CHAPTER 5
"Mikasa!" She was aware of a voice nearly sobbing her name and she blinked open a bleary eye.
"Ow."
"Fuck! Can you hear me? Mikasa?"
"Stop yelling, I can hear you fine." She mumbled. Everything hurt.
She closed her eyes as a wave of nausea washed over her.
"Don't move. Medi-vac is en-route."
She could feel his hands on her shoulders and she grumbled.
"I don't need a medi-vac. I'm fine Jaeger."
"You're not fine, you idiot!" He yelled at her and she winced. "Sorry."
She opened her eyes to look at him. His face was pale and his hands were shaking.
"Did you get him?" Jaeger just shook his head with a scowl.
"Fuck." She sighed. "What happened?"
"I don't know. You went in through the window just as Conny took a turn for the worse. We were administering first aid…" He looked vaguely guilty at that, before he continued. "And then next thing I know you're tumbling out of the window." His eyes looked haunted. "I thought you were dead!"
"Well… it wouldn't be the first time would it?" The joke fell flat and if anything Jaeger looked worse.
"Please don't joke."
"Alright, for fucks sake, help me up."
"I don't think-"
"Jaeger do what you're told."
He relented and with shaking hands he took her under the am, pulling her up as though she weighed nothing.
Mikasa could't help the groan that escaped her lips as her body moved into a sitting position.
That it going to hurt tomorrow.
"Are you ok?"
She looked down at the knife still sticking out of her chest and grabbed it bemusedly, twisting and pulling it free from her Kevlar body armour.
"Good thing I wore the Kevlar today huh?"
Jaeger only looked at her, his eyes wide and she sighed.
"Where's Jean and Conny?"
"Waiting for the medi-vac."
She focused on breathing for a little while, feeling the aches and pain in her back begin to come to fruition. She could feel his trembling hands on her shoulders still and she turned to look at him. He looked like shit, his head was hanging down and his shoulder wobbled dangerously.
He is really worried about me.
"Eren." Her use of his first name brought his head up and he stared at her wide-eyed. "I'm ok."
For one horrendous moment Mikasa thought that he was about to cry, but then he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her forwards into a rough hug, startling her.
"Don't you ever do that tome again!" He whispered, his voice rough.
For the longest moment she held her body taught and stiff against him. But after a moment she let herself relax and rested her forehead on his shoulder, lightly.
"Sorry for worrying you." She said quietly and reached up to grip his elbow.
They stayed like that for a moment until the sirens drew closer.
To her surprise Levi appeared alongside the medical crews, who dashed between Conny and herself. She could vaguely make out Conny being stretchered in the distance, the long white stretcher floating along beside the paramedics.
"Ackerman, Jaeger, what the fuck happened?" Levi growled as the medic checked Mikasa's pupils.
"Someone was waiting for us." Eren said, his arms folded.
Levi scowled. "This is worse than I thought." He rubbed a hand across tired eyes. "Mik are you ok?" The use of that name startled her and she looked up, not into the face of her Captain, but at the worried face of her brother.
"I'm fine Levi," she murmured.
"She is, Sir." Said the medic checking her over. "I''d say she's had the wind knocked out of her, but she's lucky that she's caused no permanent damage."
Levi nodded in relief.
"Get your ass home. I don't want to see you for the rest of the week, is that clear?"
She made to protest, but Eren silenced her.
"Yes Sir. I'll make sure she gets home."
She glowered at both of them.
"Oh don't worry, Ackerman. You can keep yourself busy writing me a full report of what the hell happened."
She resisted the urge to flip him off as Eren helped her to her feet. She winced in pain as the muscles in her back protested and her head throbbed achingly.
"You need me to carry you?"
She shoved Eren with a scowl, but he just smirked as he led her back towards to cruiser.
After three days sitting on her butt Mikasa couldn't take it any more. Her bruised back had healed up pretty quickly and she'd spent the entire first day writing up her report and submitting it to Levi with detailed notes.
She had no idea how the Hanzuko agent had gotten their position and it looked like the mole was more deeply embedded within the Overwatchers than they had first assumed.
Mikasa stepped into the office and made her way towards her desk. Eren was nowhere to be seen and she frowned. Without her around he had been confined to the office so there was no way he could be out doing fieldwork. She saw Jean appear from the elevator and she made a beeline towards him.
