A/N: Hello there!
After this chapter, I won't be able to post for a few weeks. But don't worry - I'll make up for it in the chapter after this one (super awkward, super awesome Tae/Sou moment? Count on it).
Tae's interesting 'collection' that comes up in this chapter actually comes straight from the manga, and I've been dying to put it in the story for some time. Not only is it interesting, but it'll show up again *hint hint* so watch out for it.
As always, please enjoy and review!
Chapter Six: Shrinking From Far Headlights
Tae did not look up when Soujiro entered her room. "Please come in," she murmured, reaching over to place an empty teacup and saucer directly across from her.
"You are too kind," Soujiro replied. He silently knelt on the cushion she had provided and tried not to stare. He had tried to imagine what her bedroom had looked like many times - had he not lain awake each night, listening to the gentle cadence of her ki in slumber, and wondered what else rested beyond their shared wall? - but he hadn't expected this. Her room was arranged normally enough, with a futon in the corner, two wooden chests, a small writing desk, and the stand for her uncle's katana -
Which there had been no proper opportunity to return. Soujiro gently placed it to the side of the lacquer tea tray and bent his head. "Thank you for the use of the sword."
Tae's eyes flickered over to the katana and back to the dishes she was placing out. "Yes," she said.
With her gaze distracted once again, Soujiro glanced around her room. No, it was the back wall that was so strange: woodblock prints covered the surface, the multi-colored pictures showing everything from courtesans and samurai at court, to women watching a festival parade and shoppers at a summer stall. It was stunning, really, how many pictures she had managed to fit on her wall. Soujiro admitted to himself that he was honestly surprised; he hadn't pegged Tae as a collector - let alone of art.
"What sort of tea do you prefer?" Tae asked, her voice low.
"None," he answered, looking back at her. It wasn't exactly true - there were some teas that he'd tasted in the last few years that he liked more than others - but it seemed a little pointless to bring that up now. "What will you drink?"
"Sakurayu. It's what I have every night. But I also have sencha, if you'd like that."
"Sakurayu is fine," he said, but once again he was surprised. Sakurayu was a tea that was served primarily at weddings, because the pink sakura flowers in the clear water represented a new beginning. Soujiro watched Tae place a sprig of pickled blossoms into each of their cups and wondered why she liked it so much. Was it the slightly bitter taste? The colorful sakura, perhaps, or the idea that the tea represented? Or something else entirely?
Tae filled their cups, the steam drifting gently from the spout of her tea kettle, and then set it aside. As he waited for the tea to steep, Soujiro found his eyes drifting once again to the wall behind Tae. "How many do you have?" He asked.
She looked up at him, and the look on her face suspected he was teasing her. "I've never seen so many before," Soujiro continued, gazing at the art thoughtfully. "They're all so... different."
Slowly her face cleared. "I collect Nishiki paintings," she admitted, peering self-consciously over her shoulder at them. "I used to keep them rolled up next to my kimonos, but one day I decided - well, I would enjoy them more if I saw them every day, outside of the chest."
They were paintings, then, not prints. Originals. "Which one is your favorite?" He asked curiously.
Tae paused a moment too long. "I... haven't hung it up." She turned around to look at him, the little smile fading from her blushing face. "I haven't had the time."
Soujiro met her eyes and she abruptly looked away. Her hands shook a little as she picked up her teacup, the porcelain trembling in its saucer. Her ki was quivering too, as if some resolve she had built up was breaking down. How odd. Soujiro leaned forward and tilted his head, as if to see better into her face. "What's wrong, Tae-san?"
She bit her lip and stared down into her tea. "I..."
Soujiro waited, but Tae never looked up at him and didn't speak again. Her ki was vibrating with nervous energy, and it irked Soujiro that she was refusing to give away her secrets so easily.
However, it isn't so terrible a thing, Soujiro mused to himself. I would be more bothered if she wasn't so interesting a puzzle.
He tried again. "Tae-san - "
Her fingers clenched around her cup. "Please stop talking for a moment, you're making me feel so - !" She caught herself, ducking her head in shame.
Soujiro only blinked, wide-eyed, and she slowly looked up at him. "Please forgive me, Soujiro-san," Tae said quietly. "I should not have said... I didn't mean those things. I am glad when you speak to me, but at the same time it makes me feel... it makes me think..." She trailed off, wincing at her inability to find the right words, before giving up with a sigh. "It makes me confused."
