A/N: You guys are going to hate me for 3 reasons.
1. It's been forever since I last updated.
2. This chapter is ridiculously short.
3. It also sucks.
And I'm really sorry for all of those. Writer's block has been a bitch, and I'm honestly glad I even managed to get this done at all. Hopefully the next chapter will be better, though. I'm really trying to stick with this story. Don't ever think I gave up on it, unless I tell you specifically that's the case.
I probably won't update before the premiere, so just in case, remember to be #CalzonaStrong. And try not to use up all the tissues in your house.
My twitter username is Fancy_Phalanges, if any of you are anxious to see me rant about the upcoming season. ;)
-K.
Callie tapped her foot anxiously, waiting at the terminal for her plane to arrive. To her dismay, it had been delayed almost half an hour. Callie wasn't in the mood to wait. She needed to get to Arizona, to get her out of her head before she combusted from all the thinking she didn't want to be doing.
On the ride to the airport, she'd convinced herself that the best way to go into the situation was head on, no planning or hoping that somehow Arizona would say something that would change her decision. She hated hope. It always let her down.
But now, as she sat in the uncomfortable rubber chair next to her gate, she started to doubt herself. Maybe she needed a plan. Arizona was a Type-A woman. She didn't just "let things happen." She would ask questions, she would make sure Callie knew what she was doing, and...
"No," Callie muttered to herself, and leaned her head against her palm that rested on the arm of the chair. Arizona wasn't that person anymore, she needed to remember that. If she was, she wouldn't have slept with the first woman who laid eyes on her who hadn't cut off her leg.
And Callie didn't blame her for that, not really. If she'd been in that crash, she would have started to live her life like that too. Like there were no limits to the things she could do, like thinking through things was too much of a waste of her time when she could be truly living.
But she wouldn't do what Arizona had done, not in a million years. Her wife would be the only thing she needed as a constant while she moved so suddenly and quickly through time as if it were running out. Her wife would be the one to slow her down and say, "Stop. Everything will still be waiting for you when you're ready."
And Callie had tried to be that to Arizona, she tried to let her know that life would still be waiting despite there being things that would slow her down in unfortunate ways. But all that had done was let Arizona sit around and mope, and that's not what Callie had wanted, so yeah, she pushed. But it wasn't too much. Or it shouldn't have been. Yet obviously Arizona couldn't deal with the pressure.
It was something Callie had expected all along; Arizona had bailed on her quite a few times in the past. There was no reason why she should have felt so safe with the way they were, even if it WAS months after the plane crash, and years since Arizona had left her the last time.
Callie sighed, and tapped her fingers on the arm of her chair. Yeah, she would just wing it. She was tired of thinking already.
"Calling all passengers for flight 210 to Seattle," a voice shook her out of her thoughts.
Time to go…Callie stood up and drifted towards the forming line. Just as she was about to hand her ticket over, however, a voice behind her yelled out her name.
"Cal!"
Callie turned around in confusion, only to see Addison in her face, barely holding herself up as she breathed heavily. "God damn it, Torres, I hate you. I haven't had to run this fast since high school gym."
"Uhm." Callie glanced around, and noticed every single passenger that was behind her glaring at both of them, so she swiftly pulled the panting redhead out of the line and allowed the man behind her to continue with an apologetic smile. Then she turned her glare to Addison. "What are you doing here?"
"I had…to stop you…from going back to…Seattle." Addison inhaled and then coughed dramatically.
"Why? I told you why I had to go back, Addy, I appreciate you trying to help but,"
"Callie-"
"No, listen. You've been an amazing friend, but I need to do this. I need to stop letting everyone walk all over me, like you said. I need to stand up for myself. I can't be in a marriage with a woman who cheated because I can't pretend things are okay after a few months of awkward interaction. Trust me, I've tried. I just-"
"Callie." Addison took her best friend by the shoulders and shook her, only then capturing her attention. Callie stared at Addison with wide eyes, but didn't continue her rant.
"I have something that might change your mind."
"What?"
"Just…come on."
Xx
"Is it a letter from Arizona?"
"No."
"Are you trying to set me up with someone?" Callie continued questioning as Addison walked into her living room. Callie had canceled her flight for something she didn't even really know about, so she hoped it was a good decision.
Addison threw her hands up. "What? No. That doesn't even make any sense. I said it would change your mind."
"Sorry, I'm running out of ideas here. Is it…a letter from Sandra Bullock?"
"Why the hell would it be a letter from Sandra Bullock?"
"Because she's hot." Callie grinned.
"Okay, no. She's like… fifty, or something."
"Aren't you 'like…fifty or something'?"
"Shut up." Addison then picked up a small object and placed it into Callie's palm.
"What is-"
"I am no longer in the mood for your questions, Calliope. Listen to the thingy and then meet me outside."
Callie looked down once again at the tape recorder in her hand. "Okay."
Xx
Many minutes and two glasses of wine later, Addison was still slowly sipping the liquid and watching the people at the beach when she heard a bang, followed by her best friend yelling an expletive as the footsteps got closer. She could barely hold in her laughter when she saw Callie hop out onto the patio with her right foot in her hand and her eyebrows scrunched together. "What the hell did you do?"
"I forgot there was a screen door…" Callie answered, and Addison almost lost it until she noticed the look in Callie's eyes. The younger woman took a seat next to Addison, and groaned.
