A/N: It's been a little while, and I'm sorry for that. It's been a little hectic considering school is about to start, but I promise I'm not giving up on this story yet :) In case you need a refresher: Arizona's POV left off when Callie's dad showed up at the hospital. Now, they're going to have a talk ;)
Also, just a warning: There will be one more chapter with Callie and Arizona separated. I know that wasn't planned, but when I got to the end of this chapter, I realized it was needed. It will be split between Callie and Arizona's POV, probably. Don't worry, though. Soon, they'll be back together again.
P.S. Shamelessly doing another shout out to my own twitter... fancy_phalanges. If you have any suggestions for this fic that you want to talk to me about privately instead of in a review, we can DM on there:)
I probably don't even need to mention at this point that reviews are appreciated, but I will anyways. PLEASE review! It gives me a reason to keep writing. And a quick thanks to all of the people who reviewed the last chapter. I'm glad you guys liked it!
When Arizona finally made it back to her apartment, she found none other than Mr. Torres sitting in her living room, drinking a beer. "Um…Glad to see you made it here okay, sir."
"You're on time," Carlos noted with no emotion in his voice.
"Yes…yeah, Sofia was a little fussy at first, because she likes it better when Calliope gets her from daycare." Arizona didn't mention that that particular preference had started when she'd put up an emotional barrier between herself and everyone else- including Sofia-after the plane crash. Carlos didn't need any more ammo against her. "But we're okay now, aren't we?" Arizona's tone changed as she started speaking to her daughter, and she became less guarded for only a second.
Carlos cleared his throat, interrupting the moment. "Can I hold my granddaughter?"
"Um…actually I was going to put her down for the night so we can talk… She gets a little cranky when she sees Callie and I argue-" Arizona realized her slip-up, and stopped herself. "It's late, Mr. Torres. She needs her sleep."
"Nonsense. She was sleeping in daycare when I visited earlier."
Arizona froze. "You went up to the center?" She didn't mean to sound defensive, but the idea that maybe Carlos was looking to take her baby from her wouldn't get out of her head. She already knew his wife's opinion on children out of wedlock, and technically she'd never adopted Sofia. There were no legal documents. There was no paper trail tying her to her baby. She had less of a right to this baby than Carlos.
"I just wanted to see her, Arizona. Do not make me sound like a monster. I didn't come here to take Sofia." Carlos seemed amused, but not in a good way. "You assume the worst of me because you hurt my baby girl and I'm here to set you straight, is that right?"
"No, sir," Arizona answered. "I think you're an amazing father to Calliope for coming here." Even if it means he's going to shove me against the wall like he did to George.
Carlos nodded. He was mildly impressed with Arizona's bravery, if nothing else, but he wasn't about to say so. "Let me see Sofia, please. Her presence in this room will keep us calm as we talk."
"I'm not really sure how I feel about using my daughter as a barrier, Mr. Torres," Arizona stated.
"I'm leaving in the morning, Arizona. Please, stop fighting this. We have more important things to talk about." Carlos glared at his daughter's wife, as if daring her to say something else. The ice-cold stare made her give in, and Sofia just stared at her mom as she was placed in her grandfather's arms.
Arizona took this cue to sit down across from Carlos. Only then did she remember how much pain her prosthetic had been causing her from a whole day on her feet. Even though it had been months, she was still getting used to the contraption, and the phantom limb pain came back at different extremities; that was where Callie usually helped. She shifted uncomfortably. "Mr. Torres, I'm really sorry, but I need to…" she gestured to her leg.
Carlos looked shocked, as if he just remembered Arizona's accident. Callie had told him, of course; there was just more on his mind now. "Of course, go ahead."
"Thank you," Arizona sighed. She removed her prosthetic and began to massage her leg the way Callie had taught her. Callie, of course, was much better at it, but she didn't exactly have a choice. She looked up and saw Carlos playing with Sofia. He was bouncing her on his knees, and she was grinning and laughing. Arizona didn't want to ruin the moment, but knew it had to happen.
"Mr. Torres… what you saw today wasn't what you think. Lauren trying to kiss me was slightly expected, but I didn't think she would be so rough with me. As soon as I got the chance, I pushed her away. I know you don't want to believe me. But please… if we're going to talk about what's happened, you need to understand that I am not planning on continuing any kind of relationship with that woman, whether professional, friendly, of physical." She was surprised at how strong her voice sounded and even more surprised at what Carlos said next.