He bit down on the desire to laugh with pleasure. So he was affecting her, even in a small way. "I'm sorry," he told her, bowing demurely.
Tae made a slight, sort of strangled sound. "N-No, it's not - that is - " Soujiro looked up as she shut her eyes. Slowly she put down her teacup. "I suppose I had better just tell you how I feel," she said reluctantly, "so I can make things clear between us."
Ah. Here it comes, then. Tae's ki still carried that buzz of anxiety, but underneath that was a thread of strong emotion. It wasn't quite how he expected a woman might feel when she was about to express her growing feelings for a man - but then, it was quite clear by now that Tae was not a normal woman. Soujiro met Tae's eyes and nodded once.
She straightened her back and took a breath. "Soujiro-san, I'm not happy," she said, so bluntly that Soujiro started. "What happened today was something that I could not condone."
"... you are referring to my match with Yahiko this evening," he stated quietly.
"Yes." Her gaze sharpened at the dropped honorific. "I know Yahiko pressed you into it, and Tsubame told me it was something of an accident that you revealed your - your abilities during dinner. Naturally it is impossible for me to understand precisely how a swordsman feels about his blade and his skills - perhaps it's something unavoidable that you need to let out every once in a while, I don't know - but I'm not pleased with what I saw."
Well. As far as confessions went, this was not what Soujiro was expecting at all. "I humbly apologize, Tae-san," he said softly. "Yahiko mentioned your displeasure with swordsmen, and I was foolish enough to think that I might be exempt from that."
Tae pressed her lips into a line. "My experience with men trained in the art of war is that, on some level, they enjoy the power they hold over those without it. They like dealing out judgment as they see fit, and many of them kill simply to feel the blood on their hands. I told you that war has touched my life, Soujiro-san - through the Bakumatsu, and over and over again in recent years - and I have suffered injury from each skirmish. But never have I been more hurt than when I saw my friends and my family wearing the sort of - of exhilaration on their faces that fighting brings. And it sickens and saddens me," she snapped bitterly, "to think that you might be just like everyone else."
Soujiro sat back on his heels. Just two minutes ago, it had seemed that Tae was calm - a little flustered, perhaps, but still mostly calm. Through the course of her explanation, she had somehow worked herself into a state of dark agitation, and Soujiro was reminded how uncomplicated and, frankly, easier it was to operate without the powerful sway of emotion. If Tae was thinking more clearly, then surely she wouldn't be bothered by these trivialities that she protested against. True, some swordsmen did enjoy taking lives and relished the spray of blood and viscera that accompanied it, but Soujiro didn't. Death was just something that was necessary sometimes. A convenience, mostly. But blood was messy and it stained clothing, and Soujiro didn't like getting dirty.
He could hardly tell that to Tae, though.
So when he did reply, he did so with as much honestly as possible. "I'm not like that, Tae-san."
She shuddered. "I'm not sure I can believe that," she said.
"I'm not. I have never lied to you, Tae-san." Not outright, anyway, he amended silently.
"Perhaps not." Her voice was as quiet as his. "But even so, I'm not sure if I would have hired you if I had known."
Tae's words from earlier that day came back to him, and he raised his chin. "You told me that you thought anyone could change," he told her softly, and watched as she flinched. "I may have been a swordsman, but I haven't been for some time now."
He didn't point out her hypocrisy, but the words hung between them nonetheless: you believe Himura Kenshin has changed, so why not me?
Tae swallowed and looked away. She sighed. "What a terrible day this has been. I just wish I could erase it all from my memory."
Soujiro stiffened slightly. Erase it all. That meant this morning, and the moment they'd shared. Surely that was her emotions talking - Tae didn't really think that the entire day was worth forgetting...
...did she? Her face gave nothing away, so he focused on her ki. A deep weariness had taken the place of her hatred, but beneath that he felt nothing but sincerity. She was telling the truth.
It stung. That surprised Soujiro - he hadn't thought the rejection would hurt, let alone this early in the game. He bent his head, hoping to hide any disappointment that had managed to make its way onto his face. Wandering had been a grave mistake, if he had let himself care and be hurt so easily.
No, Soujiro realized, gazing down at his cup. The petals of the sakura had opened up and the tea was ready to drink, but he no longer wanted it. No, it's not that I've grown so weak - it's that events beyond my control ruined my meticulous planning. Tae's affections can't be rushed now, especially since the situation has become so precarious. The pain isn't because I care for her - it's that I'll have to start all over in the pursuit to gain her trust. And it will take time, which I cannot afford.