"Hey Jean, how's Conny doing?" Eren had kept her updated on Conny's condition as best as he could while she was at home. He had in fact got a little sick of her constant messaging and had eventually turned his holo-comm to record only, in an effort to stop her calling him five times a day to request an update.
"He's ok." Jean said calmly. "How are you?" His face was concerned and Mikasa felt hopeful that perhaps they could recover from whatever had happened between them.
"Yeah I'm fine. I could have come back to work days ago, but you know what the Captain's like."
He nodded, good-naturedly. "Well… I'm glad you're ok." With a small smile he turned back to his desk.
"Ackerman!" Levi's voice rang out across the busy office and she groaned.
"What?" She snapped, poking her head through his door.
"What are you doing here? I thought I said I didn't want to see you for the rest of the week."
"Levi," she used his first name and her narrowed his eyes at her. "I was going stir crazy at home. You can't keep me locked up forever."
He glared at her blankly for a moment.
"Fine. But you're benched."
She made a sound of protest and he stared at her sharply.
"What am I supposed to do? There's a mole amongst us, someone tried to kill Conny and me! What am I supposed to do if I'm stuck in the office?"
Levi sighed dramatically and threw himself into his chair.
"The mole will show themselves eventually. We just need to wait for them to slip up. So in the meantime, get your ass down to the gym and do some training! Jaeger's already down there. Go punch each other's lights out instead of coming in here and pissing me off." He turned back to the screen in front of him, dismissing her.
She stalked down to the gym in annoyance. Levi could be a real prick sometimes.
She found Eren at the punch bag, his ear buds in. He didn't hear her approaching and she took the opportunity to watch his form. He was strong; perhaps stronger than he had been when they were younger. Sweat soaked his skin and she wondered how long he had been down here.
She stepped up to him, and he turned to face her, surprise and something else flitting across his face as he removed his ear buds.
"Hey." She said with a small smile.
"Hey yourself," he panted. "What are you doing here?"
She rolled her eyes.
"Not you as well. Why does the entire world think I need to be sat at home on my ass?"
He shrugged with a grin. "Nah, I knew you'd show up here eventually."
"You wanna spar?" She asked him and he frowned.
"You sure you're ok to?" He eyed her torso as though she were carrying some kind of deadly wound.
She rolled her eyes and turned towards the locker room.
"Gimme a minute to change."
She returned to the gym a few minutes later in her gym shorts and the old T-shirt that had become her regular workout gear.
"You ready?" Eren asked after she'd tied back her hair and strapped on her gloves.
"Bring it on." She smirked at him.
They fought hard and aggressively, just as they always had done. Landing punches and kicks respectively. Whilst Mikasa had always held the edge over him previously, it was increasingly clear that he had improved in hand-to-hand combat over the last five years. After 45 minutes they were both drenched in sweat and they took a time out, Mikasa lying flat on the floor on her back, the blood pounding in her ears and her face flushed.
"How did you improve so much?" She asked him.
He was quiet for a minute.
"I had to…prove myself. Quite a lot."
During his time amongst Hanzuko.
"Oh."
They were quiet for a minute.
"Eren?"
"Mmmm."
"What was it like? When you were there, I mean?"
She felt him tense and she rolled over onto her side to look at him. His eyes were cold and flat and she suddenly regretted opening her mouth.
"I'm sorry." She said quickly. "It doesn't matter."
"No…" he looked at her with a depreciative smile. "It's just. God, I wish I could go back and tell myself just to steer clear of the whole fucking mission."
She gaped at him, unsure what to say, but he continued.
"I mean. I took the mission because I was ordered to, but really what did it accomplish? As far as I can tell, it just fucked everything up."
She looked down at her hands. She hadn't meant to upset him.
He glanced at her.
"Sorry." He muttered. "Just thinking back on it makes me feel sorry for myself." He heaved himself to his feet. "Come on, spar with me some more." He held out a gloved hand and she took it, letting him pull her to her feet.
Her clothes felt ridiculously damp and she wrinkled her nose at the cold sensation of her wet shirt on her skin.
"Hang on," she muttered and stripped off the offending garment, tossing it on the gym floor with a wet thwack. She shook her arms out, readying her for another attack as she turned to face Eren but his eyes had gone terribly wide and he had a stricken look on his face as he stared at her torso.
