"So, how long will you be at the cabin for?" He nonchalantly asks while taking a bite from his burger, his gaze slowly drifting to land on her. But Kate knows the question wasn't at random or one to fill the content silence since they arrived at Remy's. She can sense the question has been on the tip of his tongue since she first told him she would be taking her father up to their family cabin to help him recuperate.
"Uh…" She pauses, her brows pulling together as she goes over in her head how much leave her Captain had given her off when she'd called him earlier this morning. "About two weeks."
Rick nods, swallowing the remains of his burger in his mouth before taking a sip from his milkshake.
"What is it?" Kate asks, tilting her head to the side, can see there's something else on his mind that he wants to say.
"Nothing, nothing… It's just." She watches his brows pull together, a small sigh falling from his lips as his elbows come to rest on the table, his hands intertwining. "Where does that leave us?" His gaze lifts and Kate's chest can't help but hitch, a small lump starting to form in the middle of her throat.
After their talk in Kate's old room – and a make-out session that had left Rick grinning from ear to ear as he helped her pack things away for her dad and essentials for the cabin; they hadn't really talked about them.
In fact, they'd hardly ever talked about them until a week or so ago when they'd first kissed.
She liked Rick a lot, knew she'd been falling for him for a very long time. But relationships were never her forte. She always screwed them up; having one foot in the door and one foot out.
She didn't want to do that with Rick, didn't want him to suffer the hurt that she inflicted upon people who entered her life. But she also knew she had so many burdens holding her down that she wasn't sure if she could fully give herself to him without screwing up.
"I… don't know." She frowns at herself, her gaze dropping as she blinks a few times.
Rick's tongue slides across his lower lip, his hands untangling as he slides one across the table, flipping his hand over and laying it out for her. The edges of her lips can't help but twitch as she lifts her hand from her lap and places her palm to kiss his as their fingers intertwine.
"I like you a lot, Kate. I'm pretty sure I've made that quite obvious, and after… everything earlier. I know you feel the same."
Her cheeks can't help but heat up, a light shade of roseate rising across her cheeks as he mentions earlier. She'd been so open with him, the walls she'd constructed and built so high around her in complete ruins at her feet as she wore her heart on her sleeve for the first time.
He was different to anyone she'd ever met, someone who was just as stubborn and persistent as she was. She wanted to let him in, wanted him to climb high and break down the walls she'd built around herself; despite the nagging in the back of her head that told her he'd hurt her, or that she'd hurt him.
But after everything with her dad, how there was a chance she could've lost him – she didn't want to keep walking on eggshells when it came to what she wanted, who she wanted.
"I do. I do feel the same." She sighs out, her other hand lifting to come and rest atop of the one intertwined with her other hand and she lightly brushes her fingertips over his hand. "I need to focus on my dad. Help get him back on track and make sure he doesn't fall off the wagon again, that he keeps his promise of getting better this time. But, I – I." She pauses, stuttering on her words as she struggles to get out what she wants to say.
"But you what, Kate?" He squeezes her hand, gives her an encouraging look that has the tension in her shoulders decreasing.
"I'm not great at relationships, Rick. I never have been, even before my mom died I was pretty useless at them." She shakes her head slightly, tearing one hand away to scratch between her eyes. "I did some pretty stupid and reckless things…" Her head shakes, a breath of air falling from her nostrils.
"My first year at Stanford I… ran off and got married."
Rick's eyes widen, his grip on her hand tightening as his jaw drops and a laugh can't help but elicit from Kate's lips, her other hand coming to cover her mouth.
"I'm sorry, did the one and done Katherine Beckett just tell me she got married?" He splutters out, his eyes still wide as she rolls her eyes at him.
"At the time I didn't think it was real, we were young and stupid – I wasn't even, we weren't even that in love with each other. I was still in a bit of my rebel stage. I was drunk and pissed at my parents, and we ran off to one of those stupid wedding chapels and got married. I never thought it was valid till I first became a cop and it had shown up on my file. Anyways, my point is – when it comes to relationships, I don't know what I'm doing. I do careless things. I keep one foot in the door, and one foot out. I never fight for anyone to stay, and I never let anyone fight for me to stay."
She swallows, her gaze dropping to their hands as her thumb swipes over his thumb, not risking to look at him; even though if she did she'd see he was looking at her with such want and understanding in his eyes.
"You haven't even known me for a year, and yet you already know me better than people who've known me for years. I don't know what sets you apart from everyone else, what makes you so different. But I don't want to have one foot in the door and one out with you. I care about you a lot, Rick. You and Alexis, and I don't… I don't want anyone to get hurt. But after my dad – I've always been afraid of losing him, of losing the people I care about – especially after my mom died. And almost losing him… I'm tired of keeping people at arm's length. I'm tired of stopping myself from going after what I want because I'm afraid of getting hurt."
