His mood had immediately dampered after Kate had disappeared behind her apartment door. The kiss had been everything and more – unlike anything he could've imagined. The way her lips felt against his, he was forever hooked – he'd never be able to kiss another woman without comparing them to Kate.
But what he hadn't prepared for – even expected, was for her to freak out like she had. Throwing around the excuse that he was still married only made him confused, because she knew the situation between Meredith and him.
He could understand where she was coming from by saying he was on the rebound. He had briefly thought about that when he first started to develop feelings for Kate. But as the feelings progressed, any doubt that Kate could be a rebound completely disintegrated.
She was different to anyone he'd ever met, and if he was being honest with himself – he stopped being in love with Meredith a long, long time ago.
If anything, Meredith had been a rebound for his heart being broken by his first love Kyra Blaine.
He met the redhead no longer than a few months after the woman he thought was the love of his life, left him. And it wasn't long till Meredith had fallen pregnant with Alexis, and Rick was proposing – trying to do the right thing.
Their marriage had been rocky for quite some time now. Rick tried his best, did everything to be a loving and devoted husband. But the spark they once had was no longer there, and the love he had for Meredith was none other than the love for being the mother of his child.
He'd only hit rock bottom after Meredith left him because of how badly everything had turned out. Catching her cheating made him think he wasn't good enough anymore, that there was something wrong with him that Meredith couldn't be honest with him about how she really felt. It may have seemed contradicting considering he only loved her, and wasn't in love with her. But he'd been trying to keep them all a family.
He was mourning for the family he wished his daughter could've had, especially since his own upbringing hadn't been the greatest. Despite his undying love for his mother, he did yearn to have that fatherly presence and there'd always be a part him that wondered why his father never wanted to be in his life. He wanted Alexis to have both parents present in her life, to grow up seeing them be nothing but in love. He didn't want her to face the same difficulties he had.
He'd gotten over Meredith long ago, it just took Kate coming into his life for him to realise the difference between love and in love. He loved Meredith – there'd always be a part of him that did. But he wasn't in love with her anymore.
He'd been falling for Kate and his damaged heart was slowly staring to mend. He wanted things with her to progress to something more than just a friendship, and with all the signals he'd been receiving – how she was slowly letting him into her life and know bits and pieces about her and her past, he thought the feelings were reciprocated.
He thought that right up until she'd freaked out on him.
He gives her a few days, mainly because he knows she has an important case to focus on, and that way when she's finished with it; she won't be able to use it as an excuse to not talk to him.
He travels down to her floor on Tuesday afternoon – knowing fully well that Kate's case was running till Monday, and if he was correct – then her Captain would've most likely given her the day off to rest and recuperate before diving into a new case.
He hopes he's right, because he doesn't want to go down to her place of work and make her think he's invading her space. He wants to approach her in a way that won't have her running from him, because he's not about to give up on her or let her believe she isn't worthy of love and happiness.
He stops in front of her door and sucks in a breath, his knuckles coming to collide with the door and a few minutes later he hears shuffling from the other side.
His heart pounds, his adams apple bopping in his throat as the door slowly opens and a half-asleep Kate Beckett appears before him.
She's in an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants with her hair up in a messy bun. Her lids are half open and as she yawns, the edges of Rick's lips can't help but crease up into a wide smile – because he doesn't think she's ever looked so adorable and beautiful all rolled into one.
He watches the realisation wash across her face as she wakes up more and comes to realise who's standing before her.
"Rick."
"Hi, Kate."
Kate swallows the lump in her throat, her fingertips gripping the door as she moves towards it more.
"What – what are you doing here?" Her head tilts to the side, brows pulling together slightly as she tries to keep her composure.
"I wanted to talk."
"About?" She immediately regrets letting the word tumble from her mouth, because she knows exactly why he's here and what he wants to talk about.
A laugh slips from his lips, his tongue slipping from his mouth to run across the flesh.
"I think you know what I want to talk about."
She lets go of the door and folds her arms across her chest, shoulders shrugging slightly.
"What's there to talk about exactly?"
"Well, for starters – a lot." Rick sighs, a hand coming to run over his face before it's dropping to his side. "May I come in?"
"I'm not in the mood for company right now."
"You finished your case yesterday, right?"
She nods, gaze dropping to the ground and Rick's brows pull together, frustration starting to course through his body already – but he refrains from letting any of it show.
"Then we can stand out here and talk, I'm fine with that." He shrugs, hands stuffing into his pockets as he continues to stare over at Kate.
Her eyes fall closed momentarily before her head is shaking and she's opening the door wider and stepping aside. "Fine. Come in." She almost grumbles as a smile stretches across Rick's lips.
He moves past her and heads towards her couch while she closes the door then follows him.