He had to cut his losses for the evening. Later, perhaps, when Tae could let him back into his heart, when she was comfortable around him again, when she wanted him enough to give him another invitation - then he would return to her room. Soujiro gave Tae a deep bow. "I'm sorry for any pain or grief I have caused you. I think my departure will give you some peace. Goodnight, Tae-san."
He silently rose and went to the door. He had nearly closed it behind him when Tae's voice called out to him. "I'll see you tomorrow, Soujiro-san."
She spoke to him - that was something. And she was willing to see him again, so perhaps he didn't have to start again entirely from scratch. Hiding his spark of optimism, Soujiro nodded to her and left.
As soon as the door shut behind Soujiro, Tae let out her breath in a slow sigh. She hated confrontations and she hated feeling upset, especially at one of her employees.
Especially at Soujiro.
She remembered the look on his face when she told him how terrible today was - staggering shock, ever so brief before he smoothly wiped it away, but she had seen it nonetheless - and the memory of it twisted inside her guiltily. She shouldn't have spoken so candidly. And before that, she shouldn't have snapped at him and told him to be silent. She should have been a little kinder to him. She should have taken into account his own feelings and how it would sound if those words were spoken to her...
She'd just have to apologize. Tomorrow, she would tell him she was sorry.
What was the matter with her, anyway? Tae's shoulders slouched and she dropped her face into her hand. Why did it seem that every time Soujiro was beside her - when they were alone, or having a private moment - all her training with control and composure seemed to fall away? Why could she never behave as professionally with him as with everyone else?
It wasn't as though he was the only male employee she had; Nizuno, Urato, and Yahiko worked under her, and she had no trouble remaining collected around them. And when I first met Soujiro five years ago, she recalled, I lost my composure then, too. I told him, a guest in the restaurant, what I really felt. What I really wanted.
So it's just Soujiro, then, she thought, sighing. It's just Soujiro that manages to unravel my poise.
The best thing - the most professional thing - she could do would be to distance herself from him. She could use this conversation, her anger, and her distrust against him as a starting point. The more withdrawn from him she became, the safer she would be, and the easier it would be to do her job as the manager of the Akabeko. And it would eliminate so many complications - complications of propriety, of favoritism, and of dominance that she would much rather avoid in a future that might possibly - could possibly - come up.
But...
But Tae remembered the feel of Soujiro's hands as they curved around her waist, strong and warm under her winter coat. She remembered the vibrant blue of his eyes against the winter sky, his soft breath on her neck, how her heart beat fast as he drew her close -
Her heart was beating fast even now as she remembered it. Tae felt her face heating in embarrassment - silly, she chided herself softly, there's no one in this room to see me - and quickly drank what was left of her tea. It was lukewarm now, but she appreciated the salty taste. Her eyes flickered over to the empty cushion, where Soujiro had been sitting just a few minutes ago, and she froze at the sight of his untouched cup.
"How inconsiderate of me," she sighed, pressing her fingertips against her forehead in frustration. She really was terrible. I'll make it up to him, she told herself. I'll apologize. I'll tell him I owe him another cup of tea. I'll say...
I'll say... what?
Tae placed her other hand against her chest. She could feel her heart tripping against her ribcage, beating out a staccato rhythm as if Soujiro were still here. As if he were sitting right next to her, looking at her with that curious look of his.
Did he know?
She glanced at the wall between their bedrooms, the one they both shared. Was he there now? It was late enough that he'd probably want to go straight to sleep. He was probably in his room now, getting ready to sleep. Tae took a breath and held it, willing her heart to slow.
It only raced faster.
She slowly exhaled and opened her eyes. "Do you know?" She whispered. "Soujiro-san... do you understand how I...?"
But she couldn't even finish. Even without him in the room, she couldn't even finish the question.
"I just don't understand it," Yahiko said.
Kenshin glanced over at him, his eyebrows raised slightly. "Hmm?"
"I mean, it's almost been two weeks since the fight, and nothing has happened. Nothing. I've been watching Sou just like you said, but he's done nothing out of the ordinary."
"Well that's good, isn't it?" Kaoru was sitting a little apart from them, little Shinta in her arms. Kenji was sprawled on his stomach on the floor, very seriously playing with a handful of little wooden figurines. "You said you didn't want anything to come of it, anyway."
Yahiko huffed. "Yeah, but I didn't think it would be boring. I feel like I spent all that extra time hanging around the Akabeko for nothing."