"I know, Arizona."
"You…you do?"
"Yes. I saw the way you handled the situation. Although it would never had happened in the first place if you hadn't led her on… I believe you. That's not why I'm here. I don't know you well, but I know you enough to be sure that what has happened between you and my daughter is not something you would simply do without reason, even if the only person who understands that reasoning is you."
Arizona felt relieved, but still on guard. "What exactly do you know about the past year?" she asked as she covered her leg with a blanket.
Both Sofia and Carlos looked over, Carlos taking a glance at Arizona's leg underneath the material that covered it. "I'd like to say I know it all, Mrs. Robbins. But, unfortunately, money cannot buy my knowledge of the secrets you and Calliope have kept. I do, however, know that my daughter saved your life," he pointed out matter-of-factly.
"She cut off my leg," Arizona corrected. "She saved me, and cut off my leg."
"And my understanding is that you'd prefer she'd just let you die on your hospital bed? I don't know much about medicine, but I do know that your infection was killing you. So, what, you wanted to die, and leave Calliope and this cute little baby here all by themselves?"
"No…it's not…. Okay, yeah. I wanted to die at first," Arizona admitted. "It was selfish and it was terrible but I wanted to die. I couldn't imagine living like this."
"I'm sure it was not in your wife's plan, either." Carlos looked at the blonde disdainfully. "In fact, I know it wasn't. When she was younger, I can assure you she didn't wish for an amputee for a wife. She wished for a prince. Now, I understand that it's more of a princess situation, but either way, you are not living up to her standard as much as you are not living up to your own. Your life isn't the only one that had to change."
Arizona felt as if she'd been slapped in the face. "You have no idea-"
Carlos held up a hand. "You shouldn't argue with me, young lady. Just listen. I chose to listen to you talk about Calliope once before when I couldn't accept her for who she is, and now you will listen to me talk about her. I'm not saying she loves you any less. You just need to realize that you're not the only one affected here."
He waited for Arizona to acknowledge what he said before he continued. "My daughter rarely did anything that the other girls her age did when she was in kindergarten. She spent a lot of time with books, even then. She only looked at the pictures, but she was still so much smarter than her friends- and maybe even her older sister." There was pride in Arizona's father-in-law's eyes, so even though Arizona didn't know where exactly Carlos was going with the story, she let him continue.
"But sometimes, she did do the things every child should. She had a doll. And she loved that doll, more than her own family." Carlos chuckled. "She'd bring it to dinner, hold its hand on walks, and sleep with it every night. My wife and I, we knew it couldn't end well. After all, dolls fall apart. They lose their stuffing, their stitches get ripped, and they get dirty. Kind of like people, I might add. Metaphorically, of course. Calliope, though, she didn't seem to realize or care. That doll was beyond her good years, and my little girl still loved it unconditionally.
"And then, one day Calliope came home from school crying because her doll's arm had fallen off. I'd never seen her so devastated. My wife just wanted to throw the thing away, and they got in a pretty big fight over it. And Lucia…she always thinks she's right. I thought for sure Calliope would give up. After all, Aria used to throw away her own toys after only a few weeks. But do you know what she did? She asked me if I had any glue."
Arizona had started shaking at that point. "Mr. Torres…"
"She went into my office, which, mind you, I never allowed my children to do, found the super glue, and worked on that doll like nobody's business to make it perfect again. She'd managed to glue all of her fingers together by the end, and she made a "cast" for her doll out of her school gym shirt. Lucia was beyond angry. But…I was so proud. That's the daughter I raised, Arizona. She's been… fixing things for years before she even thought about becoming a surgeon. I can't even imagine how hard it was on her that she wasn't able to fix you. But she saved you. You would have died. You would never have seen your adorable daughter or your beautiful wife again. And you wouldn't have even been able to say goodbye.
"Do you remember how you felt when Callie was in that terrible accident? When she was on the OR table I'm assuming you've operated on innumerable times? You watched her die slowly, and you couldn't do anything about it. Now, tell me that's not the worst feeling in the world."
"It…it was," Arizona responded.
"See, but it isn't. I can give you something worse than that- when you have to actually make the choices that could either save or kill your loved one. Having to go against her wishes and cut off a limb, or keep your promise and let her slip between your fingers instead. What kind of choice is that? Have you even truly thought what you would have done in that situation?"