He situates himself on the edge of the couch while Kate stands behind the coffee table, her gaze on him.
"How'd the case go?"
"Fine." She pauses and sits herself opposite Rick in the singular chair. "But you're not here to talk about the case. So, let's go this over with already."
"Get this over with already?" His head tilts, and he can't help but be offended in the slightest. "Kate, we kissed, and then you freaked out on me."
She doesn't expect him to be so blunt about it – expects him to beat around the bush, only subtly touching on the subject. It takes her back slightly.
"I didn't freak out on you, Rick."
"Yes, you did!" His head shakes as he runs the palms of his hands over his thighs. "What are you so afraid of, Kate? I like you a lot – and not just because you're great with Alexis or that you have a cool job. I like you for you."
"Please, just stop." Her voice cuts in and his gaze snaps to land on her. Her jaw is tight, gaze frowning at a magazine on the coffee table.
"No. I won't stop. I like you, and I know you like me."
"Is that so?" She almost snorts, her eyes rolling as they come to land on Rick.
"Yes, and you're afraid."
"Afraid? What am I afraid of, Rick?"
"That you like me. That there's something between us. That we could be great."
Her brow arches before her lids begin to squint. "Rick. You're in the midst of a divorce, and when we first met – you were a complete wreck. Drinking in the early morning – not having Alexis with you. So, excuse me if I don't believe you for even a second that I'm not some sort've rebound to you."
"You're not a rebound!" His voice raises, his jaw tightening as his fingers curl into the palms of his hands. "God – you're not a rebound, Kate. I stopped loving Meredith a long time ago, and yeah maybe if you weren't in my life I would've gone crawling back to her. But not for the reasons you're probably thinking. I would've gone back to her for Alexis' sake. To make sure my daughter had the family I never had."
His words make a lump form in the middle of her throat and she can't look at him, has to focus her sight on somewhere else. She feels for him, and hates herself all in one.
He was a genuine guy who deeply cared about her, but she had too many problems – so many issues unresolved. He hadn't even known her for a year – and already he had her figured out. He knew she didn't see her self-worth, that she was too afraid to let anyone in.
She hadn't thought about their kiss a lot – mainly because she'd been so swamped with work, that any free time she did had was spent eating or sleeping. She was lucky he'd kissed her at a time she was swamped, because that meant she didn't have to think about it.
Until now that was.
She was scared of what she felt for him – how she felt about him and where the two of them could go. She didn't want to lose their friendship, but she also didn't want to screw up being in a relationship with him. And she knew she'd end up screwing up sooner or later.
She always did when entering relationships. She never gave herself fully – always one foot in, and one foot out. It was the only way she could protect herself.
She had so much to work on before she could give her all to someone. She was too focused on the loss of her mother and striving to seek the justice she so desperately needed, that anything else came second.
She'd end up hurting both Rick and Alexis if they were to pursue anything, and she'd never forgive herself if she did.
"Just talk to me, Kate. Tell me what you're thinking. Don't shut me out – because I'm not going anywhere till we resolve this."
She shakes her head and sucks in a breath as she leans back in her chair and pulls her knees up and under herself.
"Why are you pushing so hard, Rick?"
"Because I care about you. I think you're extraordinary."
Tears almost emerge around the rims of her lids, because he's called her that word so many times, and yet – each time still feels like the first – still takes her breath away and has a smile threatening to stretch across her lips.
"But that's the thing. I'm not. I'm just an ordinary cop, a woman who lives in your building. I'm not anything special, Rick."
Her head lifts finally, gaze landing to meet with Rick and he looks so sad that she can't help but swallow and shift uncomfortably.
"You, ordinary? Just a woman living in the same building as me?" His head shakes as he rises to his feet and comes around to sit on the edge of the coffee table in front of Kate. "You're more special than you know, and you can't even see it. Which only makes me want to try even harder to show you just how worth it you are. We've only known each for a few months, but everything you do is incredible, Kate. How dedicated and determined you are in your job – how much you care and love other people." His head shakes once more and he reaches out towards her, his hand hesitating before resting on top of her knee and Kate sucks in a breath, but doesn't attempt to shift or move his hand.
"Why can't you just give this a chance, Kate? Why can't you give us a chance?"
"Because I'll hurt you." She responds almost immediately, her gaze lifting to land on his as she chews on the inside of her lip, tears beginning to burn round the rims of her lids.
He will admit he's taken back by the blunt honesty, but he appreciates her giving him something.
"Or I could hurt you." He shrugs, his gaze travelling down to where his palm rests, and slowly he begins to move his thumb back and forth over the fabric of her pants. "It's true that things could end in a disaster. That you could hurt me, or I could hurt you. But how is that any way to live?"
His head lifts, brows pulling together and furrowing as he makes eye contact with Kate.
