It ends on a planet whose name Leela never bothered to learn.
This one has somehow managed to discover space travel without inventing equality, which makes things slightly more complicated than normal but not much. They lead the revolution, but at the end there are still hide-outs, clusters of overlords clinging onto their position, and one of them has control of the launch pad – the one with two shuttles.
So they stay, and it is not until later that Leela thinks of how if they had left, if they had not stayed, they would still be they.
The capture of the launching pad is smooth, but they are cut off from their revolutionaries at the end, stuck in a room with an overlord, and he is the only person with a stunner.
He shoots Leela first.
She wakes up abruptly and runs to the bathroom. Stunners leave her sick, emptying her stomach into the toilet bowl. When she can think, K-9 is standing in the door. "There is a transmission for you, Mistress."
It is her first clue that something is wrong. She is Mistress Leela, Rodan is Mistress Rodan. Always. Shivering, from the stunner and from fear, she follows K-9 to the console room. He connects himself to a scanner and she stands there, shifting from foot to foot.
The screen flickers on.
It shows a room from a security camera. The walls and floor are white. One wall has a window in it that shows space. There are two bodies on the floor. One is hers, the other, Rodan.
After a minute of nothing, Rodan stirs and sits up, running a hand through close-cut hair. "Leela? Dearest?"
Leela-on-the-screen does not move.
Rodan's worry shows on her face. She touches Leela's cheek briefly, and then sits back on her heels. "Okay," she says quietly. Standing, she moves to the camera.
The screen flashes black for a second.
When it comes back, Rodan is standing in front of the camera. "Leela. I – I have to make the choice, and I think I'm making the right one. Don't – I've rerouted the camera to send its data directly to the TARDIS. I only wish –" She looks away. "The Cersoids have hardwired this shuttle. It's headed straight for their star. Fortunately – I think – we don't have to worry about that."
"I think we do!" Leela bursts out, forgetting for a moment that Rodan cannot hear her.
Rodan chuckles. "I'm bending the rules – breaking them, but whatever. I'm staring at your timeline, Leela. We can't talk, not really, but – no. We don't have to worry. Remember my first regeneration?"
Leela nods, a worried feeling in the pit of her stomach.
"I only survived because Braxiatel connected my body with our TARDIS. And you have only lived this long because he did the same with you." Rodan pulls back slightly, and her gaze flickers to Leela-on-the-screen. "But remember – if we get too far away –"
"No!" Leela yells, jerking toward the scanner.
Rodan smiles sadly. "I'm sorry." She sighs. "This shuttle has an emergency escape pod. One. It must have been an oversight on their part. We won't both fit."
Leela crosses her arms and curls her hands into fists. "You sent me away."
Rodan bites her lower lip. "Leela, I – can't. Yes, I'm sending you away. I have to save you, because I don't know how to be alone. You do. I am being more selfish than I have ever been, Leela, dear. I cannot go on without you, and that is precisely what I am asking you to do: go on."
Leela's breath halts.
"If you aren't yelling at me for wasting time, you should be." Rodan's smile wavers. "I – I will come back. Just wait. Please" She turns away from the camera and picks up Leela-on-the-screen's limp body. They disappear off screen for several minutes.
Leela stands in their TARDIS and wonders if it is acceptable to cry now.
Eventually Rodan comes back and sits in front of the camera. "So there you go. Escape pod locked onto the nearest large mass. Actually onto the city nearest to our TARDIS. Left a note with you too – I know how you take to stunners, so wanted to get you into the TARDIS before you woke up. The revolutionaries owe us a favour."
Leela glares at the screen and remains silent.
"You're not happy with me," Rodan says. "I – I don't think I'm happy with me either. But – you won't wake up for hours. So it's your life or neither of us and I can't do that to you. I can't decide for you. If you want to –" Her voice breaks and she looks away for a second. "Go ahead. But it's your choice, alright? I – if I'd kept you here, I would be keeping you here and – no. Your choice."
Shaking, Leela manages to nod, almost understanding. "I am not a pet."
Rodan's eyes drift out of focus and then she laughs harshly. "No. You're not a pet. Definitely not. I made my choice, and you can make yours when you wake up. And here we are, I guess. Well here I am. You're out there." She waves at the window. "Gallows humour, I suppose. Got to laugh at something."
"I think I hate you," Leela says slowly, emotions too complicated to put into words.
Rodan smiles again. "I hate me too. Just – oh Rassilon, Leela, be happy, okay? Go on and save worlds or whatever but be happy. Because – whatever this is, this sacrifice or whatever, I don't want to die –" Her voice stops completely. She is crying now, and wipes at her eyes half-heartedly. "The Doctor should help you. I – I think K-9's got an emergency call, and you can get in contact with him. So you're not – stuck, or anything. I just –" She sighs, looking straight at the camera. "I'm almost too far away. Goodbye, Leela."
"No!" Leela yells, voice cracking.
"Ten seconds." Rodan swallows, eyes terrified. "I love you. And I think I know what that means now."
Leela shivers, clenching her hands. "Goodbye," she says, because she does not know what else to say and this cannot be happening, it cannot.
Rodan gives her one last fleeting smile and then screams. Her body flickers and it looks horribly like a regeneration. It cannot be, though, because there is no finish, no formation of a new body. She just blurs and shifts and shifts andshifts and never stops and never stays, it just goes on and on and on and above it all, she is screaming. Her voice changes but the screaming continues. It is worse, it is a hundred times worse than her first regeneration and it never ever ends.