Mikasa frowned and glanced down.
Oh shit. My scar.
After that day she'd needed surgery to repair the internal damage caused by his gunshot and although modern technology could repair a lot of things, scaring was still inevitable. In the months following her recovery, Levi had offered to pay for her to have the scars reduced using laser technology, but she'd refused, ever the masochist. She'd wanted to keep the reminder of what trust could do to her.
Eren was staring the huge scar below her sports bra, as though he was going to be sick. It wasn't a pretty sight, the long thin line of where they had cut into her, merging with the charred flesh of the blast mark where his shot had hit her, just below her ribs.
"I did that?" He choked out in a desperate whisper. His eyes locked on the scar.
"Eren." She called softly, walking towards him. "It's old news."
His eyes dragged upwards to her face, hesitantly and she could read the anguish there.
"I…" He swallowed and reached out a hand towards her. She allowed his fingers to wrap around her wrist tightly, the digits biting into her flesh as he drew her closer. "I never got to tell you… just how sorry I was. How sorry I am." His voice was small and broken and she couldn't help herself. She reached for him, wrapping her arms around him and he stiffened against her. It was the first time she had voluntarily reached for him since his reappearance and she wrapped him in her embrace, her mind warring with itself.
He tried to kill you. He DID kill Armin. But she ignored the little voice that was every day growing smaller.
They were both sweaty and his skin was cooling rapidly, but she tucked her chin on his shoulder and whispered in his ear.
"I know."
His arms came around her then, hesitantly at first and then with shuddering force as he gripped onto her with all his strength. She felt like all of the air was being crushed from her, but she let him cling to her, lets him ride out whatever emotional rollercoaster he was on as he trembled against her, his face buried in the crook of her neck. She whispered to him… Nonsense words mostly, trying to soothe away his pain, just like she did when they were children. Just like she did when his mother died.
Gradually his shaking subsided and she let him pull back a little and he gazed into her eyes. His face was somber and his eyes darkened as he looked at her. She felt a shiver run up her spine as the realization dawns on her that she was pressed against him from head to toe. She tried to draw back but his arms tightened against her waist.
"Eren…" she warned, looking away from him.
"What?" He murmured and his eyes flicked to her lips. She felt desire coil in her gut.
"Don't…" she whispered, pleadingly. His face was so close now.
"Why not?" His breath washed across her face and a wave of gooseflesh rose across her skin and she closes her eyes.
"Because I might not be strong enough to say no."
He stilled and she opened her eyes. He was gazing at her searchingly.
"Don't you want this?"
She sighed and pushed him back and this time he let her. She nearly sobbed and she didn't know if it was in relief or disappointment.
"I just don't think this is a good idea. I mean…" She put her hands on her hips. "You and I have only just started getting along again. I mean, we're friends right?"
He smiles a small, but genuine smile. "Right."
"So why complicate our friendship with all …" She waved her fingers between them. "This."
He sighed and ran his hands through his hair making it stick up in every direction. Her fingers itched to smooth it out, to feel the silken strands run through her fingers.
To pull his hair as his lips trace her neck…
"Just friends." He said thoughtfully, as though testing the words.
She nodded and he smiled.
"Ok then, Ackerman. Friends it is."
She felt a wave of dismay run through her. Was this really what she wanted? To go back to a last name basis?
"Oh and Miks," She turned in surprise as he headed towards the locker room. "I think that qualifies as me kicking your ass, so you owe me a beer."
A surprised laugh bubbled out of her throat as he turned and walked away. She watched him go with an ache in her chest. She felt as though she had gained something very precious back again after all these years.
But then why do you feel so sad?
A couple of weeks later and little progress had been made on the Hanzuko case. Mikasa was becoming increasingly frustrated and she and Eren were spending more and more of their time in the gym sparring. Since that day Eren had respected her wishes and as promised they'd worked together and he'd made no advances towards her. In fact he'd barely even looked at her in any way that wasn't perfectly friendly. She didn't know why but it bothered her.
And then there was Hitch. Not long after that sparring session, Mikasa had noticed Hitch hanging around Eren whenever he was in the office. The woman seemed to find a multitude of excuses to come over and speak with him and for some reason Mikasa found her hands clenched tightly every time she did.
