All of the Quadrants. All of them. (DaveKat)
AUs: None
'How the fuck did I get here?'
Dave was clearly not paying attention as Karkat went off on a rather long monologue about how much better troll romance movies were than human romance movies, all because there's more types of romance options for trolls, and more danger because drones, and hence more opportunities for drama, and tension, and something else that Dave didn't quite catch.
Back to Dave's thoughts, which were as always concealed behind mirror shades, and were focused on how exactly he got himself into this situation. He genuinely wasn't sure. Let's see, he woke up this morning, got out of bed, got dressed, ate breakfast, took a shower, brushed his teeth... Hadn't Karkat trolled him after that? Hmm...
"Hey asshat, are you even fucking listening to me?"
Dave just barely registered that Kartkat had asked him something. "Yeah, totally. Uh... Kizmaysis and Maysprite, right?"
Karkat made an "ugh" sound and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as well. "Of course, I knew it. Okay fucknuts, you leave me with only one choice."
Dave tilted his head and smirked, leaning back on the chair. "Aww. I love it when you give me cute nicknames like that."
"Shut the fuck up, you insufferable prick," the troll growled, getting ever so slightly closer to the human, "And let me teach you a thing."
He grabbed Dave's hand, pulling him off of the chair, forcing him to get his full attention.
"I'm going to be your tutor now. Welcome to Troll Quadrants 101, which is completely mandatory. No arguing, douchenozzle." He said, looking up at the taller coolkid. Dave was only slightly taller than Karkat, but he liked to boast about it often.
Dave raised an eyebrow. "Uh, no, I'm not doing that."
Karkat continued to be stubborn, however, as always. "Too bad. It's too late, you don't have a choice."
The hero of time sighed a little, chuckling under his breath at how cute Kar was when he was being stubborn. "No, listen, I wouldn't step foot in your trollmance shit for a million boondollars."
The mutantblood pretty much just ignored him. He really was hellbent on doing this. "Okay, first lesson, Matespritship. Now, Matespritship comes from the emotion pity - which is really just a toned down version of the main emotion, hate - and is the closest thing to human romance. But since you're such a dickmongering fuckwad I'm sure you haven't had any experience in that realm in general. So I'll show you."
'There is no fucking way I'm getting out of this alive.'
Karkat turned around so that he was facing the same direction as Dave, their sides pressed against each other. "So, if we were in a flushed relationship, we'd be walking along like normal, but you'd put your arm around my shoulders; like this." He grabbed Dave's wrist and wrapped it around his shoulders. "Like so."
'... Okay, maybe I can make it through this.'
Dave's face flushed and he swallowed. "Uh, I, uh... Okay."
Karkat smirked a little bit at Dave's reaction, but it was subtle enough for said kid to not notice. "And we'd watch rom-coms together, and go out on dates." He brought Dave over to a table and sat down, prompting the coolkid to do the same. "We'd be sitting in at a candlelit table all to ourselves eating a romantic meal." Dave was growing more flushed by the second. Karkat was surprisingly good at romancey stuff.
"We'd try to sneak glimpses at each other while the other one isn't looking, but eventually our eyes would meet, and we'd lean in..." He leaned over ever so slowly, inching towards Dave. He managed to keep a fairly stoic expression the entire time.
The one who was supposed to be stoic, however, was the complete opposite of it. His eyes were wide, his breathing unsteady, his heartbeat fast.
And then Karkat pulled away, pulling Dave over to the couch in the living room.
"And we probably would watch a few troll romance movies, such as '7-sweep-old oliveblood moves to another city so that her lusus can go on a trip; She reunites with her tealblood moirail and a wrigglerhood friend who is later revealed to be a werewolf; She meets a charming jadeblood who is later revealed to be a rainbow drinker-'"
Dave put a hand over Karkat's mouth, silencing him. "Karkat, no, there's no way I'm watching a shitty version of troll Twilight."
Karkat moved Dave's hand away but didn't protest. "Yeah, I know, it is pretty shitty."
They stood there for but a moment before Karkat moved on to the next subject.
"So the next form is Kismessitude, black romance. Basically, a romantic rival. But you don't actually want to kill them. That would be stupid." He said, pausing before continuing. "So in a caliginous relationship, we would be fighting and whatnot. It's a really fun romance to watch."
Dave tilted his head. "So, like, play fighting?"
"Right idea, wrong reasons, more intense." The troll crossed his arms absent-mindedly.
"Oh." Dave was watching every little movement.
"So, in a black relationship, instead of kissing and cuddling, we'd be scratching and biting. Wanna try?" He inched slightly closer to Dave, so much so that their chests almost touched.
Dave felt his face heat up again; and just when it was cooling down. His heartbeat was going faster than he quite thought possible, and he was almost hyperventilating. He desperately searched for a response, and eventually came up with the coolest, most chill, non-homo-est response in the history of paradox space:
"Uh, a-absolutely!"
'Fuck.'
Karkat smirked for but a second before suddenly wrapping his hand around Dave's neck, taking him by surprise, using his other hand to scratch at his shoulder. Dave quickly got the message, and did something similar to Karkat, but he still wasn't really paying attention. He was just focused on how close the two were at the moment. If it meant getting close to him, he'd do it.
Somehow, it had only just occurred to him that he had a crush on Karkat.
After a few moments of this frantic clawing at eachother, Dave had had quite enough, thank you very much. He threw Karkat down on the couch, which shocked the troll into letting go of Dave for but a moment;
Which was just enough time for Dave to kiss Karkat directly on the lips.
Karkat happily melted into the kiss, resting his upper arms on Dave's shoulders and letting his hands hang down behind his neck. The coolkid grabbed Karkat by the back of the neck, getting deeper, to which Karkat wrapped his legs around Dave's waist.
After a few moments, they broke away, and simply watched each other for a rather long time, breath fanning across each other's faces. Dave eventually broke the silence.
"Can we try the flushed thing again?"
Karkat smiled. "I'd love to."
And so they did. They cuddled together on the couch, huddled up in blankets, watching some shitty troll Twilight, and kissing to distract each other from the worse scenes. It was official; They were together.