"You can't live life holding yourself back because you're afraid of the outcome – you'll just miss out on the magic and happiness life can bring you."
He hates that she's lost so much – that she's built herself to be this half realist, half pessimist.
He wonders what else she's held herself back from doing, from loving, all because she was too afraid of the possibility of getting hurt and having to suffer all alone.
"You can't live life because you're afraid of getting hurt, Kate. Because you will get hurt, it's inevitable. That's just how life is."
He watches her gaze drop, can see her swallowing a small lump in her throat and the tears that have emerged around the rims of her lids.
"I couldn't imagine losing my mother – what that would do to a person." His head shakes as his hand slides up her thigh to where her hands are and he's soon taking one of her palms in his own, intertwining their fingertips and squeezing her hand.
He's glad she doesn't tear her hand away and shove him off, but instead lets him grip her hand in his.
"But that doesn't mean you have to go through life alone, Kate."
The edges of his lips twitch slightly as his head tips while trying to find her gaze.
It's when she looks up that his phone begins going off in his pocket and he curses when Kate's hand pulls out of his grip and her body shifts further away from him.
He lets out a frustrated sigh as he pulls out his phone and sees his mother's name across his phone screen.
"Mother."
The frown across his face doesn't last long, and Kate watches as Rick shoots to his feet, sees the worried look that's sweeping across his face, and the next set of words have her own heart thumping loudly as she rises herself to stand beside him.
"What? Slow down – mother, what – what do you mean Alexis is gone." He doesn't think his pulse has ever pounded so loud and fast before as he's listens to his mother go on to him about how she'd gone to get something and left Alexis in her room for no more than a few minutes before returning to find the young girl gone.
"Okay, okay. I'm coming right now. I'll be up in a second, just stay put."
He hangs up, his head whipping to face Kate.
"Alexis is gone?"
He nods, swallowing hard as his brows pull together. "Mother said she'd left Alexis in her room alone for a few minutes and when she came back – she was gone."
"Has she checked the loft?"
"The front door was wide open when she went downstairs after checking upstairs."
"Let me get changed and I'll help you look for her."
"No, Kate, it's your day off–"
"Are you kidding me? I'm not going to sit here while your daughter is possibly missing, Rick."
She's dealt with cases before – missing children. It makes her blood run cold thinking about Alexis being lost – someone possibly having taken her. Kate tries to not let her mind wonder to the worst-case scenario – to the last case she dealt with where they didn't find the child in time. She refrains from shivering, from sharing that information with Rick – it won't do anything but heighten his fears.
"Okay, thank you."
He doesn't say another word before he's disappearing out of her apartment and Kate's quickly retreating into her bedroom to change out of her bedroom attire.
"She knows not to leave on her own – to not answer the door." He sighs as Kate and him move down each level searching for the redheaded girl.
They told Martha to stay put at home just in case Alexis comes back, and Kate insisted they search Rick's floor, before going down each, then checking the lobby and the basement, and if they had no luck – then she'd call her partners immediately and get them in to help.
They've gone door to door, nobody having seen the young girl, but promising to keep an eye out and let them know if they see Alexis.
Rick's thankful they live in a building that's safe and has multiple family's living inside, ones that have been here longer than he has and have spoken to or taken care of Alexis.
"Kids wander off all the time, Rick. Even the most responsible ones."
She tries to send him a smile, her hand stretching out to grip his arm. He sends her a weak smile that has her own faltering and her chest rising.
"Hey, we'll find her." She nods at him and all he can do is nod back at her before they enter the lobby.
"Eduardo – have you seen Alexis?" Kate calls out to the doorman and he gives the two a small smile, his head nodding and Rick's eyes widen as he rushes forwards, his pulse beginning to pound.
"You have? Where? When?" His words tumble out fast and the man is taken back by the tone and worry on Rick's face.
"No more than five or so minutes ago. She headed to the mailroom." He nods in direction and Rick's off on his feet, disappearing behind the door that Kate thanks the man before following after Rick.
"Alexis?" Rick calls out after shoving the door open and as he moves further in, he spots the flaming red hair in the corner of the room by a mail slot. "Alexis!" He's rushing towards her and scooping the young girl up into her arms that she can't help but squeal from surprise.
"Don't you ever do that again young lady." He huffs, his grip on Alexis tightening.
Kate walks into the room and her own pulse settles upon seeing Alexis breathing and safe.
"Daddy, put me down." Alexis squirms in Rick's grip and he carefully places the young girl down.
"Alexis, you know you're not supposed to leave the house on your own! That was very naughty." The stern voice is always something new for Alexis to hear, and a pout can't help but form on her face as she looks up at her father.
"No, don't give me that look. You had your gram and I worried sick."