Sliding off her holo-comm Mikasa stepped into the office with a sigh. She'd been out with Sasha on a reported rape case that had ties to a small terrorist cell in mid city. The delicacy of the mission had required two female agents and Mikasa shuddered as she tried to brush off the horrific scenes that she'd been witness to. She paused on the threshold of the office, her eyes narrowing as she watched Hitch sat on the edge of Eren's desk, her legs swinging. Eren was sat back in his chair, chatting to her a soft smile of his face and Mikasa felt her pulse increase and a swirl of jealousy pool in her gut.
She strode over to her desk, dropping her holo-comm with a crash, making the blonde woman jump.
"Sorry!" Mikasa said cheerfully as she slid into her chair, kicking her feet up on her desk and stretching.
Hitch turned back to Eren and hopped off his desk, wringing her hands together.
"So you'll pick me up on Saturday?" She asked, hope evident in her voice.
Mikasa's eyes flicked to Eren and she found him staring at her. She kept her face impassive, desperately trying not to betray the thumping of her heart.
His eyes slid away from hers and he looked up at Hitch with a smile.
"Sure thing."
"Great!" Hitch was fairly vibrating with energy. "I'll see you later. Bye Ackerman!"
"Yeah, whatever." Mikasa muttered, kicking her feet down and opening her case log, scrolling through to find the rape case from that afternoon. There was silence from the man opposite her and she snuck a glance at him from beneath her bangs. He was concentrating on the tablet in front of him and she groaned inwardly.
Clearing her throat she said quietly. "So you and Hitch, huh?"
Eren looked up at her and there was the stupidest smug smirk on his face that made Mikasa want to slap the hell out of him. She felt a blush heat her cheeks and she looked down, concentrating on her log, or at least willing her eyes to focus on that.
She heard him stand up as he came around towards her and then he was leaning against her desk, close enough to touch.
"Yeah… I mean she's nice, right?"
Mikasa snorted.
"Yeah, lovely…."
If you like that sort of thing.
"And after all, you and I are just friends right?"
Her fingers stumbled over her typing as she paused.
Right?
She looked up at him. There was a genuine question behind the mirthful teasing in his eyes. She swallowed and forced a smile.
"Right."
For a moment he almost looked disappointed but then he grinned and clapped her on the shoulder.
"Great! I'm gonna take her to this great little place-" Mikasa was about to smash her brains out against her desk when Levi's voice called across the office.
"Ackerman, Jaeger, with me. Now."
They glanced at each other in confusion before heading up to Levi's office, the questioning stares of more than one of their colleagues following them.
Levi shut the door behind them and frosted the glass, ensuring their conversation was kept private and Mikasa wondered what he was about to tell them. Did he finally have a lead on the mole?
"I have an assignment for you."
Mikasa felt a thrill run through her.
Finally.
"Great. What is it?" She asked and he slid a tablet across the desk to them. She picked it up showing it to Eren who leaned over her shoulder to read.
"We have reason to believe that there are a group of Hanzuko agents working out of an apartment in the upper city. We need someone to work recon on the apartment and potentially make an arrest if warranted."
"Ok, great."
"You'll be staying in the apartment across the hall and you'll pose as a recently married couple."
Mikasa felt her mouth pop open as Eren stiffened beside her and she looked up into his face as he stared at Levi with a strange expression on his face. There was an odd moment and some unspoken communication seemed to pass between the two men.
"We need a credible cover for this one as they will undoubtedly be watching the other apartments carefully. Anything that screams authorities will draw suspicion and we'll lose them." Levi tossed something to Eren. It was a wallet. He opened it and pulled out a number of cards.
"Ethan Phillips." He read on the ID card. "That sounds…normal."
"Indeed. As far as anyone else is concerned, you are Ethan Phillips and you work at the Insurance Brokers which is conveniently located across the void from the apartment." He threw something else at Mikasa. And she opened the purse, checking the name on her own ID card.
"Mina Phillips." She raised an eyebrow and Levi nodded.
"You're a housewife." He said and Eren snorted, causing Mikasa to elbow him in the ribs hard. "It provides the perfect excuse for you to stay in the apartment and carry out surveillance on the apartment."
He looked at the two of them. "I am authorizing you to do it all. CCTV, drop-ins, wire taps, you name it. Anything suspect gets reported to me directly and you do not move on them without my prior authorization, is that understood?" they nodded I agreement. "That being said you have complete access to the armory and can take whatever provisions you think are appropriate."