"Not for nothing," Kaoru pointed out, sending him a look that clearly said don't play dumb with me. "You got to spend more time with Tsubame, didn't you?"
Of course Kaoru would point out something so obvious as that. She could be such a girl sometimes. "Yeah yeah," Yahiko conceded, shifting his gaze away from her.
Kenshin came to his rescue. "What did he do?" He asked gently, steering the conversation back on track.
Yahiko turned to him gratefully. "Sou just does his job. I mean, sometimes he does help the chefs cut things up when they're really busy, but most of the time he just waits tables. He's real nice about it and the customers love him, but he doesn't do anything besides what he's been asked to do." He shrugged. "I asked him a few times about where he trained, more about his style and techniques and stuff like that, but he always tells me 'now isn't the time to talk about it.' He won't even spar with me anymore."
"Careful, Yahiko." Kaoru smiled teasingly. "You're starting to sound like a whiner."
"Am not," he snapped back. "Soujiro's being real sneaky about everything, that's all."
"You sure? That just sounded like whining to me."
Yahiko groaned. Kaoru was Kaoru, alright - motherhood hadn't changed her one bit. He opened his mouth to retort something equally stupid in return, when Kenshin spoke again. "Do you think this Soujiro is a danger to Tae-dono and the Akabeko?"
Both Kaoru and Yahiko turned to look at Kenshin, but Kenshin didn't move, one elbow perched on his bent knee, waiting for a response. Yahiko had seen Kenshin in that pose many times - all he needed was the sakabato nestled against his shoulder. Then it would be like the old days when Yahiko was younger, back when the world seemed so dangerous and the battles were fiercer, when he everything he dreamed seemed beyond his reach and yet so possible when he stood beside Kenshin and Sano -
"Yahiko," Kenshin said softly.
Yahiko snapped out of his nostalgia. Things are different now, he reminded himself as he cleared his throat. We have peace and security now - it just needs to be protected. "At this point, I would have to say no: Sou isn't a danger. His reluctance to show his skills is evidence enough that he doesn't want to harm anyone."
"... but?" Kenshin queried when Yahiko trailed off.
"But..." Yahiko continued slowly, "I can't be sure. I could tell that he wasn't fighting to the best of his ability when we sparred - he was intentionally slowing down. But even though I was able to block everything, there wasn't really a feeling behind his moves."
"Because he didn't want to fight, you mean?" Kaoru asked. Kenji was growing restless, so Kaoru wordlessly slid a little calligraphy tray toward him, distracting the boy once again.
"Yeah," Yahiko said, watching Kenji sit up and reach for a brush. He struggled with the inkpot lid for a few seconds before Kaoru bent down to help. "But he was also hard to read. It was... strange. I've never faced anyone like that before."
Kenshin was silent for a while, his eyes focused on the ground, a pensive look on his face. Eventually he murmured, "this one would like to meet Soujiro, that I would."
"Tae offered to bring him by," Kaoru reminded him, shifting Shinta in her arms. "She said she wanted us to meet him."
Kenshin inclined his head. "Perhaps, in a few weeks - "
"Or in a month or two," she corrected mildly.
"Or in a month or two," Kenshin agreed without missing a beat. Yahiko managed not to roll his eyes, but only because Kaoru was watching. "Perhaps then an invitation should be sent to Tae-dono, asking them to visit."
"Hey, that's another thing!" Yahiko leaned back on his hands. "I think Sou likes Tae."
Kenshin and Kaoru looked at him with wide eyes. "You sure? Not the other way around?" Kaoru asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Nah - well, maybe. I dunno what goes through Tae's head, but Sou's totally different - it's obvious that's what he's doing." He shrugged. "Anyway, Sou does all these favors for her. Like, he bought her some new shoes when one of them broke on the way home from visiting you guys. He always serves her when she eats, and he's always by her side. He even invited her to eat at that new Western-style restaurant that just opened up downtown - "
He paused at the utterly blank looks on their faces. "Really?" Yahiko asked in a flat voice. "That really popular new restaurant? Called Europe House?" He sighed. "Neither of you know what I'm talking about, do you?"
"A Western restaurant?" Kaoru echoed, blinking.
"Oro?" Kenshin asked, eyes wide.
He groaned. "Ugh, never mind. The point is, Sou asked Tae there alone. So it'll just be the two of them."
Kaoru hummed thoughtfully. "You're right, Yahiko, it does sound like Soujiro likes her quite a bit."