"I'm sorry, daddy. I didn't mean to scare you…"
He shakes his head, his hands cupping his daughter's cheeks before smoothing back her hair. "What on earth were you thinking? What are you doing down here?"
"Mommy said on the phone last night I'd get the present she sent today and I wanted to see if it was here."
His heart twitches, his eyes momentarily leaving Alexis' to look in the empty slot of their mailbox before returning his gaze back to Alexis.
"You could've told your Gram or I and we would've come down with you or checked for you. You're too little to go off on your own, Alexis."
He can't be too mad at her, even if she gave him an almost heart attack. Because she's safe and alive and in his presence and that's all that matters to him.
"I won't do it again. Promise, daddy."
He knows she won't, especially if he makes her punishment her not receiving a story before bedtime. Then she'll definitely know her actions have consequences.
"Come on, let's go make sure your Gram sent out a search party for us all." He laughs slightly, scooping Alexis up into his arms.
"But my present!" Alexis squirms as he moves her away and a sigh slips from his lips.
"I don't think it's come yet, Alexis. But we'll tell Eduardo that if anything arrives, that it be sent up to the loft straight away so you won't have to sit here and wait for it, okay?"
He watches her think about it, even though she really doesn't get a choice in the matter. But she soon sighs and nods her head.
He walks over to where Kate stands, sends a smile in her direction that she sends back.
"Were you worried too?" Alexis asks after they've left the mailroom and Rick has told Eduardo to send any packages that arrive straight to the loft.
"Of course." Kate smiles lightly, reaches out to tuck some of Alexis' loose strands behind her ears. "I'd hate for anything to happen to you. So, you make sure you always listen to your daddy, okay?"
The young girl nods at her and Kate flicks her gaze to Rick, sees the soft smile on his face that has her pulse skipping a beat.
"But not always everything, right? He's not very smart sometimes." Alexis giggles and Rick's jaw drops as Kate can't help but snort.
"Oh, yes. Not everything." She smirks, and Rick's brows pull together.
"First of all, I am hurt and offended. Secondly, I'm smart all the time." He lightly squeezes Alexis' sides as she only giggles more in his arms.
The elevator soon dings and the three of them move out of it and down towards the loft.
As soon as the door opens, Martha is in their face and taking the young girl in her arms.
"Oh, thank god! I was just about to send out a search party for you all."
"What'd I tell ya?" Rick mumbles under his breath and ends up receiving a look from Martha as she only holds Alexis tighter while taking her into the living room. "Hush you, I was worried sick about my granddaughter." She shakes her head as Rick watches her.
"Thanks for coming with me to find her." Rick says as he tears his gaze away from his daughter to look at Kate.
She shakes her head. "You don't need to thank me, Rick. I wouldn't want anything to happen to Alexis, she's important to me." She pauses, her chest rising as she drops her gaze to the floor and swallows the small lump in her throat. "Which is why nothing can happen between you and I."
"Kate…"
"No, listen to me, Rick." She's shaking her head once more before lifting it to meet his gaze and she feels guilty for the crestfallen look in his eyes.
"You and Alexis..."
She pauses, her tongue sweeping out across her bottom lip before her teeth are sinking into the flesh and her head is dropping.
"You're both too important to me and I'll… I'll screw this up like I screw everything else up."
"You can't be sure that you will screw up." He steps closer to her and she swallows as her arms come to fold across her chest and she looks up to meet Rick's gaze one last time.
"But I can be. Because I will, and I'd never forgive myself if I hurt you or Alexis."
He shakes his head at her, a sigh falling as his hand reaches out to place against her arm, but it's soon dropping to his side as she shifts away from him.
"No, no." His head shakes once more and he steps forwards again, won't have her leaving like she did last time. He reaches out once more; his hands managing to grip her arms and pull her towards him.
She looks up at him as her arms folded across her chest come in contact with his chest.
"Will you just – will you stop pushing me away and denying yourself of what you deserve." He almost growls, the frustration evident in his tone. But Kate only sighs and untangles her arms to place her hands against his arms.
"Why can't we just be friends, Rick? What's so wrong with being friends?"
"What's so wrong with being more than friends? What's so wrong in trying?"
He pushes, his gaze burning into hers as he watches her eyes fall closed and he takes this to lean in and press his forehead against hers.
His hand rises to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing against the bone under her eye as his voice softens to almost a whisper, her own breath hitching.
"Let me take you on a date. It's just one date. One date, Kate. Give us a chance… just, say yes."
He watches her chest rise and fall, feels her hands tighten against his arms and he almost misses the yes that falls from her lips from how loud his heart is thumping that he has to do a double take as he watches her eyes open and meet with his.
He blinks a few times, his brows pulling together as his breathing becomes shallow. "Y-yes?"
She hesitates before nodding, her gaze flicking to his lips before back up to his eyes.
"Yes."
