So…What's Zanarkand to you? My Zanarkand. I mean…why is it so important?" I took a deep breath, wondering exactly what to say, without having to bring up the painful subject of my future in the Zanarkand that is home to the final aeon.

"It's…hard to explain…I guess…I've always dreamed of a place…where people don't have to be afraid. Ever. They just live their lives in peace, have fun, without having to worry about dying in the night, or waking to find their family dead. I've dreamed of a place were machina is used for good, not for evil, where it explodes in wonderful colors and patterns in the night sky, not to destroy, but to make beauty…I want to cheer and go crazy over a blitz game in the Blitzball stadium with not a person around who would think worse of me, just because I'm a summoner who's acting like a commoner…you know? I just want to…to not be afraid…to not be sad."

He was silent for a long moment, and then said, "Yeah…" trailing off. We both leaned on the railing, watching the water, and I remembered what I had seen earlier. "I-while you were talking with the Aurochs, I saw Sin…" He looked up, startled, and gave me an inquisitive frown.

"Why didn't you say something? What if it…attacks someone else?" He cringed, glancing in all directions, as if somehow he might see it now. "It was swimming away, it was already a long way off, and, it was heading west, away from any civilization. I figured that people would just panic if I mentioned it."

He nodded distantly, and we stood in more silence for several minutes, pondering life and death. Eventually, I asked, "So…what's Zanarkand to you…Besides being your home?" He looked up at the sky, admiring the stars. "Well…it was safe; unnatural death wasn't common…except that both my parents died." He paused and smiled bitterly at the irony, then went on.

"I was a star, the star. The most famous, idolized person in all Zanarkand, so, that was pretty nice…I had blitzball, my fans, my friends, my teammates...I was happy…just want that back." I gave a small smile, but there was something missing to his description. The first time I ever met Jecht, he told me of his wife and son.

The most important thing to me aside from freedom from Sin, I had associated it with Zanarkand since that day. Family. I have always dreamed of there never being another broken family. I long for fathers, mothers, and children, all together in peace, unafraid of what the next day will bring. I wanted people to be sure that when they come home every day, that their family will still be alive.

My stomach churned with the nausea that I never failed to feel whenever I thought of the endless death that consumed Spira. "So…what was family like, in Zanarkand?"

He breathed out, tilting his head away from me, not answering for several seconds. "Family was…" He swallowed, and at first I thought he was unable to go on. "Family was special in Zanarkand. Whole families went together everywhere. All my blitz buddies' families always went to every game. Then we go out and have fun till dawn…I was the only one who…didn't have a family."

There was a moment of painful silence, and despite the sadness, I couldn't help but feel somehow…a bit attracted to his sensitivity. Most of the crusaders, and some of the people in Spira, had closed themselves in emotionally, like Lulu had, or tried to hide it, like Wakka. But Tidus, he stayed open. I liked that. "I-I'm sorry that you had no family. I know how it hurts."

He nodded and swallowed, his head dipping towards the deck. "I think I'm going to get some rest." He mumbled. Without looking at my way, he left me on the deck and disappeared into the cabin. I watched him go, then turning my eyes to the starlit sky. For that moment, the whole world seemed quiet, almost peaceful. I breathed in the cold, salty night air, trying to calm my distressed heart and mind, but I could not.

I laid down on the deck, resting my head in my hands, still gazing into the heavens. I stayed that way for a long time, pondering and praying. After a while, I drifted into a fitful sleep.

"Yuna. Yuuuna!" Wakka's voice woke me, and I blinked my eyes in the bright early morning light, looking up to see Tidus and my guardians gathered around me. Wakka was peeved, which was unusual for him. I sat up, and Wakka nodded his head sideways to the stern of the ship. "Let's talk."

He looked at Lulu, and she tilted her head down a bit, and walked slowly to the stern. I followed them, but Tidus and Kimahri stayed behind. I glanced back at Tidus questioningly, and he gave me the pathetic kind of smile that says, "Oops."

Wakka let out a loud breath before starting. "Yuna. You're a summoner now. You gotta get your rest. I know I'm not the boss of you, but I think you should at least take my advice." He looked disappointed in me, and Lulu simply kept her usual expression and stood in silence. I drooped my head in shame, feeling sorry for letting my friends down.

But, I still wished that they would just let me do as I thought best. I wanted to do anything to feel as peaceful as I could. I didn't want to be any more anxious and afraid than necessary, knowing what my destination holds for me. I was simply trying to relieve as much of the emotional pressure I was feeling by doing things just because I still can, before I no longer exist.

I simply said, "I'm sorry." Wakka crossed his arms a nodded. I backed away, and then went to the galley to get some of the watery porridge. It was not appetizing, but I was hungry, and it was good to have something to fill my stomach with. As I went about the ship, I could feel the eyes of Lulu and Wakka scrutinizing my every action, and I felt too awkward to approach Tidus. He seemed to feel the same, as he secluded himself alone, without giving me so much as a glance.

The rest of the ride to Luca was a blur. I got up so that I could practice my powers with the elements, eat, and spend a little time speaking with Wakka and Lulu about trivial things, and then go back to sleep.

This was how I passed the next three days, hardly making eye contact with Tidus. I found that with each passing hour separated from him, I slipped deeper into a numb state, as if I was a robot. I simply lived through each day, as though watching my life go by with no control over it.

I could hardly believe how quickly I had become so attached to him as genuine friend; I knew this was exactly what Lulu told me not to do, but I couldn't change the truth; most people were my friends more out of pity and gratefulness rather than actually caring about me for who I am. But not Tidus. He liked me not because of what I would soon do, but for the time we spent together, for who we are when we're together.

TidusxYuna Always