"I would have done anything to keep her alive," Arizona admitted, and then froze when she realized what she'd just said. "…Anything."
Carlos stared at his daughter-in-law, and realized that she had finally gotten it. It had taken a year, but she finally understood what it would be like to be on the other side. To be in Callie's place. That's all he really wanted. And he knew that his job was done, but he couldn't, for some reason, get up the guts to just leave the woman as she was.
He made up his mind, and picked up Sofia before walking over to Arizona, who refused to look up. "I'm going to put your daughter down. I think I've gotten enough time with her tonight, and she's half asleep."
Sofia leaned into the kiss that Arizona placed on her forehead, as if she knew it wasn't a moment to pull away. "Momma," she murmured, already half asleep.
"I love you, Sofia." Arizona tried to say something else, but her breath got caught in her throat.
Carlos took the hint, and went into Sofia's room to set her down in her crib. When he came out a few minutes later, Arizona was in the exact same spot as he left her. She looked tiny- smaller than he'd ever seen her before. She had always so strong, and he could see the toll that everything had taken on her.
The older man took a seat beside her, and sighed. "Arizona. You have insight beyond your years, but when it comes to yourself… You're more stubborn than a mule. Why is that?"
"I…I don't know, sir."
"You would have been worse off keeping your leg even if the infection had been controlled, is that right?"
Arizona nodded.
"So then you do understand that your wife gave you the best possible way of life after what happened?" Carlos frowned.
"Yes, sir, I did… I mean, I do, but it's my leg. She promised to save it. And then she cut it off." Arizona was getting angry again, even though she knew she had no right to be. Except she wasn't angry at Callie. She was angry at herself, because she knew that, deep down, all of this mess didn't revolve around her leg. It revolved around what had happened after.
"Was she responsible for the crash, Arizona?"
"No…"
"Was she responsible for that infection? Is it her fault that it was practically impossible to fix?"
"…No." Arizona sighed.
"Would you rather be dead than be with her?" Carlos continued the rapid fire of questions.
"Of course not! I love her with…everything I have."
"And so you slept with another woman…to prove your love?" Carlos growled.
Arizona snapped. "You weren't here to see the way everyone looked at me, Mr. Torres. Everyone stared at me- pitied me- when they thought I wasn't looking. But I could feel it. I could almost hear every thought anyone had about me. And Callie was the same. She was…loving, and caring, and great to me even when I refused to look her in the eye. Do you know why I didn't look at her? Because I would have seen the same freaking pity in her eyes that I've seen from everyone else. And I didn't want my wife, out of all people, to pity me.
"When she got the chicken pox, which seems like forever ago, I pretended that I'd never had the pox so that I didn't have to see her like that. Our relationship had been so new, and I just… I didn't want to pop that bubble. That new, beautiful, happy bubble." Arizona smiled sadly. "And…and then everything else happened. Africa happened, the car accident happened, the baby happened. So I assumed that our bubble had long been popped. That there was nothing that could happen to us after that, that we couldn't take on together, because she was…she is my wife.
"And then the plane crash happened, Callie lost Mark, and I lost my leg. I was so focused on the idea that I'd never get to play with Sofia at the park the way I'd planned, that I didn't even think for a second that Callie was thinking the same thing about Mark. And for a moment, I even thought, 'Now he can't get in the way of my relationship with Callie!' And I hate myself for that. Every single day. It was a passing thought, but now I can't get it out of my head. I'm a terrible person for thinking that, and now I just feel… like I deserved to have my leg cut off. Like I deserve to experience a little bit less out of life just because for one weak moment I was so selfish to believe that life would be better without Mark.
"And so…Callie would try to get me to talk to her, and I wanted to be angry at her about my leg, I still want to be angry with her, but I just feel guilt for putting Callie through this, for thinking these terrible thoughts, for being a horrible wife. All I felt was guilt and depression, for months. So I refused to look at her, because I know that I would have just seen pity in her eyes. I didn't want pity for something I deserved. And as for Callie? I thought she could do better than me. When she saw me trying and failing to be the person I used to be…. I know that's when our bubble had really popped.