Mikasa grinned. That made the thought of spending the next who knew how long with Eren a little more bearable.
They had 24 hours to prepare. Mikasa went back to her desk to study her cover. She needed to know it inside and out if they wanted to pull this off. It was late that evening when she finally looked up from the details to find the office practically deserted and the fading light indicated that it was later than she had intended to stay. There were one or two people left in the office and Mikasa grabbed her jacket, wandering over towards to elevator.
"Hey, have you see Jaeger?" She asked Annie as she passed the blonde woman who was working studiously on her own.
The blonde peered up at Mikasa with a bored expression for a moment, her eyes searching Mikasa's face.
"No."
Mikasa sighed, wondering where the hell he'd disappeared to. She really wanted to go over some of the cover details with him before tomorrow. "He's probably with Levi." Annie muttered, looking back at her report and Mikasa frowned. Levi's office was empty.
"What do you mean?" She asked Annie, turning to face the girl more fully. Annie glanced up at her disdainfully.
"You know… one of their secret little meetings." Annie gestured vaguely and when Mikasa just stared at her blankly she sighed. "They've been meeting up in private for the last two months." She studied Mikasa's face. "You really didn't know?"
Mikasa could only shake her head in confusion. Why would Eren keep that a secret? And why would Levi?
"If it wasn't the Captain I'd say it was a little suspicious." Annie muttered, turning back to her report. "But then what the fuck do I know?"
"Yeah, thanks Annie." Mikasa muttered before turning to leave.
Eren and Levi, meeting up in secret.
It must be something to do with Eren's previous case, she thought to herself with a shrug.
"Jesus!" Eren whistled as they took in the sight of the grand apartment block that was to be their home for the foreseeable future. It was definitely true that those with money in this city lorded it above the others. The apartment block was grander than any building she'd seen in mid town. It appeared to be made from some kind of marble or stone; so unlike the concrete monstrosities that lined the voids below.
"How the other half live, eh?" Mikasa mumbled to him as they stepped out of the cruiser. It was a compact, yet luxurious thing, designed to make them look like a newly married couple that could afford to live in the upper city, yet small enough to show that they were still young and starting out.
"Come on then, Mina" Eren grabbed her hand and virtually dragged her towards the building, the flappy skirt she was wearing as part of her cover as a housewife swirling around her knees in the breeze. She shivered. It was cold at this altitude an Eren glanced at her in mock concern. "Are you cold, babe?" He slipped his arm around her shoulders and Mikasa resisted the urge to punch him, instead smiling at him in mock sweetness. She could see the mirth in his eyes and she felt her rage quell, sighing and letting herself lean into his embrace as they entered the building.
They found their apartment. 210B, avoiding looking directly at 210A across the hall that was the target of their mission. She typed the entrance code into the pin pad and the door fell open, smoothly. She made to step across the threshold, but he stopped her with a hand on her arm.
"Don't I get to carry you across the threshold?" He asked with a huge grin, the urge to smack him returned and she forced a smile, simpering lightly.
"But I'm so heavy!" She mock pouted as his arms hooked under her knees as he scooped her off her feet and for a fraction of a second Mikasa relished the feel of being carried in his arms. She wrapped her hands around his neck. The sparkling engagement and wedding ring on the left hand, visible for the entire world to see.
"My hero!" She giggled as he walked into the apartment, setting her down lightly inside the door, and kicking it shut behind him. She made to step away from him but he held her close, his eyes intense as he stooped towards her. Her eyes widened in surprise, what was he doing?
His lips grazed her ear as he whispered softly to her.
"I need to check for bugs so stay in character and act like you're excited for a little bit will you?"
She nodded, not having to feign the little shiver in response to his hot breath in her ear. He kissed the skin below her ear and Mikasa felt the skin tingle where his lips had been. A blush heated her cheeks and she forced herself to think of the mission.
"Oh it's just so perfect!" She exclaimed, wringing her hands in girlish delight. "I can't believe we finally have our own place!" She walked further into the apartment that was light and airy with huge windows. It was so different to her own dingy apartment in mid city. She hated to think how it would compare to an apartment in the lower.
The kitchen diner was roughly the size of her whole apartment and she whistled!
"I just love this kitchen! Look at these worktops!" She ran a hand across the shiny marble surface.