Her pulse is pounding hard and fast beneath the cage of her ribs, the sound deafening in her ears as it drowns out the sounds of the other diners. Warmth is circulating through her body, her breathing starting to become slightly ragged. Because she's nervous – is never this open and honest with people and it makes her want to run – run from this diner, from Rick – from everyone. Because running is what she does best, how she protects herself from all the heartache.
But Rick's different, and it scares her how willing she is to allow herself to open up to him and trust him with what she's afraid of giving to anyone; her heart.
"What do you want, Kate?" His voice is soft, brows pulled together softly as he brushes his own thumb back and forth across her knuckles, his gaze locked on hers and Kate feels a little breathless staring at him.
"You. I want you, Rick." Her voice may come out breathless, her entire body in a bit of a daze; but she's never been surer about anything in her life than she is now.
She grips his hand, more to regain her strength and to tell herself it isn't some cruel dream.
She sucks in a breath, her chest rising as she squeezes his hand once more. "I want you and I to work, but I do need to focus on my dad. It's only a couple of weeks. Two at the max, and then I'll be underneath you – I mean, my apartment. My apartment is under yours. I'll be back under my apartment, I mean." She swallows hard, her cheeks flaring up as her brows pull together tightly. When did she suddenly turn into a complete and utter mess in front of him? More importantly, this would be something Rick would do, not her.
He laughs, a smug grin washing across his face and she quickly composes herself and shoots him a look.
"You know what I meant." She huffs, pulling her hand back from his and folding her arms across her chest.
"Well, as much as I do like the idea of you being… underneath me." His brow arches and she looks away immediately, the warmth in this diner starting to get to her that she's so close to excusing herself to get some fresh air.
"I understand that you have to put your dad first and take care of him, and I don't mind. I wouldn't hold it against you, Kate. His health has to come first. You've both had quite a scare, and he needs you right now. We can talk on the phone every day till you're back. I mean I would rather have you in person, but if I have to hear your voice on the phone for two weeks while you're helping your father out, I will do my best to survive."
The edges of her lips pull up wide, her heart beating fast for the man sitting before her and how wonderful and understanding he truly is.
"You're too good you know that?" She shakes her head, disbelief coursing through her, because how did she get so lucky to find someone so understanding and willing to fight for her?
"Or stubborn." He shrugs, and she smirks at him. "I'm not willing to let you go so easily. You're too extraordinary, Kate."
Her teeth sink into her bottom lip, her head dipping as that breathless feeling, along with something else starts to course through her body.
"You only have to survive two weeks, Rick." She smiles back up at him, shifting the conversation just a smidge as she carefully gets to her feet and comes around to sit next to him in the booth.
"So does this mean I get to call you my girlfriend?" His head tilts, brows arching as he wraps an arm around her shoulders as she comes to sit down next to him.
Kate smirks, her eyes rolling and head shaking slightly as she leans into him slightly, a hand coming to rest against his chest.
"Do you want to call me your girlfriend?"
He nods his head a little too eagerly that a laugh can't help but elicit from her lips.
"I would, very much like to call you my girlfriend, and for people to know you're my girlfriend."
That has a lump forming in her throat, her gaze tearing away from Rick as she leans back against the booth more, her hand slipping from his chest.
"You don't want people to know?" His head tilts, brows pulling together and Kate shakes her head, turns to look at him.
"I'm not saying that, I just… I guess I never thought about it." She frowns at herself, chewing on her bottom lip as she looks at Rick. "Maybe right now we don't tell people? I just don't want to rush things or screw this up." She sighs, knowing she's already probably screwing things up by not telling people, but Rick surprises her.
"Then we won't tell people right now." He moves his hand towards her, his fingertips lightly lifting up her chin so their gaze can meet. "I want this to work, Kate. I want to show you that we could be great together, and if that means taking things slow and not telling people right away, then I'm okay with that."
"You are?"
He nods at her, a soft smile creasing his lips. "It's our relationship, it's between us. It's not anyone else's business. So long as we know what we are, then that's all that matters." He pauses, her heart already beating rapidly; because she really doesn't deserve this wonderful man.
"Oh, and that I get to kiss you."
Kate's head dips once more, a laugh falling from her lips as she shakes her head, a smirk creasing her lips as she lifts her head back up. "I guess I could allow that." She shrugs, and Rick can only grin as he leans forwards to press his forehead against hers.
"Good, because I really do like kissing you." He murmurs, closing the gap between them and pressing his lips against hers as the two of them move together in a slow and sensual kiss.
"God, I don't know how I'm supposed to survive two weeks without being able to kiss you." His voice comes out a little hoarse that Kate gets that dizzy, breathless feeling inside of her once again.
Her chest rises as she swallows the small lump in her throat, her pulse pounding as she nudges her nose against his cheek. "You're not alone there."
A/N: Sorry for the late update and short chapter! Just something cute and short, the next few will definitely be a bit longer.