"At first, it was great. We got better. We both felt guilty and we both tried to hide it, and it worked that way. Eventually…we kind of just pushed it all to the back of our minds, and we became us again. And it took a while, but… we had sex again," Arizona shot an apologetic smile to Carlos, who looked uncomfortable. "It was what it's always been, but at the same time, it wasn't. Because I still hated to make any kind of eye contact. I thought was for the best. If I didn't see Calliope's pain… I could pretend as if nothing had ever happened.
"Then, Lauren came along. I didn't plan to sleep with her. It wasn't like that. Except, she just…wanted me. She knew enough about me to like me, but not enough to feel like she had to walk on thin ice when I was around. It was…refreshing. I think Calliope knew, even before it happened. Do you know what made me lose control? It wasn't Lauren. It was the way Callie looked at me, the moment she felt for the first time in a while that she was losing me. I'd tried to avoid it, but when I saw her beautiful brown eyes…it just hit me like a brick. And I couldn't do it, Mr. Torres. I couldn't live with seeing Callie like that. She's so beautiful…and when she's sad, it's like the whole world is falling down around you. You feel like you must be the worst person in that world to cause that. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about."
Carlos could relate to that well. More times than he wished to admit, Callie's tears had been his fault. That didn't mean he wanted to hear what was about to come next.
"Every thought I'd pushed away… every sliver of self-doubt I had that I wasn't the person I want to be… it all came back at once. Lauren was my escape from… not just Callie, but Mark, and Alex, and everyone. At first she really was just a friend to me, but that night... I wasn't thinking, Mr. Torres. Your daughter is the most wonderful person I've ever met. Not only is she breathtaking, but she's level-headed, and strong, and powerful, and… she was happy. I love her. And now I'm losing her because I was too fucking guilty to love her right.
"The worst part about this, is… my escape? I regretted it not a second after. Because I actually made her care about me when what I wanted from her was the exact opposite. It was all for nothing, and it's left me right back where I was one year ago, except without my wife still by my side." Arizona finally took a deep breath, and realized how long she was ranting. She looked over to Carlos for a response. The man just stared. "Please… Mr. Torres, I need help. I don't deserve it from you…but I need it," she begged. "I just want Calliope back, and it might be too late."
Carlos stood up. "Arizona, what you've done is far worse than what George, or even Erica, did. And I will probably never forgive you for the many ways you've hurt my daughter. You need to grow up. Being around all those kids has obviously taken a toll on you. You are a successful, married woman, and you still run from your problems. It's cowardly. You do not deserve Calliope on your best days."
Arizona let out a shuddering breath as she felt her heart hurt at her father-in-law's words. She'd worked so hard for acceptance, and she'd ruined that too.
"That being said…" Carlos took a deep breath. "You are different. You are better. So as my last act of kindness to you, only because you managed to get me back into my Calliope's life… I'm going to do for you, what you will never be able to do for yourself. I'm going to let Calliope know the truth. What she does with it is up to her."
Arizona was confused. "How…"
Carlos laughed. "Never underestimate me, Arizona Robbins." He proceeded to pull a tape recorder out of his shirt pocket.
"What…" Arizona was at a loss. "Wait! No. You can't-"
"It will arrive to her before she leaves Los Angeles. And by the way, you couldn't be more wrong. Callie doesn't pity you, she loves you. You should have been able to understand the difference. Goodbye, Arizona." With that, he went into Sofia's room, placed a kiss on his granddaughter's forehead, and left the apartment, leaving Arizona to wonder what the hell had just happened.
After the shock wore off, Arizona began to get ready for bed, exhausted after her unexpectedly long day, when she realized she hadn't checked her phone in hours. She'd been so busy getting Sofia and then talking to Carlos, that it slipped her mind. The blonde checked quickly, and noticed she'd missed a call from Callie, but there was also a voicemail. I wonder what it's about…
Arizona listened intently, trying desperately to understand Callie's slurred words. It took a moment, but she finally realized what her wife was saying. "Oh, Calliope," Arizona breathed. She could practically hear her wife's broken heart through her words, and knew she needed to call her back to tell her about the recording. There were things on there she never wanted to admit. But five rings later, the call hit voicemail. Then again. And again. "God…where are you?" Arizona muttered to the still ringing phone. Memories of the plane crash and a forest without phone signal started drifting back. She knew it was ridiculous, but she still couldn't help thinking the worst.
"Please leave a message at the tone."
"Callie…I just need to tell me you're okay. Tell me you're safe. Please. Then you can ignore me all you want, just…tell me you're okay."