"We're clean." Eren said, putting his phone away with a sigh and Mikasa exhaled.
"Thank fuck for that!"
"You were scarily convincing as the little housewife there, babe." He winked at her and she flipped him off.
"Don't fucking start Jaeger." She grumbled and he guffawed behind her.
Their things had been delivered as planned and the boxes lined the wall in the lounge already piled, neatly. The apartment came furnished and so they had only needed their kit and some clothing items, the rest of the boxes contained various packing equipment and things like picture frames that added to their cover. Mikasa figured that if they had any unexpected visitors then the boxes would add to the belief that they were setting up home and had not yet gotten around to unpacking. It would also provide them with an excuse for not having any furnishings.
"I'm gonna go unpack my bag." Mikasa said, grabbing her kit and heading off down the gleaming hallway in search of a closet. She opened the first door she came to, taking in the polished and pristine bathroom completed with roll-top bathtub –an absolute luxury in this day and age. Shutting the door with a rueful shake of her head she meandered down the hallway and opened the next door. A huge bedroom opened before her, large windows illuminating the huge claw footed bed in the centre. She'd never seen a bed so large. The bedroom had an ensuite bathroom, with a large walk in shower. Mikasa felt like she was on vacation.
She stepped back out into the hallway looking for the second bedroom, but the only other door housed a linen cupboard and she frowned in confusion.
"Eren?" She called, stepping back into the bedroom.
"What's up?" He appeared after a moment.
"Weren't we supposed to be in a two bed apartment?"
"Yeah, why – oh!" His eyes widened as he realized their predicament but then he chuckled to himself. "Well I suppose it's more authentic this way!"
She elbowed him in the ribs.
"I am not sleeping in a bed with you for the next god knows how long!"
"Why not?" He pouted.
"You snore!" She grumbled, her face flushed, but trying to keep the mood light.
"Never bothered you before." Eren winked at her and turned from the room, leaving her flushed to her roots in the doorway.
Despite his teasing Eren offered to take the couch and they spent the rest of their first day, planning out their schedules and working out how they were going to get into that apartment.
When it started to get dark Eren suggested they order take out and Mikasa heartily agreed, her stomach growling in anticipation. They ate in companionable silence and after a while Mikasa felt her eyelids growing heavy.
Eren threw a cushion at her and she blinked at him owlishly.
"Go to bed, idiot." He muttered with a soft smile and she stood, stretching, pleasantly.
"K…Good night." She murmured, turning to leave and feeling his eyes on her as she made her way down the long hallway to the bedroom.
The huge bed was big enough for four and supremely comfortable and she snuggled down into the soft comforter, feeling her body relax. She'd left the door open, wanting to be able to hear if Eren needed her for some reason and she could hear him settling himself down in the lounge. A smile curled her lips and she rolled onto her side letting sleep claim her.
It was some point after 1am when Mikasa heard a sound that had her eyes shooting wide open and her heart rate pounding.
Was someone in the apartment?
A quiet moan could be heard and Mikasa immediately recognized it, letting her feet fall to the polished floor, with ease. She went to him, her footfalls soft as she tiptoed down the hallway.
"No!" his voice was anguished and she turned the corner she could see him writhing in pain, his sheets clutched tightly in his hands as he twisted and turned.
Without hesitation she went to him, shaking him lightly. It was such a natural instinct and something that she had done for him countless times as a child that she'd thought nothing of it. It was only when his eyes snapped open, wild and unseeing that she realized that times had changed and she probably should have considered her actions.
His fist connected with her jaw with force and she fell back onto her ass with a thump, staring at him, her eyes wide. His eyes were seeing something that was not there and Mikasa recognized the symptoms of his night terror.
"Eren." She murmured keeping her voice soft and he frowned, shaking his head slightly. She persisted, but did not approach him. "Eren. It's Mikasa. Look at me."
And then he did, owlishly, his eyes blinking and taking in the bruise blooming across her jaw and her state of undress and his eyes widened in horror.
"Oh my god!" He groaned, reaching for her and pulling her from the ground and wrapping his arms around her. His heart was pounding rapidly and she carded her fingers through his soft hair as he drew a shaky breath. He pulled back to look at her and his fingers tipped her jaw to the side. She couldn't help the wince that escaped her and his eyes grew solemn.