Yahiko nodded, but he was frowning. It wasn't that he didn't wish Tae every happiness - he did - but the fact that Soujiro was trying to make himself into a romantic figure for Tae bothered him. Couldn't Sou see how... how bizarre that was? If he was a customer or a friend, then that would be fine. But Tae was his employer. And on top of that, Soujiro's employer who was a woman. Any romantic relationship between them couldn't happen. That just wasn't done, it wouldn't be accepted.
Besides, what if Soujiro had come from a noble family, or a family of samurai? Sure, the social boundaries had been breaking down since the Revolution, but they hadn't broken down enough for that. Even if all of Tae's friends and her family and her other employees were okay with it, word would get around. It always did. And there were people out there who would still condemn them for it: for a noble boy to condescend to work for a lower class girl, and that she would dare to love him back.
And Tae was like the distant, kinder-than-Kaoru type of sister that Yahiko'd never had. He still remembered the taunts and the cruelty after his parents left him an orphan, and he didn't want her to feel even a fraction of that injustice.
It was all very worrying.
He glanced from Kenshin to Kaoru, hoping to see some of the concern he felt reflected on their faces. Kenshin was frowning, wearing that contemplative look once more, but a slow smile was pulling at Kaoru's mouth. "I think this is good for Tae," she said. "She's been alone for so long, and she deserves to be happy."
"You say that like you think it's actually gonna happen," he said, crossing his arms. "Don't you think it's kind of... weird, them together?"
"What? Why? And 'weird' compared to who, exactly?" She shot him a glare like she was daring him to present Kenshin and herself as the token 'weird' couple, and Yahiko sighed. Of course Kaoru would object to something like that.
"Whatever. You think Tae likes Sou? She doesn't really act like it."
"She does," Kaoru said, and that soft smile returned to her face. "She likes him."
Yahiko shrugged. Trust girls to believe crazy stuff like that, even though it couldn't possibly be right. Whatever Kaoru saw, it wasn't obvious to him. "Well, I gotta get back," he said, pushing himself to his feet. "They'll probably need me to help out or go fetch something before dinner hits the Akabeko."
Kenji looked up from his artwork of blob monsters. "I wanna go to the Akabeko, okasan," he said to Kaoru. "I'm hungry."
She smoothed down his hair. "Not today, Kenji."
"But I'm hungry," he said obviously, as if the only way to remove his hunger would be to eat out.
"Another time, perhaps," Kenshin said gently, smiling at his son.
He wrinkled his nose at his father. "Didn't want you to come anyway," he muttered, turning away. "I wanna go with Yahiko."
Yahiko struggled not to laugh at the look on Kenshin's face. "Sure, I'll take you with me anytime," Yahiko said, pushing down the long sleeves under his jacket to cover his wrists. "But only if I get your mom and dad's permission."
Kenji spun around to face Kaoru, his mouth spread in a huge hopeful grin. "Please?" he begged. "I wanna go, I wanna go!"
"Hmm..." Kaoru looked up at Kenshin. A look passed between them, and Yahiko could tell that Kenshin was going to say no. Kenji must have seen it too, because he turned pleading eyes to Yahiko.
Damn it. Yahiko suppressed a sigh. Kenji's expectant face was nearly as powerful as Tsubame's, and heaven knew he couldn't turn her down even if he wanted to. Yahiko reluctantly cleared his throat, knowing he was being used by the little brat. "I'll keep an eye on him," he volunteered. "He won't go out of my sight, I promise. I'll keep him away from - certain people, if you want," he said, pausing slightly since he knew Kenji was listening intently.
"That would be preferable, that it would," Kenshin said slowly.
Just as Yahiko predicted, Kenji immediately asked, "who? Who is it? I wanna know! You can tell me!"
"Later, Kenji." He smiled fondly at his son.
"No, I wanna know now!"
"Hey, don't be like that." Yahiko grinned at Kenji and raised his eyebrow. "Your dad just said that you can come with me. Maybe... tomorrow?" He glanced at Kenshin for confirmation. Kenshin nodded slightly, and Yahiko shrugged. "See? He's not all bad."
Kenji's answer was only to turn and stick out his tongue at Kenshin.
"You've done it now, Yahiko." Kaoru sent him an amused glance as she leaned forward to smooth out the collar of Kenji's kimono. "You've given your word, so keep Kenji away from him."
Yahiko nodded, but unease roiled in his stomach. Soujiro isn't dangerous, he told himself. He's not.
I hope.
