"James Watson was..."

And that was as far as she got before she froze. Helen Magnus didn't do freezing and she had never, in her memory, lost her words in the middle of a speech. She was perfectly fine with public speaking, she really was, it had never been a problem in fact, growing up it had been something she thoroughly enjoyed doing.

But now she... she had no words.

"James," she tried again, her voice reverberating around the mammoth cathedral-like structure with the aid of a small microphone.

She looked to the device, hoping it would be easier to look at than the sea of faces. The crumpled speech that shook in her hand was too difficult to focus on because she knew if she did, there was a fair chance she would lose it again. More than that, she knew her speech off by heart. Words from the soul and all.

"I met James..."

The words sounded so futile to her ears, so empty and flat. It wasn't enough, they weren't enough to sum up... James.

At moments like this she would always turn to him. He was the only one who managed to calm her the way she needed to be calmed. Her fear and frustrations weren't always visible or palpable but James always managed to see them and bring her down from whichever dangerous place her mind was lurking.

He was... James.

"I-uh, I..."

She took a deep breath.


"Lie back and think of England."

"James!"

"Well, it'll keep you calm, will it not?"

"That is hardly appropriate conversational fodder."

"Possibly but you forget this is you and I."


Her lips quirked into a smile, something she hadn't expected to occur today.


"Mom, James is right. Deep breath and it'll all be over."

"You don't think I know that!?"

"She's snippy today."

"It's because I walked in on her having a minor meltdown earlier."

"James!"

"Seriously?"

"Ashley! Enough! Get out!"

"Quite. You'd have thought after all this time a simple check-up would not be cause for alarm."

"I have a perfectly good doctor in town that I normally go to for matters such as this, James. There is no need for you to... perform this particular procedure."

"It's not as if I haven't seen it all before."

"That is beside the point!"

"Aw, c'mon Mom, just loosen up."

"Stop snickering, young lady."

"Sure thing, Mom."

"I'm serious! Ashl-AH! James! Warning next time. That is cold."

"Whatever you say, darling."


She nearly started as the memory flashed through her mind, tears prickling in the corners of her eyes. Though, of all the flashbacks to have, it was maybe the most fitting. Both James and Ashley had always taken pleasure in making Helen suffer through uncomfortable situations and what was more uncomfortable than burying one of her oldest friends without her only daughter?

The memorial service they held for her had been a little under a week ago. The empty casket sat as testament to her daughter's sacrifice whereas James' was full of an old body that did not belong to the man she knew.

They'd put off the service for as long as they could and she was only here for the four hours in which it would be conducted. It felt so wrong. This was James, she should have been here to help with it all.

It wasn't the first funeral she'd had to plan after all.


"Helen, a letter's just come."

"Bring it over, James."

"It's from Jeanette."

Her heart stilled.

"When is it?"

"Tuesday week. She wants us to come early though and help. Do you think we'll be ready to hand over to your protégé in time?"

"He should be able to handle everything for a week or two."

They both fell silent.

"Is it wrong to miss him when it had been so long?"

"No, he was our friend."

"But still..."

"I miss him too."


Planning after Nigel's death had been a nightmare between the travelling and the sheer number of people who had turned up, the minister had conducted the funeral outside simply to accommodate all who attended. It was so unlike Nikola's simple and sheltered affair that Helen had been at a loss as to how to work it all.


"James?"

"Yes dear?"

"When... when your time comes, please don't make me organise all this for you?"

"If my time comes, Helen, I sincerely hope it is long after you have passed on too."

She laughed softly.

"I can't bear the thought of losing you too."

"Then I shall try my best to outlive you dear."


They'd returned home shortly after, Helen growing more and more distant from James. The loss of one of the few constants in her life had left her more unwilling than ever become close with him again.

When she'd decided to carry Ashley they'd become close again much too both their delights.


"She's beautiful."

"I know."

"And so small."

"I know."

"I think I might already love her."

"Me too."


It was only when she heard her chuckle into the microphone that she remembered where she was.

Turning with a smile, she looked at the casket, overflowing with James' favourite flowers.

"James. You were one of my first friends and one of the few who ever showed faith in me. I did not say it enough when you were with me but I am forever in your debt and I shall always love you deeply. May you rest in a place far from the memory of Sherlock and his Watson. You deserve some peace at last."

And with that she stepped away, taking with her a yellow rose which she placed on the casket. Her fingertips trailed across the polished wood and she smiled.

He was with Ashley and as long as they were together, they'd both be fine.

Which only left her with a global Sanctuary network to worry about.

"Goodbye James."


Flashbacks within a flashback? Trippy... Anyway, after AlChocolate's update this morning, I was in an Ashley mood and so thought I ought to put this one up :)

xx