"Miks… I'm sorry! God, I thought I had this under control." He shuddered.
"Eren. It's ok, I understand." And she did; when he was fourteen his mother had died of cancer. His father had been killed in a robbery when he was just a child and his mother's death had left him an orphan with no living relatives. Mikasa's family had taken him in, her parents raising him as their second child. For months after his mother's death she had comforted him through the nightmares that plagued him every time he closed his eyes. Many a night he had simply crawled into her bed and let her hold onto him tightly throughout the night.
Mikasa held out a hand to him. She wasn't sure if this form of comfort was still appropriate given their age, but after a moment he took her hand and let himself be pulled to his feet. She wrapped his warm hand in her own and led him down the hallway to the bedroom, and pushing him down into the soft warmth of the bed. Tucking him in like a child she moved around to the other of the bed aware of his wide, bright eyes following her every movement. She flicked off the light and slid into the bed.
Beside her Eren was tense and she sighed, rolling onto her side.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She breathed into the dark.
He was so quiet that for a moment she thought he had fallen asleep.
"I see him fall…." Eren whispered and Mikasa didn't have to be told whom. "Armin. I see his eyes and I watch myself kill him over and over. And then…" his breath shudders. "And then I see you. You stand there in front of me with a smile and I'm suddenly just so fucking happy." His breathing is more like sobbing now and she itches to reach out to him, but she doesn't want to break the spell. "But then this blood just appears on your stomach and you cry out and this figure appears over your shoulder stabbing you over and over and I can't get to you and you're dying and then when I look at the figure behind you… the one that's killing you… it's me!"
Mikasa did reach for him then and she curled her arms around him protectively.
"It was a mistake. It was all just a fucking stupid mistake." She murmured. Because it wasn't all right; it would never be all right, but they had to move past it. And he nodded harshly against her shoulder. They lay like that for the longest time, clutching each other and Mikasa thought he had fallen asleep when he startled her.
"Do you remember the day you met him? Armin?"
Her heart clenched painfully. Talking about him…remembering him hurt. She swallowed.
"He was playing with that tablet…" She murmured her eyes seeing the blonde boy in the darkness before her, like a spectre.
Eren chuckled gently. "He carried that thing with him everywhere…"
"You … brought him over to say hi…."
She felt him shift as he turned towards her.
"You'd not long moved in and I'd wanted you to get to know more people."
His voice was small and she rolled to face him, both of them curled on their sides towards each other in the darkness. She could just see his eyes as he gazed at her. They lay still, both recounting memories lost to the darkness, in comfortable silence.
"He was my best friend." Eren's voice was so quiet she nearly missed it and she reached out, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder
"Mine too."
"Do you remember the look on your parents faces that time we all came home covered in oil after one of Armin's inventions went wrong?"
Mikasa sucked a breath in through her teeth, sharply.
He didn't know.
"What is it?" But he was sitting up now and gazing down at her in concern and she couldn't not tell him. But she cursed herself for having to make this harder for him.
"Eren… there's something you should know…" She swallowed, looking away from him to stare up at the ceiling. He was silent beside her, letting her speak but she could sense his inquiry. She exhaled, sharply. "About 3 years ago… there was a break in at my parents place…" She felt him stiffen at her words and she knew that he knew, but she continued, needing to say the words. Needing the cathartic release that this admission would bring. "One of the suspects had a knife and well… they didn't survive." Her voice was cold and matter-of-fact. It had been three years ago. She had dealt with her grief by finding the son-of-a-bitch responsible and blowing his God-damned head off.
Eren moaned next to her and she was suddenly pulled into his embrace once more.
"God Miks.. I can't believe that." His breathing was heavy, his grief evident and she held him, letting him ride out his pain with a detached empty feeling in her gut.
He pulled back a little to look into her eyes.
"So… you buried Armin and then you buried your parents." His eyes were sad. "Miks I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you."
"Shhhh." She soothed him. "It's done. No point hashing out the past."
They were quiet for the longest time, him clutching her tightly and her, running her fingers through his hair, gently.
"Sometimes it feels like a dream…" she murmured to him.
"Hmmm?" His voice was sleepy and she smiled, softly.
"That time. The three of us. Back then."
He didn't reply and feeling bold she pressed a gentle kiss the side of his head, rolling away to her own side of the bed.
"G'night." He sighed
"Goodnight Eren."