Until it does.
Until there is a body that is only barely a body, that is not recognizably any of Rodan's regenerations but somehow looks like all of them, but smaller, broken, and bleeding.
The only sound from the scanner is static.
Leela sobs once, and then manages to stop, shaking.
"Transmission ended," K-9 says. "Implementing orders from Mistress Rodan."
"Shut up!" Leela screams. Her knees hit the floor and she curls in on herself. She cannot cry. She will not cry because she is a warrior and warriors do not cry.
There is suddenly a body surrounding her, arms holding her close to a chest, legs around her hips and she almost, almost breaks.
"Go away," she mutters, not even bothering to look at who it is.
Whoever it is sighs. "I know."
She fumbles for her knife and pulls it out, hand shaking so badly she is more likely to hurt herself than him.
His hand gently removes it, tossing it away. "Go ahead and cry. It's okay, Leela. It's okay."
"No," she mutters into his chest. "It is not."
One arm holds her tightly, the other comes up to rest his fingertips on her forehead. "May I?"
She is shaking, body unable to hold still, and she is not even sure what he is asking. "Yes," she says, because the silence stretches and she cannot bear the static from the scanner.
His mind slips into hers, not quite the all-including feel of Rodan's – her mind stutters. He is kind and barely there, calming, gentling, quieting. "Shush, Leela. I know. I'm here."
"No," she tells him again, not sure why.
He laughs, almost, and holds onto her. "Trust me, I am here."
She growls, but leans into his chest. The voice sounds familiar, now that she can think again. "Doctor?"
"Yes," he says, letting his head rest on hers. "I am."
The first thing he does is move her TARDIS into his. Neither TARDIS likes this plan. Leela does not know this until the Doctor remembers to tell her.
She misses Rodan.
Rodan would have told her immediately.
He shows her to her old bedroom and tucks her into bed. His hand rarely leaves hers, his mind constantly brushing and calming. Even when she lies in bed, staring at the ceiling, his hand remains around hers.
She misses Rodan.
Her grasp was different, her mind different too.
Leela yanks her hand away from his and shoves the covers into a ball. Curling around it is not the same, but it is better than nothing. She does not sleep, only dozes fitfully. The Doctor watches her.
She misses Rodan.
The Doctor's TARDIS turns on the lights hours later. The Doctor tries to take her hand again. She knocks it away and gets out of bed herself. She dresses herself, feeds herself, curls up against the door to her TARDIS by herself. The Doctor hovers, trying to fuss. She does not let him.
She misses Rodan.
It takes days or weeks or months. She is not sure. One day she wakes up and her head is clear.
"I want to go to Gallifrey."
She does not know where that came from, only that she has a driving urge to be on Rodan's homeworld, as if this will allow her to be that step closer to her.
"Leela," the Doctor says slowly. This is the velvet one, with long hair and no companions.
She is sitting in the jump seat, staring blankly at the console. "Travelling only makes me think of her."
"Oh." The Doctor fiddles with the console. "And Gallifrey –?"
Leela does not know how to explain because it is not something she truly understands. "I want her but not what we had," she says instead.
It makes no sense to her mind but evidently it does to the Doctor, because he puts the TARDIS, his TARDIS into flight.
When they land, he stares at her. "You don't have to leave. I mean, you're welcome to, but – if you wanted to come, you could –"
For the first time in months, she smiles. It is not much of a smile, but it is there. "No. Time, I think, that I found a home." She swallows. "Take care of my TARDIS."
"Leela, Leela, Leela," the Doctor says, smiling back. "I will. Got a planet in mind, telepathic inhabitants. He'll be happy as – as, well, a happy thing, I guess. We're – I parked on Mount Cadon, hope you don't mind, it is a bit far out of the way, but I thought – you won't want the Capitol and this area – will you need –"
Her smile is slightly more real. "No. Me, and my knife. We can get by. Unless you happen to have a bow."
She does not expect a response, but he grins, and pulls one from underneath the console. "I thought you might – want one. And – a tent, or anything? Is there nothing – Leela, you are my companion, you must know how much you matter to me."
She shakes, because she does know, but she cannot matter to anyone else, not so soon. "I need to leave." She grabs the bow and quiver from his hands and runs for the doors. They are closed.
"Leela," he says, sobering. "Take care."
She nods, looking at him. "I will try." With that, she opens the doors and is gone.
There are legends even on Gallifrey.
They speak of Rassilon and the other founders. They speak of the Dark Times and of the world since then. They speak of heroes and demons, gods and devils, things that cannot be and things that must be.
And some –
Some speak of a woman living on the slopes of Mount Cadon, the only alien on the entire planet. Apparently, she married a Guard. Apparently, they left the Capitol because it was too restrictive. Apparently, they spent years living together. (In some of the stories, the Guard still works in the Capitol, but travels out to see eir alien wife when ey is not on duty.) (In many of the stories, the Guard is the only reason the alien can stay. This is used as an introduction to Gallifreyan law for Loomlings: aliens are not allowed on Gallifrey, except as spouses of Gallifreyans, which happens so rarely as to be irrelevant.) Apparently, that area of Mount Cadon has been cleaned of the predators that otherwise freely roam. Apparently, this is due to the alien woman.
But these are just legends and nothing more.
(The Houses around Mount Cadon warn their little Cousins: Do not go out in the woods at night.)