"So I'm assuming you listened to it." Addison tried not to let her curiousity get in the way, but she hadn't heard the entire thing and she really wanted to know if there was anything worth caring about for Callie.
"Yup." Callie nodded, but didn't say anything else. She was staring out into the ocean the way Addison had been moments before.
Addison wrapped an arm around her friend, letting her lean into her embrace. She pushed back all the questions in her head to ask her the most difficult one. "Does it change anything?"
Callie seemed to think about it for a few seconds, but Addison knew she was just sorting her thoughts- if it did change anything, Callie would already know.
"It…yeah, it does," Callie finally answered, and Addison let out a breath of relief that caused Callie to glance at her.
"Sorry," she laughed. "I'm really not trying to mess with your love life, but it's so easy to do it when I don't have a decent boyfriend myself."
Callie grinned despite herself. "Well, I'm glad you did. I just… I still don't know if it changes enough."
"Well, what does it change?" Addison nudged Callie's shoulder in an attempt to get her to continue.
"I don't feel guilty anymore," Callie concluded. "Arizona blames it on herself, Addy. She blames everything that happened on herself, not on me. And that's just...all the weight that's been on my shoulders since the plane crash has been lifted off, because that was all I cared about. That I did the one thing I could to keep her with me and she resented me for it. But now I know that she just…had this moment of 'selfishness' and she couldn't live with herself after that, and I feel terrible that she thinks that, because trust me, I've had selfish thoughts more times than I could count. And half of me wants to go back to Seattle and give her the biggest hug because I finally understand. But…" Callie dropped her head into her hands.
"You're not sure if that's enough," Addison finished. It wasn't a question.
"Exactly! Why should it be enough? I'm- I'm angry. She let me blame myself. She apparently felt terrible for hurting me, but she still let me blame myself. Who does that?" Callie ranted.
"Arizona does, apparently," Addison replied, pushing her wine glass into Callie's hands. The other woman gulped it down in a few seconds, and then proceeded to continue with her one sided argument.
"And the idea that my dad has been watching me this entire time and he was the one that managed to get her to talk… What the hell is that? He can't meddle with my marriage! And she opened up to him, of all the people in this world." Callie grabbed the wine bottle that sat on the table and drank straight from it, not even bothering to pour it into the glass in her hands. "They're going to give me a heart attack, I swear."
Addison frowned, and took both glass objects from Callie, setting them on a table. "Stop ranting."
"What?" Callie opened her mouth to continue.
"No. Stop. Ranting. This isn't getting you anywhere, Cal, you're just getting yourself worked up for nothing. You need to decide what you want to do. Stop trying to figure out who to be angry at. Hell, be angry at me if you need to be angry at someone, but you need a clear head. Now is the time to let it all go, and think with your brain, not your heart." Addison was rarely ever that serious, but it was necessary to get through to her best friend.
"…Okay," Callie relented, looking slightly embarrassed. "I just…"
"I know." Addison grabbed her hand. "You have all the control now, Callie. Do what you need to do."
Xx
It was a day later than it should have been when Callie arrived at apartment 502, her hands shaking but her mind finally in the right place. She knocked on the door, not wanting to intrude.
"Who is it?" A voice called out from the other side, almost causing Callie's heart to stop.
"It's…it's Callie," she answered just loud enough for her wife to hear.
There was a moment's pause before Arizona opened the door, looking like a mess in an extra-large white t-shirt and grey sweatpants. Yet, she was beautiful, and that was the first and only thing Callie thought. "Is Sofia here?" she asked quietly, in case the girl was down for a nap.
"No, um…" Arizona bit her lip. "She's actually at the Shepherd's for a play date with Zola and their baby boy." She didn't add that they'd only asked if she needed them to take Sofia off of her hands when she'd had a breakdown at work the previous day.
"Okay." Callie stepped in the doorway, causing Arizona to step further back until they were both far enough in the apartment for Callie to shut the door behind them.
"So…" Arizona awkwardly muttered when Callie turned back towards her. "If you want me to leave, so you can get some rest, I'll do that, I guess-"
"No," Callie spoke back.
Arizona tilted her head. "Well, do you want to talk?"
"No."
"Then what-"
Before Arizona could finish her sentence, Callie had pushed her up against the door and pressed their lips together. Arizona stood in shock, but Callie made no move to pull away despite the lack of movement coming from the blonde that she had pinned.
When Callie finally pulled away to breathe, however, Arizona took the chance to speak. "Callie…"
"Shut up." Callie pulled her in closer, and slid her hands up Arizona's sides under the shirt. The gentle caresses of her skin didn't match the way her lips ran over Arizona's partly exposed neck, but she didn't seem to care. It was when she tried to pull Arizona's shirt over her head, however, that her hands were gently pushed away and she froze before growling. All of the insecurities she had about Arizona came rushing back. "Okay, what?"
Arizona's eyes were glassy. "What are you doing, Callie? I don't understand."
"I'm forgiving you."
With those words, Arizona's grip on Callie's hands loosened, unconsciously allowing Callie to do as she pleased. She couldn't help the feeling in the pit of her stomach that what they were doing was wrong, but she didn't want to stop Callie, in fear that it would make her leave again. "Okay."
